Did what you said: 6 Months, +10 Approaches/Day. No sex, no Makeouts, no Hooks. I don't know what to do anymore

bbfire · 2016-10-09T05:06:22+00:00

You need to make some female friends. I understand this can be hard too, but if you're not comfortable with and women outside your family, this should be the first step.

Lifting4Gainz · 2016-10-09T05:45:37+00:00

That's because this whole /r/seduction idea of pushing you to the deep end to get you used to approaching is bullshit.

Insecurity is a far deeper problem than what a lot of the guys here think. It comes from your self perspective. The value you believe that you present to the world.

The more successful you are at other things in life, the more confident you will be in general. What does this mean? It means fix the other things in your life first, THEN bring in someone to enjoy your life with you. Don't bring them into a shitshow of a life.

Be successful and women will naturally follow.

EDIT: As /u/gyissan has said, you look like you're a kid. Approaching is 90% presentation. When you walk up to a girl to start conversation, the first thing they see is what you look like. And in my opinion, you look like a teenager.

Not only that, but randomly approaching girls just screams desperation. Just have FUN and if you come across a girl, bring her into that fun. Be the life of a party, have fun, enjoy yourself, and people will gravitate towards you. If you give off the kind of energy that's inviting and fun, women WILL notice you and may even APPROACH you just out of curiosity. If they don't, that's OK. Chances are, they've noticed your fun and inviting energy, so approaching them will be much easier.

Garthanthoclops · 2016-10-09T06:02:39+00:00

Stop focusing on what you have to do. Stop focusing on the end result. Seriously just be yourself. I have absolutely terrible game, and I really question all the bullshit 'tried and tested' techniques people spout out on here. Believe it or not, women can tell when a man approaches and tries to run game on them. Some of em don't mind and are flattered by it. Others are seriously turned off and think we are misogynist pigs because, you know, the patriarchy. If you are just out having a good time, not looking for anything in particular, it is much more appealing. It shows you're down to earth, they won't think you are a perv, and even if you go home alone you won't be disappointed because you didn't set some ridiculous standard. Expecting to go home with a chick, or make out at a club IS a ridiculous standard, we shouldn't expect that. The best success I have is always when I don't try. For instance, I was doing a ghost tour in Savannah. It was a group tour/pub crawl. I didn't know if there would be a bunch of old tourist, or couples, or who knows what on the tour, so I didn't even consider the possibility of getting lucky. The tour starts and there is this group of girls, one of them was decently attractive, the rest were ok (by my standards, which are a little higher. I'm ok with a lower success rate if the quality is better). So there I am in this tour, making stupid jokes. Like, realllly stupid jokes, jokes worse than dad jokes. But I wasn't the only one who enjoyed them. Next thing, the attractive girl out of the lot approaches ME and asks if my buddy and I want to take shots with her and her friends. We do, next thing I know I am making out with her at a club and then fucking her at her house. Next night, I'm closing my tab at a bar I stopped by for a drink, but the bartender hands me the wrong tab. The girl next to me notices and mentions it. We start talking for a couple minutes and on a whim I ask if she wants to leave and go somewhere else. We go to a piano bar, and within 2 hours I'm at her house fucking her. Back to back nights and I literally didn't try. Did I mention I have terrible game? TL;DR - quit trying all this bullshit game crap. Don't try some strategy, don't have any expectations. It puts too much pressure on you and will only make it harder. I know because I have tried. That's why I initially subbed. Just go out for the fun of it and good things will come, and those good things are tits and pussy.

2016-10-09T06:22:04+00:00

Okay. A few suggestions.

