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[–]Squaredandleveled 202 points203 points204 points 5 years ago (32 children) | Copy Link
Good on ya bro. I can't really wrap my head around why you being from y'all's motherland is a deal breaker, but then again I'm not from your culture. Either way it seems shallow to me. Keep on pushing forward. Good luck.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–][deleted] 124 points125 points126 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Bobs and vagene meme is to blame lol😂
[–]goodfella_de_niro 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thats what happens when an uneducated horny teenager get a smart phone. Now everyone outside india think all indians are like that.
[–]chasingsukoon 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
unironically yes lol
[–]Squaredandleveled 40 points41 points42 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Ah. I re-read your original comment. When you wrote "American indian" did you mean Native American or Indian/American (like her parents are from India and she was born here)?
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Squaredandleveled 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Got ya. Either way, I wish you success in finding a woman who appreciates you.
[–]Free-Care-2027 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Bro get a high paying job at any of the FAANG companies, flaunt your $200k TCs on tinder and then see these hoes crawling back in your DMs. Trust me Indian techies are some of the richest in America and they pull.
[–]No-Detective2871 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep I met a pretty cool Indian guy from bumble, he has a really good job here and invested in Bitcoin and stuff.
[–]nikitodoggy 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
neh, you get rid of those assumptions by getting to know the other. this is more like "looking for an american guy" or whatever.
[–]idkyiam 56 points57 points58 points 5 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
She was probably looking for someone that is an American born Indian. I’m an Indian guy born in the US and I see there is a major culture difference between the two. Anyways, there are plenty of fish in the sea, keep searching. You got this bro!
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
I'd be interested to hear what the differences in culture are...
[–][deleted] 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It’s a huge difference to me. Culturally we are very different. I’m basically American but I like Indian food, movies, and speak the language. Indians from India generally have different interests. Different sports, probably won’t eat beef, different tastes in music, etc.
Going to India is also a huge culture shock to me. Just crossing the road in a big city is dam near impossible just because it is madness. That’s how different it is. Something so simple is vastly different.
I am like that girl and I have unmatched many Fob Indians. There are probably plenty of Indian women that want to date casually, but I haven’t experienced it. Every fob Indian girl I did match with is just so serious. Many people know about the old arranged marriage thing but what they don’t know is how it was modernized. These days families will have a “profile” on you. Your picture and all your stats. Name, age, height, weight, career, religion, caste, and etc. My family doesn’t fuck with that shit but many families still do. That’s how I feel with fob Indian women. They are basically asking my profile over messages. It feels like an interview and that’s my resume.
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Right, he's got a nice name. Good career. He's in shape, same religion and caste, acceptable age, and a decent height! Tick tick tick. He's perfect! Let's arrange the wedding!
... Several months later...
realising their new son in law is a massive dickhead
But how could we have known?! If only there was a way to work these things out beforehand! We tried nothing to gauge what type of person he is and we're all out of ideas!
Bit harsh, I imagine there are many reasonable reasons for judging by these type of metrics, but I can't help but despise it all the same.
[–]pg5565 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I generally do the same as a guy. People from India have a verry different view on relationship dynamics, culture, music, diet and it doesn't work for me.
Even when speaking to family in India, to them the relationship is a bit more about how it appears in the society and having a non Indian passport is a huge check box.
I Also got to hear of a few horror stories that happened to friends or their siblings. Some of the relationships that resulted in marriage. Once the immigration work was done, the local got ghosted.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The older world is just vastly different. I imagine dating for fun is a relatively new concept.
[–]idkyiam 30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Sure. For one, Indians are very conservative because of the way they have been brought up. Mainly those brought up in suburban and rural areas. Less so in major cities. My cousins recently moved from India and have a roommate who just moved a month back so I have a few perspectives. They find alc and drugs very taboo and is a major no no like many conservative and religious people in the US are. Another major point is there attitude towards others. This is mainly the last generations of Indians that have passed on their ideals to the new generation but the new gen is more conservative. For example, the last generation most likely would not be okay with homosexuality or the LGBTQIA+ identification and that kinda seeps in to the new generation. I heard this from my father as well as other Indians that have migrated to get jobs here and build their life here. They would say it’s not natural or something about their religion. Similarly to how hardcore conservative religious folks in the US feel about it. Oh and arranged marriages are still very common over there. There’s a bunch more things if anyone still wants to add on to it.
