Is it true that the whole “height thing”, especially about men, isn’t really a thing in real life? Or, not as much of a thing as on the internet?

fluttering_vowel · 2025-07-09T03:33:48+00:00

I have been shocked that this is a thing. I haven’t ever thought about my partner’s height. I have been in a relationship with men who were shorter than me, men who were the same height as me (5’5-5’7), men who were taller than me. Men with long hair. Men who were bald. Those are factors I don’t think about. Same with income.

I get annoyed when I see that assumption about women blasted all over the internet. I’ve never heard my girlfriends talk about a man’s height.

But there are probably shallow women out there just like there are shallow men. Women who only want tall men, men who only want women with large breasts. So what? You’re not meant for each other, no big deal. That doesn’t kick you out of dating women who don’t have that as a requirement. All this stuff is sensational online to get more clicks and promote rage and insecurity. There are shallow people. Who cares. You’re not trying to date the shallow ones.

I’ve also never thought a man was more or less sexy based on his height or whether he had hair or not. Women aren’t a monolith, but there are other women like me. If you run into shallow ones, no big deal. As women we also run into shallow men. Have to just keep going, the down to earth ones will find each other.

geoffersonstarship · 2025-07-09T02:24:17+00:00

I have mainly dated shorter men, married to a shorter man. though i usually prefer my height or taller but as you can see ….. not a dealbreaker

Wandering_Oblivious · 2025-07-08T23:29:13+00:00

It's a factor for sure, but it's SIGNIFICANTLY less important than chronically online people would have you believe. Imo to the point of being basically negligible in it's impact on your life and sense of wellbeing and contentment.

Additionally who cares about these "man on the street" format videos where all the girls (often times paid to be there and told what to say) act all turned on for the giga-chad or whatever. Are any of those women actually content with their lives? Do they feel genuine connection or satisfaction? Who set a bar for you of meeting their standards?

Superb-Foundations · 2025-07-09T05:08:51+00:00

I'm married to a man who is 5'8. My sister is married to a man who is shorter than my husband but I dont know his exact height. I dont think it's as big of a deal as guys make it on the internet tbh.

actuallyacatmow · 2025-07-08T23:46:55+00:00

It is definitely a case of being too online.

Men in the red-pill tend to hyper-fixate on height because it's a definite 'measurable' aspect of attractiveness towards women compared to other aspects like facial features and personality.

Quo_Usque · 2025-07-09T14:27:34+00:00

It’s like breast size for women. A lot of women feel really insecure about their breast size, and you see a lot of guys online fetishizing large breasts, but in reality most guys don’t really care and certainly don’t consider it a dealbreaker- even if they think large breasts are really sexy. Similarly, most women don’t really care about height and don’t consider it a dealbreaker, even if they think tall guys are sexy.

ConsultJimMoriarty · 2025-07-09T07:33:29+00:00

I honestly have never met a woman who would flat out refuse to date short men.

And honestly, who would want to be with someone shallower than a puddle? I sure wouldn’t. You want someone that still takes your breath away when they’re grey and wrinkly and saggy all over.

ElliMac1995 · 2025-07-11T11:34:24+00:00

too online. most women, at least in my circle, are primarily interested in being treated well. being short may hinder you online or with a first impression, but if you get out there and get to know some people, while also focusing on yourself and developing your own emotional intelligence...you'll be fine.

Limerent2024 · 2025-07-12T10:56:37+00:00

According to the research [1], a 5'4" man has about 9 lifetime sexual partners on average; a 6'5" man has about 12 lifetime partners. A 5'7" man has about as many lifetime sex partners as a 6'0" man. So while being shorter makes things slightly harder, it doesn’t by any stretch of the imagination make things impossible.

[1] David A. Frederick and Brooke N. Jenkins, “Height and Body Mass on the Mating Market: Associations With Number of Sex Partners and Extra-Pair Sex Among Heterosexual Men and Women Aged 18–65” doi:10.1177/1474704915604563

ComplexAttitude4Lyfe · 2025-07-09T16:33:14+00:00

It's a thing in that people focus solely on online dating and not reality.

