I feel like I've made a lot of progress and yet, none at all.

dysrhythmic · 2013-04-05T17:29:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SaladBarScavenger · 2013-04-05T15:44:43+00:00

I know the feeling. "I've tried everything and I'm just not making progress! Why do I even try!!" I feel this way at least once a week, usually after a bad workout, but I've developed a thought process for getting out of it. First, I remind myself that I HAVE made progress, and I list my victories. Second I ask, "Have I REALLY tried everything?" Have I applied myself to X goal as hard as Michael Phelps applies himself to swimming? Of course not! Now I'm thinking about how I can double-down on my goals. Bump up piano practice time by 15 minutes. Eliminate that one cheat food from your diet. Do that exercise you hate but know you should be doing at the gym. The key is to get your thoughts focused on things you can control. Make those changes and take your self improvement to the next level. Next time you start to feel like you're not making progress, you will have more victories to remind yourself of.

redditor323 · 2013-04-05T16:17:09+00:00

Think of yourself like a bamboo tree... you are creating strong roots to be able to flourish at a later day. You are doing things to change yourself, you probably arent used to being this new person yet, once you get comfortable with all these changes you will see a difference.

UnapologeticalyAlive · 2013-04-05T16:40:54+00:00

Lemme ask you this: If you never made any progress at all with women, would you keep improving yourself anyway?

NickisCool · 2013-04-05T15:54:58+00:00

Confidence, confidence, confidence, confidence, confidence.......I can't stress this out enough. You can improve all you want in your life, but if those things don't make you feel like a strong, happy, interesting guy then will not succeed. You have to love yourself and believe not try, but believe in yourself. You are cool, you WILL get shot down, but you give no fucks......Confidence maaaaaan!

CaptThack · 2013-04-05T16:20:12+00:00

More importantly man perhaps you need to change your area of expertise. Do you do day game? That's seems to be giving me better results than night game. No need to compete and among other guys, no need for indirect game most of the time, and the girls are much more dynamic in with their personalities than they are when they are partying with friends. Try day game man. Your AA might even be a little worse at first. But it pays off better for your inner game.

puaSenator · 2013-04-05T21:39:17+00:00

It could be anything, you really didn't give much details. But I'll give you what I notice as the two big issues facing people trying to rediscover themselves:

1) They still aren't themselves. They aren't trying to be the best self, but someone else. Many guys don't realize the difference here. They go out every weekend trying to be someone they aren't. So they come off as disingenuous and hard to connect with.

2) I've seen several people who try really hard at this whole PUA thing but just keep getting left behind while everyone leaps in front of them. I've seen this happen mostly because they unknowingly set up a self defense mechanism and getting shut down is part of their routine, for example: They know how to be confident, they can open up a girl, start small talk, but then they subtly start pushing the girls into softly exiting the situation. In which case they just write it off as a loss. I think this has a lot to do with them not knowing how to handle the situation once they got to the critical point. So part of their routine becomes expecting rejection.

2013-04-05T22:47:05+00:00

I would suggest making more of a game of it for a while. Find a wingman, and spend an afternoon wandering around parks or some public places. Throughout the day you each select 5 or 10 targets for the other person to approach and try to #-close, see who gets the most. The loser has to (whatever, clean the other guy's apartment, buy drinks at the bar that night, etc). If you're at all competitive, you'll be more focused on "winning" than on your own AA. Eventually you'll gain confidence that you can approach a random girl and have a conversation.

justatypicalman · 2013-04-05T23:10:27+00:00

Dude, not only have you learned how to play a musical instrument but you've completely shaped up your life (physical and career wise) All in the name of progress for females.

You have enriched your life and have successfully set up dates, just because you haven't reached the second date doesn't mean nothing has payed off! Everytime you feel nervous in regrades too approaching somebody or meeting somebody online you improve yourself, being nervous is a good thing my friend and look forward to it.

So pick yourself out of your depressed low attitude, your obviously a very determined person to make something work as you have completely reshaped your life.

Go out there and don't back out, failure is the point you say "I give up" This is all experience your dealing with.. be that man who over comes any obstacle, I'd wish you luck but luck wouldn't help you in the long run, go out there and make it happen.

centurijon · 2013-04-05T16:40:12+00:00

It sounds like you still aren't comfortable with yourself. At least not in public.

You've gotten the external items taken care of, but you've neglected the internal which is far more important.

Work on your anxiety, the rest will follow. From the Sidebar.

"First you get the approach, then you get the comfort, then you get the women"

micro-jackass · 2013-04-05T18:15:23+00:00

You're ready to take the next step in your life. There will be a moment where you'll go from "that girl is cute" but you never get up, to the point where you just walk up to her without a thought in your mind and introduce yourself.

