When there are unrequited feelings for a friend, often times the one who has the romantic feelings will agree to maintain the friendship with the person who rejected them, in hopes that they will eventually change their mind. This strategy almost never works.

In these situations, the best way to handle things is to always be honest in an upfront, but respectful manner, never showing bitterness or resentment. A lot of times, the request to remain friends with be done in retaliation for the rejection, to harm emotionally instead of being honest with intent. It should always be the latter.

It seems harsh, but pretending to be someone’s friend when you have other intentions is ultimately deceitful, it doesn’t matter what your intent is. When this happens, the friendship often ends in a confrontational manner. The person who rejected waits in the wings, while their ‘friend’ dates other people, and the resentment builds. The frustration comes out in passive aggressiveness, insults, more unhealthy attachment, etc.

It’s always best to show your intent from the beginning. If you have a friend and feelings develop, simply ask them out. Don’t make an over the top declaration of love and devotion. If they accept, have fun and see if they are a good fit for you as well. Only spend time pursuing those who value you, and be upfront as early as possible.

Edit: If you are rejected, always be cautious of someone’s intent if they want to remain friends. They might not have concern about your feelings, and might enjoy just having a consistent source of validation and attention.