Having a naive enthusiasm. Some preconceived notions about relationships that aren't the most healthy. Clouded judgement. Even a feeling of "I can't afford to lose this, this has to work." Following some twisted, tainted version of desire. Idealising/pedestalising the other.

Ironically, listening to women's side of being in such relationships secretly makes me feel like virgin men's pain of missing out is pretty human, and theoretically it might even be possible to have some women sort of understand. We aren't an alien species after all, we all have our flaws, and we can all relate to similar feelings.

What drives men to spiral into some internet ideologies and to what women say "that's so weird and entitled, us women are much more normal!" omits the part that very similar feelings drive women in entirely different directions. Women's "normal" (generally speaking) is experience. That's the difference. Not the underlying mental issues, the naivety or idealisation, the awkwardness or the insecurity. Just that women can much more easily actually get sweeped up in the materialisation of these things. Women can grab the hand of their own "demons" and then it's a two-person dance that's not just about them. It's a shifting, real, living thing, it's being in motion.

Of course "being stuck" the way some men feel seems silly for women, but on the grand scheme of things, that's easy for women to say. Our biological and social realities differ, but folly isn't gendered. Women's sex related folly does not result in stagnation and being stuck as much as men's due to how the dating dynamics work. It's not exactly fair to paint men as "uniquely brainwashed" for this. Of course we should all strive for healthiness, I'm not saying folly is good, it's just only human.