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[–]shidurbaba 146 points147 points148 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Why are you simping for this chick when she clearly has disrespected you? A real friend will never put you down in front of others. You need to act firm and set boundaries. You don’t authorize disrespect and you have zero tolerance for such kind of behavior.
[–]Legal_Development 36 points37 points38 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OP take heed of this advice. Be a man!
[–]HanEyeAm 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes. My response would be:
I would first stop doing whatever I'm doing that's leading my friends to think that I like her. I don't know if they were generally trying to be helpful to you or were teasing her at your expense, but their behavior is part of the problem here, consider whether you want to respond to them as well.
When my friend told me what she said I'd probably say something like, "that's a fucked up thing to say; she's a friend and I don't think of her that way."
Next time I spoke to her, I'd pull her aside and privately tell her that I experienced it as disrespectful and not cool. Don't bother telling her that you don't have feelings for her and you just want to be friends. That's irrelevant. You might want to tell her that you found it hurtful, which she will respond to with care and regret or use it as a tool against you in the future. Tread carefully with that. Either way, let her apologize or try to dismiss it as just a joke. Don't bother responding, you've said your peace about it being disrespectful.
Assuming she is embedded in your friend set, I'd keep my emotional distance from her. If it happens again and your friends don't support you it might be time for new friends.
Overall, this sounds like immature teen behavior that wasn't meant to hurt you and I'm hopeful that with enough swats on the nose she will develop better ethics, compassion, and foresight.
Edit: I agree that this isn't a typical topic about seduction. But I figure why not be a bro and help a guy develop some transferable life skills that build self-respect and will help him crush it with the ladies.
[–]willgo-waggins -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Child.
[–]RSNK10 42 points43 points44 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some friend. I’d can her that’s pretty disrespectful
[–]bonkwodny 23 points24 points25 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How old is she? 16?
[–]SpookyKG 34 points35 points36 points 4 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
Why is this in this subreddit?
If you're friends, sounds like a friend problem, not a 'seduction' problem. If you ARE interested - guess what, she's REALY not.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]RomanH101 22 points23 points24 points 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
It’s crazy that men have reached such a low point that woman openly disrespecting them and expressing disgust at intimacy with them STILL leaves room for doubt.
You value yourself lowly to even need to ask a question about this. You need to do some internal work to figure out why you allow yourself to be mistreated like this.
Go and read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover (there’s a free audiobook on Youtube). Either that or you can cry yourself to sleep whilst assuming you know all the answers.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]iambrian81 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The fact that you even asked her in a butthurt way is such a low value behavior. If a female friend said that about me, I would completely lose interest with being her friends. Hell, I would just naturally won’t bother inviting her out and find other friends.
A modern era of getting rid of people you don’t like is to flat out get rid of them. No investment or even talking to them.
[–]lildudefromXdastreet 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed. I would not even bother discussing it with her
[–]RomanH101 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Fuck me, i’m just a stranger on reddit. The clarity you seek is in the book No More Mr Nice Guy, its based off the studies of a therapist and psychologists. It’ll even do you more good to read that alongside the Way of Men by Jack Donovan.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Don’t worry about texts like that. This isn’t a systemic issue, you just liked someone who was cruel to you. You don’t need to question your manhood or anything at all like that. It’s a very commonplace thing you experienced but it’s not that deep. A friend turned out to be not as good a friend as you wanted. And you had a crush on her so it hurts. She does nit seem like a good friend. But don’t over think it. You’re fine.
[–]ICastPunch 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I mean the book does give a good point. It really shows you how toxic nice guy behaviour is bad for you and everyone around you.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Apologies, no disrespect to the book nor anyone who likes it. I’m just saying OP suffered something much more common And simple, I don’t think he’s engaging in “nice guy” behavior, he was simply giving someone he considers his friend the benefit of the doubt,
[–]ICastPunch 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Fair. And the book I don't care. I read about half of it. And the author seemed to have ideas which I would call controversial about the origins of nice guys which I don't think I'd agree on even if he explained himself more, I only really like his point about nice guys being toxic and all that shit lol.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Can you give an elevator pitch on what the context is for nice guy toxicity?
[–]ICastPunch1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Okay you made me remember it better and It actually does give good points but I feel the truth isn't as simple as what he makes it seem and there are plenty more causes which he doesn't explain. Also the war didn't happen everywhere.
But basically draws it to the lack of paternal figures with time, especially on the industrial revolution change and with the wars and how they changed father-son dynamics and thus the lack of good masculine role models.
Before the industries sons spent a lot of time with their fathers, the fathers would teach them whathever was the famility work, they sons would sometimes help and so on.
After them, work becomes something you do away from home in environments where you cannot bring your sons with you.
In the same sense the amount of men who where either dead or injured left a lot of sons without masculine figures meanwhile the female figures took more strenght and where the sole figure in a lot of cases.
