Feminists somehow acknowledge men being expected to be breadwinners, stoic protectors and pursuers under "patriarchy hurts men too" while they simultaneously tell men their dating issues have nothing to do with society or women.

I think there is a visible condtradiction here that highlights the inconsistency and bad-faith nature of leftist gender ideology, and the mistreatment of romantically struggling men.

This "patriarchy hurts men too" is almost like the equivalent of a racist person saying "but I do have friends of X race, some of them are good!". It's an ideological cop-out, a bit of leeway put in a vacuum-box which they use to maintain their otherwise hateful attitudes without having to truly self-reflect.

Yes, whiny men are not a group of saints either and their worse actors do contribute to the "gender war" nature of these discussions but that's been discussed many times by many other people. It's no excuse for flaws on the counter-arguments that exist against common complaints of these men (that don't only get verbalized with outright woman-hating, no).

When men think they are pressured into roles in dating, that things are expected of them unfairly, when they lament how it's difficult to live up to whatever women want, the default thing is to tell them they should only focus on themselves. Society won't or can't change and "raising awareness" is pointless, so is empathy, etc. But the patriarchy hurts men too, btw. Men are expected to be this and that. But no, society and women don't have to change. It's toxic to think so.

"We can't influence people to change" is contrary to how modern day feminists who aren't purely focused on third world countries operate. Their basic mindset is not like that. Societal awareness, empathy, telling men that they should call out other men because they can effect men better, calling tendencies in men's subjective preferences as potential bad influences on women, analyzing small, subtle everyday things and talking about the little sexist gestures, having an attitude of "attitudes matter" are absolutey things that exist in feminist circles and anyone who spent a bit of time listening to people like this should be able to know that. "Educate yourself" is literally like an anti-sexist slogan of feminism. Knowing about women's issues seems to be considered a good thing in and of itself.

The idea that despite us being more or less free and equal now and having the ability to pick our people, there are still unfair expectations (on women) is all-around accepted, even when we zoom into this concept, even when individuals express their lamentations, even when you can be a blue-haired lesbian and still find a job and a loving community.

"Society expects something of this demographic that hurts them" is not normally accompanied with "but don't even think YOU are unfairly affected, and don't whine about how you would like it to change". This is unusual. It just is.

And so men being expected to be breadwinners, pursuers, protectors, these things making dating women unfairly and uniquely difficult for them should not be waved away for anyone who seriously considers themselves to be someone who cares about such things. Allegedly, that includes everyone who says "patriarchy hurts men too".