Could you be happy in a marriage where your spouse isn't your best friend?

IdiAminD · 2024-08-20T20:00:49+00:00

If we would be not married, most likely we would not be friends with my wife. We are from totally different backgrounds and we have vastly different views. Her friends are mainly upper middle class " good boys and girls"(lawyers, doctors, business owners), my friends are from working class/farmers background(but now in engineering mainly) and she doesn't even want to meet them lol. I've met her friends but our relations are mix of mutual despise and distance.

BarPsychological904 · 2024-08-20T21:56:19+00:00

I think you have a weird definition of the "best friend". Best friend is exactly a reliable, supportive person who genuinely likes you and whose you like back. It's not about sharing a hobby or hanging out with a beer or something, having fun etc, it's exactly about life. Friendship comes in different forms and can happen between very different people, but as long as they have something to appreciate in each other things are going well.

If my spouse does all that you mentioned for me, they are my best friend

Question is, am I a best friend to them?

Elliejq88 · 2024-08-20T22:18:34+00:00

No. I'm married to my best friend and several of my friends aren't. I don't envy their marriages personally...they usually comment on the bond I have with my husband. They don't have the emotional connection and freedom to 100% be themselves.

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EulenWatcher · 2024-08-20T22:37:43+00:00

No, not really.

To have emotional connection, to form and keep the bond between you two, you have to spend quality time together, seek and enjoy each other company and have fun together. It's as important as the other things you've listed.

Also, to fall for someone I need emotional connection in the first place. If I don't enjoy their company, there are zero chances we'd date.

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Tiny-Side3720 · 2024-08-21T08:48:25+00:00

Obviously yes, but it's more that you should have 2 or 3 best friends in that case, including your spouse, rather than not being best buds with your spouse at all.

Idk how a relationship would function, other than if 'everyone understands their roles'. But that's not a real marriage, it's just a fasade.

Competitive_Rock3038 · 2024-08-21T09:58:18+00:00

Yes of course. Being friends, especially best friends, and being in a relationship are totally different things.

Also, my best friend is and always will be - a man. Actualy THE man, since we are best friends since age 7. No woman can replace him, and it shouldn't have to. The dynamic between 2 best male friends and man and woman is totally different and fills different spots.

I couldn't live without my nale friends. That doesn't mean that I can't love a woman, but I need both. It's like saying "if you have food, why do you need water?"

Men are tribal creatures and we need companionship and brotherhood or men . As far as I cna see, this is what is lacking in Western world now and a reason for "male loneliness and unhappiness". Not a need for a woman, it's a need for brotherhood

obviousredflag · 2024-08-21T10:35:02+00:00

No, i would not marry someone whom i don't go to if i want to hang out and have fun.

kochIndustriesRussia · 2024-08-21T11:59:06+00:00

Yes. But you'll end up divorced.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-08-21T12:14:18+00:00

No, because the relationship will probably be boring and I don’t like a boring relationship.

Hot-Corgi-2457 · 2024-08-21T13:09:53+00:00

I’d think so, but first, I’d need a best friend.

Actually, I’d need A FRIEND first…

GladNetwork8509 · 2024-08-21T21:28:34+00:00

Yeah I love my partner but I still have a best friend. He checks all my boxes and I spend the majority of my time with him but I still like having a best friend that's not him. I've had the same best friend since I was 6. She's my sister now, my family absorbed her into the collective since we've been friends for so long.

bluepvtstorm · 2024-08-21T21:36:42+00:00

I think it’s weird to expect your spouse to fulfill every support role in your life. My best friend is my best friend. I do believe that a spouse should like you and you should have things in common and enjoy each others company but I don’t think best friend should be the requirement.

That makes no sense to me.

Due_Bumblebee6061 · 2024-08-22T02:14:42+00:00

I love and adore my husband but he’s not my best friend. Nor am I his best friend. We’ve been married for 14 years and going strong. We’re happy in this relationship NOT being each others best friends. I also thinks this works for us because we own a business together. We spend so much time together already.

just_a_place · 2024-08-22T05:54:28+00:00

wtknight · 2024-08-20T18:55:26+00:00

I hang out with my wife more than I do with other friends, so she should probably be my best friend, or at least second best friend if I had a really good guy friend (which I don’t).

Barely-moral · 2024-08-20T23:37:11+00:00

I would be happy in such a relationship.

We both are doing our part. There is stability in the relationship. That is more than enough.

Relationships are not for fun.

alebruto · 2024-08-20T21:34:57+00:00

My wife checks all of these boxes (but we don't have kids) and I consider her my best friend, but we don't share exactly the same hobbies, but we are happy to support each other's hobbies.

But even friendship doesn't have much to do with "liking the same things" for me, so it's hard to answer your question, I have friends with completely different hobbies than me, some like books and others like going to clubs, while others like both and others like neither.

I don't think sharing hobbies is the same thing as "being best friends", because I have both common and distinct hobbies with my wife and my friends.

For me, being best friends is a requirement for being a spouse, but being best friends has more to do with values and purpose than hobbies.

throwRA-lifeadvice · 2024-08-20T20:21:57+00:00

Definitely not.

Title	Could you be happy in a marriage where your spouse isn't your best friend?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	8
Comments	75
Date	August 19, 2024 11:36 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ewgpt2/could_you_be_happy_in_a_marriage_where_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/could-you-be-happy-in-a-marriage-where-your-spouse.1527818 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527818

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