Those of You Who are Struggling: What's Your Biggest "I Can't Do it Because..." Story?

elykG · 2011-09-21T19:51:03+00:00

For me it is because the thought of failure/rejection is so overwhelming. If I don't do anything, I can at least tell myself I haven't fucked it up yet. Stupid, I know.

ByAhabsGhost · 2011-09-21T20:22:55+00:00

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Formula7 · 2011-09-21T19:16:07+00:00

For me its just been about what I've been told most my life. I watched Mike Hussey do a Seminar lecture about this. So I'm starting to change my.inner game. Most of my life people have told me I have no game etc. Then as I've cone to learn pickup, I realize that all those guys are just as AFC as me. For them its just a numbers game. They don't really land quality girls, just slits who are too easy. They figure as long as they are constantly throwing themselves out, some chick is gonna sit on them. All they tell me is the opposite of everything I've learned. Because of this, I've developed their habits from being around them too much... And then following through with those habits... That is if I can work past my approach anxiety. And that leads to my biggest thing now.. approach anxiety. I freeze up and get cold feet. I could have opened 7 different sets yesterday, and I left them all alone. I know the way to get over this is to just do it... But any tips on getting to finally dive into the part of just doing it? ... And possibly tips on anything else I've babbled on about. Lol

fortheloveofwhat · 2011-09-21T19:30:51+00:00

My biggest hang-up is age. I've gotten reasonably good at Game, but I'm 43 and have a hell of a time approaching younger women. I live in a college town, so there are just scads of hot girls aged 18-22. I'm not looking to hook up with someone that young, but sometimes I can't tell if a girl is a student or just a young professional.

I'm told I'm handsome and have hooked up with young girls in the past (last Halloween I made out with a 21 yo and almost took her back to my place), but those were all nighttime things. I prefer day game and have much more anxiety about approaching when you can clearly see my wrinkles and salt & pepper hair.

urfaselol · 2011-09-21T20:45:01+00:00

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urfaselol · 2011-09-21T19:35:26+00:00

location... I live in a retirement city. I have to drive very far to find girls

IneedHelpNowPlease · 2011-09-22T00:20:35+00:00

Mine would be:

I still live at home

I'm not working

I'm not in school

Little to no social outlets or opportunities, adding to a constantly increased sense of isolation, and just not being able to get past that.

Sense of inexperience and inadequacy

And the judgment(s)/shallowness/and superficialness of people. Yeah.

Oh and feeling behind others when I should be more ahead.

ThatCanadianGuy99 · 2011-09-22T01:20:35+00:00

For me, I have a serious as shit speech impediment that some people can't understand if their life depended on it. So, always before trying to talk to a girl, I'm always trying to practice words I can't say properly, I.E. anything with an "r" in it. So, since I become supper self conscious about it, I can never talk properly even after working myself up to it and it just turns into a giant clusterfuck.

hawktalk · 2011-09-22T03:02:34+00:00

Everyone hates me, I don't know why. Every time I try to make friends with people (I'm not even talking about dating here) they all ignore/tell me to fuck off after a week or two of knowing me.

I have no fucking idea why people seem to hate me so much but it makes me hate myself all the more. I try to go out, hell. I spend more time outside my house than I do inside anymore. At this point I only come home to sleep and I only get about 5 hours of sleep a night anymore. I spend every waking hour trying to be outgoing, friendly and a nice guy.

And I'm getting fucking nowhere. I'm not getting any different results from doing this than I have from just sitting at home all day and I don't see the damn point anymore.

During the day I put on my happy face and go out and greet the morning (and everyone else). I strike up conversations with random people about random things, I ask questions, I make jokes, I help the people that I can. Yet nothing fucking changes. No matter what I do, I still come home every night wanting to commit suicide.

At this point I don't know what to do anymore, or what there is left to do.

Tethylis · 2011-09-21T22:05:59+00:00

I can't do it because I don't have the looks.

07SS · 2011-09-21T22:47:22+00:00

I'm pretty much OK, but my biggest hangup is definitely isolating/closing. Picking the right time to isolate/close sometimes rattles around in my head.

Assume I've got her attracted; that part usually doesn't give me any trouble.

urfaselol · 2011-09-21T23:50:10+00:00

I believe I can improve and have, but my biggest problems are:

Keeping abudance mentality. It can be pretty tough sometimes especially if you get caught up on a girl (oneitis).
I don't drink even though I love the bar/party scene. It seems for a lot of girls the way they hook up is both parties are buzzed, then lose inhibitions and it 'just happens'. Since I don't girls are less likely to lose inhibitions around me even if drinking.
Dance floor game. I am just not good at it and women walk away when I approach on dancefloor. I am much better at talking but on any given night, I rather be dancing.
Solo game. I am not good at going to bars / dance parties alone.

2011-09-22T00:44:55+00:00

I never had a girlfriend, and was happy without one until 5 months ago. Now I feel like they're not attracted to me, it's a struggle to get them to come out. I get lots of numbers but those don't mean anything. I've only had one make out. I know women don't approach you, you have to approach them, and that you have to take action in every step of the way. I just wonder why it's easy for some, and difficult for me..

I go out to bars and clubs. I take salsa, improv, tennis, and now curling. I go out alot with my wings.

hawktalk · 2011-09-22T01:11:41+00:00

I have some problems with the PUA game as a whole. I mean I know that you aren't really doing anything that is wrong. But that doesn't make me feel any less sleazy when I think about these techniques. In general they are also evolutionarily sound as well(Kino, eye contact, having other cute girls around, etc.) but I can never shake the feeling that I am taking advantage of some poor girl who really just has no idea what is going on.

