Why invest in fitness, looks, clothes, hygiene, learning social skills, books, seduction... if the main goal is not to impress others?

Turlast · 2016-10-07T18:43:40+00:00

Becoming the best "you" has nothing to do with others.

ggGideon · 2016-10-07T19:46:49+00:00

Fitness -> health.

I don't see why you need someone to justify good hygiene to you.

Books are to learn/for entertainment. Read then for yourself.

Seduction is a subset of social skills.

Social skills make day to day life easier and just more fun in general. You won't be freaking out every time you talk to a stranger.

Looks/clothes makes social interaction easier.

Woujo · 2016-10-07T21:08:57+00:00

Impressing others is important to get ahead in today's world. No matter how smart or a hard worker you are, if you go to work dressed like shit people will judge you. Same with social skills. You're never going to advance in your career and life if you can't make people like you. There is a difference, however, in doing these things because they are the right thing to do for your life as opposed to doing them because you emotionally need validation from other people.

Everybody wants to be liked. Everybody. If somebody says they truly don't care about being liked they are either lying or a psychopath. But there are 2 ways of achieving that goal:

1) supplicating to people to make them like you

or

2) becoming an awesome person.

You need to do #2, not #1.

FancyAssortedCashews · 2016-10-07T20:28:27+00:00

It's because what they say is bullshit. They say it's only about you, but it really is to improve your perception in the view of others. Self worth means a lot....to you. But no matter how great you feel about yourself, if everyone else thinks you're shit, well then your self-view doesn't really mean much does it?

All these books, instructions, etc. say it's about solely improving yourself, which is true to an extent, but it's main purpose is to improve your standing relative to others. This just isn't a socially or politically correct form way of expressing this view. Everything of value is relative to whoever holds value to it. Yeah you value yourself, but unless you exhibit the traits that other people value, that doesn't mean much does it?

ThrowawayPUA · 2016-10-07T20:27:21+00:00

You do it for yourself. You do it because it makes you feel good about yourself.

DaygameCoach · 2016-10-07T19:05:34+00:00

Self improvement is the goal.

n1ghtsn1p3r · 2016-10-07T18:07:06+00:00

You do it for yourself. If another person is impressed, it's just a bonus.

rmbarnes · 2016-10-07T20:32:03+00:00

The goal is to impress others

Fapowar · 2016-10-08T08:48:31+00:00

The main goal is to live a fulfilling life, and to have an amazing experience while we're here. In order to do this, you have to be centered around yourself, not others. And people liking you will be a side effect of this.

So, for me, it's all about the center. If you are doing it for others, the center is outside of you, then you are just being as needy as always. If you do it for yourself, to feel good, then you are centered around yourself. And that's the way to go.

totes-muh-gotes · 2016-10-07T21:07:28+00:00

By the way, stop downvoting The fucking OP, he's raising a valid point.

2016-10-07T21:01:10+00:00

The goal is to feel good about yourself and to trust/have confidence in yourself. that is attractive and impressive, even though it's not your goal, but a consequence of the fact that you are ON YOUR OWN PATH.

PUAgrey · 2016-10-07T21:40:02+00:00

Your reality is what matters and that will depend on the value you give your own interpretation of your status and the value you give other's interpretation of your status. I think that there is no way that you can really improve your perception of yourself simply by impressing people, and that a more effective method is to detach your ego from other people's thinking.

So why go to all the bother of impressing people? Whatever reason you want. To have sex with the Emily Ratajkowski's of the world. To get that business promotion so that you can buy a boat because that would be fun. Whatever it is, the process doesn't end with "aww yeah everyone thinks I'm the shit." That's like learning a programming language and never writing a program.

Impressing people is just one part of seduction.

boss413 · 2016-10-07T22:24:51+00:00

I feel like you phrased this interestingly; you used the logical operators "if" and "not", which means we can unpack the options implicit in the question:

If your goal is to impress others, all of the things you mentioned are possible ways to do it.

If your goal is to get sex or a relationship or friendship, that might not include being impressive, although being impressive certainly helps. You can have passable, unimpressive levels of only a couple of those and still achieve that goal.

If your goal isn't about impressing others, then those investments are self-maintenance, self-improvement, and self-actualization. If you don't care about health or being a better version of yourself and you don't want to impress others, then don't make those investments.

JSleek · 2016-10-07T22:38:04+00:00

I guess you would call it a self fulfilling prophecy. Self-esteem is all about how you value yourself. Self esteem is going to increase when you invest in things that'll make you feel better about yourself. I assume most people think of themselves at their best when they are personable and attractive to other people, so you work on these things to raise yourself up which in turn raises you up to others, and the cycle continues.

Big_Yogi · 2016-10-07T23:20:02+00:00

The way I see it is you need to just enjoy your life and be proud of who you are. To do this I think you need to think who you are is impressive (or however you want to put it) from and outside perspective.

Put simply if you met you, you'd want you to be impressed. Have you ever been impressed with someone who looks and smells like shit and mumbles every sentence to the carpet? No, you wouldn't, so why would you be proud of yourself for being that?

blackjesus75 · 2016-10-08T00:00:33+00:00

Not giving a fuck is attractive to more people than you may think. (to an extent of course)

QNoble · 2016-10-08T00:01:36+00:00

I think many people here are raising awesome points, but I think the answer can be much more simple. Having people like me and value me does better me. As people said, having social status/value can carry you far in life. They really go hand-in-hand. But, as others have stated, your focus should not be other people. It should be on yourself. When you are at your best, others will take notice. Granted, this is all anecdotal for the most part. But I've seen it hold true for others. Just be sure you're only giving a fuck when, and where it's needed.

