I constantly feel like I only blend into the background of everybody else's life.

TurningItIntoASnake · 2012-04-12T04:30:16+00:00

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squarehouse · 2012-04-12T04:51:41+00:00

Check out the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's free online, but Wikipedia has a pretty good summary.

Where that book falls short for you, find The 48 Laws of Power. It's presented a little more cynically, but covers much of the same material, but is much more extensive.

A lot of seduction principles applies to people in general, not just HB's. For instance, Law 16: Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor. "The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired."

One of the "Fundamental Techniques" in How to Win Friends and Influence People is "Arouse in the other person an eager want."

Also, when you want to create an event, consider Law 28: Enter Action With Boldness. People are timid, and will usually flake unless they feel that the event already has momentum without them. You create that feeling by offsetting their timidity with your boldness.

tomatosaucee · 2012-04-12T04:36:43+00:00

Comes down to social status and sexual attraction. People come after you when they need you.

TurningItIntoASnake · 2012-04-12T06:08:26+00:00

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choc_is_back · 2012-04-12T02:56:29+00:00

ive been feeling the same way too. no matter how hard i try to invite people, they always say they have something else planned. all my friends that are girls are always bragging about their boyfriends and i feel like you said a background to their lives. what i try to do is just be happy, have a smile on my face, and dont be afraid to talk to new girls. i have this fear and it makes me awkward around new girls, but i learned to just get over it push any doubts or nervousness and just go for it.

Big_Timber · 2012-04-12T07:38:15+00:00

I felt like this throughout high school when I was awkward and unsocialized, and less and less in the first few years of college. PM me and id love to talk about your situation. Several years later I don't feel like this anymore, I feel triumphant!

In one sentence I would say that "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem I would first, in fact, make sure that you are not simply surrounded by assholes" - William Gibson

n0ggy · 2012-04-12T11:14:49+00:00

Just wanted to say I'm in the exact same situation as you are. It's extremely annoying because you start considering why people are interested in you (I was the center of attention last year when I had a cool apartment to throw parties). Now, if I'm not the one calling, I could die in my own bed and I get the feeling no one would know for months.

I feel like a free electron inserting myself in other's social groups while being unable to organize more that "having a drink" with maximum 3 people.

It makes me think that I'm not charismatic to retain people's attention. And when I finally do, people tell me to "come over to the party and bring friends" and it's hard to involve people from very different social circles, therefore I look like the "guy who has no friend to bring".

jewfro667 · 2012-04-12T04:52:06+00:00

I feel the same exact way. Honestly, it's gotten to the point where I realized that no one is going to do anything for me and I have to just make things happen on my own. That's just how some people are.

oh_heeey_flip · 2012-04-12T06:10:00+00:00

Felt this way for 25 years OP. The way I handle it is to just DGAF and go about my life. I am busy doing my thing and later, when I am more settled and comfortable I will have plenty to offer.

whalesalad · 2012-04-12T07:13:24+00:00

What you're noticing is exactly what the world is. Everyone is interested in themselves. Everyone. Check out the book "how to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. It should help you out with much of what you're talking about in your post.

dizmo · 2012-04-12T07:47:04+00:00

Someone has to be the leader in your life. It should be you! Live by these words and other will follow. Something I found is that when people flake on you be sure to tell them how awesome of a time you had and that you're sorry that they missed out but you'll be sure to invite them next time. And when people do show up be sure to make it an awesome time. It's your event. You're leading the party. It's your responsibility to be happy, have fun, and make whatever it is you planned amazing.

choc_is_back · 2012-04-12T10:15:02+00:00

I believe so hard in the "Let them come to you" mentality

Yeah that's kind of a risky mentality imho.

Just... be more captivating by doing more captivating things. Grow a sense of humor (I'm not sure how one would go about that, but am still convinced humor is the fastest and easiest way to make people wanna be with you), start taking part in adventurous group-oriented activities, learn to play a musical instrument (there are so many benefits to that) or to cook wonderful stuff.

Also, I've found that people doing the 'math' of who initiates socializing in general are never that happy. Don't feel bad to constantly be the one organizing and initiating the gettogethers. I've very often been that person, and fuck it if this makes me 'taken advantage of', the result is that I can have fun in good company, so that's worth it for me.

How are your first dates with girls? Do you do fun stuff, or just do a typical dinner (or worse, movie) thing?

2012-04-12T07:26:30+00:00

The only person living your life is you, bro.

lasagnaman · 2012-04-12T10:06:49+00:00

It feels like everyone is so preoccupied with what they have going on in their lives, it's hard to get anywhere.

So go do your own things! Have some things you do for you! Hobbies, books, learning to cook, gym, whatever! Spend time on yourself!

rmbarnes · 2012-04-12T11:37:57+00:00

It seems like everyone else is more focused than you because you don't have strong goals. Set some strong goals. Start with where you want to be in 5 years time (in great detail) and work backwards from there.

caulking · 2012-04-12T14:32:49+00:00

The point of seddit is that we take a general problem like "I'm not attractive.", or "I can't make friends.", and break it down into smaller problems.

For example, a guy may come in here and say that he is mystified as to why he can't get laid, and then we tell him that there's no one problem that is causing this, but that there are many problems, such as bad body language, bad hygiene, bad kino, inability to flirt, etc., and that if he fixes those, he can start to make progress.

For you, I don't have any concrete advice, but I don't think you're doing any one thing wrong. Your post could probably be tl;dr'd as "I have bad social skills."

Read and experiment a lot, and you will start to figure out which things you are doing wrong.

And, for the record, I think that feeling like you blend in to the background is very common. This manga used to get posted on 4chan a lot. I guess it resonated with people.

nsfw. read left to right.

http://www.citymanga.com/short_cuts/chapter-4/16/ page 1/3

http://www.citymanga.com/short_cuts/chapter-4/17/ page 2/3

http://www.citymanga.com/short_cuts/chapter-4/18/ page 3/3

CrazyMonkeyPoop · 2012-04-12T18:12:02+00:00

i read this article about how to become a better more interesting leader. See if it is useful for you, i liked it: http://smartblogs.com/leadership/2012/03/22/5-steps-to-becoming-more-interesting-and-a-better-leader/

Title	I constantly feel like I only blend into the background of everybody else's life.
Author	TurningItIntoASnake
Upvotes	101
Comments	55
Date	April 12, 2012 1:30 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/s5eds/i_constantly_feel_like_i_only_blend_into_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-constantly-feel-like-i-only-blend-into-the.1331239 https://theredarchive.com/post/1331239

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