She (39f) me (37m) filed in Sept, she's been over things for a while after 14 yrs. And currently we still live together (have 3 kids, she's been a sahm and we don't have the finances or support to live separately)

I want to reconcile badly so ive been keeping things calm and amicable trying to work on myself. The funny thing is we've had more productive conversations and even a few dates and, (probably the wrong move) we've been having more sex than even our newly Wed era, I honestly have felt there is a chance.

But I found out recently shes started talking with other men and she's now lining up dates during times when I work and kids are in school (shes past feeling shame for it so she doesn't/does care if I go through her phone)

Of all the things she's asked for all I asked was no bringing in others till things are finalized at the least

I know I've been floating in lala land thinking the reconnecting was her actually reconsidering and really its easing through emotions. I know I should've physically cut things off and started taking my own side instead of trying tk continue playing house

I'm angry, and pissed and hurt cuz i wanted believe/hope there was still a chance. I wanted to be the exception and save my marriage but im realizing there isnt any way off this track.

I want to say fuck everything and deliberately turn this divorce process into a massive shit show out of spite. But that's not who I am, nor the kind of man I want be.

Idk what to do, I know I need to start accepting reality, I need to let things go and move on but I'm not ready to lose her, or have my family split