I like /r/seduction, but I don't quite get the "game"

19061 · 2012-11-01T22:52:41+00:00

I have never even considered to date more than just one girl at a time, but also I am not practicing seduction so I could be the greatest PUA alive. I study seduction so I can boost my charm and make impression I want, whenever I need to make one (not just picking up girls). I can score one home from bar if I wanted to, but where I get the kick from, is when I am charming with just few words and a glance. I want to be "the man" on every section of my life and having 6 girls would probably be harmful for the rest of the sections (career, social, family etc).

ObiWan111 · 2012-11-01T21:35:27+00:00

I'd like to offer an alternate perspective, but first I'd like to answer one of your questions.

If you go out to clubs on Saturday Night, and you score all the women that you say you score, how come you are back alone i those clubs on Saturday Night? And every night?

For some people the goal isn't to obtain a woman and become her boyfriend, or even to close a woman; for me personally the game is the goal. I'd much rather go out and meet new women every week than to be tied down to any one woman. Also I rarely go to the club; parties are more my thing. In my experience people 18-26 usually aren't free on the weekends; that's usually when they go out with their friends, not on dates.

I've been in a couple of LTRs, but I'm much more satisfied with the lifestyle I live now. I casually date multiple women at a time, and I almost always have at least 1 FWB, but I never let any relationship get to the gf/bf stage. For some people bf/gf is the way to go, but for others the thrill of meeting someone new and getting to know them is much more gratifying. I honestly don't think I'll ever get in a LTR or focus too much on any one woman again because things are much more light-hearted and fun when you don't have the social responsibilities of a relationship. I've never liked the lack of freedom that comes with being in a relationship; it seems like I'm giving up my freedom and one of the things I enjoy the most for virtually nothing in return.

BUT if you are a good PUA, it makes no sense that every Saturday Night you are out there chasing.... #-close, k-close, f-close.

It makes no sense to you because you think we're all after the same thing you are, but many of us are simply looking to have fun. When I'm out my goal isn't to close; I'm out there to meet new people and enjoy myself. Once you start having fun the women come naturally so there's no chasing involved.

TL;DR I'd take a FWB over a girlfriend any day.

xiko · 2012-11-02T02:07:24+00:00

Yes there are lots of information. Some stuff works for some and doesn't for others. You filter everything but the end goal is the same: "Be the best version of yourself." And it is fucking great.

Freevoulous · 2012-11-03T10:20:25+00:00

This is a great list, and I can not upvote it enough. I would humbly suggest some additional points, on, what I would call, gentlemanly behavior:

Don't be evil.
Always leave the girl better and happier than when you met her.
do not snatch away women in serious relationships, UNLESS, you are certain that their relationship is already dead, and she is unhappy. Whenever you are in this kind of situation, imagine how would it feel if someone did this to your relationship.
the first rule of the game, is that you DO NOT talk about the game. Sure, anonymous Field Reports are ok, but never talk about women you had sex with in a way that may tarnish their good name, or make them look like sluts. Whatever happened in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom.
If its the first time you two have sex, focus on her pleasure and satisfaction, and make her feel like a person afterwards, not an object. When she comes back home after having sex with you, it should not be a "walk of shame", but rather a "stroll of dizzy, warm happiness".
Avoid jalousy games, and if possible, do not seduce new women in front of those whom you already seduced before. Not many girls want to feel like just one of your many conquests, even if obviously thats what they were.
be respectful towards women, but also guys, even those who try to pull some alpha male bullshit on you. Yes, some people are assholes, women included. There is no need to sink to their level and trade insults.
Do not lie. This is actually very important, and very powerful. The addiction to lying (to others and yourself) is the source of most inner game problems, not to mention, outer game fuckups. You should always live your life in a way that it would not be necessary to lie. This does not mean you cannot refuse to tell the truth, if doing so would be hurtful to someone, or cause problems. Your frame should be strong enough that you could just say: "I do not wish to discuss that", and end the topic right there.