[–]minecraft1984 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I might fit in your last generation tribe (late 30s ) and let me break your myth, alc and drugs were very much a part of college life in India. Even elite Institute had easy access to drugs and alcohol, so saying it's taboo us pretty wrong. Is it good? No. Do I care if others consume it? No.
[–]idkyiam 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That’s valid. But would you agree that there is variation of culture in India depending on where you live?
[–]minecraft1984 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Of course there is a variation, and I suppose you will also have a variation in US too. A guy in rural tx would have way different value structure and beliefs than someone in Socal. What's your point?
Man is a social animal and it's behavior is shaped and changed according to the surroundings where he/she is living.
I suppose even Americans are not the most liberal folks in the world. You still drink out of a brown bag, nudity in public is still frowned upon in US. That doesn't mean you paint all Americans with the same brush , but when in US act like an American.
[+]Elenariel -25 points-24 points-23 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
For example, the view of how to appropriately treat women is different between the US and India.
In the US, women are treated as a second class citizen. In India, women are treated as pets/property.
I'm not a woman, but even I can see why people who be reluctant about a guy that came from the latter culture.
[–]that_nagger_guy 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
How are women treated as second class citizens?
[–]Elenariel 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Honest discussion? Nobody meant it to happen, but it is the reality here in the US.
This is the perspective of somewhat of an outsider looking in, with no judgment, just observing facts.
Traditionally, gender roles were fairly rigid in the US, and expectations for both genders were, if different, at least somewhat equal. As a culture that comes from a Northern Climate of low population density, the American culture selects very hard for optimization by specialization. The ensuing gender roles of the man being master of the world outside the domicile, and the woman being master of the world inside the domicile was a natural result of low population over large lands.
Since industrialization, however, this adaptation became morphed when the inside domicile tasks became largely automated (rise of household appliances), and the provisioning of the family unit became trivialized through the rise of semi prepared food industry. This surplus labor from women was then soaked up during war times and once the men came back from war, enjoyed a large long labor glut the effects of which we still feel today.
But because of that glut for cheap labor, women now have the expectations of both traditional gender roles: that of providing and provisioning for the domicile, but also earning a salary.
It's getting better with the millennials, as we have really started to break with traditional gender roles, but largely speaking, women have much more expectations to be met before they can be considered a "competent and respectful member of society" than men.
I think this makes them second class citizens, not through anybody's fault, but through the inevitability of social change as a result of technological advancements, as a culture adjusts to new circumstances it was never designed to handle.
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This was a far more well thought through reply than I was expecting after your first comment, and I enjoyed reading it.
But I don't think I agree. My Mum is in her mid 70s for example, and always has rejected the traditional role of a woman. She was never the cook or the cleaner and it never affected how people viewed her, perhaps when she was very young it may have, but from adulthood people only had an opinion of her based on what she chose to do with her life. Her career, travel, hobbies.
I don't imagine she is the norm as there will be many women who follow traditional rules, but I think that's some internalised perspective on what they should do rather than something being imposed by our current cultural norms. I think you are generalising this idea of the things a woman must do in order to be respected too narrowly.
[–]PotMeister 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Second class citizens.. lol
[–]TimeInitial0 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Deal breaker for me and a lot of people I know too
I don’t like the mentally of men raised in my motherland....I don’t want a man that’s like my father and uncles! I’m not going to be anybody’s slave and waiting for you on hand and foot just because the culture back home dictates it. I don’t like how a lot of men from there view marriage, life, family life and the woman’s role. Then there is the consideration if he likes me truly for me or my papers.
As a result if you were raised here but from my culture you are partner material, if you were raised in the motherland I would not consider marrying the guy. It’s always been my number one deal breaker and I will be sticking to that.
