My twin brother cheated on his wife with May women. In his mind, there are reasons why he did the things he did. He claims his wife drove him to insanity and would not allow him to touch her for at least 3 years. He couldn’t handle it anymore and cheated on her. In my mind that is unacceptable and the right thing to do was to divorce her first then do whatever he wants. But here we are.

His wife wants to start over but he refuses at this point. I’m trying to urge him to reconsider and a part of my approach is fear based. I’m trying to come up with a list of things that will bite him in the ass if he goes through with the divorce like:

- monthly alimony (she doesn’t work)

- losing the kids

- kids hating him (wife and her toxic mother will fill the kids’ minds with poison about my brother)

- missing out on critical moments in the kids’ lives

From your experience, what are some things I can point out to him relates to the consequences he can potentially face if he goes through with the divorce (whether those consequences involve kids or not)?

Keep in mind I’m devastated over this. However, he is my brother at the end of the day and I have no choice but to try to show him both sides of the divorce (good and bad) and urge him to reconsider the decision or try to work through it before going ahead with it (especially since his wife really wants to try to make it work).

Btw - my brother has told me his wife:

- has refused to sleep with him for years

- constantly disrespects him

- constantly allows her mom to poison the relationship

- takes badly about our parents

- doesn’t cook or clean

- doesn’t work

Generally I would’ve encouraged him to divorce her had he not done what he did. Now he’s in a tough spot because she wants to genuinely try to make things work, but she also has evidence of him cheating and can make life difficult for him. I have no idea what to do.