Pythagorus345 · 2012-11-01T20:34:02+00:00

Sir I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. There is so much great information here but sometimes I find myself a little too swept away by the promises made by the gurus of the game, and reading something like this brings me back down to earth. Have an upvote!

puaCurveBall · 2012-11-01T19:06:59+00:00

I've been dating 3-6 girls for past year or so, and I rarely go out to clubs, because I'm usually booked a week in advance by girls / friends / hobbies.

I don't know any mPUAs that advocate going out every weekend long term, and I don't know any that do who aren't doing so for coaching purposes / making money.

So I agree with your post, but I don't see that as a widespread issue, but rather the fringe edge case.

2012-11-01T21:55:47+00:00

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JasonUncensored · 2012-11-01T23:50:37+00:00

Unlike a lot of the PUA "community," I actually prefer being in a monogamous relationship when I have a girlfriend.

It makes a lot of the advice that I read seem like a lot of extra work for a significantly less-fulfilling life.

This is just me, though, and my point is that each person has to pick and choose for themselves what they want to take from the advice that is out there for them.

GeneralRouge · 2012-11-01T22:25:16+00:00

Make your club night all about the boys. It's your time to go out with your friends and have fun. Have a policy that girls can't get in the way of this.

On a practical note, Thursday night is an awesome night to go out, and it's easy to work around. If Thursdays and Fridays are you days out, then the whole weekend is free for gf stuff. If Saturday night is boys night, then she can have Saturday during the day. I try to plan dates on monday-wednesday nights too.

Seeing 4 girls is doable only if they don't want to get together regularly (3-4 times a month).

In terms of being seen in public, my city is large enough that this isn't necessarily a concern, but I like to be honest with women and tell them that we're non-exclusive. If I'm seen making out with someone else, well, we're not exclusive.

Finally, I want to go out weekly so that I can improve my game. Learning the skill is important, regardless of how my women situation is doing at the time. This is a lifetime skill.

sometimeserious · 2012-11-02T00:15:24+00:00

For me, I enjoy going out, flirting with girls and doing some chasing so to speak. I date sometimes, usually try to have a fwb around and enjoy pursuing new opportunities.

I get where you are coming from and if your goal is to date someone that is great. For me this is more about self discovery and enjoying myself.

iStoned · 2012-11-02T00:35:37+00:00

The Advice King makes his debut once again!

Jokes aside, I have to say I definitely agree with your post. Going out every weekend alone gets endless and repetitive - I'd much rather have multiple girls than a new one every week.

jewiger · 2012-11-02T02:14:18+00:00

Sunday - Thursday = Dates, LTR, FWB Friday - Saturday = Prospecting

You have to maintain the stable.

robtemp · 2012-11-02T02:18:04+00:00

would you say monogamy is a limiting belief or a choice? I always thought it's a lifestyle, a choice, not something you'd give up when you get really good at pick up. I personally haven't dated multiple women at the same time and I don't think it's for me but to each his own, I suppose.

2012-11-02T04:10:16+00:00

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2012-11-02T05:28:56+00:00

Well, like you said, it's not a cult, to each his own, and I personally think more like you, this said, a lot of those guys do travel a lot for work, so they see it differently, make it sound really cool but actually they just can't really fuck the same girl since they move too much...

Also, I don't know how old you are, but the older I get, the easier it is to fuck 4 different girls in a week, they don't all need to be new girls I've never fucked, and if I never fucked them, I might have known them for decades... the thing here is that, and I know I go against a lot of tips here, which I obviously disagree with, i.e. when people say you need to get out of the friend zone to fuck a girl, they are wrong and impatient.

2012-11-02T05:53:30+00:00

I have three answers to your very legitimate math question.

1) It is an open-secret that many self-proclaimed PUAs are not nearly as successful as they claim. This is a place for many guys to learn to date, and their vision of "success" (e.g. sleeping with several new women each week) is unrealistic and is not really the goal of guys who could do it if they wanted.