[–]Squaredandleveled 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
That all makes a lot of sense. Gotta do what's best for you. 👍
[–]TimeInitial0 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So how does it make the girl shallow? 🙄
[–]Squaredandleveled 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It doesn't necessarily make a girl shallow. After reading the rational of yourself and others on this thread, I think your reasoning is sound. You may or may not miss out on good dude because of this standard. However for me probabilities play a huge role in my own decision making. If you think that dating somebody "FOB" is likely to link you up with someone with these undesirable characteristics, then I'm not going to shame you for it.
[–]TimeInitial0 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I have no problem missing out on a potential good dude if that will save me drama down the line when it comes to sooo many differences of opinion. Because I don’t take bullshit and I will say it to your face!
I got close to someone at my uni from back home last year and really started liking him. Literally the only reason why it stayed at friendship level is because he was FOB. No regrets over here 🤷🏾♀️
and when he made a comment down the line about us women needing to cook and not him for an even that we were all organising together, I patted myself on my back for sticking to my guns.
[–]buddhistbulgyo 75 points76 points77 points 5 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
What's a fob?
[–]sniper1905 96 points97 points98 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
Fresh off the boat.
[–]redxammer40 points 5 years ago [recovered] (11 children) | Copy Link
How common is this saying? First time I've ever encountered it.
[–]ChiquitaBananaKush 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Pretty common if you’re a POC foreigner (typically Asian countries).
[–]h00chieminh -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Can we retire the saying now?
It's more derogatory than it is slang. And does disservice to the ones that actually came on boats.
We can highlight the differences in culture, without making those seeking a better life feel like second class.
The first gen came on boats, we shouldn't alienate those that paved the road.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My parents are Somali immigrants and they themselves don’t mind the saying. Heck after I taught it to them they started calling each other that.
[–]singlecellfromearth 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Depends how you use it. My fob friends use the term too. There's all sorts of slang like ABC (American born Chinese) or ABG (refers to a specific style of makeup and dress for girls) or BOBA (brought over by ✈️) etc.
They're descriptive terms; some people use it negatively and for me, they're terms of endearment 😘
[–]h00chieminh 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes but I’m this case it’s a derogatory term. It’s nothing like boba.
[+]WeakEmu8 -23 points-22 points-21 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Dude, FOB goes back a LONG way, you think calling immigrants in 1900 FOB was about color?
Man, the racism you people harbor.
[–]ChiquitaBananaKush 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’m Indian as well. I’ve never heard of anyone in modern times refer to an immigrant from the 1900s as a FOB. You sound ignorant, like the girl OP matched with.
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some people search desparately for something they can twist in their mind to be offended by. You just did them a favour!
[–]KrAzyDrummer 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pretty common for asian and Indian communities. There's usually a noticeable difference between a FOB and someone born and raised in the US
[–]eveoneverything 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There was even a sitcom recently called Fresh Off the Boat.
[–]lana_del_reymysterio 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Super common here in Australia. Used mainly for islanders
[–]buddhistbulgyo -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If Op said I'm FOB or I'm FOTB it would have made sense.
I was like... You're a key fob? Whuuut? Is this r/seduction lingo/jargon I don't know. I wanna be a seductive key fob.
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I thought it was Forward Operations Base and was like wut lol
[–]redditgampa -4 points-3 points-2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Racist term Indian Americans/Asian Americans casually throw around to People from their parent’s country. These are the same folks who cry racism whenever something shitty happens to them in the US. Ironic!
[–]letstalkaboutchex10 points 5 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Ehhh racist is a bit strong, also it’s two people from the same ethnicity using it. It has some derogatory connotations though but depends on context
[–]redditgampa 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’ve never come across an Indian American using it on any other race than Indian. So it is racist in this way.
[–]hwheels24 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol, I was studying this list, trying to see which one fits: https://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/FOB
[–]FenrirApalis 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Forward operating base
Oh wait
[–]Elenariel 53 points54 points55 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
As someone who used to be ostracized because I was a FOB when I first moved here, I kind of understand the other side of it.
When I dated Chinese people from China, they have all these cultural expectations that I am not familiar with, but that they demand I follow because I'm "Chinese with Chinese blood, and so should be more Chinese."
