Why do women feel entitled of you as men taking them out to dinner on a first date?

Ur_X · 2022-03-07T02:16:55+00:00

Might be the ones you’re going after bro bro cuz I have plenty of dates where we just go to a pool or jazz bar

CrypticV3nom · 2022-03-07T02:34:06+00:00

You're doing it wrong, take the lead...either coffee and a stroll in the park or couple of beers at a bar....no more than an hour, first date is only to see if there is even chemistry and to make sure she looks like her pictures

The one that planned the restaurant reservation was shit testing you and you failed.

politits · 2022-03-07T12:41:46+00:00

Uh… this sounds like a You problem. “They send you a list of restaurants they like and what they like to order…” I’m 41 and been doing this at a highly successful level for 16 years in NYC and this has literally never happened to me. You are either picking awful people who are openly using you and/or you come across as a chump that they can openly use for a free meal and you’re still going with it no matter how obvious they are making it that they are using you and have no interest in you otherwise. Please stop playing yourself like this.

As for why women feel you should pay when you ask them out on a date: it’s because you invited them, so it’s on you. That’s just basic manners. If they ask you out then that’s different.

Your park date idea is a good one. Find someone who would be cool with that and date them so you can avoid being treated like trash by trash humans.

MrNaturalInstinct · 2022-03-07T04:28:41+00:00

I have a theory.

If you don't have much to offer in terms of 'value', in her mind, the least she can get for her time is meal for the deal.

This value can come in the form of money, food, gifts, "entertainment" (cracking jokes and constantly engaging her to hold her attention).

OR...

...that value can come in the form of masculine sexual energy; a presence so strong, she will look to give YOU money, feed YOU food, give YOU gifts, and entertain YOU.

Truth is, women know within seconds - no more than a few minutes - if she's into you. It does NOT take a meal and deep conversation for her to desire intimacy.

Dating is good to see, AFTER INTIMACY, if there's compatibility for long-term relationships.

Dates are a social matrix designed to keep restaurants full of men spending their hard earned money, sexually frustrated and confused.

So, that's why women push for dinners on a first date. The guy hasn't sexually excited her enough for anything more than a, "Well, let's grab a bite to eat first and see if I FEEL a spark there."

Sometimes, she does. Most times, she don't. That's why instead of going out with a bunch of random guys, being disappointed if there is no 'connection on HER end (because there most certainly is on HIS end if they're going on a date)', if there is 'no click', from her perspective it's, "Well, at LEAST I got a free meal"

So, yeah. If they feel no sexual chemistry, and even more so after a first date, if you spend a good deal of money, IN THEIR MIND, it's not wasting her time because she's getting SOME value out the arrangement, and the guy is getting the fantasy on his arms, bragging rights, and a feeling of being desired by the woman of his desire. He gets to stroke his ego and play make-believe, and in her mind, that's value to him.

Once the man shatters the social matrix he's trained into, and abandons the fantasy of the women he dates, he'll see very quickly just how fast women want to be intimate and will get PISSED at you if you even suggest 'going out for dinner BEFORE sex'.

Yeah. It gets crazy like that.

Anyway.

Hope this helps.

Shady4555 · 2022-03-07T03:36:55+00:00

A fuck ton of them want free meals. If you deny this is the case then it hasn't happened to you at least 5 times, or you're a liar, or both.
It's also a test to see if you will jump through her hoops. I'd fucking LOL hard if some chick send me a list or some place and what she orders.
The fact that she would even TRY to start things off with a test (or mind game) as i like to call it is evidence enough you should immediately next her.

Doncheetlethe3rd · 2022-03-07T02:44:49+00:00

If they genuinely desire you, you can take them to the fucking DMV dude

INeedAboutTreeFiddy_ · 2022-03-07T04:05:06+00:00

Never dinner on the first date.. That's beta. Drinks or walk around a park or something, but don't commit to spending/caring that much first date

RIPshowtime · 2022-03-07T09:57:49+00:00

For a first date, i took a girl to a horse funeral. It was fun! Definitely a unique idea that she appreciated. We both had a good time as it was Hawaiian themed, although she ghosted me. Still don't know why.