All in all, it makes me feel like a bad person to use these techniques as opposed to being my normal self.

DesignMyself · 2011-09-22T01:28:17+00:00

I have improved and seen success, but I spent a long time being an AFC and I sometimes feel my default mode is AFC. I sometimes think, "If I talk to this girl or ask her out, I'm not going to know what to do."

Currently, I live with my parents in a neighborhood I don't want to hang out in and I'm unemployed. Sometimes I feel bad for that.

I'm still getting used to feeling comfortable leading, kino, and speaking in an unstifled way. My practice hasn't been consistent lately and it's been almost nonexistent since moving back home except for okc and meeting some friends of friends. I wish I was more outcome independent. I think I feel too validated by success.

In the long view though, I did improve and if I could, then anyone could and I'm not done, not by a long shot.

criticalhit · 2011-09-22T03:14:02+00:00

i live in a small 3 bedroom townhouse with my parents-i don't even get a basement to myself. my brother has autism and insomnia (he was forced off risperidone and melatonin) and needs constant care. not only will i not be able to take a girl home, but we can't hang at my place if my brother's around.

also, i don't know what chat about for fodder/small talk. i'm so boring, i don't do any activities, or sports or instruments. those are kind of preconditions to gaming, you don't wanna be talking about esp or psychics all night, especially when you get into the comfort stage.

Eowdu · 2011-09-22T06:48:21+00:00

2011-09-22T20:19:03+00:00

I can't close because I don't establish kino early enough. I want to kino within five minutes of meeting a girl, but I either completely forget to, or I don't want to come off as weird.

badboybeyer · 2011-09-21T22:15:40+00:00

I don't have the motivation to try. My experiences with relationships and dating have been painful, and it takes a lot of effort. I don't want to put in the effort just to get burnt, so I don't try.

2011-09-21T23:12:23+00:00

I can't do this because I'v been drinking too much (i.e. hold an intelligent conversation and pick up on the signs) or because she was a virgin.

MaestrO_ · 2011-09-22T02:26:42+00:00

my severe case of oneitis is preventing me from attempting to even try interacting with other women on a sexual level.

2011-09-22T04:00:55+00:00

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2011-09-22T10:24:30+00:00

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WolfInTheField · 2011-09-22T12:51:31+00:00

I will summarize all of mine, and probably all of the below:

"I can't do it, because I'm being a pussy, and I'm trapped in my head."

But more specifically? I can't do this, because it's not natural for me! I had a big problem with this; it all felt so fake. It still does when I'm not in state.

A bigger problem? I can't do it, because I lack the confidence. This is also a symbol for 'I can't do it, because I'm too geeky/asocial/stupid.' Fuck these limiting beliefs! We who are gathered here are men in the prime of their life, what should stop us?

The easiest one to solve? I can't do it, because I lack the skill. (Well boo fucking hoo, then do it more!)

I am the lizard king. I can do anything.

2011-09-22T13:24:09+00:00

One of my biggest limiting beliefs is height (I'm about 5'6") Even though there's a lot of great short PUAs... neil strauss, cajun, hoobie, dj fuji, mr M, etc... I still feel self conscious when approaching any girl average height or taller than me

graffiti81 · 2011-09-22T14:16:39+00:00

Two issues I need to overcome. First of all, I'm 30 and I live with my mother in the house I grew up in. The only space I can call my own is my bedroom. I can't imagine a much bigger turnoff than that.

There's a reason behind it (I'm trying to pay off my car and then go back to school so I can get out of the shitty dead-end job I've got) but regardless of reason, it's still super un-sexy.

The second issue for me is living half an hour from everything. There isn't even a bar within a ten mile radius that I would be willing to go to. They're all dives that cater to alcoholics. You know the type. I don't think I could pull off "You're hot, let's get out of here... to your place because I'm half an hour away from home."

On the plus side, I've started crossfitting and have lost a lot of weight and am starting to look and feel better. So yay!

hevnztrash · 2011-09-22T14:43:41+00:00

I'm in an open relationship and I have learned that other girls i've come across want me to be single no matter how many other people they are seeing.

does not compute with me.

jerseykid · 2011-09-22T15:26:13+00:00

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ByAhabsGhost · 2011-09-22T21:59:50+00:00

Escalation/close anxiety. I was always raised and conditioned that touching is bad and inappropriate, but I'm pretty outgoing. This results in my ability to converse pretty well and I'm even getting better at low level kino, but making the frame sexual throws me out of my depth.

I'm not terribly worried as I'm new to the game and I just need to condition it away, but its definitely still an issue when you've made out with 3 girls in your life!

QoolNQalm · 2011-09-22T22:48:28+00:00

I can't do it because I can't get an erection during sex

2011-09-25T03:10:25+00:00

Straight up I don't meet enough women, and by enough I mean barely any. Not good enough to talk to women randomly on the street or whatever either.

Title	Those of You Who are Struggling: What's Your Biggest "I Can't Do it Because..." Story?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	27
Comments	101
Date	September 21, 2011 6:56 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kn0kw/those_of_you_who_are_struggling_whats_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/those-of-you-who-are-struggling-whats-your-biggest.1322773 https://theredarchive.com/post/1322773

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