What to do when a random douche disrespects the girl you're with?

NewAndExistingUser · 2016-01-31T10:02:29+00:00

You had two options confront him or ask if she's okay.

I wasn't there but you could have confronted him for a second if you want to avoid conflict by saying something like "Why do you want to be a dick." (I would have flipped my shit and confronted him, forced him to a room and told him to chill. Maybe get some other guys to help if he's trouble) Then go back and check on her. Make sure she's alright, she'll probably want to leave at that point. Don't let people walk over you, or the people you know.

JaimeGoldenhand · 2016-01-31T08:56:09+00:00

Don't take this the wrong way, because I think what you did is actually a more common response than most will admit, but I think you made a mistake with how you reacted. There was no question that he was disrespecting you and the girl you were with. Asking him what he was drinking after that is just signaling "Hey, you can do whatever you want, I'm not going to do anything to stand up to you."

I don't think any girl is worth picking a fight over, but personally I believe in standing up for yourself. I disagree with the guys who go too far and venture into white knighting, but you need to show you're not just going to go servile to some guy who messes with you or your girl. Even if you're scared, at least show that you're not going to stand for that and you aren't going to keep being friendly.

Crashlands · 2016-01-31T15:45:36+00:00

There is no way to turn a girl off more than to make her feel like you won't stand up for her because you're afraid of conversation. Likewise, nothing makes a girl more attracted to you than feeling safe when she's around you.

zenskeptical · 2016-01-31T16:52:34+00:00

Dude, man up! Ask your girl if she's ok then walk up to his face and tell him that was extremely disrespectful and not to ever to do it again. If he gives you any lip just karate chop his wind pipe or give him an unexpected uppercut followed by a spartan kick to his stomach. Hopefully you had some friends there that had your back? Don't let anyone dominate you. If it was at a bar, I'd say different because the cops could get involved( I would tell him he fucked up and then talk to a bouncer), but at a party there's no excuse.

What's the worst that happens? You get punched? Lol. It won't kill you. And the fight will be broken up before anyone gets too hurt. Fuck your girl man, this is a test for you to be a man.

innitgrand · 2016-01-31T13:46:29+00:00

You don't want to fight but you don't want him to disrespect your girl. Solution: ask him politely but firmly not to do that again. If he starts picking a fight tell him you're not looking for a fight, you just don't want him to do that again. If he keeps on escalating then just calmly move over somewhere else. There's no need to get aggressive but it's a good thing to make your opinion known.

trolololbunny · 2016-01-31T15:37:30+00:00

If this happened to me at a party and my boyfriend didn't have my back I think my opinion would change drastically. You'd be amazed at how many people "back down" after being confronted/calling them out on being a douche nozzle in front of everyone. You didn't have to confront him, but you should have said SOMETHING, comforted the girl, and left the situation.

-something-clever- · 2016-01-31T15:46:54+00:00

You made a big mistake in my opinion. You have to react firmly when someone basically assaults the girl you are with. Not saying you take it to the point of getting into a fist fight, but when someone gets physical with a girl you are with you must to react strongly. Personally (not saying this is the right approach), but I would have tripped out (and I'm known for being very calm and collected) and would have risked taking a few punches to the face. Everyone, man or woman, wants the person they're with to have their back. I usually think people get too bent out of shape about being disrespected, but this guy jumped way past that line. That being said, when the girl you are with says to stop and let it go, you stop and let it go. You prove your point by standing up for her, not by kicking someone's ass or getting an apology.

TcH3rNo · 2016-01-31T20:07:15+00:00

Honestly, that was about the worst possible thing you could have done. It straight up shows that you won't stand up for yourself and can't take care of your girl. That was a very submissive move in essence.

If you don't want to be confrontational, at least get your friend away and make sure she's ok. Humor her and talk about how of a dipshit the guy was.

Dubsland12 · 2016-01-31T22:10:29+00:00

Well what's not quite clear is what he did.

First, did she say something he was reacting to, or was it just totally random? Are you saying he flipped a cup at her like she was the trash can?
If it's the later, yea you should have done something else. I know he was bigger but there are ways to handle larger men.

Call your friends, learn jiu jitsu, smack him with a table, whatever.

What else could he get away with?..feel her up, slap her?

You've got some homework to do. Be angry at me, it's ok, but it's him that disrespected you both.

pspman354 · 2016-02-01T00:41:15+00:00

The only time a man can be brave is when he's scared.

grasshopperbizzl · 2016-01-31T10:57:57+00:00

Get in a fight before you're too old for that shit. Got to live a little geez!

BassNet · 2016-01-31T08:29:35+00:00

Tell him to go fuck himself (or something along those lines), but if he tries to fight you then say "I'm not going to fight you," and walk away.

pacg · 2016-01-31T10:52:33+00:00

That's a tough one. If you don't do anything then that diminishes your image with the girl. It's something primal and beyond reason so don't judge her too harshly if she reacts badly. On the other hand, if you start a fight then it'll turn out how you imagine it. Either outcome stinks. Friends of mine would've bottled the guy for doing such a thing. Me? Well, I'm not sure what I'd do.

