Why aren't I attractive to the girls I WANT?

weedmylips1 · 2015-01-06T20:43:41+00:00

Sounds like you may have a little oneitis with this girl...

But you have to remember that even if you have everything good (fitness, hygiene, hobbies...), sometimes you just don't have a connection with a certain girl. Be less outcome dependent...

Give this article a read if you haven't already: http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

that-freakin-guy · 2015-01-06T20:39:16+00:00

Because it's about compatibility. Sometimes, some girls just aren't compatible with you. I dated a ton of girls before settling with my girlfriend. We have great chemistry, it's amazing, and I've never had chemistry with anyone else like this before. Everyone says that as a couple, we're made for each other. Our relationship is the one that makes certain couples despise their own, that sort of thing.

But fuck, I dated hundreds of girls before I met my girlfriend. You name the culture, religion, etc., I dated them. And you know what, some worked for a month and then flopped, others for a few dates. In reality, you're not going to work with every single person you date.

Work on your confidence, work on bettering your decision making skills, your attitude, your reactions to difficult situations, workout at the gym.. Just work on yourself. And in that time, keep dating people. One day, you will meet someone and they'll be perfect for you.

People think that just because you're dating someone, you're compatible. I know many people in long term relationships that are literally horrible for each other. It comes down to who is right for you.

A great analogy would be cars. I can test drive 50 different cars before I find one perfect for me. Some will seem great short term but suck in the long run, and others suck right away, but when you find the car you like you keep it for as long as you can.

ass_fungus · 2015-01-07T01:40:14+00:00

with the abundance of pua material, guys like you are very cookie cutter and dont really stand out. so you can bench your weight and play wonderwall, so what? so can 100 other dudes at your uni.

become a more exciting or fun person, or at least one that stands out.

cascadecombo · 2015-01-07T00:54:12+00:00

Because you complain in a seduction sub, saying you dont try any of the suggestions here.

You also come across as an entitled prick, so after a month of dating i can see how that would get old.

Plus with the comments of depression and feeling like an outsider. Many people get depressed and may feel ostracized its not lettin that control you [easier said than done]

But the last and more important part, simply because you like someone doesnt mean you understand them. One of the biggest thigs is 'gettin' them, understanding why they do things or like them. Thats a huge part in picking people up n keepin them around

Indianbro · 2015-01-07T07:36:00+00:00

Youre missing the point dude. You want to get to a point where girls are fighting over to pursue you, not you pursuing certain ones because you "want" them. Coming from this mentality is showing neediness (take, consume) which is very unattractive. Being needy only leads to oneitus which I suspect is what happened with your previous girlfriend. She saw your neediness and left. You want women chasing after you? Build a lifestyle where you are the ladies man. That includes pursuing your passion and living a life where girls can either join u or gtfo. Either way you are the highest of value...not her.

jonblaze32 · 2015-01-07T00:04:46+00:00

You have the mentality that you deserve what you want because of who you are.

EthanHawking · 2015-01-07T06:25:46+00:00

I beg to differ. Learning proper Pick Up shouldn't make you over think...it actually teaches us how to NOT overthink and become more natural. The more you use the information given to you, the more natural it becomes, then confidence builds with it.

You should absolutely seek a legitimate connection. But, a lot of us tried the "just be myself" method and it didn't work..hence why we are part of this community. The point of all of this is to take yourself and make it better. It's like when you work out, never be satisfied with where you are at. Always look to attain more.

I think that you have become stagnant in your approach. You think that being where you are at is enough. But, by your post alone, I can tell that you are not satisfied...otherwise you would have never made this post. You are stuck in a comfort zone that you should get out of...when you do, you may find those girls reciprocating the attractiveness you want to give them.

EDIT: You have all of the resources and tools right in front of you. Get out of your comfort zone.

slcjosh · 2015-01-07T00:32:47+00:00

You aren't getting anywhere because you aren't doing anything. Being yourself won't get you anywhere. What you have to is be yourself when yourself is someone who is fun, interesting and attractive to women. Pua isn't all about picking up women a lot of it is making yourself more attractive. I'd suggest reading Models By Mark Manson.

Diarrhea_Van_Frank · 2015-01-07T07:00:12+00:00

Why aren't I attractive...

I don't necessarily follow PUA techniques...

You answered your own question, mang.

throwaway52114 · 2015-01-06T21:23:18+00:00

Inner game. You can sometimes get some short time success using techniques you have picked up from one book or subreddit or the other. It's unlikely she will stay attracted as your inner self leaks out. If you have acquired techniques and games that lasts a lifetime; congratulations you can pull it off. But usually you will have to add something from yourself and it will show. When I first began, my success was short lived as well. I was thinking where I went wrong, going through my cheat sheets, out conversation logs and just can't figure out why this 11/10 who rode me all weekend and begged me to tell herself more about me just said "you are a great guy and great in bed but I see you more as a friend" a week later. Sounds familiar?

But you can fix that, and when you do: you won't need the techniques. It is a state of mind, and it lets you forget about all techniques, routines, gambits and just walk up to the most attractive girl in the environment, be loud and say "Give me your number" ...and get it :)

Start by forgetting about that girl and giving an end to idealizing particular women. Women are plenty, idealizing some is the same as putting her on a pedestal and that will appear needy. You have to "want" woman but not "need" them. This shouldn't be an act but who you are. Luckily, many approaches (successful or rejection) give you this kind of openness, confidence and the state of being "out of your mind" enjoying life rather than being inside it like a girl and going through all actions , words and feelings needlessly.

Makes sense?

I thought the whole point of PUA was to become a confident, self-assured man.. One who is constantly seeking to improve himself so that he may get the girl HE wants. I've been told that not true.