You've got approaching down. You may not be good at it and it may feel terrible but you've passed the main hurdle that stops most guys. Now you need to focus on just being comfortable talking to somebody without having an agenda. So set yourself a rule: one night each week is your go out and talk to a bunch of people but you are not allowed to close. Don't take her number even if she throws it at you. Just talk for a few minutes, crack some bad jokes, read her palm, levitate a beer, whatever. Then (this is the important part) tell her it was nice talking to her and move on. It isn't even a secret. You can tell her exactly what you are doing, because it doesn't matter. You are not going to talk to her again anyway.
Go to the gym and lift heavy things. Go to /r/fitness for specifics. Most women judge looks on a pass/fail basis so you don't need to be massively ripped. You just need to look moderately decent.
When you see attractive women trying to get people to sign up for charities and such, go make small talk. It is their job to flirt with you so they're going to act like they're into you regardless of what you do. It can be good to play a few rounds on easy mode to get your confidence up. Again, don't try to close.
Depending on where you live, seeing a sex worker could also be an option to combat your anxiety around women because they will not feel awkward around you and can give you way better tips for actually relating with women than most of the people who post here.

Gyissan · 2016-10-09T08:58:53+00:00

Dress better, fix your hair, and don't act so goofy. From the picture alone, you look like 15 years old. But you said you went to bars and clubs so you are at least 21. Dress and act like it. Hit the gym so you look more mature and less like a kid. Hate to say it, but looks are pretty much everything in cold approaching if your game isn't on point.

Also, don't feel like you have to approach and get a girl. That makes you come off as desperate, which kills any chance you might have had. Just go about your day, and if you happen to come across a chick you fancy, find something in common about your surroundings and go off from there. You will feel much more at ease if you have a good foundation in your conversation.

Big_TX · 2016-10-09T03:07:20+00:00

What happens if your wing opens a two set and you jump in ?

Also Have you tried asking your friend for advice ?

NotMyBestEffort · 2016-10-09T03:59:56+00:00

Hey, you say "I haven't got better in the slightest." I think this is not true. You went from not approaching to having the experience of someone who approached 6 women a day for months! You gained much better insight into yourself. You learned to recognize women's reactions to your advances.

Not a word about how you have been working out like a beast tho....

cXem · 2016-10-09T07:30:50+00:00

On your "How I look while out" photo, I hate the hair. It looks like you are trying for an afro, super long with no style. Get a fashionable hair style and maintain it. Also I believe you are wearing a chain neckless, I dislike that style completely.

How many female friends do you have? Are any females friends very close and you talk to often? How do you conversate with them and are you comfortable saying something extremely perverted to them?

Having close female friends has been a godsend to me the past year.

Talking to females consistently as friends who are comfortable around you leads to having more confidence while talking to someone you like. I have no problems telling a friend something extremely sexual as a joke which leads me to being able to say similar stuff in a more respectable way to new people I meet.

Friends build flow, you translate that flow to talking to females you like, stuff starts to work. Someone posted a video of their approach and he said "I think your cute" you can just show that or tell her in a way that's more impressive imo like I think you look great in that outfit, this compliments her style while also expressing her beauty. I like to compliment people, both male and female, on different features regardless if I know them or not.

There is this drop dead gorgeous Slovakian girl in my class, we exchanged papers to get our papers reviewed for errors. I wrote mine about videogaming which she liked the paper but expressed how she is really against videogaming. For some this might just be a stop here situation, however I don't mind that there might be no room to move forward since I can just be friends with her, exchange homework, be a human-being. I've been talking to her after class and she talks back so it's not like she doesn't want to interact with me so why not? End of the day I get to talk to someone of model-like qualities and it's a pretty great feeling. But I still show good body language, eye contact, smile etc.

You don't need to "win" but just look for opportunities to make your life better. Try to be clever, try to friendzone them first, get over your fear of females before trying to date a 100 of them.

When you can interact and understand when a female is being friendly, it makes every moment they show interest that much more noticeable.

criveros · 2016-10-09T06:55:46+00:00

To start, cut your stupid hair and wear better fitting clothes.

What value do you bring to any social group? To any individual you meet?

Find a good, legit pua in your area and do a bootcamp with them.

Overnight_Delivery · 2016-10-09T03:33:08+00:00

Where all do you do approaches? Coffee shops? Yoga classes? Libraries? Clubs? Bars? Tinder?

What are the accomplishments you've had? Have you touched girls you just met within <1 <5 <10 minutes (not handshake)? Have you got a girl to dance with you? Have you held a conversation with a girl 10+ minutes? Have you gotten a number and had a conversation with her on the phone? Have you gotten and gone on a date?

