Getting commitment after sex

Hang_your_halo · 2024-01-16T15:23:25+00:00

I guess I just was there and continued supporting him.

For example, one time the basement, which is where his “apt” was, flooded and he had to shop vac it up every hour through the night and I stayed with him. He told me he couldn’t blame me if I went home, but I stayed. I may have fell asleep, but I didn’t get annoyed when the vacuum turned on every hour. I just kept him company and he told me he didn’t know of any other girl that would stuck that out.

NotALesson · 2024-01-16T19:56:59+00:00

We had casual sex on the third date, verbalized monogamy on the 4th date, met his parents after 6 weeks, moved in together after 4 months, got married after 5 years, and have been married for 6 years. Total time together, just over 11 years. Very happily paired in a relationship that includes some traditional and some modern values.

Objective_School_738 · 2024-01-16T15:49:48+00:00

We were intimate after hanging out for 3 weeks and my second time sleeping over at his place. Before the intimacy, I was very vulnerable and let him know that I was worried he’d take me less seriously. He told me that intimacy wouldn’t change his opinion of me. Nevertheless, I still continued to worry myself to sleep but I felt reassured enough to be intimate the following morning.

A month later, we became officially boyfriend and girlfriend. In my case, the commitment hinged on me taking down my walls and opening up to him. We’d been exclusive since the intimacy but it was unspoken on both sides. We finally had a conversation because I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and he made it very clear that he wanted to be there for me and apart of my life.

Every relationship moves at its own pace so there’s never a right time, in my opinion. Only requirements I can think of are open and honest communication and consent.

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2024-01-16T16:58:42+00:00

I think if a guy is into you, he's into you and it doesn't matter much when you sleep together, and if he's not into you, nothing you do will make him into you. Aside from any moral, religious or personal reasons to wait, you can hold off on sex to give yourself more time to work your girl game and inspire him to be into you, but I think generally men know pretty early if they see you as girlfriend material or not.

I slept with my husband on our third date, after maybe 3-4 weeks of dating. I liked him and wanted to make him happy, he liked me, we saw each other regularly from then on and were official a month later, together for nearly 13 years now. It does help that my husband was in his mid-30s when we met, definitely looking for and ready for a serious LTR.

Edit: Prior to my husband I dated a guy who I wasn't sexually attracted to--we waited months to have sex and I could have waited for a lifetime because there was no temptation. It was just a miserable relationship and after it ended, I was determined to vet for attraction and desire, even if I had to take some risks. It might not be the best path for every woman, but it worked well for me.

Jenneapolis · 2024-01-16T23:12:18+00:00

I think there’s a tendency once people start sleeping together that they quit going out on dates. In the early stages of dating, you are going out together places. Then at some point, you either have a home date where you sleep together or you end up sleeping together after a night out. Too often then for the next date you stay home…. and the next one, and the next one…. Then a month down the road you realize your only actual dates were the few you had before you slept together.

After the first time you sleep together, the next time you see each other, you should absolutely go out on a date, do not stay in the house. This may sound silly but it sends a strong message that he still needs to put effort into wooing you and the hard work is not over. If he doesn’t want to go out after you start sleeping together and is just trying to come over to your house, I would not continue on.

dm-me-fantasyfiction · 2024-01-16T15:12:15+00:00

I just kind of couldn't leave. It's hard to explain, but I just didn't want to go home, I didn't want to spend any time away from her, I didn't want to see the other girls. The sex wasn't that good, but our personalities vibed well. I probably would have been happier in the short term if I had paid closer attention to how bad the sex was, as the sheer sexual ineptitude has plagued me throughout my marriage. Although, it has confirmed my hypothesis that in my case, sex and love have nothing to do with each other.

Egoistchan · 2024-01-16T20:29:26+00:00

I have never slept with a guy before getting the confirmation he wants to be a couple. And no, it has nothing to do with worrying about body count or being high value.To me, sex is very special and having it before the couple stage almost always results in the relationship losing momentum and the act itself being less meaningful.

