There’s a recurring theme I’ve noticed here—especially from men—about not wanting to invest time, energy, or money into dating or socializing without a guaranteed return. There’s a lot of frustration about the pressure to be social when you’re tired from work, about the drain of swiping, the burnout from going out, the rejection, the cost. And I get it—those things are exhausting.

But I wonder if some of this comes from a skewed expectation that you shouldn’t have to be inconvenienced. That if something feels tiring or doesn’t yield results immediately, it’s not worth doing. The reality is: socially successful people—men and women—spend a lot of time and energy cultivating their social lives.

I'm a white-collar millennial who spent my 20s living in major cities. And generally, you had two priorities: crush it at work and maintain an active social calendar. You went out multiple times a week, happy hours, brunch, house parties, events in the park--even if you were tired. People scheduled their weeks around it. You didn’t just “find” a partner while living your life passively—you built a life that made meeting people more likely.

Yes, it’s expensive. Gen Z is right about that. But to afford that lifestyle, people had five roommates, lived way out in Jersey, took the train an hour to work, split appetizers, pregamed hard at friends so you only had to buy 1 drink out. Men knew they’d likely be footing the bill on dates. That was part of the equation. And they did it anyway, because that’s what it took.

The point is: social and romantic success takes effort. And maybe it’s time we stop expecting connection to be convenient.