Thus men end up not having good present role models meanwhile pleasing the feminine role model who directs the household becomes significantly more important, they don't fully develop as men thus, this eventually causing the apparition of Nice guys who please women with the expectations of getting something out of them instead of for the sole reason of being nice.
Thus they're actually toxic while acting nice. They refrain from being conflictive when they have issues, they act nice and help out seemingly out of good will, they pile of and shrug off problems, judging the men who don't show their traits as they consider them bad guys, they do not tell people what they actually want and secretely expect something in return for their niceness, eventually blowing up every so often when it does not go their way.
[–][deleted]1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Interesting. Honestly that sounds like it’s describing incel culture, which I believe is much more of a by-product of toxic masculinity. There certainly may be some cross over, but the incel nice guy toxicity is rooted in unfulfilled promises of what these men are raised to believe they’re owed as men, under a patriarchal paradigm.
[–]ICastPunch2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yeah that's one of the reasons I disagree with it. But nice guys aren't only incels, incels are sometimes a type of nice guy, the author explains in detail how they can be anyone really, men in families or without them, it goes a lot deeper in the book. The guy knows his shit even though we might not agree with everything he says, just shutting it down would be in my opinion unwise.
What you're saying is just one reason and by itself not true though. These issues aren't as simple as just toxic masculinity or lack of masculine figures. Not at all haha.
Thanks dude I’ll give it a look
[–]willgo-waggins -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s crazy to me how many young uncles there are in this sub now.
It’s little wonder that none of you are able to get women let alone get laid. That attitude guarantees it.
[–]PuroPincheGains 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
You're tripping. If it gets to the point where your friends are being annoying and asking if she likes you, you've already fucked up. If that's what she has to say to make them stfu, so be it. You should be the one to tell your friends to chill so she doesn't have to.
[–]willgo-waggins 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
BINGO!!! This right here!
This whole ducking thread sounds like a pack of angry high school virgins!
Who fucking wants all their pack of friends discussing their sex life - male or female? Grow the fuck up! Adults don’t sit in gossip circle and talk about which friends are boinking each other. They mind their own business.
[–]ksskskksksk 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I told them too, still think she could’ve handled it another way
[–]Minute-Lie-2287 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She could of, but it was your job. Stern " hey, we're friends, don't make it wierd"
You’re right. She could have handle it better if you had stepped up previously and told them to shut their big fucking mouths and mind their own business.
No woman wants to be slut shamed and that’s what was coming next. She was forced into a bad way of defending herself that left you looking a little bad. And instead of backing her up and keeping your option open you chose instead to dump and be butthurt.
Man yo and control your friends and their mouths. Or find new friends who keep their opinions to themselves unless they are asked.
[–]sneezen 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
She did say that while you were there too or was she talking about you behind your back?
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Minute-Lie-2287 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
More info..... So what was actually behind your back was your friends backing this girl into a corner.Wothout you there.
She's actually owed an apology if anyone.
[–]SlyderKmK 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What you should have said "is hey guys, we are just friends, and I couldn't even imagine kissing her...."
Instead, you ask "why would you even say that..."?
Now she knows what she said upset you, and you basically lost your emotional power.
[–]ICastPunch 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bruh what a friend she is. And you still like her? Have some value on yourself bro.
[–]Minute-Lie-2287 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Everyone is on key if this were a serious remark. In the context of a bunch of friends hanging out and her being embarrassed by their implications it's kind of a different story.
Ida been like , "she wouldn't say that if she tried it" and gave her the look and touched her hair and embarrassed the shit out of her. Either for secretly liking me or for everyone watching me blatantly come on to her, even as a joke. Half the people there would take her embarrassment as secretly liking me anyway, and I'd come out looking good.
Now.....shit , let it go. You already ate it.
Edit: wrote this assuming it was mutual or her friends and not just yours. I was skimming. Also you left out that you weren't even there for this.
[–]willgo-waggins 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the way
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Try having another conversation with her and reverse roles and see if she approves of that statement if it was said about her. Also explain a better way she would have handled that situation and what she could have said better without upsetting you. You should be open and honest with her how that statement hurt you. But be polite and nice about it, otherwise she will get defensive. If she don't change her behavior then you need to end that friendship.
[–]_regionrat 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like you want to be more than friends with her. It would be good to get past that. Either talk to her about or just move on. The longer you treat this as a friendship that might blossom into something more the worse you're going to get hurt here.
[–]Uoger 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Natural course of life. Natural selection. Let the stupid men fail, let the whore women whore away.
Dude let it go.
My FWB is a very private girl. When people in our social group started hugging us about sleeping together we both together and independently firmly told them we are just good friends because ITS NONE OF THEIR FUCKING BUSINESS!!!
The group of friends and the dude above talking about you “simping” for her are a bunch of jr high level immature morons.
The girl pretty obviously doesn’t care for them to know her - and your - business and shut it down in a very smart way that will take them entirely off the scent.