No-Remove4548 · 2022-03-07T02:18:41+00:00

They are just not into you enough to not requiring a dinner date. I took women for expensive dinners before but only the ones that showed genuine interest in the first place. You need to filter out better.

WagerGoat · 2022-03-07T04:15:30+00:00

Tbh it only the way you carry yourself determines how a woman would try you. When I had no clue how to deal with women when I was 19, I always believed a proper date was to take them out to dinner. But fast forward to now I realized that if she really vibe with you and you let her know from the jump by actions you aren’t that guy that’ll put her on a pedestal, she’ll be so invested that y’all can even link at a park

AgeOfShinobi · 2022-03-07T22:02:42+00:00

It’s a hard next for me. First date should always be either coffee shop, gelato, or at a nice calm bar. Usually those who demand dinner have you saved as “free food” in their contacts.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-03-07T04:02:19+00:00

If that happens to you it’s probably the way you come across to them, you are most likely projecting a provider energy with them; rather than a lover energy.

Maybe it has to do with the way you dress or your age or the fact that you don’t truly connect with them prior to the date.

2022-03-07T12:38:41+00:00

I have never experienced this in Australia, must be worse over there for you guys.

Last night I had a date where it was literally $8 for bread and butter, all up the bill for that and 1 drink each was $50. The girl wouldn't let me pay, and then she quickly told me she wasn't interested too. They pretty much always willingly split here at the very least.

ChrisHansen6969 · 2022-03-07T13:55:48+00:00

Yeah I've never heard of this etiquette and I'm a lady. Although getting food should be apart of the date. Park then eat doesn't sound like an outrageous plan.

The good news is you find their crappy personality on the first date. If you run into this so often, maybe it's the area/culture.

For me, the expectation should be: plan something fun, plan to eat. Split bills. Go home.

AnthonyAValera · 2022-03-07T16:10:41+00:00

Solution: Have abundance, so one person doesn’t disorient your idea of reality. Also abundance is how you get experience to learn people’s intentions. Experience trumps everything, play the game enough till u have to ask less questions.

SadBox4529 · 2022-03-07T17:28:07+00:00

If a girl insists on a free meal…..she isn’t for you dude. Move on.

cl1p5 · 2022-03-07T03:11:39+00:00

Who asked who out?

Any time I’m invited to go out to dinner for business I expect them to pay.

If I’m invited out and they say it’s Dutch I expect to pay for my self.

nojremark · 2022-03-07T11:22:48+00:00

You're dating the wrong girls. Most people are not shitty. Are, you presenting yourself in a douche way? Are you attracted to women who see themselves as players and hustlers? Most people aren't trashy. I've taken out one or, two who took advantage of it. But, at this point they make such a small percentage I don't worry about it. 👍

Bhardwaj-littlesub · 2022-03-07T16:27:51+00:00

If you wanna avoid that , just say something like " i wanna taste the food that you cook" make if sound like a compliment then go for a picnic instead.

imnotokayandthatso-k · 2022-03-07T16:45:21+00:00

People are social animals. Culturally its become a norm, not a conspiracy perpetrated by ALL WOMEN to steal your 20$

It might feel like you have to abide, but you can easily opt out and just date women that share your worldview.

mfwuzi · 2022-03-07T18:41:13+00:00

imagine a woman wasting time, because the guy just wants to get laid.

and imagine a man wasting time AND money, because the woman wants to get laid.

there’s a subtle but difficult difference, maybe the fact that, women are just tired of getting advantage of and so they are “paying back” with another type of currency, doing her interest, the problem subsists when she keeps exploiting the relationship, and the guy isn’t realizing what happened. We have our downsides.

If a woman wants a dinner date, that’s okay, but the problem is, is actually the lack of reciprocity, because the man must do the first step, and persevere in order to get himself know. there’s no balance in gaining/giving, and this causes “man” to start hating the dinner date idea (concrete example of this mindset, just read what the other redditor advice:”say yes to the dinner, and when it comes to paying pretend you forget the wallet at home), and the “woman” to exploit and take advantage more and more, at the first “wrong move”. So to re-cap, if a woman wants a dinner date, yes you’re right, but FDS and what girls thoughts are, say otherwise. I don’t think though nobody criticized anybody, I don’t think is working this “process”. I want a woman, and only one, to spend the rest of my life and build a family, while growing everyday by supporting and communicating properly, and love each other every day, if all it takes it’s a gdamn dinner Imma buy them twice, but the reality is that I’ve got taken advantage off, especially in this damn country where I live, where men are seen like pigs and lower, and still the woman wants more rights and to.