When you make it to that point, look back at what you once were...and then realize how far you've actually come.

But, until then, keep working on improving Yourself, and loving Yourself. That's what matters more than anything else.

Time will tell

2013-04-05T15:53:17+00:00

Understand that the "Masters" of seduction, like the guys you watch in youtube videos, it took them like 10 years to get where they're at.

Now all the positives you posted are great things, so do you feel better about your life in general because of those improvements?

Good effort on trying to go out more, but if you don't want to be there, other people (girls more likely) can probably tell. What is something that you WANT to go out and do?

Also with approach anxiety getting worse, can you give me a few examples or a little more detail on that?

2013-04-05T16:33:01+00:00

"I have practiced the guitar for years now and I still cant get this suffle to rise!!!"

Wut?

To get rid of AA you need to approach. A lot.

The other stuff is simply to increase your success rate which will motivate you further. Not get rid of AA. Or any other sticking point for that matter.

positrino · 2013-04-05T17:06:10+00:00

You need to let go. Do it for fun, amuse yourself, don't let you get down when someone turns you down, and DON'T get excited just because you hooked up a set.

Be independent of outcome, whether the outcome is bad OR GOOD.

sisyphan_sophistry · 2013-04-05T17:12:26+00:00

When learning any new skill, you reach various plateaus. Stages of learning where your progress stalls.

Do you think virtuosos practice more or less than than those who are just really good? The truth is they don't. They learn smart, they practice smart and focus on only practicing good habits.

It is instrinsic to maintaining a good mind set and setting yourself for success. Keep in mind it takes thousands of hours of practice to master anything. Thousands of hours.

Personally, I do well at the online dating thing, but I do far better in the real world. If you do online dating, be very, very picky.

My main issue with it is that dates are set up to be as awkward as possible. It is far better to go out with your friends and get them to come along for something fun, like a concert (smaller the venue, the better), a bonfire at the beach, or whatever it is you and your friends like to do... in your own element.

If you aren't having a good time, when you go out, you aren't going to the right places. Bars are crap. Clubs are crap. Personally, I don't want chicks who are down to go out and get picked up by randoms, anyways.

So, my advice boils down to this... keep working on yourself, and change the set and setting in which you intend to meet new people.

ysef95 · 2013-04-05T17:15:31+00:00

everyone is giving some really good emotional advice so ill just list a few practical things.

Spend more time opening sets
go out to different place maybe you don't enjoy bars or clubs maybe you prefer a pool hall or the circus or a live action interactive play find what works for you
try calling girls you number close or change how you take girls on first dates, it shouldnt be dinner always try do something different and interesting with movement: go on a walk, go horseriding, mabye even take a walk around an art gallery.

2013-04-05T18:35:35+00:00

Hey, just relax! You are definitely worthy of attention, of love. You will find someone, and likely, you will find many people throughout your life who will make you feel like a greater person. Look at the positive side.. You mentioned you have friends! That is something not everyone can say! you have co-workers! Not everyone can say that!! lol YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY AT THIS VERY MOMENT! RECOGNIZE THAT! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!! When it comes to approaching someone, do not be afraid of rejection. If you are it will show in your mannerisms or how you speak. I could go on, but let me know what you think and I'll elaborate... best regards.

JimmyNic · 2013-04-05T19:00:04+00:00

Hardest thing to realise is how long all this shit will take. Not just to know it, but to feel it and accept it. Especially when you plateau. Sometimes I just have to let it get to me, and hurt me for awhile. But it passes, and I get going again.

nomorebronha · 2013-04-05T20:59:02+00:00

Talking specifically about the last item, "I try to go out more, but I really hate it.", i've been like you since always. Even tough i wanted to become more social, i always found out that i was introverted and don't really like talking, except for a few people. About one month ago i found out about r/nofap, read about the benefits and decided to give it a try. Since then i realized i'm becoming WAY more social, even tough i'm not trying at all, it all comes naturally. I actually want to talk to people, get to know them. Now i know what to say(i used just to agree and let the person lead the conversation), i'm much more confident about myself and don't really give a fuck if people are gonna like me or not by what i say. So, if you haven't tried it yet, or read about it but is skeptical, give it a shot, even tough some people don't feel different, it may work for you as it has worked for me and over thousand guys, after all, it's not like you're paying for a suspicious expensive might-not-work product.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2013-04-05T21:05:21+00:00

Do what you want and go at your own pace. You sound like you're trying to exchange work for success as if it's money for fruit or something...doesn't work like that. All that shit you've been working on is just ammo for after you break the ice and start getting shit tests thrown your way. Men with no ammo get blown out.