It's not small little things either, gender roles are much more delineated, even the nature of the marital relationship is less to do with what each married party wants, and more about how to live up to the ideal role of a married partner.
It's a very stifling culture, particularly as someone who has become accustomed to individuality and personal freedoms over conformity and harmony.
Are there people from China who aren't this way? Sure, but no one can truly resist all aspects of culture acclimation, particularly if one grows up steeped in the culture.
Particularly if I were just talking to someone for a day, the prospect of having that cultural spectre hanging over me is too much.
Also, if a fresh immigrant from China is looking for a local born Chinese ethnic person, the expectation that the Chinese ethnic person will conform to the Chinese culture rather than the local culture is much higher than with a local who is not ethnically Chinese. And to try to break that expectation is a whole layer of complications that I don't have when dating someone not from the Chinese culture.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that she probably ditched you not because she's shallow, but because there are real legitimate concerns she has about dating someone from the old country.
[–]James8x9 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
👆this
[–]Squaredandleveled 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the Insightful perspective.
[–]PeperoParty 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Even tho I would say that ditching him in that manner is still shallow, as a woman, I’d be very wary to get with a man from a country where women’s rights aren’t taken as seriously.
[–]little_turtle420 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Personally I believe it's a little harsh to outright judge someone based on the country they came from.
Especially cause in a lot of cases, they've also left their country because they saw the negatives, and found them unbearable enough to leave their family and friends behind for it (seeking a better life is what they say to keep it simple).
[–]lebrawn-james 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
I’m an Indian guy who was born and raised here (As in the USA) and lemme say Indian FOB have a complete different culture then us indians who were born and raised in America. We may both be Indian but we’re a lot different then each other. My dad tried getting me an arranged marriage like 2 years ago (I’m 20) to a girl from india. I was like wtf? First she’s a FOB and I’m not about that arranged marriage stuff. I would do the same with an FOB Indian girl as what she did with you.
[–]PeperoParty -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Did you see a pic? What if you saw a pic and she was absolutely gorgeous.
Interested in what someone would do in that situation.
[–]idkyiam 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If I was in that situation I should still say no. Looks don’t matter that much in the long run.
[–]Kabuki431 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Its mostly stereotypical image and cultural differences. I talked to a few chicks who tried dating Indian men and there was a common theme. Parents approval, trying to change the girl by putting pressure to dress certain way, eventually trying to change them entirely to look like typical Indian women.
I have seen a hundred times an Indian dude with white chick fully dressed in Indian clothes.
They are afraid of that change and controlling behavior.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kabuki431 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thanks to big bang theory for portraying "Raj" now every chick looks at Indian guys like that. And not in a good way.
[–]SR3249 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I could possibly see why she did this as I've done it myself. I am half middle Eastern and to make myself feel more tied to my heritage I had a phase of dating guys from Iran. I found that guys who were born in the US had more shared values and experience with me, a good blend between Western culture and our shared Iranian culture. However guys that were recent immigrants and weren't raised here were a different kettle of fish. Very, very over eager and controlling, and too old-fashioned that it bordered on misogyny. (constantly calling me and getting upset if I didn't respond right away even if I was in class or with another friend, being slut shamed for not being committed to them after 1 date, etc). They seemed to have the bad overly conservative parts about my culture that I didn't want in my life so I vowed never to date another guy from there again who wasn't raised here.
Now I'm sure you're a perfectly nice guy who wouldn't be like that at all, but maybe she has had similar experiences in the past and didn't want to risk going through it again. Many Middle Eastern and (from what I've heard in South Asian too) men have different values on women and dating than those of us brought up in the West and so even if there is a similar ethnic cultural background, it may still not be the best fit. While I think she should have still given you a chance, just food for thought from the other perspective.
But again I realise that while there are many similarities between South Asian and Iranian culture because they historically overlapped, I could be wrong too. But my guess is that there are still different dating values between an Indian who grew up in India and one who grew up in the West. even if those differences have nothing to do with misogyny like in my experience, there could still be a difference in dating expectations that she might not feel a good fit from past experience and so judged you early on.