In the clarity of this moment I'd ask the girl if she's okay. Then I'd motion her out of harm's way. Then I'd ask why he did that. Then I'd contact the host and tell him or her what happened and go from there. For sure I'd find his name.

Then I'd find a way to get even because shit like that cannot go unanswered. For sure you shouldn't have tried to make nice with the guy. That's degrading and makes you look like a pussy in front of your girl. But I can appreciate the precariousness of being in a tense situation to which you're unaccustomed.

fullhalf · 2016-01-31T14:46:37+00:00

no you played it perfectly right by defusing the situation and not losing composure. the problem is all in you. personally for me, i would've probably gotten angry and one not show it or two show it and get into a fight with him. i've done both. what happens to me is if i don't contront it, i go home and get really angry about it and it plagues me for a long time.

jewhacker · 2016-01-31T18:29:00+00:00

Check your girl is OK.
Ask him why he did what he did and if he starts getting loud you gotta be prepared to fight. I'm not saying start a fight but just be ready, if he starts swinging then swing back. Chances are it will be split up pretty quick and if you take a few punches so what? You're not made of glass and your girl will appreciate you standing up for her. If you really can't fight then start training in some martial arts

drummmmmergeorge · 2016-01-31T20:11:19+00:00

Damn this is the worst case scenario, personally I wouldn't have fought either, but there are times when a male loses rational thinking and must fight. But physical fights are the most apphreensive since a guy posted on r/legaladvice about loosing teeth, you must under all circumstances protect your girl. In your situation, I would ask the guy that was not okay, and tell him to apologize to the girl. If he does not comply, I would grab the girl and leave. That's it. Hard and a rock place.

benman92 · 2016-01-31T20:17:01+00:00

See things could turn ugly if this dude was pretty drunk. Calmly telling him that that isn't ok and then moving away would be a good move. What you did probably isn't a deal breaker with that girl imo.

Idupvotethattwice · 2016-01-31T20:28:09+00:00

I'd talk to her about the incident.

SmoothPrimal · 2016-01-31T20:58:10+00:00

Ive trained martial arts and i have a lot of experience. I have sparred guy bigger and heavier than me etc. Im not bragging, my point is that if I get in a fight I lm pretty sure Im going to have an advantage.

That being said, I think you handle it correctly at first but you should have showed a gentle nudge saying that you dont appreciate him throwing the cup at your girlfriend. You show some restraint but you show that you are willing to beat his ass to the ground as well, but in a respectful way.

xzak · 2016-02-01T00:11:06+00:00

More than probably, he wouldn't touch you in fear of the repercussions (assault, kicked out the club etc). You can go the aggressive way and call him out on it, like ask what the fuck is he doing, this would be best right after he does it don't wait till he walks off. Or you can go passive aggressive and tell someone he's throwing drinks on people.

elijahsantos · 2016-02-01T00:47:42+00:00

I'll keep it short cause everyone here has pretty much the same advice.

If it got to that point, i'd rather try to beat up this asshole and lose. I think I lose a much more important battle if I don't step up for my girl. It's always situational, but most of the time i'd like to think i'd confront for sure.

Don't worry about it bro, you're already talking to this girl, just don't let it happen again!

Bigjohnthug · 2016-02-01T05:27:09+00:00

"Goodbye." Then shut him out and say to her "come on" lead away. I'm a big guy, good fighter, still don't fight unless I have to. You would probably lose the girl too if you fought win or lose.

pink24r · 2016-01-31T14:34:52+00:00

You shouldn't take this as disrespecting to the girl, this is a disrespect to you in the first place. You lead the table. She is your guest. An alpha male fights in this situation. It's ok to be the logical-survival guy by first asking him to leave, but if he react in non-compliance, slap the shit out of him, body-size doesn't matter, a well crafted surprise-full beat will throw him in a whirl wind activating a "flee" instinct, worst case scenario "fight" and since you aren't in an isolated place. You won't die.

weshallseeaboutthat · 2016-01-31T08:19:17+00:00

I would've slapped that motherfucker but if you don't know how to fight then that's a different story but no need to be nice to him to disarm him.

What did he say when she said wtf?

georgenotreal · 2016-01-31T20:02:12+00:00

Big grin, dead eyes.

"You should probably go stand over there"

Doesn't matter how big they are if they think you are too crazy to fight

Source: I weigh 130 pounds and consistently avoid fights in this manner.

Vilinbynecesity · 2016-01-31T19:44:12+00:00

Ignore. Alpha males ignore. Dont say anything to her about it either. It didnt happen. It will project massive confidence and your lady will think yourr batshit awesome for not sweating the small stuff. FYI: bring an extra pair of underwear cause she will soak right through hers.

zhantoo · 2016-01-31T21:49:57+00:00

What i usually do in these situations is shake their hand. Not as in lets be friends, but more in a, we're not going to do this, nothing more is going to happen, so this is a goodbye. Hope it makes sense. It usually ends with the other guy calming down and walking away from it.

Title	What to do when a random douche disrespects the girl you're with?
Author	sedditpost
Upvotes	42
Comments	41
Date	January 31, 2016 8:15 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/43ic9a/what_to_do_when_a_random_douche_disrespects_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-to-do-when-a-random-douche-disrespects-the.1401588 https://theredarchive.com/post/1401588

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