Yes, height preferences exist. But not as much as these people would have you believe.

And I think the whole "settling" thing is pick up artists trying to make men believe committed relationships are a horrible prison. Nevermind that there are a majority of men happily married.

mayafied · 2025-07-10T15:46:09+00:00

dudes hyperfixate on that bc it gives them a concrete reason they can point to for their failures in the dating realm.

what actually makes them unattractive is their lack of self-esteem & their lame ass worldview.

it’s a thing for some women, particularly in the hookup app scene, don’t get me wrong. but it’s overblown. irl, in meatspace, all those “requirements” go out the window when there’s chemistry.

GlitterDollMUA · 2025-07-09T11:33:09+00:00

Everyone is different. Everyone has different preferences. That’s ok! There ARE women who would never date you because you’re not tall enough. Thats ok. That’s not every woman. And I don’t mean that in a 1 in a 100 way. I mean, if you asked women, completely at random, you’re going to find that it’s around half of them will say they want to date a man taller than she is. That’s ok. There’s a LOT of people. A LOT. What will help you find the person of your dreams? Be confident, be competent, be compassionate. If you focus on you for a bit, the other stuff gets WAY easier. Just don’t let being shorter make you bitter. I swear, there’s plenty of women who think you’re the perfect height. Make yourself the man who isn’t defined at all by height.

Ok-Win9437 · 2025-07-15T11:39:54+00:00

as a woman generally height hasnt been an issue, i am only short anyway (5'2) but my ex was shorter than me. he was nice to me and was kind (things didnt work out for other reasons which are not attached to this height) - from the online conversation ive seen its also the idiot men who cant get partners because they are idiot red pilled men, not because theyre 5'10. women generally are no way near as shallow as the internet wants to convince you we are

Practical-Tea-3337 · 2025-07-09T13:23:24+00:00

In short...no.

Polish_Girlz · 2025-07-09T20:34:29+00:00

It might be an issue for SOME women. It may be more of an issue if you're 5'2 and under.

cupcakewaffles · 2025-07-10T17:54:22+00:00

It really doesn’t matter much to me. If all other things were equal, would I prefer a taller guy to a shorter one? Sure, but you’ll basically never be in that situation and there’s a lot of things that matter significantly more, like which guy makes laugh, who makes me feel good about myself, who puts forth the effort to get to know me, things like that. I’ll climb a guy like a tree if we get on well, whether he’s 5’3 or 6’3

raisetheavanc · 2025-07-10T22:31:32+00:00

Some women care about a lot about height. They are shallow. Some men care a lot about perfect toned bodies on women. They are shallow. Most people in the real world pick partners based on a number of factors including kindness, sense of humor, shared interests, mutual attraction, and similar life goals.

How do you think so many short men got made? Their short dads found partners and made babies.

Fun-Grocery-3643 · 2025-07-11T18:50:33+00:00

I've been working with men in the area of relationships, self esteem, and self efficacy for 18 years, and obviously I get a huge number of questions on this subject from men who are concerned about their height.

The most basic analogy that I think you might find helpful is a woman with average or below average breasts feeling like men will only date her if she has larger breasts.

Naturally there is some truth here in that some small percentage of men have a strong fetish for boob size and really don't care much about anything else. Some men prefer large breasts but it's not a deal breaker. The majority of men find many sizes attractive... and of course some men prefer smaller breasts.

Now add to this the fact that women are far less oriented on physical characteristics than men, and you can see that even if there is some factual basis to the idea that many women express a preference for men, it hardly matters at all.

Surely you have seen with your own eyes many gorgeous women in the company of short men!

In fact... I did a study :)

Admittedly, not super scientific, but I surveyed nearly 1000 of my female readers on the subject of what they found most attractive in a man. The spoiler is that height was not in the top 20 (and P-size was quite near the bottom btw). In fact, the only "physical" trait that made the top ten was "great smile," which debuted at #10.

Of course there are women who have a fetish for basketball players, and they will not be interested in you. But it hardly seems something to build your identity or self esteem around.

