I hate how disconnected straight males and gay males' experience are when it comes to societal tolerance

XYBiohacker · 2025-03-03T08:08:15+00:00

This is one of the funniest things I've noticed about the general progressive culture we see, especially in media. Let's say we have a white man, a lot of them will say that he is privileged and is an "oppressor", however, the moment the man tells them he is gay or bisexual, he is suddenly a "good" guy and is no longer privileged anymore, despite there being virtually no difference in the persons.

It's the same thing with "men", no body will bat an eye if you disparage men as a whole, but the moment you go down a sub-category, especially those involving racial minorities, you'll see a lot of people do a 180 degree tun around.

This is why a lot of these identity politics and the "hierarchy of opression" are a logical fallacy to me and I believe trying to fit men and women in there does not really work, since the roles of men and women are more complex in the society, and even amongst men and women there are so many different sub-divsions.

themoonmonkey · 2025-03-03T13:04:56+00:00

I'll say it again, and I'll say it until the day I die. Gay men are either treated as brothers or as abominations by straight men. Straight women will only ever treat gay men as if they are close to but not quite men.

The amount of times a woman has said to me "you're a guy, but you're not like a guy" with the reason being exclusively that I'm a gay man easily makes it the most common conversation I have had about homophobia. And that's before you factor in "gaydar" (that they swear is 100% accurate, but really it is just the ability to see a fem twink) and the way they treat tops and bottoms. The second you show a normal male libido, they're grossed out.

blackjustin · 2025-03-03T08:51:32+00:00

Actually, if you wanna make it weird and see how intolerant society really is of gay men....

Men, how many times have you done something that seems inconsequential and been ridiculed by a woman for it?

"Oh, he drank out of a straw, he must be <some very rude word describing a gay man"
Put lotion on? Gay.
Dirty nails are gross, but wash your hands? Gay.
Physically can not grow a beard? Gay.
Like having sex doggy style with women? Gay.
Find that unattractive woman unattractive? Gay.

BelCantoTenor · 2025-03-03T14:51:14+00:00

Gay man here. See, that’s how ingrained homophobia is. Homosexual men are tolerated much better nowadays. Yes, we don’t face as much backlash or violence for being who we are, in the right environment. However, we aren’t seen as powerful or equal to the power that our equivalent heterosexual male counterparts have. Heterosexual men aren’t allowed to mimic homosexual behavior in any way because society devalues them for doing so. A man expressing feminine traits is seen as less masculine and less powerful. That is another level of homophobia that still affects straight, gay, and bisexual men. It prevents men from expressing non-sexualized physical affection with each other, closeness, and intimacy with friends. And men need intimacy to thrive. Love is universal in our society. And men should be allowed to express love for each other freely without fear or judgement. And especially without the fear of having our sexual orientation judged. Your sexual orientation is what YOU say it is, not what it appears to be to others.

Quinlov · 2025-03-03T23:24:56+00:00

Yeah tbh as a gay man in the UK I'm starting to notice that misandry is getting out of hand but being gay sometimes offers me some protection

mrmensplights · 2025-03-04T04:31:13+00:00

While that's true, I also feel like progressive ideology puts gay men 'in a box', and if you refuse to get inside they'll turn against you. You better be the gay man they want. Usually the one they saw on the television.

Vegetable_Ad1732 · 2025-03-03T22:14:22+00:00

Straight here. I act as I want, f*&k what other people think. Of course when you live like that, you don't have too many friends.

EyeComprehensive6940 · 2025-03-03T14:30:24+00:00

Why is it that women and feminists in the last half a century have completely changed everything for women? How much has changed for men - all men - during the same time? Barely nothing. It's because men still follow along - we complain but don't refuse.

Why aren't we refusing the conscription en masse? Why aren't we protesting mgm (male genital mutilation)? Our bodies are literally owned by the state when shit hits the fan and WE DO NOT HAVE BODILY AUTONOMY.

There is an extreme empathy gap unfortunately between men too, gay or straight. But for gay men they are not part of 'the system' - they don't simp for pussy and that's why they don't need to conform.