However, keep at it and stay confident with who you are and your lovely heritage because you will find the right person!
[–]self_journey 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. Would you ever want to be with someone like that? Because brother I don't give a shit how hot she is it's not worth it. Focus on yourself and find someone who likes you for you.
[–]OThinkingDungeons 40 points41 points42 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
As an Asian man with Asian parents... I don't want MORE Asian parents XD
[–]nthrny 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I see you hate your parents too*
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]memecatcher247 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I see why she unmatched!
[–]memecatcher247 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Keep telling yourself that. Self-awareness is a virtue, just so you know. Especially in seduction.
[–]tihlo -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh please, keep your virtue signaling to yourself. I have developed enough self-awareness to know to run away from anyone who judges a person based on their skin color, race, culture or the place they are from without even putting an effort to know them.
Also, just because your parents are shitty doesn't mean that everyone who has the same cultural background as them are shit. If she had an ounce of self-awareness she wouldn't have unmatched OP based off of the criteria that he was a FOB
[–]fikar_not 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I am 28 yo male born in India and spent most of my life in India. Last year I lived in NYC and let me tell you I am a FOB . Although I heard about racial aspect of dating, but surprisingly I dated 100s of girls in NYC specially during covid times. Never encountered someone rejecting me because I am FOB. Which clearly I am!
What I realized was that a lot of us Indians have a sense of inferiority complex. Whether you agree with me or not, we are never proud of our culture. What I did was just reverse of the above. I am super proud of my culture and not ashamed to show off my accent, our spicy food, everything that makes us unique.
During courting process I even spoke hindi to girls. It all worked. There was this well established model whom I dated and you know what, I even taught her Sanskrit mantras
Dude , what I want to say is don't have any preconceived notions because we are Indians. It doesn't matter much. At the end of the day we are all humans struggling to lead a decent life.
Those who can't understand it, avoid them like plague.
One more thing , offline dating works for us like a charm. special tip : pretend to be new to the country, as if you are really new. It goes funny from here.
Now I am back in India and still receive messages from tons of women I met in nyc.
Additional point: I am 5'7 . and dated lots of women taller than me. It doesn't matter. Females, no matter what nationality are just like us.
[–]goldwave84 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
How long have you migrated to the states?
Yes I like yr attitude but the fact you posted this means yr still bothered by it.
About the Indian American girl, should could be Indian in physical appearances, nothing more.
Ultimately, cultural and religious similarities make or break a relationship. Now before anyone downvotes me, you can be from different cultures but how you both agree and disagree on these topics are the key here. Not the actual topic itself.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]goldwave84 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
I guess we will never know but I can guarantee there are differences. Maybe with yr family?
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]realToukafan4life 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro then it could be other reasons. You know better but don't take i seriously.
[–]goldwave84 -4 points-3 points-2 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
What do you mean a day?
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]goldwave84 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
And how long you been in the US?
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]goldwave84 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Indulge me
[–]ucfstudent10 29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I’m not saying she’s right in what she did but if I matched with a “fob” I would thread carefully because people from back home tend to have conservative beliefs.
[–]centarsirius 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
he said she was excited to talk initially but unmatched only when he told her that he was from India, so its hypocrisy on her part if she would have been connected with him if he was an American-Indian but conservative
[–]GodsBellybutton 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Could have just been initial attraction but unmatched for other reasons too. I mean the guy coming here to complain about it is not a good look, like what does this have to do with seduction? Nobody cares that you got unmatched, we don't get both sides of the story here and everyone saying "oh you're better off" etc is just enforcing the victim mentality that keeps you from achieving your goals.
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
its their own internal racism, they even have the term "dipper".
Its not so much "conservative beliefs" but rather she's worried he'll have a big gold earing, popped collar polo shirt and drive around blasting bhangra music, based on stereotypes that are only sometimes true.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
More conservative?
Guess I need to look for foreign women then.