“Y’all dudes here are just looking for bodies, numbers and sex”

often generic woman:

charming guy appears: “oh hello! nice to meet you”

not so charming guy that wants to grow up and have an interaction with a woman: “creep omg please leave ma alone”

when a girl starts with “what’s your height?” we’re totally the ones looking for numbers.

when a guy is serious and wants to grow up with you and spend the rest of your life only with you: “yeah I left him girls, he was a pain in the ass”

when a guy leaves the woman, by cheating, by sex with multiple women needed, and by so many other bad decisions made by the woman: “she made me suffer girls!!! I am crying”

we males, talking for the “good” ones, we suck it up a ton, and you as well. a relationship consists of compromises and the wanting of hearing, understanding, communication and of course, RECIPROCITY.

in the society we live, we BOTH parts take A LOT for granted, and rather live by the invisible rules setup by us both, men and women, no one wants to get in depth and find an understanding, we all simply just hope to find that person that’s both appealing mentally and physically, almost always wanting to avoid any conflict, so here’s where the problem. Or I shall say, multiple problems, could talk about this for hours. The internet isn’t helping as well, we just filter faster and faster, the more we going on.

Djjcollins · 2022-03-07T09:33:47+00:00

It’s called tradition. Before the internet and social media. Tinder and so on. Men had to actually pursue and court a woman. We opened doors for them. Chivalry was not dead. We were Alpha type men. We were gentlemen. We had to show the woman why we were the one . First dates was the man’s time to shine. Here is the problem these days . Traditional values are gone. Most people think because they feel that they are gods gift, they shouldn’t have to prove worthy to women . Now they just expect to do the bare minimum and score .

If you can’t take a woman to dinner on the first date , that shows them you’re not the ideal provider for them. Remember …Women are the prize for straight men. Put some work it . Earn that prize. Just showing up . That’s weak. Asking a girl to pay half on a first date . You’re done . No chance .

Men are providers . At least that’s the way we were raised before tinder . We worked for that. We had to be creative .

The fact this is a topic on the sub is the main issue. As in life . You do nothing . You get nothing . Step it up guys. You ask her out . You pay. Simple . Values . Be a man . Respect is earned not given.

And on one more note guys. If she just eats and runs . You’re the reason why. Not her . It’s her job to show up. Your job to prove worthy.

But hey. I’m just one guy and his opinion. Who am I .

Ivabighairy1 · 2022-03-07T05:24:16+00:00

Why are you entitling them to that?

DarkSun18 · 2022-03-07T10:12:18+00:00

If thar bothers you, choose a woman who’s fine with a cheap first date or somewhere you can easily split the bill.

If a man offered to buy me drinks, coffee, or dinner, i would be impressed but I wouldn’t expect it either - just like I’m not jumping into bed with them.

neehaw92 · 2022-03-07T12:15:02+00:00

I think it depends on how much that girl is into you. Personally, I like to go for coffee or a drink on the first date. Everyone is different you know 🤷🏻‍♀️

iamamoa · 2022-03-07T13:37:12+00:00

You are getting played my friend.

If the women you are dating are planning the dates AND expecting you to pay for them then something is really off.

You should be the one leading the dates and making reservations. It seems like you are offering dinner as a reward for meeting up with you and the women are responding in kind.

wont_give_no_kreddit · 2022-03-07T14:25:11+00:00

I usually followed this regarding dates. Go from simple to a full course meal. Simple coffee date/s or meet ups on 1st dates. Then you add activities/more complex meals.

If at some point I just don't like the vibe or don't see her being open to physical touch, I can just cut it.

If she is high maintenance, she may ghost after 1-3 dates. Either way, I avoid situations I don't want to be involved in long term (in my case as I was looking for something casual or fwb)

Snakehead004 · 2022-03-07T14:52:45+00:00

Dinner isn't a first date option for me. Drinks or coffee for the first date.