What are some of the best attempts you've made? What are some of the craziest?

My guess is you've had a lot more success than you think and quite a lot of girls if they knew what you've done so far to try and get a girl would be all over you.

brulger · 2016-10-09T04:38:51+00:00

In those approaches. How many times did you try to kiss? How many times did you ask the girls to go home with you or lead home with you? Are you approaching to be interesting or to fuck?

Jacob_961 · 2016-10-09T05:09:05+00:00

You don't drink right?

yolosmtmoi · 2016-10-09T06:51:38+00:00

You need to become more confident dude. Despite what people say your looks and appearance will help a lot... hit the gym, buy a new wardrobe, get a nice haircut, read more, join more social groups/activities. The point of doing this is not to attract girls but to do it for yourself and become a more confident man, then the girls will come flocking ;)

Dude5566 · 2016-10-09T07:38:30+00:00

You need to be meditating regularly

2016-10-09T07:49:58+00:00

I looked at the stars

brulger · 2016-10-09T10:14:29+00:00

It could be that you are only nice, but not assertive, exciting, a bit cocky. Mix in some assertiveness, slight cockiness in your next sets, tease the girls in a charming way and see the results. 👍🏻👍🏻

You can still be nice, but you need to mix in the above.

jimmyelgent · 2016-10-09T12:54:32+00:00

I'm at a similar stage, man.

I probably don't make as many approaches as you (Only a few times per week for me) but I'm also at around the 6 months mark, and like you, it's just constant rejections.

Nothing seems to work. I experiment with trying all kinds of things.

Not sure what my next step should be now!

Tempted to just take a break and stop approaching, but not sure if that will help me at all. That's what I spent my life doing before which lead me here in the first place!

pedrovic · 2016-10-09T13:29:23+00:00

Do you smoke weed? Also how old are you?

santereality · 2016-10-09T14:39:40+00:00

Have you considered not going out? If you don't feel comfortable approaching women in a bar then find some other way to do it. Go volunteer at an animal shelter and make friends with a co-worker. Go join a soccer team and make friends with a teammate.

smaffit · 2016-10-09T15:49:31+00:00

If you follow the program, you'll get results. If you're not getting results, there's a piece (at least one, perhaps multiple pieces) that you're missing, skipping, or doing wrong... Keep trying.

Stop focusing on trying to get them to fuck you. Stop focusing on trying to get them to date you... Talk to women like they're normal people, be confident, be interested without being clingy, and be willing to walk away at any time. Being willing to let her know she doesn't have some magical power by being willing to walk away is one of your most important tools...

If you seem like you need, or even want them, they will turn and run... Keep your wits about you, and be cool brother. Good luck

MMIsAGenius · 2016-10-09T18:11:21+00:00

1) Stop watching porn. Seriously, this might be your biggest one. I know the fear your talking about and I think a lot of it comes from porn. I only started watching it when I was in college, but even then, it massively hurt my confidence around women. Go on NoFap, read about the movement, and reap the amazing benefits

2) Have female friends. Girls are a lot less intimidating if you're hanging out with them on a frequent basis. You said you've improved your life, but I can't help but feel that you haven't done this.

3) Have a stereotypically attractive hobby. This is something that is a stereotypical chick magnet. It'll take time, but it's well worth the effort. For me, this is playing guitar (which I've been doing for 8 years). Something like this will give you more a lot more confidence.

I'm still a noob with women, but I've been really working on myself this past year and have found all of the above to be life-changing. Best of luck dude, I hope you make it!

brulger · 2016-10-09T20:51:32+00:00

This is what I really don't like about the seduction community. If you're an insecure / needy guy, approaching women over and over again does absolutely nothing but make you feel even shittier. You need to step back and realize there's a more fundamental issue here.

The problem is you tell yourself: "I suck because I can't get laid, am socially inept, am afraid of women..." and this how you define yourself. You hoist up this belief and carry it on your shoulders throughout every interaction you have with a woman. Women see this burden on you before you even open your mouth, and you clearly convey that you don't value yourself.