Now drop this silly shit and go have some fun.

ComplexPatient4872 · 2025-07-13T23:59:26+00:00

When I see a guy brag about his height on an app, I immediately move on. It just seems so off putting. Much rather be with someone who is confident enough to not lead with that. I’m 5’6” and have never been with someone taller than 5’9”. Too tall and kissing is awkward.

zonadedesconforto · 2025-07-14T00:50:30+00:00

I wonder if this is a case of being "too online" or "too American"

misconceptions_annoy · 2025-07-15T19:30:10+00:00

Yes, it is over-exaggerated online. It exists in dating apps for some people, because it's measurable. On a short profile it's difficult to prove that you're thoughtful and kind, but height is easy to measure and put on a profile.

Personally, I'd prefer someone short. I've dated 2 guys. One was well above average height and one well below it. I found the shorter one more physically attractive.

Part of this is also that I am short myself, and I like having a partner who's easier to make eye contact with, hug, kiss, etc.

Datanman23 · 2025-07-09T07:48:14+00:00

I've hooked up with some seriously hot girls my height or taller and I'm 5'10. Some don't care, some do. It's def not as much of a factor as what people online make it out to be though

CSguyMX · 2025-07-09T23:58:33+00:00

It’s a thing, however hating women for a preference is wrong. You accept it and move on, humans are more than numbers.

lunarose328 · 2025-07-10T10:17:46+00:00

It honestly depends on the woman, because yes there certainly are shallow women who do care about looks, but that also begs the question how those women would maintain a healthy relationship when the relationship is built on…someone’s height?? Like, it’s honestly best for the men who are obsessed w height to get with the women who are obsessed w height and then the rest of us can just focus on things that actually matter and build connection in a relationship, which (spoiler alert) does not include height. In my experience and opinion the women who talk about looks like that have their own deep seated body image issues and are projecting those onto men as well. The best advice is just stay away from women who go on about guys height—that just screams insecurity to me which will spell trouble for the relationship (insecurity is such a relationship killer omg). What you’re describing with the “two realities” thing is actually quite true, and the touch grass people are being genuine (at least in my experience) because people offline are looking for a fulfilling partnership, not to find a person that checks off all their boxes for the “perfect looking” man. Redpill/blackpill ideologies isolate men and keep them hooked on these “self help” gurus that make money from people coming back over and over to watch their content. It’s not the reality of what the majority of the dating world looks like. That’s not to say it’s not hard and that men don’t face unique challenges when it comes to interacting with and dating women, but you’re right, the way these subs talk about dating is not reality. Those subs are toxic and have a lot of unhappy men who honestly need therapy for their insecurity and focus on things that are within their control that actually matter. Personally, I don’t think your height is even short? There’s plenty of us shorty girls who actually like a non-giraffe lookin guy who’s average height so we can reach your face 😅 but important to note that is NOT a requirement it’s just a nice bonus for me being 5 ft with my 5’8 dude lol

Distinct-Ask7048 · 2025-07-18T05:18:37+00:00

I have never cared about height and didn't know it was supposedly such a big deal until the media informed me. I am a female who did most of my dating online and didn't know and never gathered that from my female friends either. Only media has informed this

lucimme · 2025-07-20T21:51:15+00:00

The extreme blame it all on being short is so false. Height preference is really only an issue for exceptionally short men (like under 5’3) studies show funny enough that this is also true for exceptionally tall men (over 6’5)

lucimme · 2025-07-20T21:54:54+00:00

I’m 5’9 and the only thing that turned me off about guys shorter than me was when they lied about their height. Like dude you saw on my profile that I am 5’9 and you’re gonna show up to a date claiming to be 6’ but somehow 2-3 inches shorter than me? What else are you willing to lie about if you can lie about someone so visibly obvious. I have dated guys shorter that me and it never mattered at all. Only matters when they are liars and weirdly hung up on it

Familiar-Window522 · 2025-07-28T10:59:25+00:00

As others have said, it's an online hyperfixation. Height, just like anything else can be a preference. But those preferences go out the window when you actually meet someone you vibe with lol. I might THINK I like a woman who's short, tanned and brunette but my dating history says otherwise and isn't some arbitrary rule to stick by. Beauty comes in all different shapes and sizes, and most people who actually are outside and date understand that types and preferences don't really mean much imo. To be perfectly honest, most people probably want something in-between and there's other things that are more important. There's a possibility that it will be harder if you're 5'2, but I also know women who prefer dating someone in similar height as opposed to a man that is like 6'7. People will always talk about extremes of the spectrum, the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle.

