Thoughts on wanting to be taken care of by a man?

NeonScarredHearts · 2024-07-15T18:35:57+00:00

I want to be taken care of financially by a man. I’ve always had — it was logical to me before even getting into RPW. Most women in my family and around me in society are overworked, stressed, and carry the load at home and work. I refuse to live that kind of life, since most men won’t actually carry 50% of the housework regardless if they promise to do so, I decided that I’d rather focus on the home and have my man focus on work. You can’t force men to change but you can change yourself. So I’m willing to “give up” working full time so that I’m not stretched too thin with also carrying the house load.

Nowadays I don’t think of my decision as “giving up” anymore , I see it as something I genuinely want to do. But of course most women will tell you that because that is the experience of most women these days.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-07-15T14:42:03+00:00

I live in the South and my husband is from a cattle and rodeo family, so this is pretty normal in my circles. I actually always intended to work when I got married. I was a teen librarian and I loved my job. Life has it's surprises, though, and now I stay home with our four children.

My husband is certainly the head of the household, sometimes to a fault. He can be a bit of a bully, in the sense that we'll discuss something, come to a compromise, and he'll do whatever he wants anyway. It's frustrating and definitely our primary argument. That said, he's also the one who takes on the bulk of the stress, when it comes to our finances. He tells me how much I can spend on groceries or whether or not we can afford for me to buy new clothes this month. I just get to go along with it, knowing there's money for food and necessities.

I make responsible choices, of course, but it's quite the privilege to not have to work or worry about the money. I just get to stay home and take care of my house and kids. This morning, I folded the laundry and we built a fort. It outweighs the downside of sometimes feeling steamrolled for me. It is important to consider both the good and the bad, though. If you want a man who will lead, he'll do so even when you don't particularly feel like be led sometimes.

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-07-15T16:17:39+00:00

There's a personality model called the Big 5. The biggest differences between men and women were regarding the traits agreeableness and neuroticism. I happen to believe that more disagreeable, less neurotic people have an advantage in leadership potential and both of those qualities are more associated with the average man.

Independent-Story883 · 2024-07-15T19:14:30+00:00

My advice: Don’t waste time and money chasing what is normal. Find what works and fulfills you in life. You only have one life to live.

It is wonderful you seem to have discovered you really want a relationship where the man is the leader. Can you answer what does that look like? Excellent! Half your work is done! Now the hard part….

Spend time discovering how this type of man thinks and what HE may want in a woman. What does that look like? discreetly, non judgmentally reach out to women who have found the type of men that fit that picture you have created. Try to balance positive and negative examples of what a dominant man looks like. Ask yourself if you can be that woman? No matter what you decide- Be intentional. There is a reason why dating is called fishing, hunting. Attract what you want and need from a man - it makes dating easier.

Remember even in a submissive relationship, a woman IS making decisions. They are deciding to hand power over to their man in exchange for something. Adhering to religious values, guaranteed financial security, to maintain the peace in a turbulent home, the woman maybe aroused by that and find it attractive, the man maybe a father figure for children, the woman maybe anxious and fearful or just hates making decisions. All reasons are equally acceptable and natural. Its their personal decision. Try not to assume. Women defer decisions that often they are intelligent enough, financially secure enough to make themselves.

I think your mom is right. I think every longterm relationship has points of dominance and submission. Life does that. It changes your roles and plans without warning. Good life partners often are flexible even when they started with definite roles they both enjoyed. Why? Is it because they lied and secretly want to switch. No it’s because really just want to be with their partner no matter what. They decided they are married.

Happy hunting!

pinksparklydinos · 2024-07-15T13:33:51+00:00

I think it’s how they work best, certainly.

Since I’ve been here my relationship has got from decent, with a few particular issues to better than I thought it could possibly be.

It requires a definite type of man though - my first husband could not make a decision to save his life and it was one of the things that drove me mad about him. My husband now is a proper leader, happy to steer the ship and I’m a very content first mate! Our son is absolutely thriving.

The420Conspiracy · 2024-07-15T22:50:30+00:00

See alot of men want this but we have to accept that this is a two way street.

You are looking for a provider - a traditional man who can take care of you

Are you a traditional woman? Are you nuturing, loyal and loving?

Or are you more interested in silly power games, Very easily bored- disloyal, would you be willing to cook or do laundry even if you don’t feel like jt because your TV show is on and if your traditional man is tired from a long day of work.

You attract what you are.

Thats the reason i attract nobody 😂

LateralThinker13 · 2024-07-15T14:45:23+00:00

My mom says that it's more common for 50/50 or the woman taking the lead in a relationship

UNTIL he can trust you, probably. Women are no longer entitled to a strong male leader and husband; they must earn it. They must demonstrate that they are trustworthy with that; that they will be a submissive supportive feminine woman in return.

