If you're struggling in dating you only have yourself to blame

brilliant22 · 2023-09-17T11:52:09+00:00

Your title is another classic example of the just world fallacy.

But you're also contradicting yourself when you point out that "life isn't fair".

Which one is it?

You suggest that people are necessarily doing something wrong if they struggle to date, but you also point out that life isn't fair - implying that other forces are at play other than one's own actions.

MarBitt · 2023-09-17T13:11:48+00:00

And what's the point of blaming yourself? How does it help to blame yourself, others, or anyone else?

If you say there's no point in blaming others, the world, etc., why not reject the concept of blame as such and stop blaming also yourself?

SecondEldenLord · 2023-09-17T12:26:54+00:00

There are other forces to play here mate. Blaming yourself and only yourself can have serious repercussions on your mental health. And there are many situations, especially on the men's side when they really cannot find a woman because of how ridiculous female pickiness has become.

Internal-Fig-7902 · 2023-09-17T15:03:43+00:00

I agree that you can make significant change in life by changing the way you think, but if you're dealt a bad hand, then you can't blame some men that wonder if it's even worth playing against such stacked odds, so all they can do is vent.

purplish_possum · 2023-09-17T15:34:15+00:00

LOL!

Yeah the common denominator is you. You're just not attractive enough. Perhaps you can fix that. Unfortunately many times you can't. In which case you better just get used to disappointment.

grogubaby69 · 2023-09-17T17:23:23+00:00

"If you're short level up in other ways". Bruh you cant "self improve" your genetics. Looks, height, frame and race are all that matters. See any scientific study on this ever.

If you're 5'3 and balding no amount of positive thinking or self improvement will ever make you attractive.

ornamentalwallpaper · 2023-09-17T15:18:06+00:00

It's a little more complex than this :D

You are trying to reduce every problem to an individual to facilitate your own world view, and there is something to be said about individual choices, but it's way too simplistic and does not help the situation on a broad scale

I don't know why the first one makes your list.

"Men don't want to date me because I slept around when I was younger"

Is seldom a complaint you would hear because the solution is obvious: don't act vulgar and shut the fuck up about your exes. Assume that nobody wants to hear that. Be classy.

With height it's a little more difficult, and not getting any matches on tinder sounds fucking tough and it's unfortunate that the society does not encourage cultivation of social circles - if I was a guy I would be alone with my inability to make friends so I would not be the one to say "tough luck, sweetheart".

With fat people it's a bit more difficult than just putting the fork down because as a European I see how people in North America are conditioned from the young age to consume ungodly amounts of carbs and sugar, the urban development here makes you reliant on a vehicle.

Life does not always work like nike commerical. Yes, your approach will help individuals, but if underlying issues are not solved there will always be somebody to take the bottom spot in the human centipede

Carolinebabex76 · 2023-09-17T22:44:41+00:00

NCC: It's all on you, no one else.

Razieloo · 2023-09-18T09:34:30+00:00

Oh so you know every life story from every single user here? Wow

obviousredflag · 2023-09-18T10:45:37+00:00

"Men don't want to date me because I slept around when I was younger"

- Tough luck sweetheart, you knew that a lot of men wouldn't be okay with it, try to find a man who is okay with it, it's gonna be difficult though.

Typical revenge fantasy. Women who have a promiscuous past have no trouble finding men who want to marry them. Even if that would be a hypothetical thing, women could just lie about their past.

People who struggle because they are disabled, bald, short, stupid, etc. do not have to blame themselves. They setup which they had no influence over makes dating for them an experience that is a struggle.

life isn't fair,

You say it yourself. Life isn't fair, which means, some people struggle and other don't and that they are not to be blamed for it. Because if we could blame dating struggles on the individual people, then life would actually be fair and it's just them fucking up the fair basis of dating.

ShiningWoman · 2023-09-17T17:12:45+00:00

- Women don't care about your hair, if it's bringing you down just embrace it or shave it off.

Yeah we do, I'm a woman and I do not find bald men attractive at all.

Also this is peak just world fallacy, even if you put a ton of effort into self improvement, doesn't mean that other people will you can only pick from what is there.

CombinationMore4630 · 2023-09-17T12:29:50+00:00

Hard agree

If you're wanting to date and not living at a bar trying to meet chicks then are you even really trying,??

Ylduts · 2023-09-17T12:39:07+00:00

It’s absolutely true on the surface level, I think ultimately the individual is responsible. Society does however play a significant role in the dating market and I don’t think you can place blame solely on the individual.

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Affectionate-Base645 · 2023-09-18T00:15:20+00:00

This is a good thread.

I agree with MOST of the things you said. For instance: sleeping around or having an addiction to food are choices that we make, so yes, we only have ourselves to blame for those things that not only turn off some people but also harm our health.

Now, how is someone to blame for their short height or for their hair loss? Those things are genetic traits. Are you suggesting that a 6'3" man did something to earn that height ?

Kosilica457 · 2023-09-19T00:01:20+00:00

"Girls don't date me because I'm short!"

Yeah, it is my fault i was born with a genome for a short height fenotype, should have distributed my skill points better at character creation or some shit.

LongNeo · 2023-09-20T12:32:50+00:00

Nope.

Title	If you're struggling in dating you only have yourself to blame
Author	100PercentNattyBrah
Upvotes	0
Comments	63
Date	September 17, 2023 11:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16kxz7a/if_youre_struggling_in_dating_you_only_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-youre-struggling-in-dating-you-only-have.1232117 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232117

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