AnEpiphanyTooLate · 2016-10-08T02:35:25+00:00

I don't think anyone was claiming that impressing others wasn't part of the deal. By definition, seduction involves making good impressions. The key is to do it ultimately for yourself and for your own benefit, not for someone else's

bones_and_love · 2016-10-08T03:20:43+00:00

You're using "impress others" which is a phrase with specific negative connotation. It usually applies to people going out of there way in a way that makes no sense just for the opinion of others.

Social stuff involves other people. Being able to interact with them normally and pleasantly isn't something that you do just for the "sake of others" in a way that makes no sense. It's about being social. You're a human, a social animal, and you'll be far happier understanding how to mingle versus not.

For example, buying a sports car when you don't even like them just to be cool is an example of doing something for the sake of others. Knowing how to have a conversation is just something you do -- if you don't have that normal skill, get to it. For other topics like clothing, to someone who has abandoned all social aspects, it can feel a whole lot like the car scenario because they don't like clothes/style. But the issue is that style is something that humans do as well, get to it if you don't. It's just backward rationalizing out of people who have abandoned it. They suck at it and feel totally self conscious wearing different clothes then rationalize that style is stupid. But they'd love to wear clothes confidently just like any other social animal here. It's something us social animals just do, it's not something you "do for other people" [even tho literally you do do it for other people, it doesn't really match the connotation of that negative phrase].

holidayhero · 2016-10-08T07:08:23+00:00

Because all these things make your life better. Stuff like learning to dress or social skills aren't really taught to men during childhood or teenage years. Women usually get taught how to dress by media, magaizines, or each other. Just look at any corporate office or formal event and you'll see a bunch of older men wearing crappy, oversized outfits with their ties tied wrong. Basic seduction material teaches men the basics of dressing well (color theory, how clothes should fit, basic grooming). Learning to do this is a form of self investment. You're taking time out of your day and dedicating it to bettering yourself. Just like working out, this provides a positive feedback loop and helps foster self esteem. Plus it provides you a starting place to get into the world of fashion so you can start experimenting and creating your own personal style. If you're doing it to get girls to compliment you on your gains or nice clothing then you'll most likely be disappointed. You'll get way more compliments from guys on both accounts. Even if girls are impressed they're unlikely to tell you since in our society it is frowned upon for women to be the first to outwardly express interest in the opposite sex. Books are recommended because if you're on here you probably lack some knowledge. Trouble with women usually stems from a problem within yourself. Could be inability to self express, social anxiety, depression. Books will help you learn shit you don't know, thereby making your life better in the process. You can also read a book just for shits and giggles and itd still make your life better. As long as you're reading what you're interested in, it should add to your quality of life. Yeah everyone cares what people think and everyone here wants to get pussy but all these things will get you to feel better about your life as long as your pursuing what you're interested in and not just what you think will most impress other people. At the end of the day our goal as a community is to get men to lead richer, more fulfilling lives and these things are basic steps to doing so. You gotta do the things to make you're life better even when people aren't looking because most of the time they aren't. In my case, I feel better knowing how to dress. Even if I don't get any compliments I feel better at work and meetings. No one knows that I've read books on anxiety to help me cope, but it's significantly helped me interact with others. You wouldn't be able to tell that I work out, cause all I do is jog a couple miles every few days but I feel so much better in my daily life for doing so. I like the fact that the fragrance I wear everyday is one I chose after reading tons of reviews and then testing 30 different ones at Macy's. I'm confident in my fragrance because I know it's the one I like. That confidence stems from me taking the effort and time in deciding which fragrance fits me. It's okay if no one ever notices these things because I know that I like them. I make conscious decisions about how I dress, talk, and take care of my body. I'm in control of my life. That's what it's all about, choosing to make conscious decisions about the things in your life instead of deferring to the default.

Gustav_Sirvah · 2016-10-08T09:40:20+00:00

I think that have more to do with "feeling good" than "impressing others".

forseti_ · 2016-10-08T10:29:07+00:00

The idea is to increase your quality of life. The idea is also not to impress others (put them down on the social latter) but to lead by example (help them climbing up). The last part is what makes them like you.

rvhack · 2016-10-08T14:00:05+00:00

Impress yourself

2016-10-08T14:39:45+00:00

Do some research into Maslow's hierarchy of needs. The question you're asking is about human psychology and why we (as humans) are motivated to do the things that we do.

2016-10-08T14:47:29+00:00

Looking and Feeling better is its own reward.

External12 · 2016-10-08T15:41:19+00:00

You do it for yourself. I started working out for football. Now I continue to to stay in shape for flag football leagues I'm in. A plus is I look good too. But not my initial goal. Yes, I do workout for looks now also, but initial goal was to be better at football and sports in general I participate in. If someone is going to work out is 4 better appearance that's fine, but if that's what you think the only purpose is you are not being open-minded enough and may have some insecurities I think.

King_Spooky · 2016-10-08T20:03:26+00:00

For yourself. The more you take care of yourself and the better you feel about yourself the more confidence you will have. As a result you'll naturally carry yourself with more confidence and will be more attractive to people. And attractive not just in the sexual sense either, everyone loves a person who is interesting and confident.

2016-10-09T11:52:50+00:00

To impress yourself.

Goatmo · 2016-10-14T00:11:21+00:00

Attractive people are only into attractive people. Why would anyone settle for less than what they can get?

Title	Why invest in fitness, looks, clothes, hygiene, learning social skills, books, seduction... if the main goal is not to impress others?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	84
Comments	52
Date	October 7, 2016 5:59 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/56cpo5/why_invest_in_fitness_looks_clothes_hygiene/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-invest-in-fitness-looks-clothes-hygiene.1413574 https://theredarchive.com/post/1413574

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