TL;DR Post wall lawyer tries to talk herself out of date and shows up in sweat pants, but I make it a baller night anyway and she drops the act fast.

How do I love shit tests, let me count the ways.

New lady and I were going on our first date for Ice cream and a motorcycle ride, which I have found to be the perfect date for many reasons which you will see in this report. We Met online, My opener this week was "If I were ever on one of those mystery cruises I'd figure you for the bad guy right away" This leads to a high response rate and leaves you open for any number of clever gets. We exchanged 3 messages each before # then about the same the next day to set up tonight.

Day of, I text that I'm running errands, but on my way to her place. She says Cool, I'm excited. I get there and she calls me. Right away, unless it's the entry code to her building, I know some BS is about to come. First thing she says is Change of plans She isn't even home, still in class (Lawyer in training) with her books and wants me to pick her up a few blocks away and maybe she doesn't even want to go to the place we described. Negative, I'll wait here, we'll figure something out, I'm not worried. Click. I take a moment to yelp everything in the area and formulate a few alternate dates in my head and even look up food near a tunnel I want to take back. She walks up maybe 10 minutes later and I'm laying on my bike when she calls my name. Super cute 32yr Korean HB7....In sweat pants. Oh really?

She falls in love with my bike right away, I tell her to go upstairs and drop off her stuff and put clothes on. She does one of those and comes back down still in sweats and no make up. Ok, obviously she was going to flake and put zero effort in cause who the fuck am I right, well I'm about to show you. Girls want to have a good time.

I give her the rules of the road and help her put her helmet on. This right away means I have to grab her and help her fasten it, she feels useless as I have to guide her. I turn on her bluetooth radio, don't tell her where we are going and I start off to the new place. During the ride she starts to lean to the right a little because she is looking around and I use my elbow and push her back to center, she grabs me tighter. Motorcycle= Kino or Die. At a stop light I ask her if she has eaten dinner yet because I hadn't and was hungry. I say Sushi and she says yes. I am so clever I just looked up a sushi place next to said Ice Cream place and we go to eat.

We roll up and I chit chat with the valet and leave my bike with him for free, as is usually the case. Once Inside I bro out with the sushi chef because he wants a bike and we totally ignore her for the first couple minutes. I can feel her staring a hole through me and I get some specials advice from the guy and I order for both of us some combo thing with a bunch of stuff and we finally get to talking. We get along alright, she is pretty cool, but I can see in her eyes a battle brewing. She tries to pull many classic shit tests about my other girls, my military experience and how suspect it is I'm so smooth. I laugh them all off and appeal to her with my other experiences and knowledge and general not boiringness. One of my few texts was the fact that brains and a nice butt are my kryptonite and she goes out of her way to brag about both while I humble brag about the countries I've lived and some wants and dreams. When there is a pause I don't fill it, something will come up or I stuff my face. Every time I down a shit test I can see her face relax, her guard going down, her questioning what to say next, why do I like this guy, what do I do?

After we are full I say I still want that ice cream. The guy brings us two checks and I reach for my jacket. I had put her wallet in my jacket and I hand it back to her but grab both checks and head to the cashier. Once there I proceed to pay for both while telling her she can buy me dessert and she readily agrees. On to the next spot.

She is way more comfortable on the bike now and we are already becoming more of a team, she leans in the turns and I can feel her hands relaxing and feeling me. I am always really aware of a woman's hands on the bike. It says so much about how they feel about me. At a stop light that's pretty long I put it in neutral and warm up her legs with my hands and give a little massage, she loves it, I tell her she should have worn jeans. Imagine how cute your warm ass would look like now.

At this cool ice cream joint, the workers were on bikes churning the stuff right there so there was a lot of banter about working out. She accuses me of being a gym rat, I show her a picture of when I really was and I see a little drip stain on her sweats. I make a joke to the hostess about apple pie and coming back on my own for some. My girl cringes and calls me an asshole. Compliment taken, she pays. We sit down and my strawberry arrives first. I pause patiently and offer for her to start in on mine. She loves it and starts feeding me, oh interesting I think.

She begins to talk about her dad and we get to talking about the emasculation of men in the US and how old school and traditional her father is. I notice her ice cream hasn't arrived and right as she is talking about strong men I get up and go bother the hostess about if she has a vanilla incoming and it's in her hand, she puts an extra scoop on and I say thanks for making me a hero.wink I plop down and take mine back and she mentions the timing and how cool it was I did that. Hooked now, we are just staring at each other and getting our nom on, feeding and licking.

They start to close and we get our gear on and head out. She mentions how much I manhandle her through the whole bike and crowd process and that she feels like a little girl around me. I say how much she likes it. She agrees. Now she is all kinds of talkative about how much she loves Downtown LA and the history of this and that etc etc. I take her through the tunnel and she is all snuggled up on me and really comfortable, now every light we touch more and I slowly rock the bike forwards and back, her hips hug mine. Once at her home I prepare all my gear, store the vest and helmet I brought her and she is right next to me. We make out. It's good. I bust her balls about the sweat pants and to wear jeans next time and she explains how she was going to flake on me, I said I obviously didn't let that happen or care. More making out then I walk her to the door and we plan our next date (Tonight) for a dive barcade by my place and how much we both like bacon and eggs in bed...will investigate further.

Summary: You can turn any situation around. This girl was literally on the phone with me about to cancel the whole thing after I had just arrived, But I never even let her talk her self out of the date and we had a great time. After each subtle shit test I put down I could literally see her brain blanking then giving in to the seduction and we got closer each time. This shit works. I've had girls with way harder tests and some that are just too crazy/too fast, but this broad I can handle with out thinking and that's the kind of Captain/First Mate thing I think we all need to find. Let's see how she bangs and what goes on in a real fight. That's how I judge a woman, how do they fuck and how do they fight. Both need to be on your level or it gets shitty fast.

Keep them in your Frame, Full of Food and Fun and you'll be fucking in no time.

As Always: Kill Hitler.