Don't want to use dating apps, but it's lonely being single

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-07-22T19:15:38+00:00

You're 24. There are thousands of women around your age roaming about. You should not need apps.

Playful_Dot_537 · 2025-07-22T19:32:54+00:00

I just got back from the farmers market and there were literally dozens of women there. Not all of them were married or taken.

You just need to touch grass and get outside every day.

Talk to people with the only intention of talking to them.

When I started going to the gym I had to lift the bar by itself before I could start lifting any decent weight. You just need to do the reps.

Radagascar1 · 2025-07-23T00:58:44+00:00

You're not getting girls because your describe yourself as cis-het

liftingnstuff · 2025-07-22T19:02:00+00:00

Just go out more?

Known-Student-381 · 2025-07-23T00:20:22+00:00

I gave up on dating apps and leaned hard into building my social circle (and romantic options) in-person. If I ever took the time to use apps again, it would be in the same way someone casually buys a lottery ticket -- not expecting anything, but "you can't win if you don't play" kind of attitude.

I don't do great at cold approach either -- I could probably get better with effort, but as it stands, I get caught in my own head. Ironically, it's not a problem if my intention isn't romantic -- can chat up strangers all day because of my food service background.

But building social circles is fun and damn rewarding. They're slow to start (about as good as daying apps), but pay dividends over time. Plus you can actively add new branches rather than waiting for people to fall in your lap, unlike apps.

Find any hobby you already enjoy that can be done in a group setting and do it there instead. Prioritize ones that you like to chatter about, or ones that force interaction (martial arts for me did much more than working out in my gym because I don't like to bother people there).

Always be open to make a friend, but seek out especially people who clearly have social circles of their own. Taken women are your best friends here because they generally assume you respect their existing relationship and have no ulterior motives. Don't be weird about it, but never pass up a chance to build rapport with them. They'll start using you for various reasons (sense of safety when their partner isn't around, emotional venting, new hobbies, etc). They're unconciously assessing you, and if they like what they find, they'll start pimping you out to their friends (not romantically unless you get very high marks, but for whatever they deem you good at in a platonic way). If this doesn't happen after a month or two, cut bait -- you can keep them (and their partner ofc) as a friend, but consider it a dead end, and don't put in any energy beyond what feels natural.

Other than that, my general advice for the strategy of making (and excelling) with these friends:

Ask questions -- your goal in any conversation should be to see how few words you can use to get the other person to talk as long as possible. 9 times out of 10, that is some variation on requesting them to explain/elaborate on something they care about to you. The easiest way is if you can approach with curiosity, like the one thing you want is to really know what makes the other person tick.

Banter -- just practice here, learn when to pull back and how to identify what topics are on and off the table. Any form of being funny is good, but banter is probably the best form to master

Be authentic -- but the best form of your authentic self. Don't be a downer or brooding or needy, but I'm sure there's a side of you at any given moment that can be real about some of your rough edges and wear them as a badge of honor. Try to balance having decided opinions about things so people know you're not a chameleon, but not forcing your point of view on others or judging others. Example: I'm a Christian, and I wear a cross and don't hesitate to tell others. But anyone of any creed I know would tell you I'm one of the least judgemental folks they've met (oh damn, our religion is supposed to be about acceptance and forgiveness? go figure). People will feel emotionally safe around you, because they know who you are and don't need to put up walls around who they are.

Be spontaneous -- try to develop the reputation in any given group as the guy who's down for anything. Spare tickets to a concert? You love new music. 2 hour road trip to nowhere? I'll move my dentist appointment. Drinks to celebrate whatever? I can be hungover at work tomorrow. This one is underrated, but you walk away with so many crazy stories that people love to hear. Try to interact with a stranger at every place, just so you can say, "Yeah, I met this fish monger in San Francisco once who..." or "my buddy back in Boston is this crazy biker with 8 fingers". You start to become a legend yourself.

Carry gum/cigarettes. I just do gum because I don't smoke. $3 never bought you a better icebreaker. "stick of gum?" is easier than "hello" and basically entitles you to ask their name if they accept. That's like magical fae shit. Then you ask why they're here or what they're drinking or whatever.

Hope this stream of conciousness helps.

vardarac · 2025-07-22T19:07:21+00:00

I understand this is the age to really chase your dreams and go after your careers and take risks

Do both, all-in! I regret having a shit attitude toward my career and toward mortgages when I was younger. Your 30s (at least if you wear sunscreen and take care of your body) hold so much more potential than you might know. Having a great living situation and logistics is such a huge thing that I really dropped the ball on.

Get as close as you can to a population center, or at least a place with a ton of activities to try that would have mixed genders or a ratio that favors you. Find mixers, activities, and go looking for fun shit to do during the day on your time off. Approach people, guy or girl, if something catches your eye. Keep the pressure off them to meet up, only exchange info of some kind if it goes exceptionally well and there aren't off vibes.

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-07-22T23:00:47+00:00

Cold approach. Dating apps should only be used sparingly as a supplement unless you're a top 10% looking guy it's not worth the time. If you're not getting at least 5-7 matches a week (minimum for getting 1 date per week), it's just a dopamine rush at that point.

Common_Comedian2242 · 2025-07-22T19:45:39+00:00

Dating apps should never be your primary way of meeting new people. It works best as a supplement to improving your social life due to the high probability of women ghosting and flaking. At least in the real world you can properly gauge where a girl stands; you can actively game.

That said, I know how you feel. It took me two years before I felt comfortable enough to gain the proper confidence. But even in your downtime you should try your best to improve yourself, no matter how small it may be.

molchat_doma · 2025-07-22T19:57:37+00:00

Really depends where you live. If you're in the US or a European country it should be fine meeting women. You seem somewhat extroverted from what I can tell. Just go to film related events, other hobbies and stuff and always remember to call the women you're interested in gorgeous and tell them their clothes look good you love their smile etc what them smile and keep the conversation going about interests give them a chance to talk make it a goal to not say as much avout yourself and reveal yourself through questions like: I really like watching obscure films etc. do you like that kind of stuff?

Or did you watch that movie that came out recently? How'd you like it?

If you already do that then shouldn't be a problem make sure to stay open not just with women but with men as well makes a person look very charming

TheVelvetyPermission · 2025-07-23T08:29:39+00:00

Not sure the purpose of the post, just seems like a vent. Yes, dating can be a lot of work and not fun. It can also be a blast and great way to challenge yourself to live and grow.

Either go out and meet people, develop new friendships… or use the apps. Or do both at once, this is my preference. It’s all just as time consuming as you make it.

Or sit at home alone and continue to vent to Reddit how exhausting they both are.

Don’t mean to shoot down your post, you are entitled to your own feelings and posting. Just didn’t feel very constructive.

Khower · 2025-07-23T17:41:02+00:00

I dont use dating apps. Im happily in a relationship with someone I didnt have to comprise anything for and between her and my last relationship I had a rotating door of a new girl within a week of things not working out with the last.

Do things, talk to people, always say yes. Thats my only secret.

ookami597 · 2025-07-30T01:39:04+00:00

Where do you live?

Title	Don't want to use dating apps, but it's lonely being single
Author	Srizz11
Upvotes	32
Comments	42
Date	July 22, 2025 6:49 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1m6mk09/dont_want_to_use_dating_apps_but_its_lonely_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dont-want-to-use-dating-apps-but-its-lonely-being.1557862 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557862

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