There are 3 fundamentals: Love yourself, have balls, and have an abundance mentality.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-05-15T04:48:04+00:00

I would add a few things, including a fourth fundamental concept.

1: Love Yourself

Love yourself....Confident body language, hold eye contact....Love yourself....Be cocky, assume attraction.

A

Agreed, in general, although:

Confidence doesn't need to cross over into cocky. It can but this is optional. And guys don't need to be cocky if it doesn't suit their style.
Assuming attraction is often misunderstood. The phrasing was probably chosen because shorthand like this is helpful for guys with major confidence issues. The problem is when it's taken literally to mean that we should assume a girl is down just because we are. The truth is that we need to balance this attitude, with eyes open awareness of the overall situation. Some sense of empathy, for lack of a better word.

B

Overall, the main issue I see here with the organization of this, is that all the points for "Love Yourself," are actually aspects of the next section, "Have Balls," which means "courage," or confidence. As such, there is actually a lack of content really speaking to the "Love Yourself" concept. I'd suggest the following:

Take care of yourself: Live your life, pursue your career, keep a clean place, take care of your body, keep your finances in order, etc.
Treat yourself: All work and no play.... not a good idea. So maintain ways to relax and have fun. This may sound easy, but it can be easy to leave this by the wayside. On the flipside....
"Take risks and make yourself uncomfortable" is under Have Balls, but it deserves space here also because prioritizing personal growth is one way to take care of yourself. A pretty vital one.

2: Have Balls

Have balls....Be bold and show intent.....Take risks and make yourself uncomfortable.....Lead the interactions.....Never apologize or hesitate, be sure of yourself.

This is, overall, treading the same territory of confidence that was covered under #1. Good stuff though! Couple problematic aspects here though:

Showing intent is often assumed before cause has been established. A lot of guys think they need to show their "intent" of wanting sex or whatever, as soon as they open. And while in some interactions, if the guy is only looking for casual sex, this is a viable option, but it shouldn't necessarily be applied strongly in every situation. Often curiosity is a better mindset.
Taking risks and making oneself uncomfortable is great! Though it ought to be balanced with awareness of how one's actions might be affecting the comfort levels of others. Your rights don't supersede the rights of others.
Leading the interactions, is better expressed as, "be prepared to lead the interactions." Seduction is a social interaction between two people, both of whom will be contributing to it. And some of the most important aspects of "seduction" involve stepping back and allowing the girl a chance to show her desire; i.e., the chance to lead. Arguably, the best sort of progression is where the girl is an active partner in crime for everything that's going down, which won't happen if the guy is deadset on "leading" the whole way through.
Advocating that guys never apologize is irresponsible. Taking responsibility for one's mistakes, is just a mature thing to do. There's a huge difference between a guy who falls all over himself apologizing for this, that, and the other thing, versus a guy who owns up to an honest mistake he becomes aware of.
Also, some actionable advice to supplement the idea of "being sure of oneself." Taking risks and making oneself uncomfortable, tests us and give us the opportunity to learn that we can trust ourselves. That's arguably where real confidence comes from.

3: Abundance

A

Abundance....Don’t put a girl on a pedestal.....Always be playfully teasing; treat them as you would like a child....playing with her emotions, mixing dominance with affection.....build an emotional connection......Set boundaries.....give her less than she gives you.

Not putting a girl in a pedestal is very helpful and I agree with it. This idea may also be part of the "Love yourself" section as it involves self-respect to not place a girl in some mythical place, which usually requires valuing oneself less.

As for the rest, there's a lot to unpack here. Let's start with the title of this section, abundance. What does it mean? One defintion I've seen online is the idea that there are other fish in the sea. Or the belief that there is no shortage of women to meet in any man’s lifetime. But abundance is not acknowledged in this section; it's really mostly about control. Let's break it down:

Always playfully teasing: being playful is not bad, but treating them like children is about lowering someone or raising yourself up by trying to knock someone else down. Real confidence would not require this; if you hold your own, you don't need to lower someone else, to stand tall.
Being playful is one thing. Playing with her emotions is about destabilizing someone else emotionally. This tactic is tailor made to attract emotionally unstable women, tip the scales so that stable people become unstable, or screen out people who are stable and loathe drama. And overall, it leads to screening for girls who value themselves poorly and resultingly, are less than great to be involved with.
Mixing dominance with affection is basically a thumbnail description of a prototypically dysfunctional interaction. What we need is self-mastery, more than this notion of "dominating" others. Plus, trying to control other people through "dominance" can have nasty side effects. Often when someone has overt dominance, they've often just changed the interaction into one where their opposition is channeling all their efforts behind the scenes, instead of where they can be seen.
Setting boundaries is important; agreed!
Playing this game of keeping score how much you're giving versus what she gives: It's ironic to suggest that guys should take advantage, to prevent being taken advantage of. A side effect of this mindset is that we screen out those who'd do us right, leaving behind the dysfunctional people who put up with this.

