Divorce is ongoing. Slowly but surely. But what matters more, is my wife handled me like the worst POS ever. We were together for 9 years. A year ago she admitted she had a limerence. We decided to go to counseling. Turns out I did a lot of things wrong, I hurt her, I neglected her. The next year I did my bet. I showed up, I took over, I organized things, I worked on myself.

And then towards the end of last year something broke. She became cold. No more positive feedbacks about our progress, no more feedbacks about my mistakes, what to work on. Just passive-aggressive, or completely passive reactions. On couples counseling she still brought up topics, and I worked on all of them. But towards the end, she handled me like the worst POS ever. She announced divorce a month ago. I was crushed. I tried so hard, and developed so much, and she still rejected me, after 9 years together, just 2 weeks before our anniversary.

Well, a few days ago I found out why. She was having an emotional affair with her limerent object. They were going to lectures together, making music together, spending time together. When we started counseling she told me she will avoid him.

Well, now I realize why she was so cold, passive-aggressive, checked out. In mind she was already with the guy.

Suddenly my failure transformed into her utter betrayal. I failed, sure, I still made mistakes, but I did my best. She on the other hand had an emotional affair. And what is the worst, she is quiet spiritual, etc., so emotions were the most important to her. Yet she chose to spend those times with him.

Anyways, some people highlighted to me, that emotional affair is far far worse than me trying and failing. And I also had to realize. Damn. That's why she was so cold, so checked out. That's why she was gone. I could only change for myself, she didn't care anymore. She was gone.

And finally, yesterday evening, instead of the 3-4 hours of sleep, waking up to ultimate guilt of ruining 9 years... Finally I slept 6 hours. And when I woke up, I wanted to sleep more, I just had work. I will grieve the happy years, the future we imagined. But this woman is not anyone I want to spend my life with anymore. And it's giving me closure.