This is something that has been on my mind right now, but ultimately, it still leads to the male gender role and expectations still being alive and well, but the framing is very different. I'm gonna explain this here.

We supposedly live in times where men and women can be treated equally. At least, that's in theory. In practice, the male gender role is alive and well but the framing they use makes it seem like "we're really egalitarian, but our environment is different, so men have to do more.". This will get a bit spicy as I move on with this post, but I at least want to put this out there, even if I'm wrong by a mile shot.

When dealing with people who are more liberal, they say women can initiate and make the first move if they want to, but the common excuse I notice they go to is "women feel unsafe cuz most men are unsafe or just want sex. They're afraid of rejection or what men might do, so the men have to make the first move for the most part." It makes sense cuz in their worldview, they view men as potential threats and assume men as guilty until proven innocent, so of course they won't put themselves out there first and expect men to do it first, except it's framed around making them feel safe.

Note that I'm not against the notion of making someone feel safe. That's a fundamental weather you're a man or a woman. But the reason I point this out will make sense once I explain the next paragraph.

Next, we look at people with more traditional values. They tend to hold a more favorable view of men and are against feminism as a whole. They rightfully criticize it as pathologizing and demonizing men. There was even a tiktok covered by Brett Cooper that said "I'm not a feminist, I can see men and don't get scared immediately." So they don't default to the assumption of men as guilty until proven innocent. But they expect men to make the first move and lead because "I want men to be men and lead".

They both lead to the same expectations and dynamic, yet done so with different framings.

Why am I pointing this out? It's because the outcome is still the same. The male gender role, at least in this context, is alive and well.

But what really bothers me about this is that it seems like liberals are hiding behind the excuse of equality and safety in order to justify keeping the male gender role alive, yet they don't want to admit they want "men to be men" (likely cuz it undermines what they say they stand for). Then again, feminists already deny being attracted to masculine qualities in men, even if that's what they respond to.

In both spaces, men have to be confident, they have to be the first to show humor, charisma, to take things to the next level. You can't just relax and enjoy the ride for what it is. You have to make things happen. That's the overall message I get from both circles and I'm tired of it. It's like there's no real space where men aren't expected of adhere to male gender roles other than here.

At least when it comes to traditional people, they'll at least own the fact they want men to fit into the male gender roles cuz they're willing to live and breathe the same things, meanwhile feminists (including male feminists) will play mental gymnastics and follow protocol to keep it alive while seeming egalitarian on the surface.