Respect the fact that she had discretion as times will come in your life where that will really appreciate it.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You should tell her friends you would rather jack off with a clump of dogshit than to get your dick anywhere near her putrid abysmal vagina. See if she takes it the same way.
[–]theprufeshanul 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Have some self respect bro. You need to fuck her best friend.
[–]Pedalcrunch 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gosh, that's a little too much, I would move on.
[–]fuckboychadlmao 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why are you talking shit with her about her ex? That’s low value behavior. Men don’t gossip.
[–]trendafili_i_zi 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't talk to her ever again and work on yourself and maybe this way you'll attract friends that actually like and value you. Sounds harsh but I can promise you will feel better handling it this way.
[–]aidaneckfeldt 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If she doesn’t want to hu then dont waste your time with her. If you stop giving her validation and she actually wants to get with you, she will see that she needs to step it up to keep you in her life
[–]neoda1 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
???? why is this even in this sub reddit? i see nothing here comparing to seduction???
[–]BuyerOfCoins -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What the shit? Cut that bitch out of your life right now. You don’t want anyone disrespecting you like that.
[–]IDhl89 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This might be hard to hear but this girl should not be part of your life. She teases you with the casual flirting and then insults you in front of all your friends. If you keep her around this behaviour will get worse, you will invest so much time and effort while she keeps you on the sidelines. Is that what you want?
You deserve better! Remove this girl so your life has space for someone better!
[–]b_a_d_r0b0t -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lmao, fuck that bitch
[–]Somaliboi 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You shouldn’t even have confronted her.
Ignore and move on.
[–]throwaway_6196190012 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like you like her and she doesn't feel the same way. Aka friend zone. Let this girl go for your mental health
[–]Stujitsu2 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What you should have said...
I heard what you told so and so and thank you goodness! I thought you had a huge crush on me and I was trying to figure out how to navigate away from it without hurting you. The mere thought of our lips touching absolutely repulses me. I am so glad you feel the same!
[–]blank_canvas_00 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
First of all, she’s not your friend. Second, leave the situation because women like that don’t need to be in your life. Finally, no reason to get attached to women that don’t see you in any other way. You’ll just become needy
[–]archonpericles[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Never talk to her again. If you do, you have no self respect.
[–]Dean_Soja 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ya Brody, if she was into you for real she wouldn’t say shit like that. She’s just likes the attention so stop giving it to her.
[–]ArjunVermaReddit 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol so my ex long distance cheated on me with a guy from her college (never slept with me but slept with him), who later cheated on her and she stayed friends with him and was erratically standoffish with me, but once I started sexting her, which I wouldnt do much of earlier, she acted indifferent initially but later as I bombarded her with sexual text creativity craved the attention, sexted back a little and agreed we should sleep together at some point. She later denied it but agreed to meet me when she moved to a certain city. I never pursued it because I was scared of deja vu and it took a lot of time to recover, but you know what they say hindsight is 50 50. I like to believe I woulda scored lol, so if you have any doubt just tell her how much you wanna fuck the shit out of her, you've already been rejected and insulted anyway so what do you have to lose? Just dont cross any legal boundaries, stop when blocked lol and dont send anything visual especially your own peepee, although I did that and my ex was quite understanding but Ive heard bad stories
[–]ramviksingh 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just say "that's what she said" and confuse her
[–]almighty_nsa 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Make her uncomfortable as much as you can. Do not laugh at anything she says. If she asks you something just reply in a disregarding manner. If she wants to hang out with your friends, dont invite her.
[–]Indian_Cap 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Without even reading it till the end I knew she said it to shut your friends up. So don’t think much about it bro.
[–]MrNobody___ 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's a problem of Intention vs Impact. You know what was the impact of her actions, but don't know what was her real intentions.
You could have handled the situation for her if you wanted, instead of letting her in the awkward position of saying "No" and not being heard. You can, excuse yourself and say: "But I did say something to my friends and they didn't listen" or accept your responsability on the occurrence. Your friends didn't listen to you, nor to her. Both has responsabilities on the situation and even your annoying friends have so responsability on it too.
At the end she handled it how she did because she didn't knew how to do it better. And it's understandable that you felt like she was talking shit about you to your friends.
Talk to her if you want. But if you want to be heard, you will have to make sure you heard her too.
Would I feel disrespected if a girl said that to me? No. I'm aware that people have the right to not want to kiss or fuck me. Would that still hurt a little? Probably. Would it matter in the next 5 years? No.
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[–]shidurbaba 146 points147 points148 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Legal_Development 36 points37 points38 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]willgo-waggins -3 points-2 points-1 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RSNK10 42 points43 points44 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bonkwodny 23 points24 points25 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SpookyKG 34 points35 points36 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]RomanH101 22 points23 points24 points (14 children) | Copy Link
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[–]iambrian81 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]Minute-Lie-2287 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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