First cold approach ever - A complete disaster. I feel like an idiot

gill_smoke · 2015-05-26T19:26:53+00:00

Remember, this is the worst that can, most likely, happen.

Are you dead?

Are you bleeding?

Has something irreversible happened? (you know prison stuff)

Nope? Good, remember that. Give it a day or 2 and it might be funny. See if you can do worse. See if you can do better. This is the game. Get comfortable, that's the worst, do it again, you may still feel like an idiot, but that because you not comfortable being brave yet, keep it up.

johnnyboyfart · 2015-05-26T19:07:59+00:00

i dont think you did anything wrong. you didnt think that every time you approach a girl shes gonna fall in love with you? just do your thing w/e it maybe feel it in the moment and go for it. some girls will take your bait, other wont. there's three things at play:

either the girl is interested and will like to talk

or the girl looked at you and wasnt attracted

or the girl is a social retard and doesnt know how to handle the situation.

good luck breh

Hecticchow · 2015-05-26T19:53:55+00:00

You came across very awkwardly because you were so worried about being awkward. The minute you try to plan an interaction, she will notice it.

roguerhino99 · 2015-05-26T18:50:19+00:00

Tbh, for the subway situation, I would have ordered the phrases differently ("can I sit here" first, then the comment about no subway second). It comes off as trying to start something with her (hitting on) if you do what you did, rather than getting a foot in the door if you ordered the words like I did. Good starter lines, just ur ordering probably put her in an uncomfortable situation. Also, if you get her talking about the subway, you could then expand the conversation rather than bring up a new subject like name. The important thing is that you actually approached.

MalgraineX · 2015-05-26T21:49:21+00:00

You call that a complete disaster? :D

Dude you talked to the girl, maybe she didn't like you, maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she doesn't want to get bothered by strangers, you will never know the reason why she rejected you. So what? It's not like the end of the world, you will most likely never see her again and she will probably never even remember you. You didn't do anything wrong, you actually did the right thing by approaching her instead of not doing anything and wondering what would've happened.

You can only take positives from this situation.

YOUNG_G0D · 2015-05-26T21:02:26+00:00

Permission seeking, and you didn't make your intention clear. But on the other hand, she could be pretty insecure or something might've went wrong in her life as of recent.

Aiadon · 2015-05-26T20:02:58+00:00

Nothing wrong with what you said, you probably felt awkward or afraid and that showed. you may also have thought to much before approaching, and girls feel that and part of the problem lies with her too. I wouldn't worry at all about what she thinks in a similar situation, because she rejected you and you are no longer tied to her in any way or how others think what I did was because they're not trying to help you anyway.

Shubrook · 2015-05-26T21:40:00+00:00

Every location is a good location for talking to girls, but you will have more reliable results if you go somewhere that they have gone to specifically to talk to you.

jayhovaasmywitness · 2015-05-26T21:49:54+00:00

You got off soo easy. All she did was leave lo, I once had a girl scream at me, well I was 30 pounds heavier.

heisenberg_21 · 2015-05-26T21:33:36+00:00

oh man, something similar happened to me a while ago. It was at a break time from a seminar meeting and I saw girl sitting by herself. There were people around and I was nervous as fuck when I thought of approaching her. Anyways, I approached her and then my nervousness come out gushing through my body language and words. Before I even got to ask her name, she got up and left me with a weirded out expression on her face. Some of the people around were watching and let's just say I know how you felt today . But now, it's kinda a funny story I tell my friends and laugh it off. And I bet yours will be the same in weeks if not in days. Just keep approaching and learn from your mistakes like second-guessing yourself before you approach. Good luck!

WonderBoy59 · 2015-05-26T22:21:05+00:00

Lol what. Like where's the disaster, nothing happened. Be more casual this isn't that serious

tarlack · 2015-05-27T00:55:00+00:00

As long as you know what you did wrong and have a plan to fix it you are winning. It gets easier, to work up to being able to doing better cold approach just try saying funny one liners to random people. Once you master that you can use the on liners to open conversation with a girl.

ilikeinnasongs · 2015-05-27T00:57:06+00:00

The opener was perfect the thing is that you couldnt keep it to escalate to something more. From the giggle you shoulda just kept making easy conversation, complainning about the subway and then proceed to ask her smtg like "Do you also use subway X at time Y?" and from then it would be easier

lofiharvest · 2015-05-27T01:16:40+00:00

Congrats on taking a risk! That takes balls in age where so many people wuss out on things like Tinder. However I feel like your takeaway or 'things that I learned' are all flawed. For starters you are focusing too much on the specifics of what you are saying.Whether or not you used an indirect opener (like your example) or a direct one probably didn't matter in this situation. I use the most random of things to open girls up. I could ask a girl about raisin toast and build rapport from there. This is your first cold approach so more than likely you came off as very awkward or nervous through your body language. When people sense you are uncomfortable, they themselves will often become uncomfortable. I remember one time when I was with a group of friends, there was a girl there that I liked. We spent the whole day chatting and getting to know each other and on the train ride home I attempt to ask her out. I start with some AFC line about 'Um I think you are really nice' and before I can finish my sentence I turn red, choke up, and just say 'I'm sorry, this is awkward'. She gets off the train, I get no number. If you want to get good at approaching women you need to practice talking to people on a regular basis. I myself try to meet a new person everyday (both men and women) to keep my social skills sharp. You can try to sit next to a girl again in the future but just make sure your vibe is good. Also its not like she owns the park bench. Talk for a bit, make her comfortable, and just sit down whilst keep talking. Lastly whether or not the woman saw you walking up is totally irrelevant (unless you were doing something totally creepy). Its not a bad thing if the woman sees you approach. Whats bad is when you come out of left field and scare them. Never approach someone from behind.