It's not likely to happen for me

You miss all the shots you do not take. This is a self-fulfilling prophesy.

do you think it's how male and female relationships naturally are?

Biological truth since the dawn of humanity.

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2024-07-15T15:27:45+00:00

I think there are a couple of different ideas here:

Economic 50/50: Not unreasonable to want a man to earn most of the money

Relationship emotional labor/mental load: Should feel like 100/100, but in different arenas for both. If the man is the main provider, the woman generally takes on the other stuff (kids, housekeeping, the secretarial tasks that come with family life)--unless the other stuff can be outsourced to family or paid help.

Leadership: I actually think that a lot of women who say they want or have male-led relationships in fact want/have egalitarian or female-led ones...in which the man and the woman communicate a lot and then they end up doing what the woman wants thanks to all their wonderful communication! 😛

I think every man who's capable of leadership and character will also have some disagreeable traits of an asshole or a bully. Men can see these traits in themselves, work on them, pick their battles, but that comes with time and maturity. See u/wife_and_mama's great comment about the pros and cons of being with a leader.

Visible-Roll-5801 · 2024-07-15T15:22:20+00:00

You can allow a man to make you feel safe stable secure protected all of that, however, that can all exist while you still feel like you have autonomy and personal power. 50/50 isn’t a good guideline in my opinion. If you want him to take care of all the money things, there is no issue with that. That’s what men are for in a way. But again there is a ~feeling~ to that type of dynamic that is the difference between it’s a choice and you like that he does it and you have roles in other areas versus he is the sole captain of this ship and because I do not provide financially I have no say. These things are so individual you have to find what makes your relationship feel right to you

plein_old · 2024-07-15T16:27:07+00:00

In the animal world, for instance with farm animals, the male acts as both a provider and a protector. The female nurtures the babies.

For example, if a rooster finds some special food, rather than eating it himself, he will call to one of his hens, for her to eat it instead of him.

People today are simply lost in dysfunctional, superstitious belief systems that have nothing to do with observable reality.

Ambitious_Orchid5984 · 2024-07-15T13:50:26+00:00

50/50 is a roomate situation not romantic partnership! So many horror stories from women who did it! They were left off as Barbara the builders while the man saved and got everything he needed on the back of that woman! Then he dumps her and finds the woman who he actually wanted! Any man wanting 50/50 is basically asking you to build him for another woman!

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-07-15T15:46:00+00:00

Of course your mom is correct it's more common to be the other way. Doesn't mean anyone likes or thrives under what is common - do you think most people are thriving, loving their life?

What I see repeatedly, even here where we strive for the male-led relationship dynamics that sexual synergy burns under, is that women don't want to hold up their end of the deal with a man who takes FULL responsibility for all aspects of the household. He can't very well take care of you if you fight him every step of the way. A lot of women want men to take on more responsibility without having to surrender more power to them. This is where Submission As Strategy comes in.

Consequently, even a man who would be willing to take on this responsibility may end up living in a female-led relationship where the woman has wrested all power from him while simultaneously complaining he has no initiative. Alternatively, a man who is looking to take on that responsibility in exchange for a woman's submission may struggle to find a woman who is actually looking for that exchange.

You will only ever get what you're willing to pay for.

Candid_Statement_152 · 2024-07-15T13:34:20+00:00

I don't think women should agree 50/50, let alone be the one to actively lead the relationship. follow what you want. Don't lower your standards

2024-07-15T15:27:02+00:00

50/50 is just a hair step above being single. All you get really, is sex. Maybe some babies you’ll never get to raise yourself anyways. It’s a glorified FWB situation basically.

If I have to lead, I may as well stay single.

I’m not going to gaslight my needs for a provider and protector. A man cannot protect me to the fullest, if he’s not leading and in charge of every damn thing.

It’s a huge responsibility for him yes, but it frees a woman up to give him what he needs: to fill him up with my radiance, respect, and support. If that level of intimacy is not worth it to him, then I’m not interested.

Key_Hunter4064 · 2024-07-15T22:20:13+00:00

I see a lot of women who want a male led relationship but don't know how to be led. Look at the type of women who date the type of men you want. try to find out what character traits they have that made them got picked by these guys.

It's one thing to be taken care of by a men financially but another thing to be totally care free and not responsible or atleast carrying half of the mental and emotional load.

ThrowRABaker6685 · 2024-07-15T13:41:25+00:00

I tried to respond to the other commenter who mentioned not accepting 50/50 but your comment disappeared when I tried to post my comment.