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Doesn’t make her shallow necessarily- there could be a ton of reasons that that’s a deal breaker for her.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
She’s bringing her entire life’s experience to the table (you do as well). Maybe she has significant trauma around her family and the idea of you would be too painful and close to her experience. Maybe her entire life has been her family telling her, “why don’t you just find a nice Indian man and settle down?” Maybe shes decided that the risk of inviting certain aspects of your culture into her life is not worth the reward of finding out if you’re compatible. To be fair, on some level you feel that you deserved a chance to plead your case to her as to why you could be compatible, because here you are talking about it on Reddit. Reality is, she doesn’t really owe you shit, nor do you owe her anything - so get over it and cut this beta shit out. Who cares?
[–]tihlo 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
The fuck you are rambling about? Did you even read his post properly. They fucking matched on a dating app, iff she wasn't into Indian guys why the fuck would she even match!? Before even knowing the full story you just went on doing whataboutery. Her problem is not with Indian guys but Indian guys who are born and raised in India, it is a gross case of overt generalization and stereotypes.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
So she should be forced to get to know this guy? Maybe this possessiveness is what she was trying to mitigate.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Just saying - she doesn’t owe him shit and crying about it online isn’t gonna change that.
[–]YoMommaJokeBot 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not as likely as yer mum
I am a bot. Downvote to remove. PM me if there's anything for me to know!
[–]cashilysh 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Once I got unmatched because I didnt smoke. SO there ist that.
[–]cmonti7 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why is she shallow for that? It’s just a preference.
[–]TimeInitial0 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
If it’s a deal breaker it’s a deal breaker 🤷🏾♀️
I would also note date anyone FOB as I don’t like the mentality of men from back home. I grew up with different values, freedoms ect and I’m not about to have some dusty ass guy come and try dictate my life according to how he grew up.
She ain’t vain. She ain’t shallow. She ain’t stupid.
She just knows what she will NOT put up with.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]TimeInitial0 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I mean what you make and where you live does not change the fact that your mindset and the way you were raised will be vastly different from an ABI.
The fact that you feel the need to point it out your financial standing like the girl couldn’t be on the same level with her own money or even find other like minded guys on the same level? 🙄
FYI I’m not Indian and not referring to the Indian culture in any of my comments. I’m also not in the US but Europe...and guess what we have the same view over here. FOB doesn’t just refer to Indians so calm down over there.
My point stands non the less. Don’t be salty if girls don’t want to date you based on that. Because even though you said you aren’t, you clearly are if you are posting on here.
[–]TimeInitial0 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ok??? I mean every other POC on this post that was born and raised away from their cultural background is saying the same as me.
Yet you are still harping on about getting to know every individual mindset and not assume. At the end of the day we haven’t come to this conclusion based on fairytales but our lived experience with people FOB.
But yeah good luck to you in the dating world!! Of course you will be successful, just know you aren’t everyone’s cup of tea and there is nothing wrong with that!
[–]ectbot 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc."
"Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are etc., &c., &c, and et cet. The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase.
Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.
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[–]Throwawaypizza12657 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I dated an Indian man who migrated to US. I had a complete open mind and went in with the best of intentions trying to get to know this person. Never dated an Indian let alone someone outside my culture and was completely naive about Indian men.
I ended the relationship for multiple reasons.
He had absolutely no respect for my boundaries, threw fits when I couldn’t see him. Commented on my body multiple times when I told him to stop. Made jokes and comments about my body type and a disgusting comment about how if he could, sew my vagina a few extra stitches. And when I told him to to never say anything like that to me again, he gave me the silent treatment. What in the actual fuck?!! No bitch, your dick is just small. Was an emotional manipulator.
Complete and utter bullshit I dealt with dating this man.
Every time I think about this and the sexual relations we had, I am completely repulsed.
Will never date another Indian man again.
Please don’t be anything like this POS.
[–]redditman7777 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not your fault but you can't blame her... Typical Indian men (from Indian), by and large, not all of them, exceptions are always there, BUT By and Large, I am not saying you per say, but by and large ARE culturally, emotionally, mentally and more importantly physically and hygienically at a complete tangent to the western world. I live in Australia and things are more or less the same here.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Move on, there are definetly some ladies in US that are into guys from different culture. I've once read that one guy was rejected by a girl for his skin color, but he moved on, talked to other lady, she accepted him and the racist btch got mad as she saw it
[–]Vaccines4Everybody 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Hey there! Indian American man here with some Indian immigrant friends. I noticed that most Indian immigrants date other Indian immigrant women.