BroknThot · 2022-03-07T14:56:38+00:00

My first dates are only coffee dates. It's easy and if you both like each other you can talk as long as you want or end it sooner. I don't pay for their coffee. I don't drink alcohol plus I feel men or women it becomes sometimes out of control when drinking is involved.

Usually the following dates, it is 1 on me, 1 on them. If the woman just makes me pay all the time, it's a red flag.

human8ure · 2022-03-07T15:09:43+00:00

You are going for the wrong kind of woman.

2022-03-07T15:32:34+00:00

I always did coffee on the first date

Mysterious_Tour_8106 · 2022-03-07T15:40:08+00:00

I made a similar post about this awhile back

Auraed5 · 2022-03-07T15:50:54+00:00

Being born a woman, I genuinely don’t get this. I’d rather a nature walk or just browsing downtown. If we go shopping or for a meal, I’m paying for myself. Coffee dates are always a safe bet with me. Or going to see a cool museum you found. Maybe something to do with shared mutual interests. Dinner dates are usually boring.

PuroPincheGains · 2022-03-07T16:20:56+00:00

I never take anyone to dinner on a first date. Just don't. It sounds like you're getting girls by flaunting your status and/or money. That's the first problem.

2022-03-07T17:12:06+00:00

Idk, I’ve never met a girl like this. Girls just want to have good time so I take them on fun dates.

2022-03-07T18:16:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DR01D2774 · 2022-03-07T18:35:30+00:00

Women, at least most I know or have met, think too much

thaughty · 2022-03-07T18:36:28+00:00

It's as sexist and antiquated as men expecting women to be responsible for birth control. I personally prefer a 50/50 split on the bill and a vasectomy. But society hasn't caught up to everyone taking responsibility for themselves, sadly

w0lvez__ · 2022-03-07T19:00:42+00:00

I can’t even stomach a meal the first date lol. I prefer meeting for drinks or coffee and talking and getting to know someone. I can buy my own fucking steak. You know? I’ve never sought out a man for a free meal. It’s disgusting.

Kronuk · 2022-03-07T20:19:38+00:00

Yeah this has actually never happened to me before. If we go out to eat I'll pick the restaurant and I only eat because I'm hungry. Would almost always do something less involved than grabbing dinner though, like coffee or just drinks. It's almost impossible to flirt and get into physical touch quickly with her sitting across from you at a table unless you grab her hands or sit next to her.

BIGC4075 · 2022-03-07T21:37:26+00:00

It the Disney DISRASE

Casanova-Quinn · 2022-03-07T22:35:21+00:00

If a woman "requires" a restaurant for a first date, then she most likely has low interest in you. Basically she doesn't think you're worth a date unless a free meal is involved. Think about it, if her "ideal man" asked her to just grab a drink at a bar, she'd do it no questions asked.

And if women are sending you restaurants lists, or surprising you with restaurant reservations, chuckle and walk away. You'll go farther having some self respect rather than jumping through hoops for dates.

RainbowChardonnay · 2022-03-07T22:39:00+00:00

If you’re lucky enough to go on a date with a woman, feeding her is the best way to ensure a second date. Women love to eat. So if you suck, at least she won’t have wasted her time.

Nefertiti2021 · 2022-03-07T23:00:26+00:00

The modern world is weird

Competitive_Eye_7351 · 2022-03-07T23:37:33+00:00

You must not have money

Asiangyal · 2022-03-08T01:54:05+00:00

Lol sounds like a you problem mate. It's also a generalisation too.

I don't expect dinner. I can settle for a coffee catch up in the park

temerity18 · 2022-03-08T21:49:27+00:00

Sounds like Russian/Ukrainian women

Title	Why do women feel entitled of you as men taking them out to dinner on a first date?
Author	LeadingDraw1567
Upvotes	94
Comments	114
Date	March 7, 2022 2:15 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/t8enh7/why_do_women_feel_entitled_of_you_as_men_taking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-do-women-feel-entitled-of-you-as-men-taking.1265180 https://theredarchive.com/post/1265180

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