I said: Yeah, it's such a turn off but my mom got really triggered when I said I didn't want to be anyone's mommy. And she replied that no one wants to be my daddy, but I'm not looking to date the equivalent of my dad. I told her I didn't want to replicate her relationship where she had to take care of my dad who cheated on her and abandoned the family. I told her that throughout history, men took care of women, though women did their fair share of house work/labor/child rearing, but it seems like in most traditional cultures, men took on more of an active role in the relationship.

SuperiorLake_ · 2024-07-15T15:08:15+00:00

It’s not black and white for us. There are some things that he takes the lead on, and other things that are closer to 50/50. For example, picking a house to buy is him leading. Planning our living situation while in the process of finding a house a little more balanced between both of us.

serene_brutality · 2024-07-15T19:16:50+00:00

This is a tough one. Sadly lots of guys have had their feelings or desires for leadership crushed by single moms, the school system or society in general. Nobody concisely articulates what “toxic masculinity” is vs healthy masculinity and often any expression of it, or while learning it, it’s labeled as toxic and stamped out. So growing up they’re constantly led by women and allow them to lead for the remainder of their lives to the detriment of everyone. When you meet a guy you really have to let or encourage him to take the lead and never fight him for it. It sucks, but until a guy has confidence in his leadership abilities he’ll drop them at the first hurdle.

AutoModerator · 2024-07-15T13:20:44+00:00

Title: Thoughts on wanting to be taken care of by a man?

Author ThrowRABaker6685

Full text: I'm not talking about relying on him completely financially, but feeling like he's the captain of the ship so to speak. My mom says that it's more common for 50/50 or the woman taking the lead in a relationship, but honestly I want to feel safe and stable and taken care of. It's not likely to happen for me, but do you think it's how male and female relationships naturally are?

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Diamond-Breath · 2024-07-16T15:20:34+00:00

My man takes care of me, he's wonderful. Feels great to be treated like a princess, I highly recommend it lol.

Downtown-Forever · 2024-08-09T16:22:25+00:00

I think it’s ridiculous. If you’re a single able bodied person then you should be responsible for yourself.

Icy_Adhesiveness349 · 2024-09-08T23:28:52+00:00

I have always been attracted to men who were providers.

I am currently in a relationship with someone who takes care of >90% of my expenses. My only expenses total around $500 a month.

I am planning to marry a provider man. And he has told me from his own mouth that he wants a woman who would want to stay at home. So it’s possible and those men are out there :)

DiscussionScorpion · 2024-10-01T11:12:48+00:00

I want to be a mother and the helm of the home and also homeschooling while my man provides financially for the home. The man has the money but the women steers the ship. I just hope I can get it before I’m too old to conceive.

PiccolaMela91 · 2024-12-15T02:59:26+00:00

It’s something I’ve always wanted and never found.

RoosterExtension393 · 2025-12-28T08:55:25+00:00

Ive been in 2 actual relationship and I regret screwing up the second one. I feel its because the first one messed me up so bad. In my first relationship I provided I did more than the step dad and the dad and I protected my girlfriend like my life depended on it. She was raised to believe men were only good for money and her mother was a very scandalous person (who I assume she learned everything from) and put us both in more danger than she'd like to admit. She's doing well for herself and honestly despite how much she hurt me I hope she continues to do well for herself.

My second real relationship was the complete opposite. She wanted to take care of me and have me move with her. Im not used to this as I've grown up with a family of women who will only support you based off of what you can do for them the same as my ex I suppose. It really sucks too because I know grown men older than me who expect their girls to do everything for them yet contribute nothing but to spread their seed yet they deserve a chance and I'm considered a pussy for not standing up for myself more.

I've become so jaded that I do not want family around I do not believe friends exist and the only thing I care about other than my innocent little sister, are my dogs. I wish I could go out and support a woman I love completely so long as she is able to support me mentally. The only problem is that the next guy can do twice as much as I can and so I become irrelevant. The bigger problem is that the guy who she thought could do twice as much as I could ends up betraying her and doing her dirty and then reflects back on guys like me (nice guys) who could literally beat the shit out of 5 people at a time but aren't manly enough because they don't bullshit about how cool they are for someone who's gullible enough to buy it.

I don't mean to rant this way as everyone has their own struggles but the only things I trust these days are my messed up gut and my beautiful dogs

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2024-07-16T10:57:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Thoughts on wanting to be taken care of by a man?
Author	ThrowRABaker6685
Upvotes	66
Comments	47
Date	July 15, 2024 1:20 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1e3umlk/thoughts_on_wanting_to_be_taken_care_of_by_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/thoughts-on-wanting-to-be-taken-care-of-by-a-man.1524355 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524355

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