To the divorced men out there(me in my 20s )

Specific-Relation-62 · 2025-08-02T07:30:47+00:00

Values Morals How you both view money, how you use money

What are your boundaries, what are hers? Are they negotiable, are you willing to work in a framework. Example If you grew up poor and she grew up rich then they may be a difference on how you view money, doesn’t seem like much but if you value security of a home and she values furnishing the home constantly.

In all honesty, my example was my experience.

Emotional maturity is huge in my book, see how they speak about an ex.

throwaway_coy4wttf79 · 2025-08-01T17:57:53+00:00

PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT!

The worst thing about divorce is losing an absurd amount of retirement and alimony to someone who's capable but lazy. Just insist on a prenup. If she's the right person, she'll agree. If she wants your money, she won't.

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-07-30T18:30:01+00:00

Poinr 1 to 3 at covered by just filtering only working or studying on a hard field not dumb littérature psychology bs ..just reading her CV.woild make it clear: a hard-working woman without mental issues would have no empty years in it and follow a path to excellence. A dumb one or one wiyh mental issues would cling to a man and is very dependent. Same thing for a man

nonotmeporfavor · 2025-07-30T17:30:30+00:00

I really enjoy these posts. It shows that us as young men understand that something doesn’t feel right. However, social pressures play a role in persuading us to think that marriage is an option that will alleviate the things that we need to work on. Which is ourselves. So, here I go to give you some advice or perspectives.

If you are already thinking that these ideas need to be enforced then you’re with the wrong person. It is solely your responsibility to do your due diligence on who you’re going to marry if that’s what you want to do. Absolutely nobody will be responsible for your decisions.

A majority of us on this Reddit sub will likely guide you into not getting married. Not because you shouldn’t, but because the inherit risk is extremely high to the male cohort. Meaning, as men we have the most to lose.

Therefore, if you are looking at this as solely a probabilities game and outcome. As a man getting married your probabilities of a “good “outcome is highly unlikely. This can be quantified by the divorce rate of 56%. However, the numbers become more staggering when you realize that there’s an additional 5 to 10% of marriages that are separated or decided to not get divorced. And there’s an additional 10 to 15% of marriages that are in the unhappy to thinking of getting divorced category. That leaves you with a likely probability of approximately 10 to 15% chance that your marriage will be “good “.

I’ll stop there.

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-07-30T17:11:21+00:00

You know what I have learned: if you date someone long enough without sex, you learn a lot about a prospective partner. Usually, the issues we see in our partner are not changes, it's things we never saw because we rushed into a relationship with them.

Accurate_Efforts · 2025-07-30T15:57:19+00:00

Deciding she was now into girls didn’t make your bingo card 🤣.

Wish I could go back 20 years and just “do me.” At least I’m getting that chance now.

NewDay0110 · 2025-07-30T15:08:04+00:00

There's no way to screen for success based on a checklist like that. Over time, life circumstances change - employment status, money, health, kids. People's attitudes change. You can't predict what she or you will be like 10 years from now. People who seem to be in stable marriages are just lucky that their life is stable for now. They haven't had the misfortune of a major crisis yet that changes their relationship.

Looking at your list"
1, My ex wife was was a great student, but ended up staying a forever student, wasting money on more degrees she never used because she didn't like working. She dumped all the financial responsibility onto me.
2 She said she had goals, but they changed.
3. She was disciplined, but that didn't matter.
4. Because I was doing better than her, I had more to lose in divorce court. Her crazy lawyer smeared me and falsely accused me of as much as he can to maximize outcomes in child support, alimony, and legal expense. He presented her as a victim who "sacrificed career opportunities so she can be a SAHM".
5. You will never know the truth because she will lie about her past. At least with a promiscuous girl, you know what you're getting. A woman who's only had you will get the itch to see what she's missed out on all these years.
6. All it takes is having a kid and work priorities go out the window.

Il_Valentino · 2025-07-30T14:43:35+00:00

I made some points before going into marriage

marriage is a trap. do not marry unless you enjoy being a financial slave and being at the mercy of another human

OldGuyNewTrix · 2025-07-30T14:40:04+00:00

Marriage isn’t what it was. It’s not a sacred commitment anymore. People can leave just because, without even trying to work on a relationship harder (18 years together, 3 kids 10 and under).

I’ve been dealing with lots of mental health issues but it didn’t matter to her, she still felt like divorce was best, for her, because that’s what society promotes. She admitted her TikTok algorithm was all pro woman, don’t need a man, be independent and more happy, anti family. The world is changing, and marriage honestly seems pointless nowadays when just one person can end it, but it takes two to date, get engaged, get married, have kids… to just gone in a flash because that’s what she wants.

Marriage isn’t what it was, and I won’t marry again as it seems pointless

Tires_For_Licorice · 2025-07-30T13:23:19+00:00

Yes, as someone else has already mentioned there are two flaws with your outlook, and those are 1) people change over time, and 2) people make free choices.

You could have the perfect marriage candidate under all of these points and two things could or would still happen: 1) Life and time slowly changes that partner to be in a different state emotionally, mentally, financially, and to want different goals and have different priorities than they had before. It’s not a question of IF change will happen but WHEN and HOW MUCH. 2) The person could be the perfect candidate and then one day just decide they want to quit their job and be an artist, or they decide to have an affair, or they make any kind of impulsive decision with consequences.

Both of these are outside of your control.

Also, be mindful that this list you’ve made is not an objective list of the perfect marriage candidate. It is only your personal shopping list of the candidate YOU want for yourself. None of these items alone have any objective impact whatsoever on whether or not a marriage would work. None of these items are bad - it’s just that none of them are a silver bullet or a “marriage hack” to make it work.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-07-30T12:32:26+00:00

My wife was all that, top of her class, young with low body count, still if failed. There won't be a wife #2.

ShellfishJelloFarts · 2025-07-30T12:25:38+00:00

Your dating is gonna be your username

soontobesolo · 2025-07-30T12:02:46+00:00

None of them can really be enforced. Things change. Marriage is a lousy contract.

Title	To the divorced men out there(me in my 20s )
Author	Dry_Gear4083
Upvotes	1
Comments	36
Date	July 29, 2025 5:20 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1mchja2/to_the_divorced_men_out_thereme_in_my_20s/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/to-the-divorced-men-out-thereme-in-my-20s.1558488 https://theredarchive.com/post/1558488

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