B

All that content and we still didn't actually cover abundance or how to get it. Some possible paths to it:

Part of abundance is being fully capable and happy just walking away from it all and being by yourself. Yet knowing that you could step out and meet your social goals.
Sometimes building abundance may entail trying to "spin plates," if only long enough to realize that more plates doesn't actually build abundance, but frequently turns into an addiction, with guys needing plates spinning to feel validated. This mistake might actually be vital to learning that those plates aren't necessary at all really.
Having a balance of things you legitimately look forward to doing by yourself, with a vital social life that includes reliable friends and a rotating cast of new people. This social life should include men and women, but it's helpful if it's a community that exists around some activity that's not just "people trying to hook up with each other."

4: Empathy

Missing among this list of fundamentals, is the idea of empathy or connecting to others and whatever experience you're sharing with them at that moment.

Loving oneself, is great, but it needs to be balanced with some awareness of the people you're interacting with.
Having confidence is key, but without the wisdom we get from being able to read others and calibrate, all that confident behavior can't be reliably directed into ways that lead to what we want.
Having abundance is important, but without at least some awareness of the emotional states of others, it's not easy to reliably navigate the social interactions with people that make up abundance.

It seems like courtship rituals like dancing used to figure prominently in how people used to learn about seduction. I definitely know that dancing (partner dancing in particular), is one of the most efficient ways I know for guys to learn how to read people and build up social awareness. It's an activity that basically requires the guy to develop:

Awareness of the overall situation: He has to keep track of other couples around the room to make sure he and his partner don't get hurt.
Awareness of himself: He has to keep track of his own state and where his body is, in relation to everything and everyone else.
Awareness of his partner: He has to keep track of where her body is, and what her state is.

As one develops skills, it's pretty damn easy to gain an awareness of people that translates to interactions off the dance floor. Awareness of what she wants, in general, and how she wants it. Awareness of people's basic intentions and states. It's all about information. Information is power, and information about yourself and the people and things around you, allows you to navigate social interactions more easily.

hunterpua · 2018-05-14T16:38:05+00:00

True true for first two points.

Its not Abundance Mentality though, its Abundance Reality. Why act like you have tons of girls when you can actually have tons of girls?

Mach2Machiavellian · 2018-05-15T02:38:31+00:00

The great paradox of picking up women is that as soon as you stop giving a fuck whether they like you, they like you.

SyrusDrake · 2018-05-15T00:29:46+00:00

Well, I have zero out of three so I'm getting there?

Aeon199 · 2018-05-15T04:34:29+00:00

What about career, money, and social status?

Not saying they should be on the list, and in fact, the problem is those are things I can't really have.

The question for me becomes, can you be a kind of man who doesn't have those things to "expected levels" (seems all women expect such things, especially for 30+ guys) and still be attractive to women?

My way of being a man is about being true to myself as a different kind of guy. Introverted, socially aloof, artistic, wacky, does not care to meet "conventional standards for success." If I could be like this without shame and without insecurity, could it work?

savvyxxl · 2018-05-14T17:27:21+00:00

number 4. love your balls

NoloRadio · 2018-05-15T21:44:14+00:00

Yup. Move fast enough that your speed through life intrigues others.

levelUpLA · 2018-05-14T15:44:27+00:00

thanks vince kelvin

JoeMarini · 2018-05-14T16:09:05+00:00

All great advice

auto-xkcd37 · 2018-05-15T04:20:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2018-05-15T06:52:39+00:00

Great post, this. Short, organized and gets to the point.

lifeson106 · 2018-05-15T07:38:49+00:00

One girl this past weekend was giving me shit test after shit test after shit test, I eventually got sick of it and just said, "Ok, see ya!" and started walking away. Now, all of a sudden she wants me to stay and starts touching me and hugging me. Told her to come with me, but she said no, so I just left. Probably could've made something happen if I was a bit more persistent, but I can only play bullshit games for so long.

Maggost · 2018-05-15T07:51:25+00:00

I'm lacking on the "Have balls" part. It's the hardest part though.

mejakejohnson · 2018-05-15T08:53:43+00:00

vivalarevoluciones · 2018-05-15T10:54:17+00:00

thats great advice for life in general

Mcdz · 2018-05-15T11:51:09+00:00

Nice post.

Your support points are all on point. I would summarize it a little more succinctly:

Always be improving yourself so that you become the person you want to be
Outcome independence so you dgaf
As hunterpua put so eloquently, Abundance reality because there are 3.5 billion women waiting for you to come fuck them

RyanFire · 2018-05-22T07:01:48+00:00

saved

africanpyjamas69 · 2018-05-14T23:51:54+00:00

I'd say that there is ONE fundamental that everything goes under and it's BE A MAN. Women are attracted to your strength as a man. Every single thing that you mentioned could be attributed to being a man, it's just a matter of how far you want to break it down.

Title	There are 3 fundamentals: Love yourself, have balls, and have an abundance mentality.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	466
Comments	70
Date	May 14, 2018 2:38 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8jcr3m/there_are_3_fundamentals_love_yourself_have_balls/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/there-are-3-fundamentals-love-yourself-have-balls.1446575 https://theredarchive.com/post/1446575

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