Good for you on all the achievements, those are great first steps to becoming a desirable male. But you have to realize that two years isn't all that long to have internalized these endeavors and seduction concepts. Internalizing them is like going from being a single shot rifle to an automatic. After you've internalized you don't have to think of canned lines or responses or think about reactions...the lines and the way you treat people just happen by instinct. It comes with experience through living.

All your "problems" are built inside you, but they may in fact not really be problems at all. Either way, if you kid yourself about the circumstances at hand then you aren't doing yourself any favors. For example...are you enjoying dressing and looking better? Are you doing those things for you or for everyone else? Same question regarding the piano lessons and working out and your career. It should all be about the direction YOU want YOUR life to go in...not about the direction you think other people would like you to take.

I'm going somewhere with this...

So if your'e doing all this stuff for you, and you want to be approaching girls because it's fun or exciting or because of the potential payoff, then your AA is a good thing that will be conquered by practice. Same with second dates...if you want them you will get them with practice. Same with going out and having fun...you will have fun if you want to have fun. Be patient. Do what YOU want.

If you don't want to approach...don't feel like you have to! If you don't want to go out then don't go out! But bear in mind that escaping your comfort zone is where the growth happens.

Maybe there's something in particular you don't like about the situations you're in which is keeping you from having fun when you go out? Maybe you'd be more comfortable going solo? Maybe go out with a girl? Maybe the location? If that's the case then change the circumstances. No one is going to do it for you and there's nothing wrong with it. You don't have to be the cliche "cool, confident, party guy" that people think of. Establish your own game plan and roll with it. Find the problem and do whatever it takes to solve it.

2013-04-05T21:46:48+00:00

despite having improved a few things in my life, i noticed the biggest difference when i learned to really love who i was, rather than just tell myself "man you're the fucking shit", i really started to believe it. that, plus this: i stopped letting other people determine how i felt about myself. no one should ever have that power over you, especially strangers / random girls.

i think once you're comfortable with yourself at that level, all the other strides you've made will become woven together seamlessly.

citric_acid · 2013-04-05T21:59:40+00:00

You seem to be placing too much emphasis on your environment and hobbies (effectively, bonuses)...focus more on the core, yourself, be confident, put yourself out there and just have fun.

IAmAdonkeyAMA · 2013-04-06T12:38:21+00:00

Do you focus on staying in the moment in all situations, on dates and when going out? Awareness and confidence is really important when it comes to AA. Maybe it will help you if you worked on it.

2013-04-07T02:03:41+00:00

It will pay off, bud.

Based on what you have said in your post, you are well on your way to being where you want. It won't be a predictable time-table, but when you are there you will look back and laugh.

The ONLY thing that will stop you is if you quit trying. It doesn't seem like you will, though. See you on the other side.

JukoJones · 2013-04-05T20:02:09+00:00

In the past year I've been working on changing the language I use, and doing my best to correct the negative statements in my life. I've found that these little changes have helped me immensely in my day to day life, as well as with women. My language is more positive, and I'm less nervous around women and social situations.

I'm going to use your examples, as a starting point for what I would do. I've had these same thoughts, and it took time to adjust these thought processes.

My approach anxiety is still really bad, almost worse at times than it was before

I rarely, if ever, get second dates

I try to go out more, but I really hate it. I try to not worry and have a good time, but I usually end up watching my friends have a great time and just want to leave.

I was hoping all my work would pay off, but it seems like it hasn't.

Take a moment and rethink these statements in a more positive light. I'll give you an example of what I would do.

Be it slow going, my approach anxiety is a sticking point that I'm improving with each interaction.
I've chosen to avoid second dates through a lack of understanding, and I wish to find a better solution to this problem.
I choose to sit on the sidelines during social interactions, and not participate. I wonder how I can find these people more interesting?
My hard work has paid off over time, and I get better with each day.

These are just some examples. Play with the language, and see what works best for you. I find that by changing my perception of the situation and accepting my faults, I focus on how I can correct these actions, instead of harping on myself about what I should be doing.

P.S. A wise women once explained to me that the word "but" cancels what ever came before it "That's a really nice dress but I don't like the buttons". Using the word "and" doesn't discount the first statement and allows you to add to the statement. "That's a really nice dress and I don't like the buttons." She will more than likely take this as a compliment, and if you have rapport, she'll want to know why you don't like her buttons (IOI).

These small adjustments have made huge changes in my life. Hope this helps!

_groundcontrol · 2013-04-05T16:40:54+00:00

Social skills is what you need for those "problems". Im guessing the improv class will help alot.

Title	I feel like I've made a lot of progress and yet, none at all.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	121
Comments	62
Date	April 5, 2013 3:11 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1bqj7w/i_feel_like_ive_made_a_lot_of_progress_and_yet/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-feel-like-ive-made-a-lot-of-progress-and-yet.1307617 https://theredarchive.com/post/1307617

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