I’ve also noticed that the more adventurous ones are more likely to date White or Asian women. Have you dated or asked out any non Indian women?
[–]Vaccines4Everybody 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How’s your luck been with White or other non Indian women? Have they been more friendlier or less?
[–]latinaut 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Having that kinda prejudice is always a dealbreaker for me. I don't trust people who show racial biases (or, as an Autistic Indian, someone who is mean to the "weird kid") - even if I'm into them I'll ease out.
Unless they're incredibly fuckable, then I might take my chances
[–]Mango-Character 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I can tell how unbothered you are by this whole post you made
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]FlanneryODostoevsky -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
This is absurd.
[–]letstalkaboutchex1 points 5 years ago* [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
I reread his post and edited it a bit.
[–]FlanneryODostoevsky -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Too often women dont give a guy a shot because of some minor detail, and when a guy expresses any kind of frustration over this, we auddenly have to talk about being entiyled. Its absurd. If you're attracted to someone, give them a chance and learn about their character. Theres so many toxic relationships and unhappiness in the dating world because shit like this. For a while I wasn't trying to date a certain type of girl til i opened myaelf to the possibility theyre just like everyone else and thus some may be cool while others aren't.
[–]letstalkaboutchex2 points 5 years ago* [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
I hear you and I agree in a general sense.
But I also do get where this gal may have been coming from. It's not necessarily a minor detail. There's almost always a significant cultural difference when you get down to it (big or small) if you were born and raised in the US vs in India. And she may just want someone who she can have a greater common ground with. There's nothing wrong with that.
I took out the entitled bit. I was referring to Indian-American women getting judged by other Indians for dating outside their race. That's a thing, but not relevant to OP when I reread his post.
[–]FlanneryODostoevsky -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I could have the same hang ups about black women who have been born and raised in the suburbs as opposed to the hood. Or I can give them a chance to let them reveal to me who they are. I could also have those hang ups as an LA native in a dating scene where so many people are from the Midwest and thus may be more conservative in ways that aren't immediately obvious.
[–]letstalkaboutchex2 points 5 years ago* [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
This can get pretty nuanced.
There's a difference between "FOB" (hate that term but OP used it) and Indian guy born in India, the two aren't actually synonymous.
Depending on how it's used, fob implies a certain set of negative attributes of guys from less-modernized areas of India (poor fashion sense, strong accent, not great talking to women, clingy, traditional, overall unsexy, not masculine, hard to relate to, possibly misogynist). I don't find those things attractive. Not all guys from India are "fobby" but the ones who are just sort of exude that energy, and I'm guessing that girl picked up on something of that nature.
An analogous example is meeting the girl from the hood who is displaying characteristics that resemble stereotypically negative aspects of hood culture that you don't find attractive, and thus you conclude that you'd rather get to know a different girl who doesn't give off that energy. It's more than the mere fact that she's from the hood or the suburbs.
[–]FlanneryODostoevsky 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly.
[–]FlanneryODostoevsky 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you match with a person and unmatch once they say where they're from, unless that conversation had been going on for a whole, its not likely they got a real sense of the negatove aspects associated with that place.
[–]letstalkaboutchex1 points 5 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I understand the culture and the dangers of dating the wrong person. I am judicious in my choosing and have preferences, as did OP's gal and everyone else. Also, for all you know, she could have ghosted even if he hadn't said where he was from - that literally happens all the time on apps. But if it was because of where he's from, I think that's perfectly fine too and it's okay if you disagree :)
[–]FlanneryODostoevsky 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Of course ita fine to disagree. Its more important to understand how things could be better however.
[–]foursquad1 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol, I completely get you bro. I see this among my Indian American cousins as well. They'll boycott me because I'm direct indian. Never got the reason. But seems extremely stupid.
Gotta say SOME indian Americans are so much more racist compared to any other race.