Pussies make slaves.

Man is so used to be the slave of society that he can't even see it.

PrimeWolf88 · 2025-03-04T13:44:43+00:00

Gay here.

Literally had women do a complete 180° when someone introduced me at a party and then told them I was gay when they were uninterested. One became obsessed with me and tried to stick around with me the entire night after that until I left.

Also lost a friend I hung around with for a few years after realising she never paid for anything and was trying to condition me into financially supporting her when we went out (Like some kind of simp). After gently pushing her towards paying for herself I cut contact as she was incredibly entitled and expected me to pay just for being a man.

I sympathise with straight men a lot as they have a VERY tough time dating and even interacting with selfish modern women.

Der_Edel_Katze · 2025-03-03T07:39:55+00:00

Unfortunately, that's how people work. Progressives tend to have an ingroup preference for all groups considered disadvantaged according to intersectionality, which begets an outgroup bias for everyone else.

On the other hand, they do also say shit like "if you don't want to fuck someone with the opposite sex's genitals, you're a bad person." Source: am gay man

Former-Dragonfly2226 · 2025-03-03T10:51:24+00:00

Because women see men as a rape risk. Once it’s established a man’s gay this perceived risk is physiologically removed, and he’s welcomed into the sisterhood. He’s then expected to be feminine, as any masculine traits are condemned, and he’ll be removed if they continue.

GeneralWilling7942 · 2025-03-04T01:13:36+00:00

I’d have to disagree, I obviously see your POV but saying your struggles of being a straight man is worse than being a gay man is just crazy to me. Not to take away from your experiences obviously but I don’t think most straight men ACTUALLY KNOW what comes with being gay…it’s a full time job! Like imagine having to come out for the rest of your life not knowing how it’s gonna be perceived. Most gay men CANT even say the words “I’m gay” including me and I’m just in high school.😭

SlapfuckMcGee · 2025-03-04T00:03:10+00:00

I dress ridiculously and do feminine shit and I’m straight.

But I get what you’re saying.

2025-03-04T09:27:39+00:00

Because they know you've been oppressed and you're not trying to "go after" them ladies. They get off on rejecting the men who want them. So that's why we get the brunt of it. I always think gay men are like a superhero against women cause they have no power here lol

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-03-04T19:52:11+00:00

"There are so many things gay men can get away with but straight men can't."

At the same time, some people think that non hetero men are treated just as bad as hetero men. I don't get it.

Angryspazz · 2025-03-04T01:50:00+00:00

My man paints his nails...he must be bisexual right? I've gotten that question more than a few times

Awkward_Research_180 · 2025-03-03T16:29:32+00:00

I was sexually assaulted by a gay man out of nowhere. There were a lot of people there and no one helped me and I was frozen and definitely shocked.

No one talks about gay people that sexual assault other men , those that supposedely preach justice and compassion will protect these despicable people because they are despicable themselves. They prefer to let criminal gay men to do their criminal activities and let innocent men go to prison from false allegations and protect the woman that made these false allegations.

But you know something, since people get away with this behaviour (protecting criminals), they will continue to do it forever, while those that want to help since they get punished for it, they will always stop helping others after a certain point.

Disastrous_Average91 · 2025-03-03T19:26:05+00:00

I agree. Although lgbt men are discriminated against, they are almost expected to go against gender norms so they’re more accepted/understood when they’re more feminine but straight men get questioned. As a bi man, this really needs to change. Men should be able to express themselves as they really are

BudSmkr · 2025-03-03T20:32:23+00:00

Us gay bros are here for you, too. Just let us be truly equal friends and we’ll call that shit out day and night for you.

Civil_Royal3450 · 2025-03-04T01:35:24+00:00

I’m going to tell you plainly about my own experiences. I had no special advantages whatsoever. Growing up, I was beaten mercilessly simply because people suspected I was gay. No one stood up for me. When I tried to get help at school, I was told to be a man and fight back. I was dragged across gravel, punched, spat on, and had my head forced into a toilet multiple times while being called a “pos faggot.” I was stepped on and treated like garbage. I ended up hating who I was, and I had good reason, because other guys regularly reminded me I was worthless. By today’s standards, I wasn’t “flamboyant” at all, but suspicion alone was enough. Having your head slammed into a wall while someone screams “fucking faggot” leaves deep scars.