Imagine if you changed nothing else but that mindset. Your new core belief is: "I'm a fucking awesome man who just happens to be a virgin and socially awkward, but who gives a shit!" You stand tall and show women that you're of high value. You still might not be very charming or interesting, but you don't give a shit how people respond to you and say whatever comes to your mind without thinking.

Which of those two guys is getting laid? The one who's self-confidence is dependent on what people think of him, or the guy who's completely comfortable and happy with who he is?

2016-10-10T04:58:50+00:00

You have to become comfortable in your own skin first. True you have a spooky skeleton inside you but don't be afraid of him. Get rid of the jewfro BTW, wow thats some seriously wierd hair.

2016-10-10T16:10:36+00:00

Stop being a fucking pussy is my advice. I read through your comments here and you honestly sound like you're too much in your own head. I have this problem too. What exactly are you saying to women that you think they are freaked out by you? Work on cultivating friendships instead, that might help. Also, dress better. You look 16 in the picture you posted.

I'm betting you exude the attitude that you want sex which comes off very weird and freaks the girls out. Makes you look desperate.

MrTwerk247 · 2016-10-09T03:33:07+00:00

Do what I do and record it. That way we know why. That's what I did and people here helped me a lot on how to improve.

ass_fungus · 2016-10-09T05:16:44+00:00

a few things:

Getting experience isn't about rotely doing something then magically getting better. You have to self-reflect and think hard about why you might be failing. Each time you fail a set, jot down what happened, why you think you failed, and ways you'll tweak your game in future sets. If your initial tweaks don't work, then tweak something else.
Despite what PUA resources say about looks not mattering, I personally feel that it's very rare for somebody to look like a doofus and still pull consistently. By all means I know people like this, but again, they are the exception, not the rule. In your life journey, you shouldn't concentrate purely on PUA techniques and material (most of which is bullshit aimed at getting your money. If it weren't bullshit, why would companies rotate ideas out every year? Wouldn't the fundamentals stay the same? Wouldn't "Blueprint Decoded" be just as relevant today? So why are RSD releasing all sorts of new shit? I say this as a huge fan of Tyler btw). You should work on refining your look, because as of now you look like a baby face with a dumbass haircut. This might have flown in the 90s but kids these days are super sharp given internet resources. Seriously, I see kids with ridiculous steez (am i using that dumb fucking word right)
Related to #2, start lifting. Fashion+gym body is pretty much easy mode (or if you were on hard mode, now you're normal mode). Seriously, if you have aesthetics down (don't need to be a male model), 6/10s are easy game. 7/10 very receptive. 8/10 and above still gotta work the wit and banter but at least now you have a chance.

Jacob_961 · 2016-10-09T05:08:02+00:00

Read "the manual - W Anton"

It will fix it for you. You will thank me. I'm not even joking.

pacg · 2016-10-09T07:34:34+00:00

I bet you're probably getting overwhelmed with the wall of advice you're getting so I'll keep it simple. Stop what you're doing and take a break. You're too clutched up. Just go out and be social. Don't worry about approaches or pulling. Get out of the bar/club scene. Practice striking up simple conversations with anyone and everyone (day game). Focus on being a guy people like being around. Then when you feel a little better go back and practice your game.

No offense, but get a new haircut, a nice coat and some collared shirts (button-downs or polos) . You look like an American tourist on holiday with mom and dad in that picture.

Look up David Deangelo on YouTube. I like how measured he is when discussing attraction and conversation, especially when it comes to shyness.

https://youtu.be/opZsN3fauuY

cocobong0 · 2016-10-09T11:40:08+00:00

Stop watching porn/masturbating and go lift some weights

rustoof · 2016-10-09T02:43:17+00:00

your standards are too high

Aeon199 · 2016-10-09T10:55:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Did what you said: 6 Months, +10 Approaches/Day. No sex, no Makeouts, no Hooks. I don't know what to do anymore
Author	brulger
Upvotes	42
Comments	126
Date	October 9, 2016 2:23 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/56kbcc/did_what_you_said_6_months_10_approachesday_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/did-what-you-said-6-months-10-approachesday-no-sex.1413646 https://theredarchive.com/post/1413646

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