Did I make the right call?

ronin2722 · 2023-08-02T00:43:49+00:00

Just roll with it my guy. Life sucks, BUT if he's not a douche yet don't treat him one, ultimately she made the choice. You will always be their dad, as long as he respects them and treats them good just let it happen because honestly it will likely fail. It is the grass is greener syndrome, I doubt it is. So focus on your kids and be civil with her but nothing else, anyone who pulls this crap isn't worth a second thought.

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-08-02T02:29:34+00:00

Ok so I am prefacing what follows with “not all guys”……but most….

If this dude HAS NO KIDS there’s something wrong with him. Most single guys want nothing to do with women with kids. That’s a flag. He’s desperate or worst case pedophile.

If this guy HAS KIDS (and is moving FAST into a relationship), know this:

He’s looking for someone to take care of his kids. He’s playing a game with the romance, but is looking for a maid and nanny.
He just wants laid. Again, playing a game.

Most sane guys with kids are super guarded before they get serious. They have been burned and beaten by the system.

captainchippsixx · 2023-08-02T01:17:10+00:00

Really good Odds it blows up on her. What a shit bag she is. Just don’t do her any favors. She is on her own. If it’s not kid related she can F off.

yuehhangalt · 2023-08-02T02:19:40+00:00

Personally, I don’t think it’s appropriate for kids to meet a boyfriend or girlfriend until the relationship has shown itself to be stable and something that will last a long time. This is especially true for young kids. Kids need stability and they need good behaviors modeled. That can be difficult if they see their parents constantly changing romantic partners.

You mentioned an affair dog which implies there was infidelity. If true and he’s the affair partner, then I would definitely suggest the kids avoid meeting the new partner simply due to the statistics around relationships that began as affairs. It’s practically a 100% failure rate.

I’d also question your emotional and mental state if you’re as comfortable around this guy as you seem. If he’s the affair partner, by definition he’s not a good guy. Quite the opposite.

I know I was on a bit of a roller coaster in my approach to the affair partner because I so desperately wanted to be a good and reasonable man able to take the high road and do what was necessary to ensure the best overall happiness of everyone involved. I learned in time that’s not always possible and not always the best or healthiest approach.

Remarkable-Potato21 · 2023-08-02T02:31:26+00:00

I've used stoicism and a frame of mind that she is still the mother of my child. Regardless of our relationship ending, we still have a co parenting relationship that is civil and cordial. Kids at this age don't understand the gravity of what's going on behind the scenes. Trying to explain it to them isn't very practical at this age. Identify any changes in behavior or new outbursts and just be there for them. My ex probably had some flings when we split but not around my daughter. She didn't bring a new relationship into the picture till she moved her cousin in with her. They're both adopted foster kids and there's really no reason to explain the gravity of it all to my daughter (4). I had a friend stay for a month about 6 months after separation and my daughter loved having another (motherly figure) in the house. My ex stated a boundary as she would not like our daughter calling her mom, I felt the same. It really wasn't serious, i was helping this friend out and we caught feelings and broke it off. We keep our private lives separate from our coparenting relationship unless something needs addressing. I never brought up anything in regards to their relationship or parenting. The dude treats my daughter good and I already knew him from before. Fast forward and ex is now back home living with her mom, and boyfriend. In a very crowded house and mentioned twice already that they are breaking up. "Okay" I'm not gonna bite that hook. Asked me if she can move back in. "No."

We have done some family stuff together. 1 birthday party. Zoo with my exs siblings kids and stuff (no boyfriend) but I only go to spend time with my daughter. She's asked me stay for dinner at drop offs or pickups, but I kindly decline. The grass isn't greener on the other side. For reference, I'm in the marital home. Over a year and half since she left, almost finalized. My schedule never changed. I was able to become a better dad without my ex belittling my every parenting decision. You'll have good days and bad days but don't let it effect how you parent and always show up for you kids. The biggest thing I learned from my own parents divorce is that regardless of the shit show my mother was creating for my dad, he always showed up. He always carried the best attitude. Attitude is the littlest thing that makes the biggest difference.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-08-02T06:41:00+00:00

He was fucking a married women. He’s a POS bro.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-08-02T02:37:02+00:00

He can replace you as a stunt cock but he can never replace you as a dad. Just love those bundles and stay as involved as possible. If he's a good dude, all the better to have two positive male influences in their life. Hard to view it from that perspective so early but glad you're open to ideas. That's already a good sign you're gonna make it through this and come out better on the other end.

ranger69danger · 2023-08-02T05:46:27+00:00

Good work Dad. Stay strong for you littles.

DatabaseSpace · 2023-08-02T13:09:47+00:00

He's a total simp tool by getting involved with a married woman with two kids. What he is going to be some step dad like Will Farrel in Daddy's Home? What is wrong with people. He probably thinks he's some hero because she probably telling him how abusive you are. If you don't comply with every one of their demands, give them money or leave a glass by the sink you are a controlling emotional financial abuser.

Ok_Screen_1000 · 2023-08-04T10:54:32+00:00

I think you're being incredibly patient and calm, based on your post. Keep working on yourself and know you're loved. ❤️

Title	Did I make the right call?
Author	ddbatage
Upvotes	16
Comments	31
Date	August 2, 2023 12:25 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15fto13/did_i_make_the_right_call/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/did-i-make-the-right-call.1227220 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227220

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