This doesn't mean you should dangle sex as leverage though. You just need to state very clearly you want to be a couple. My advice in the situation when you sleep together before becoming a couple is to sit down and ask him if he likes you and and wants to be exclusive. Say you enjoyed being intimate, HOWEVER, you want to be honest and know what direction the relationship is headed. Ideally he'll ask you to be his girlfriend. However, if he stalls or tries to downplay the intimacy, don't sleep with him again until you get a clear answer. The FWB to girlfriend pipeline is hellish and you'll never feel truly secure and happy. Give him some leeway regarding an answer, maybe he's just shy or nervous. However DONT accept being a FWB

aussiedollface2 · 2024-01-17T01:02:08+00:00

I think you should be exclusive before sleeping together.

AdjectiveMcNoun · 2024-01-17T08:15:44+00:00

We first had sex after about 6 months of talking and dating. Decided to be monogamous about a month later. We moved in together after about a year later, and then got married about another 1.5 years later.

I didn't pressure him. He will commit when he is ready. He told me he didn't want anything serious because he was still trying to finish his PhD and was very busy with that. I was just supportive of him with that and understanding. Then once we were seeing each other a while and really connecting he told me he loved me and wanted a serious relationship, even though he hadn't planned on it at that time and it was going to take some time for his family to be cool with it (he is from Egypt). Now his family absolutely loves me too.

Things will happen in their own time. Don't rush. Don't try to force them. Be natural. Confident. Don't act too desperate but do make him feel wanted. Compliment him. Do nice things for him. Show off your cooking skills. Dress up nicely for him sometimes. Don't act needy and don't nag. Don't act jealous unless it's absolutely warranted. Don't snoop. Give him space. I'm sorry I don't have better advice, haha.

ladida1321 · 2024-01-16T15:32:40+00:00

All in all, I don’t think sex before commitment is going to prevent someone from dating you (if it’s meant to be). Maybe playing the games and not having sex until commitment might get you the commitment but a relationship that’s not going to work out anyway just isn’t going to work out no matter how much commitment you get or when you get it. The ‘don’t have sex before commitment’ isn’t about getting a guy to commit, it’s about weeding out the liars and fuck boys who just want to hit and quit and will say anything or do anything to get that- they usually aren’t very patient.

I’ve had two official boyfriends in my life that i ended up marrying. Both of these relationships began from knowing them/being friends before. Having a drunken hook up and then continuing to hook up until they ask to be my boyfriend. The first time (I was 18 and he was 22) it was a day after sex/losing my virginity(but 6 months of non intercourse hooking up). The second time (we were both 30) it was 2 months after sex.

Having said that, I have a very low body count and it’s because I’m particular in that sense where I need to have sex with someone I trust and love on some level (hence why they were friends before).

I think people worry to much about this. If you’re not reckless with your health, your heart or other people’s health or hearts -it’s really not that big of a deal and MOST men are not going to be asking for a detailed list of all the people you’ve had sex with. As you get older the more irrelevant it becomes.

Christian_gal36 · 2024-01-17T00:34:23+00:00

I have ADHD and have zero navigation skills when it comes to relationships. That's why I'm here, like thanks for having me.

My strategy is and always has been focusing entirely on my confidence through investing in my own value and then showing up like a thoroughbred. Because I am. I have a career and a good education, and I have a great sense of humour and dont take my too seriously. You know who I think about a lot, Isla Fischer's character in the movie The Wedding Crashers', she says to Vince Vaughan after they have sex on the beach, 'Don't ever leave me, because I'll find you'. I love that.

I think when we're in a good place, we have the ability to speak up with more of an entitled sense of expecting what we want.

I only have sex with men who I'd have a relationship with, but not all men I have sex with lead to relationships. I take a hundred per cent responsibility for fifty per cent of the situation. It's a contact sport. Penalties are often issued. I laugh a lot.

LongjumpingAd6169 · 2024-01-18T05:50:19+00:00

Had sex with my boyfriend on the first date. Didn’t plan that but we vibed so well that we didn’t want the evening to end. We stayed together the whole weekend and had deep conversations and shared a lot of very intimate things with each other. After about a week I mentioned I am going to delete my dating apps and that this whole parallel dating is not my thing. Didn’t put any demands on him but he followed suit maybe a day or so later. Maybe a month after we first met and after spending every weekend together, he said he told his colleagues about his “girlfriend”. We didn’t have any “talk” about it.

We are together almost 1.5 years and I think he will propose soon. He measured my ring finger casually 4 times in the last 3 months. And he asked last week how I would like it “if he made me an honorable women” lol.