I learned to hide who I was and how I appeared. I forced myself to adopt a masculine exterior, to fight, to play sports, to walk and talk and act as straight men do, because survival demanded it. I carry a lot of trauma from those days, and I’m conflicted because now I can pass as straight, but at the cost of everything I went through at the hands of cruel straight guys.

I was in ROTC to pay for college, and nobody knew I was gay because it was illegal to be out. I thought I had it under control until one person used my computer and saw my browsing history. This guy shoved me against a wall, told me - others might not know what you are, but I do, and it's fucking disgusting. He'd refer to me a “faggot maggot” and a “disgusting freak.” It messed with my mind for a long time, but I’ve processed a lot of it now. I'd love to know whatever became of these people, but I've moved on, and it's better that it all remains in the past. They'd probably deny it.

To me, this shows how damaging it is when people are forced to appear a certain way and when prejudice is allowed to go unchecked. No one should ever feel the need to hide their true self just to survive. It’s painful, it’s draining, and it leaves you with wounds that can take years to heal. True acceptance means celebrating our differences rather than forcing everyone to fit the same mold.

OneEyedWolf092 · 2025-03-04T05:20:47+00:00

This is a very very skewed way of looking at things.

For every tolerant person you meet, you have 5 intolerant ones around the corner (many of whom often won't let their bias show directly).

For every person accepting of flamboyant mannerisms and attire, there are 10 who would look at you like you've grown three horns and two extra feet.

For every woman who is okay with feminine hobbies, there will be homophobic straight men to call them less of a man.

I don't even know what to say about the compliments part, a lot of gay men would not compliment other men for the fear of being abused.

There are so many things gay men can get away with but straight men can't

For the few positives, there are a ton of negatives you're failing to account for.

If society can treat gay men like a person

This is honestly hilarious. Just because LGBTQ acceptance has increased globally, especially in the West, it does not mean gay men have become anywhere even close to being equals to straight men on the societal ladder.

brokenteller · 2025-03-09T03:58:13+00:00

I live in the south and it is definitely not progressive around here. In fact I don’t have a single gay friend (I’m gay) because no gay wants to be friends with each other in the south. It’s no name no phone number exchanging after a hook up — most bi/gay guys around here have girl friends and even kids. What’s worse are the closested gay married men that get on Grindr when their wives are out of town.

Having friends period is impossible. Straight friends wives who always hate me. Had one secretly logged into my Facebook for a couple years before I found out.

And I’ve had straight friends who at the beginning tell me don’t ever try anything. Then one night years later alcohol is involved and I dodge all their advances because I keep lines drawn and they ghost from my life.

lol /my experience

LateralThinker13 · 2025-03-03T23:47:29+00:00

Because modern liberals are bigots who hate people for their immutable characteristics, unlike conservatives who generally hate on people for their harmful actions.

Wittehbawx · 2025-03-05T01:37:39+00:00

that's the patriarchy for you

AnnonymousXXX · 2025-03-03T13:58:52+00:00

Gay men can openly walk up to other men and ask if they want butt-sex, and it's considered "gender expression" but it's "sexual harassment" when straight men do it.

Quarto6 · 2025-03-03T18:05:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Naive-Ad1268 · 2025-03-03T09:27:31+00:00

yes man and that's the thing that makes me hate and fear all those that are not straight males.

I fear biological females a lot.

Title	I hate how disconnected straight males and gay males' experience are when it comes to societal tolerance
Author	Tireless_AlphaFox
Upvotes	352
Comments	108
Date	March 3, 2025 7:33 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1j2dd4r/i_hate_how_disconnected_straight_males_and_gay/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-hate-how-disconnected-straight-males-and-gay.1545464 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545464

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