To finish this off, I also think men think it's important to women, because that's what a lot of men value in women. Most men will value a women purely based off looks, a lot of women I know do care about looks, but equally take into account personality. So this whole height discussion says more about the man than it does women imo. It's men telling other men what attributes matter, instead of actually listening to what a woman might want in a man.

BestBoogerBugger · 2025-07-08T23:32:50+00:00

Short dudes so fine, just as women with small boobs and big noses do fine.

However, you (probably) live in a country where the high end for average height is 6'0 for native populations, as far as Gen Z is concened, so don't be suprised that you are considered short

Kapoue · 2025-07-09T05:34:44+00:00

Most women prefer their bf to be taller than them. So yeah 5'9-5'11 girls will probably want 6'+ guys.

For hook-ups and for picking up girls in bars, sure it helps to be muscular, attractive and 6'+

But for regular relationships, it just doesn't matter that much. Just walk around in a city, you'll see a lot of short guys and men with a below average height with girlfriends. Their girlfriends are probably a bit shorter than them.

wildgift · 2025-08-13T23:03:37+00:00

I'm dropping in late here, but there are different studies about this. I was talking with an incel/redpill who is fixated on height, not only for dating, but for employment. I have been on an empiricism kick, and looked for articles, the scientific kind, and skimmed through them with him.

The AI extracted some numbers from this blog post, and reported it as fact! ICK UGH GRRRRR.

The post is a critique of a stats paper, so the numbers the AI extracted are suspect, from the start. :)

https://statmodeling.stat.columbia.edu/2024/04/29/boris-and-natasha-in-america-how-often-is-the-wife-taller-than-the-husband/

The most interesting reference in the article was this:

https://familyinequality.wordpress.com/2019/11/06/man-woman-couple-height-updated/

The TLDR:

So the redpills are partially correct: that there's a social bias, and it appears to be proven by data.

They may be incorrect about the significance of the bias.

They are incorrect to exaggerate the bias into a statement like "all women want a 6' tall man", which is veiled misogyny, basically an outrageous claim accusing women of creating the height bias.

To support men, support the guys who actually suffer the most from the height biases, which includes guys who are really short. They are suffering, not only from biases held by women, but from biases held by men and boys. (I think Cohen's post makes the point that it's a constructed gender norm. I would add that women, in general, suffer from height biases more than men do.)

I'm 5'7", and don't feel short, because in my community, which is "brown and yellow", I'm not considered short. The man I was talking with is 5'6" and feels short. We're both Asian.

Note that he's taller than the average woman in the data being discussed. Not only that, but the data seem to be of people a little taller than expected. He seems to be taller than around 60% of women in the survey. The PSID has incomplete and insufficient data on Asians (https://simba.isr.umich.edu/restricted/AsianEthnicity.aspx), and they are addressing it, but the data used may not have a representative amount of data about us.

(Also, I did some searches a while back, and there's evidence of general biases favoring taller people in the job market.)

GroundbreakingAct434 · 2026-03-12T23:02:32+00:00

It’s definitely a thing. Especially in online dating. Nothing you can do about it. Work with your strengths

Title	Is it true that the whole “height thing”, especially about men, isn’t really a thing in real life? Or, not as much of a thing as on the internet?
Author	NoRefrigerator267
Upvotes	18
Comments	45
Date	July 8, 2025 11:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1lv3jtg/is_it_true_that_the_whole_height_thing_especially/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/is-it-true-that-the-whole-height-thing-especially.1556669 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556669

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