This is not the first time, I had sex very soon and it lead to a serious relationship. I think its not about when you have sex that makes a man commit to you. I think its being vulnerable while also being confident and showing him that you care about him. That’s a natural progression where you don’t have to follow preset rules about when to have sex and can romance and passion allow to naturally unfold and take its course.

moseby75 · 2024-01-16T18:15:42+00:00

As a mid 40’s male, who has a teenage daughter, and was with the same woman for more then 20 years.

Women, never sleep with a man on the first date . I did it twice after the marriage ended while dating, things never went well. But maybe that was just me.

As a dude, I will never commit before sex, I had a less then mediocre sexlife while married, and will never settle for that again. I know that can be a lot for some women, but call it the cost of doing business. If things go well I normally broach the subject of monogamy shortly there after

Purple-Poppins · 2024-01-16T17:13:30+00:00

We were friends and coworkers for a very long time and gradually got to know each other more and more. One time we were hanging out, the conversation turned to sexual preferences and we learned that we were basically perfectly matched regarding those preferences, so we had a conversation about sexual history, expectations, and preferences, and decided to have kinky sex in the way we matched up. It was fantastic, and it was also safe sex that was very carefully negotiated. This lead to spending even more time together and sharing more and more about what our future hopes and dreams were, which we also were surprised to find were very compatible. One day I asked if he would be interested in having vanilla sex and he responded "I thought youd never ask". I then showed him how good vanilla sex can be if you take the time to have an emotional connection. Then I decided I was ready to date again (Post divorce), and he made sure that he was the first (and last) person to get that opportunity. He took me to a cajun restaurant (I'm from Louisiana) and presented me with a list of 100 reasons he loved me and asked me to be his partner. We had carefree amazing sex that night, but the carefree part resulted in me getting pregnant. Since we had already talked through our parenting preferences, we knew we were on the same page so we just decided to take the plunge, we got legally married, it was a rough first year and half, but now we have 2 wonderful boys and are both happier than we could have imagined way faster than we could have imagined.

I prefer to exchange sex for sex and commitment for commitment, but that requires a lot of very direct communication and vetting. Most men dont pass my maturity requirements for sex as it is.

undercovertrad · 2024-01-20T00:32:22+00:00

We had sex on the third date, about a month after we’d met and been talking daily. It started off that neither of us was really sure we wanted a committed relationship in the near future but both of us caught feelings. About three months after admitting the feelings but still not committing exclusively to each other, I initiated a discussion about how much I cared for him and that if he wanted to continue searching the dating pool for someone potentially better, I was going to need to take space because he had become my point of comparison for what I wanted in a man and it was going to be too painful to feel that way while being viewed as a placeholder. His response was that he couldn’t envision a life in which he couldn’t talk to me or see me regularly, so he was done with the other women. Mutual “I love you” came a month after that and he flew me out to meet his family nine months after we met. During that trip he told me and the family he was most likely going to be proposing to me. We were officially engaged 18 months after meeting.

He says what swayed him most was that I was a woman he genuinely enjoyed talking to and spending time with outside of the bedroom (even though that was fun too) and he said that I was able to see him for who he was and not recoil from his flaws or vulnerabilities. However, he’s told folks that the moment he knew he wanted to marry me came after he’d given me a key to his apartment so I could come and study there sometimes. I was there when he came home from work; I had dinner ready and had tidied the place up a bit. He said he realized in that moment he wanted to come home to me every day.

AutoModerator · 2024-01-16T14:49:23+00:00

Title: Getting commitment after sex

Author chrissycash

Full text: Hi RPW! I would love to hear from everyone here about the following:

Ladies who had sex first before commitment, please share when you were intimate and what are some things you did to help you get commitment ranging from boyfriend/girlfriend, engagement, married, or all the above. Please also include the timeline from one stage to the next.

Similar question for the men who had sex before commitment. How did your girlfriend inspire you to want to commit to her from dating to boyfriend/girlfriend, engagement, and marriage.

Thanks in advance!

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AutoModerator · 2024-01-16T14:49:24+00:00

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Title	Getting commitment after sex
Author	chrissycash
Upvotes	27
Comments	32
Date	January 16, 2024 2:49 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1984l4q/getting_commitment_after_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/getting-commitment-after-sex.1243139 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243139

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