Q4W: Someone close to you has been accused of sexual harrassment. How do you support them?

Safinated · 2024-04-09T06:36:45+00:00

The same way I would about any other untrue accusation. Tell them to shut their mouth, get a lawyer, don’t draw attention to yourself, be calm, be civil, and deny, deny, deny

spanglesandbambi · 2024-04-09T06:48:16+00:00

I support them however they want to be supported if they ask if I think they did it I explain that's the purpose of an investigation but I would be deeply saddened if they had as that's not the person I thought they where.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2024-04-09T12:01:16+00:00

It depends if they did it.

Prudent-Conflict-557 · 2024-04-09T12:00:03+00:00

Tell them not to talk to anyone at all about it and get a lawyer.

Or. Tell them to ignore it entirely. By brothers ex tried that. He completely blocked her and didn’t mention it to anyone outside the family. He neither confirmed nor denied if anyone asked. It went away. Luckily she didn’t take it further and it came out she was fucking his best friend. So.. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Shut up. Is the advice.

enfantrebelle · 2024-04-09T10:26:44+00:00

I would want to hear their side of the story first. Sexual harrassment is a very borad term that can encompass many things and I'd first like to know what went down between my friend and the presumed victim before I can form an opinion about it - is there anything that could have been mistaken for harassment I wonder? Is the presumed victim wanting to get revenge on my friend? How could the presumed victim benefit from accusing my friend of harrassment? Are they credible, and so on.

In any case once I've established that the story adds up, I would tell them that they need to document every interaction with the presumed victim and get a lawyer if they can (if they're officially accused). They can vent to me if needed as well.

apresonly · 2024-04-09T17:23:45+00:00

i dont have any men i know well enough that i would instantly know they were innocent (including family members)

i've witnessed men i'm close to doing things with/to women that make me uncomfortable

i also have multiple family members that have gone to jail for domestic/child abuse

No witnesses - all you have is their word and the allegations.

yeah so then i dont know they are innocent

You've never met the accuser/victim and the authorities are not yet involved.

i can tell him "this must be really hard" and support him without talking about whether he is guilty/innocent

januaryphilosopher · 2024-04-09T09:05:18+00:00

I don't. I will not say I'm completely sure they're innocent until I've at least heard both sides of the story. If I'm not sure, I don't involve myself.

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EulenWatcher · 2024-04-09T14:00:33+00:00

I'd listen to their side of the story first. As long as I don't have much reasons to doubt them and their character, I'd offer them the same support I'd offer in any other case - an ear to vent to, hugs to cry on, food to gouge on.

uglysaladisugly · 2024-04-09T14:22:15+00:00

I would first have a veeeery serious conversation with them about what exactly happened.

Already happened to me actually, not legal accusations but kind of public outing from other women. In two of the three cases, the guy was actually harasser, just didn't identify their behavior as being harrassment.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-04-09T18:04:37+00:00

I'd listen to their side of the story, and advise them to lawyer up. If it's someone I know well, I'd do my best to be there for them during a difficult time in their life but if I saw some compelling evidence that they did in fact do what they're accused of doing (these are multiple witnesses, video evidence, a paper trail, etc.), our friendship would end really fast.

It's natural for people to be supportive and more trusting of people they know than of complete strangers but we should keep an open mind about these things. I don't want to think people close to me could do something like that but I'm sure the friends and relatives of serial killers probably didn't think their loved ones could be stuffing bodies in the crawlspace either.

sweetestpineapple · 2024-04-09T20:25:11+00:00

I’d try to get as much information from both sides as possible. Even though I believe the percentage of false accusations is higher than the 2% or whatever if you account for false accusations that don’t get the law involved, I still recognize that the majority of people claiming sexual harassment aren’t lying. And then it just depends on the severity of the harassment. Making a bad joke is much different than spreading someone’s nudes around. Unless it was something like the latter, I’d probably be there for emotional support, but wouldn’t wanna be involved in the case in any way. I’d also probably talk to them in person instead of over text because I’d be paranoid about that being used against them.

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-04-10T02:16:11+00:00

For some men in my family l would 100% believe the allegations instantly, because l know them. I am not providing any type of support if I have any doubt of their innocence. I would listen to the ones I believed to be innocent and help them find good lawyers and help them plan what to do next.

Title	Q4W: Someone close to you has been accused of sexual harrassment. How do you support them?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	4
Comments	71
Date	April 9, 2024 6:15 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bzl494/q4w_someone_close_to_you_has_been_accused_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-someone-close-to-you-has-been-accused-of.1514491 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514491

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