AyJusKo · 2015-05-27T01:30:03+00:00

Hey man, you have to give yourself some credit. YOU APPROACHED! Good job man!

And guess what? You got your first rejection! CONGRATS AGAIN!

I'm not being sarcastic either. When you get into pickup, this is just one of many hurdles you have to get through. You're not gonna get every girl. Even when you get really good, you'll STILL have days where you get no numbers and get rejected by every girl. It's a part of growing as a pickup artist/player/whatever you prefer.

But the biggest thing is you took action. Keep approaching. Keep learning. Right now, your goal should be to get to 5 approaches in one day. Then 10. Then when you're comfortable, try asking for the number. Keep pushing yourself every single time. Don't feel like an idiot because your first approach went sour. Feel like a champ because you just took your first step into an awesome journey of love, sex, and adventure!

TonyDAbsolute · 2015-05-27T02:02:24+00:00

Dude. It's your first try. This stuff takes years of practice.

ChrineG · 2015-05-27T04:09:07+00:00

You will get rejected by more women than most men ever talk to. The only important part is to learn from every experience and incrementally improve. From personal experience, if you keep focused on improving yourself and treating these interactions as a perk/learning experience they will go from a downer to fun faster than you think.

enkae7317 · 2015-05-27T04:57:24+00:00

This shits hilarious. I love approaches that blow out in an awkward and wierd manner. Good job man, I'd rather have a fucking awkward approach (which I've had...many times) than no approach at ALL.

Give yourself a pat on the back for overcoming a hurdle and continue to do it! Remember, this is just the beginning.

1vibe · 2015-05-27T06:27:58+00:00

You did it. You Concorde your fear. It's a win. Has nothing to do with the girl... There are millions more. Congrats!

Musichoard · 2015-05-27T07:50:58+00:00

Shush, you did fine. My first approach? "I dare you to let me put my face in your boobies." (she said dare, so she legally had to) ;)

It takes time to learn how to work a situation. And there are millions of women for you to practice on.

Here are my initial thoughts to the "Things that I learn" *you made her smile, that's better than "Hi, I'm an attractive male and you are an attractive female." *I'd say you either ask if a seats taken after you've established that she's showing interest, or just sitting down and not making it an issue. (confidence is key) *I think there is a lot of value to the idea of the 3 second rule, where you only have three seconds before you act on something. You aren't buying a car, so there's no need to weigh the pros and cons. You have all the courage you need, just not enough practice. *She was absolutely not thinking "what does this creep want" That's what you thought. Don't put thoughts into other peoples head, because it's almost certainly your own mind fucking things up for you.

My favorite artist recently said "The greatest risk in life is playing it safe." -Casey Neistat.

I hope some of this helps buddy, You did a great job, really! :D

PM_ME_UR_SECONDS · 2015-05-27T12:55:15+00:00

Doesn't sound that bad to be honest. Don't overthink it.

livinghonestly · 2015-05-27T15:03:09+00:00

Awesome, you were embarrassed. It means you are stepping outside yourself. Every PUA has had those feelings. The are preferable to regret because you can get stuck in regret. If you move through embarrassment eventually you get competent with girls

tryingMyBest2 · 2015-05-27T20:30:47+00:00

I dont think you did anything wrong. I think you just missed your target which is unfortunate.

I would try this exact stream of events. There is nothing wrong with it. Don't over think it.

craiggy · 2015-05-28T20:20:27+00:00

You're looking at it the wrong way. The only few times I've done a cold approach during the day, I fucked it up big time. I was so nervous and ended up saying dumb shit. You know what I did? I laughed and thought about what a dumbass I must have looked at.

Take a step back, laugh at yourself, realize you aren't dead, and move on. You now know you need to approach immediately. Lesson learned. You won't be an expert the first time. Good luck!

brujon · 2015-05-27T02:29:25+00:00

Don't create unrealistic expectations. Cold approaching is more often than not a numbers game, unless you look like Brad Pitt, have amazing conversational skills AND can tell if a girl is eyeing you without even really thinking about it. You WILL get rejected, and it WILL happen more often than not.

And then, one day, it won't, and it will be a pleasant surprise.

goetz_von_cyborg · 2015-05-27T22:15:51+00:00

You succeeded in trying and that's worth a lot more than you're giving it credit for.

TacticalBouncyCastle · 2015-05-26T22:43:48+00:00

You should be feeling like a badass man. That takes so much balls. Most girls aren't going to want to fuck you, many girls won't like you. If you're good at this, you'll be polarizing and many girls will hate you(like 15-30%). You have to learn to take the heat if you want to get good at cold approach, and you have to think you're awesome and find it funny no matter what the reaction. It should only take you a little over a hundred approaches to find the humor consistently.

Title	First cold approach ever - A complete disaster. I feel like an idiot
Author	OneMoreForTheRun
Upvotes	41
Comments	59
Date	May 26, 2015 6:41 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/37cxzd/first_cold_approach_ever_a_complete_disaster_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/first-cold-approach-ever-a-complete-disaster-i.1308255 https://theredarchive.com/post/1308255

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