A couple of years ago, our youngest of three kids started Jr. High, and became autonomous, as kids do. I was looking forward to spending more time with my wife. I hoped to make up for lost time and travel.

I was also planning to kick my business up a notch. I’m in my peak earning years. So with fewer demands on my time, I knew that I could rally and finish funding our retirement ahead of schedule.

However, my wife started becoming distant, irritable, shrill, critical, short tempered, and just plain angry in general. She started complaining about everything I did. If I cleaned the kitchen, she would get angry and complain about the water drops on the 4 inch strip of Granite, or the grease spot I missed on the stove. Or, I would spend a few hours busting my ass in the kitchen to make an awesome meal. Then she gets furious that I’m making a mess cooking, that I’m taking forever, and that the sauce I made from scratch, sucks.

Fast forward and she starts withdrawing in other ways. She had always helped me in my business, so she could work part-time hours, but always have the flexibility to be there for the kids. She was able to do the soccer games and the concerts, and have time for lunches, dinners, book clubs, and even girls trips with the other kids mothers, as well as volunteering at the school. It’s what she loved. In the meantime, I busted my ass 50 to 60 hours a week grinding away, building up a business to support my family.

She grew more and more distant and stopped really helping me with work. One day, she had left her computer open and, (not what you’re thinking), I found out that she had gotten a job behind my back and had hidden it from me.

When I asked her about it, she became very defensive and angry. She accused me of keeping her down, and not letting her do what she needed to do for herself. She said that she couldn’t talk to me about it because she was sure I would just tell her no, and talk her out of it. I was flabbergasted. She had always done what she wanted. Worked the schedule that she wanted, and set her own priorities. If she wanted to get a different job or do something completely different, and never in 100 years would’ve tried to stop her.

She continued on with her new job and things got worse from there. The next time she left her laptop open, and I looked at it. I found a whole bunch of very graphic photos and messages that she sent to guys that she was having online affairs with. She said she would stop, she didn’t and I caught her again, and then again a third time.

At this point, I figured why not offer an open marriage. That way it’s out in the open, and at least she’s not cheating behind my back. I’m pretty sure the only reason she agreed to the open marriage, was because she didn’t think that I would be able to even find any women. Well, she found a guy, they had a coffee date, and then they set up a date where he came over and she had sex with him in our house.

I was actually OK with it. I’m pretty open-minded, and at that point I had met a few other women that I was talking to casually, and meeting myself. Well, apparently her sexual experience with her new boyfriend was less than what she had fantasized about. She absolutely flipped out that I was talking to different women. It made her angry that I seemed to like I liked them. She said that for her it was just sex, but for me, she thought I would start having feelings towards someone. She threw a fit and then she pulled the plug of the whole open marriage thing.

We tried therapy with dismal results. We just have drifted further and further apart, and we fight incessantly. At this point I know that our marriage is way past saving. Just about to start the process of divorce. But still, after everything, this is so excruciatingly painful for me. I still love the woman so much. I planned to spend the rest of my life with her and I don’t understand how or why someone just switches off like that. I suppose I’m beginning to grieve the loss, and I’m trying to find ways to come to grips.