2) Some PUAs fall into the rare category of men who do not want a serious relationship. They date women and have one-night-stands and avoid real relationships. I have never met one of these guys in real life. But many redditors claim that this who they are.

3) I suspect some PUAs consider themselves polyamorous. Meaning they believe that monogamy is unhealthy for them and they are looking for multiple girlfriends at the same time, plus a few one-night-stands every so often. The polyamory community, as I understand it, puts a high emphasis on openness and honesty so that your girlfriend knows you are dating others too. So this is different from most of the discussions in this subreddit.

frogma · 2012-11-02T14:02:17+00:00

For me it's partly the fact that I haven't met many girls I would want as a long-term girlfriend, and partly because I enjoy being with different people.

Freshman year was when I had the most "girlfriends" (but basically just fuck-buddies). One girl I saw every day, and I spent most of my time with her and some other friends. Another girl was in that same friend-group, so I saw her almost every day, but would only hook up with her maybe once a week. Another girl lived further away, so I'd generally only see her at parties, once every 1-2 weeks. And at other parties, I'd hook up with other girls.

That first girl was basically my "girlfriend," but we had an open relationship. The rest were just friends-with-benefits, fuck-buddies, and one-night-stands.

I wasn't really "chasing" any girls though. I would just happen to meet them, and we would have sex. I only ever considered a monogamous relationship with that first girl. But none of the girls meshed well-enough with me for me to see that as an option.

I've had monogamous relationships before and after that time. Because some of the girls meshed well-enough with me for me to want to date them exclusively. At that time though, I didn't feel that way about any of the girls I was with, so I'd continue hooking up with various girls.

I should mention, that time period occurred after a bad break-up with a long-term girlfriend, so I didn't really wanna jump right back into that sort of thing.

tl;dr -- don't have a scarcity mentality. A scarcity mentality is what causes you to want to start an exclusive relationship ASAP. A scarcity mentality is what causes you to "chase" people. Live in abundance. Let them chase you. Then none of these things will be an issue.

[To get at the heart of what you're saying though, people go out and hook up with various people so often either because they're not looking for relationships, or because they're having a hard time starting one. If I really like a girl and want to see her again, I'll try to see her again. If it forms into a relationship, I'll be seeing her more often. If it's exclusive, then I won't be going out to hook up with other girls.]

MARSpu · 2012-11-01T22:57:59+00:00

I genuinely didn't read your post. I just messaged one of my facebook friends about how people can understand a higher deity though and I figured I would drop you a perspective from a good psychological point of view, based on your title.

Game is game theory. It's what makes people humans. It's rationale. It's logic. It's being able to think ahead. It can be considered Machievellian by some but by many people of the seduction community, "value-giving." At the root of it, game is being able to think above our emotions to convey slick lines, fun routines, and overall change the emotional state of those around us. You might consider canned phrases to be stupid and I won't address that, but essentially game is the ability to maintain one's composure, aka logic, in stressful situations. That's why guys with good game are able to bounce back so easily and AFCs have a lack of game. And by the way - average(failing to rise above their own "medium") frustrated(emotional) chump(primate; ancestors that are unable to efficiently grasp logic as humans are).

With game theory out there, we can talk about why it's important to go out. So far, I've pointed out that having game is simply being able to think above our emotions. Going out takes this one step further. I can't give an explanation from a purely-scientific standpoint but doing things outside of our comfort zone and not rationalizing our actions or behaviors changes us. It calms us down. It straightens out that sea of emotions that we refer to as anxiety, that sea that surfaces whenever we're about to do something different. Furthermore, when we're less anxious about doing things, we can focus our attention on other, more logical things.

Have you ever heard how PUAs recommend curing approach anxiety? They say approach. The remedy is in the problem. Why do they say that? Have you ever tried repeated approaching? It simply calms our emotions so that when we're presented with a similar situation, we can think above it, and thus, have game. That's why it's important to go out and approach, even if we're in an exclusive relationship.