The whole point of PUA is to become a confident, self-assured man.. One who is constantly seeking to improve himself so that he gets what HE wants, about 30% of the time for masters, which is better than 0% for those who do nothing about it. "Idealized master", as in, someone who is so good that he GETS EVERY WOMAN he talks to.. That's not realistic and trying to reach that kind of standard will only hurt your motivation in learning.

King_Koga · 2015-01-07T03:11:14+00:00

Hold on a second, you actually dated this girl for a MONTH! This means she WAS interested in you.

The problem is a variable: Were you too clingy? Did you do great date ideas consistently? Was she already dating someone else and he was more interesting than you?

Don't get hung up on them and just try to keep the ball rolling by dating more women. You never know who will stick! So always be trying!

Congrats on landing her for a month at least, any new pickup is always a boost to your ego.

2015-01-07T06:30:54+00:00

Check your smv (sexual market value). You might be aiming high and girls that high have endless options.

philosarapter · 2015-01-07T15:37:05+00:00

Humans are weird thats why.

We instinctively want what we can't have and the more we can't have it, the more we want it. Inversely, something we can easily acquire, we don't value. This is especially true during dating.

"We chase that which recedes from us."

As for your unique situation though, you seem to be entirely focused on a specific girl. But we don't get to be that choosy with life. Being a confident and interesting man will open up doors for you, but it doesn't guarantee you always get what you want. Life's more complex than that. When dating you are talking about getting together with an entirely other person with their own life, preferences and experiences.

Consider this girl the first in many that you truly relate to, now that you've found yourself and found what you are looking for in a woman. Its not getting THE girl you want, its about knowing what you want and getting A girl that fits that description.

venikk · 2015-01-07T08:17:48+00:00

You have what I call noob syndrome. Where someone thinks they're doing the right thing, but their goal is counter-productive and naive. I can tell by the way you listed your interests as if this makes you a good partner or sexy. It doesn't make you sexy or a good partner, and I don't think the girl you want should like you for your hobbies/interests. Start focusing on the way you make people feel instead of a masturbatory contest of who's more successful or who will help you achieve your goals. Build up a expression vocabulary. If you have only two states of like nuetral and happy, that's extremely boring, unnatural, and secretive.

Big_TX · 2015-01-06T23:01:36+00:00

Try finding one a technique you like and try It a few times. Then lick another at s later date. You wanna find some that you personally like that add some life I to the conversation. You want to get her to Open up a little bit. I think it is bad to only techniques and no substance but it is good to use it to make the intraction fun then just be your sellf that plus what Iloveyou-Iknow minus the part about never using techniques = what I be Believe. It seams like you can get to a point where you don't need techniques at all but I think first you need to use some to get to that point.

Again don't like be barney Stinson and make up crazy routines and stuff.

Haptic_Affinity · 2015-01-07T02:44:31+00:00

It's not about "compatibility" Sure, it matters, but the thing that stands out the MOST to me from all that you wrote is this:

I'm not exactly the most confident person, in fact, I've been dealing with depression for several years now.

Lack of Confidence trumps all other possible causes here by a long shot

Luckyluke23 · 2015-01-07T04:26:39+00:00

beacuse you don't have entiltlment yet, plain and simple.

this should come in time if you continue gaming.

masterrod · 2015-01-07T05:16:05+00:00

Make a move after about 3 dates, even if you're going to crash and burn.

You'll gain confidence by meeting more ladies, and finding success.

freaky_dee · 2015-01-07T06:38:21+00:00

I've read about inner game. I'm not exactly the most confident person

I'm smart: I go to a good University, I'm in a tough major, and was given a spot to do research as a sophomore. I play the guitar and I write my own music. I've been told by others it's pretty good. This is just a hobby that I enjoy. I'm fit: I lift weights and do cardio, I think I have a nice body.

I think maybe the biggest area of my life that I'm lacking in is my ability to handle social situations adeptly, and make new friends with ease. I struggle with a bit of social anxiety.

Seduction material (the real good stuff, anyway) is all about developing social confidence, and showing you how irrelevant stuff like looks (your "nice body"), intelligence (your "tough major"), and skills (your guitar playing) really is.

So basically, the thing you're missing is the thing girls want. With PUA, it's not about the techniques, it's about the mindset. Either you've been reading shitty material that teaches only techniques, or, you've been reading about the how to fix your mindset but you haven't yet made an attempt to implement it.

Edit: formatting

SiXXEros · 2015-01-07T14:42:27+00:00

In short, it's because you give a fuck that they like you or not.

I'm sure some other guys will fill in all the details after that.

elitemage101 · 2015-01-07T03:21:08+00:00

Lower your standards :) It works

a9249 · 2015-01-06T23:53:08+00:00

I do the same thing you do. I've had that happen loads. First off try not to get too attached until you've been together a couple months. Ive had a girls (friends) tell me they have been in that situation, and its usually because they had a better offer from someone they liked /more/. Its shitty, but its the reality of dating. [If you were dating an okay girl for a short time and a hottie came along, what would you do? be honest]. After two..ish months, you can be assured you're no longer competing for attention. And if you are, after a couple /months/, do you really want to be with her anyway?

TLDR numbers game, for BOTH sides. Try to get over your oneitus and move forward.

Title	Why aren't I attractive to the girls I WANT?
Author	throwaway52114
Upvotes	129
Comments	97
Date	January 6, 2015 8:00 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2rjox8/why_arent_i_attractive_to_the_girls_i_want/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-arent-i-attractive-to-the-girls-i-want.1289955 https://theredarchive.com/post/1289955

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