[–]Independent_Gear9782 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Self-hating jerk...as you said bro, her loss. When Eastern females become westernized, it's basically over.
[–]Popthecoin 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I a girl unmatched me. We were talking a beach and getting tanned. Because I mentioned I was a hairy person. Haha
[–]Liebner-Anthony-S 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Rather sooner than later I guess,
[–]Nofapper7862 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s her loss. She probably looks down on FOBs because of an experience she might have had in the past. Remember there’s other girls out there who’d wanna meet you. I’ve been out with Desi American girls, but also been rejected by a few, and I won’t say I’m a FOB Indian but I’ve been in the US for about 4 years.
No matter what everyone tells you, always embrace your ethnicity. Indians don’t really have a negative stereotype, we’re known to be industrious. One thing you can do to stand out from other Indian guys is work on your physique and style, believe me that will get you a lot of eye contacts. Also, stop relying on dating apps and start approaching women in person (daygame). You’ll be surprised to see how many women would be interested to meet you regardless of your ethnicity or skin color.
Good luck!
[–]LUCKYARTURO 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Obviously not saying this to be the case here, but some poc who grow up in the US distance themselves from their heritage because of racism (overt or otherwise) they experience. It’s terrible hurtful and sad, check the experience of US Gold Medalist Chloe Kim who bravely shared that this racism drive her to not even want to acknowledge her heritage or speak with her mother in public in Korean. Chloe Kim story
And obviously it’s not your problem, but one society should recognize beginning with targeting racism in early education.
My two cents, for free
[–]WeakEmu8 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Funny you relate that to "PoC"... ask a first gen Irish, Polish, Slav, etc, what it's like. It's not a color thing.
[–]gowatchanimefgt 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
YoU DoDgEd a BuLlEt oP
[–]saviorprincex 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
U Dodged a Bomb then
[–]Aryae_Sakura 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well said. I hope that one day i can share the way you think but currently i am not there yet. But i am working on myself and hope to improve on myself.
I wish you and everybody reading this good luck and success with the goals you set yourself. Remember: The thing we call Failure is not the falling down but the staying down. :)
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]mugatucrazypills 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Where on Earth will you find another vagina?
[–]aStonedPanda94 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sometimes people unmatch without a good reason, I won’t sweat it. On the the next one
[–]psych-dive -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Respect man...
[–]dPensive -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good fucking riddance. Why the fuck would we open our hearts to that shallow mess?
[–]thestarter9743 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As per my views Indian American girls lack a open mindset in dating even though they were brought up in a very different atmosphere in the US. Many have a elite and superior mindset just because they were raised in USA.
[–]James8x9 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
you are right, however everyone has preference, so no blame to her either.
[–]Shakespeare-Bot 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
thou art right, howev'r everyone hast preference, so nay censure to that lady either
I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.
Commands: !ShakespeareInsult, !fordo, !optout
!ShakespeareInsult
!fordo
!optout
[–]Thor_HHC -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What’s a FOB?
[–]firelitother 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fresh of the Boat
[–]kiaeej -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Whats fob?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Fresh off the boat
[–]kiaeej 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Got it thanks!
[+]MisterMolby -49 points-48 points-47 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
She probably though you had a heavy indian accent, which let's all agree is a massive turn off.
[–]captainhogwarts 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lmao at least Indians are coherent, most english speaking people don’t even pronounce the words correctly.
[–]Brosevelt410 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This sounds dumb and let's all agree it is dumb.
[–]Crypto_279 -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bharat Mata ki jai!
[–]viking600 -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
she is lvw.
chill man
[–]Brosevelt410 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
FDB
[–]YetzirahToAhssiah 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
People filter others by a lot of dumb shit when they're online. Face to face, you can let them feel a rare energy and confidence.
[–]Own-Salad1974 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Where you are from doesnt matter. Its your heart, your intentions, and your looks.
[–]Shakespeare-Bot 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Whither thou art from doesnt matter. Its thy heart, thy intentions, and thy looks
[–]dazzle158 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why did i read this as This girl unmatched me because I am a fall out boy haha
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