EDIT: I know "genuinely didn't read your post" is obviously a great starter to a conversation, but if you'll excuse me for my honesty, you might learn something about game.

typtyphus · 2012-11-01T19:13:46+00:00

I'm with OP,

Seddit is somewhat a nice tool. Amount of reading material from the sidebar is way too much, and not going to bother with it.

I'm trying to see the science behind it, if I can see that, I can manage the rest. Also means less amount of reading. I'm noting close to an expert but I'm slowly getting confident, Recognising behaviours. Maybe still too carefull. But considering how I used to be, these have been large steps.

choc_is_back · 2012-11-02T14:14:12+00:00

I'm in your boat! I have periods of rather intense 'gaming' / dating changed with even more satisfying periods of intence dating / doing / romanticizing with the results of those previous periods.

Gaming all the time (succesfully) sounds very tiring, and ultimately even boring to me. Currently enjoying a great time with a girlfriend (though the circumstances are such that it's bound to end in a couple of months, abroad etc etc) and not missing the 'gaming' in the slightest.

Cool to know that there are 50-year olds here :)

Question: do you date girls mostly in your own age range, or rather in their 20s 30s?

i_like_turtles_ · 2012-11-08T23:41:03+00:00

Is there a basic text for beeginners of this subreddit? Youball seem to use the same vernacular.

UnapologeticalyAlive · 2012-11-01T21:34:04+00:00

I've often wondered the same thing. Even if you're going out with the explicit intention of only getting one night stands, if you keep meeting multiple girls every weekend or even every night, eventually you're bound to find a girl you like enough to want to see her again.

mrpoopistan · 2012-11-02T05:10:46+00:00

I don't consider myself a full-on Game / PUA believer. That said, there's a lot of good stuff there.

As for why I go out every weekend . . . in truth, I'm a broken and horrible human being. I mean that. I get approached regularly by women even when I'm not trying. For my part, I like the attention and I like the challenge of getting the real hardassed chicks in the group to break.

So . . . I'm probably a bit different. For me, I just don't enjoy anything I can have and keep forever.

AndrewtheAbbot · 2012-11-01T20:53:13+00:00

1.fuck bitches 2. get money 3. rinse 4. repeat

torbengee · 2012-11-02T02:51:30+00:00

And I thought /r/seduction exists because people don't get the game ...

MonkeySteriods · 2012-11-02T03:32:35+00:00

Your suggestions sound like they lack direction or an overall goal. How would you determine success without a goal with your approach?

Also, "Get yourself a girlfriend" is easier said than done. You have to attract a girl first before she'll become your girlfirend.

2012-11-01T21:31:34+00:00

Okay, who's the dick that down voted this!

Seriously though, great read man, good stuff.

2012-11-01T22:07:26+00:00

Not to make any moral judgements, just clarification: Are you saying that you have a girlfriend who does not know that you have sex with other women on the side?

jw255 · 2012-11-02T07:13:53+00:00

If you stop practicing the second you get a girl, then your skills will be rusty once you're single again. That's why Friday and Saturday nights are reserved for PRACTICE. You're looking at this from a perspective of scarcity. Those 1 or 2 girls are being given priority over your prime time to practice your skillset. Let's face it. The majority of relationships end. Not even considering marriage. The majority of RELATIONSHIPS are doomed. So don't worry too much about any single relationship. Enjoy it for what it is. Don't take it so seriously. Practice your skills. If you're determined to give away your weekends to your 1 or 2 girls, then dedicate some other time to practicing your skills.

Title	I like /r/seduction, but I don't quite get the "game"
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	206
Comments	84
Date	November 1, 2012 6:38 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/12gxxh/i_like_rseduction_but_i_dont_quite_get_the_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-like-rseduction-but-i-dont-quite-get-the-game.1342100 https://theredarchive.com/post/1342100

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