How do you guys dissociate?

Xan-Diesel · 2026-04-21T16:35:16+00:00

Our brains are really strange reality processing machines. I didn't realize until my counselor pointed it out but I ended up dissociating the vast majority of my 16 year relationship. She hypothesized that going to work, working out and trying to maintain a healthy relationship with my sons 50% of the time while enduring the grief and betrayal was ultimately too much for me. My brain decided if it didn't happen, there wasn't anything to mourn. For years I'd recall memories with my sons in our family home where I knew my ex-wife was present but it was almost like somebody photoshopped the memory and deleted her entirely. I still can't remember much of that relationship (both the good and the bad but also nearly all of the trivialities). It's been 6 years since she bailed for her affair partner and a little bit of it has come back now that I've mostly adjusted and recovered, but it's very bizarre to have massive years of gaps where I've never really had memory issues before.

I definitely didn't do this on purpose. I just don't think my mind could deal with it anymore and couldn't continue the suffering. The ordeal certainly made a pathway that allowed things to get better but everybody deals with loss and the destruction of their lives and families totally differently. Try not to worry too much about what other people are doing and focus on taking care of yourself and becoming the best version of yourself. Pouring into yourself is critical. You've already given out as much of yourself as you could and you're likely empty, defeated and pretty miserable. It's time to take in, when you can.

Sad-Interaction2819 · 2026-04-21T12:31:09+00:00

Music helps me more than anything. Find a place where you can chill, then turn on some tunes and enjoy.

FirelineJake · 2026-04-20T14:15:08+00:00

I used to chase dissociating too, but what actually helped was learning how to ground myself just enough to breathe through it instead of disappearing.

Adaptable_Path · 2026-04-20T13:47:35+00:00

I stopped smoking weed for a year and a half. 4 months after divorce started smoking again and coming off my antidepressants (with doctor approval). Things got exponentially easier/better. It didn't fix things, but it let me stop hurting 24/7 while I heal.

Weed or not, I also immersed myself in nervous system reboots. I laid in bed 2 or 3 hours just feeling. Kind of meditating, but just laying relaxed and quiet and comfortable, mostly awake. It was like being on a roller coaster, and was intimidating to commit to. But, it was powerful and necessary

Character_Pop_6628 · 2026-04-20T12:30:34+00:00

Marijuana, Benadryl, ambien, Xanax, Kava, Gabapentin and a dark room with white noise...

Extra_Bed7419 · 2026-04-20T04:13:58+00:00

I found I’m at peace when I’m not home. Although not divorced (yet) we live 2 separate lives barely speak unless it’s about the kids. I spend a lot of time working on my kids baseball field. Just very relaxing and rewarding some excitement I haven’t had in years! Keeps me calm and motivated

Plastic_Canary_6637 · 2026-04-20T02:53:07+00:00

Gym, work, journal, call friends

white033 · 2026-04-20T00:00:45+00:00

Gym and lay in bed praying for my mental health and to have an even better future. She's still in the house and will likely have many more trips to the gym and praying!

JayRock1970 · 2026-04-19T20:33:27+00:00

Phone scrolling.

whoopyboy69 · 2026-04-19T19:58:37+00:00

Smoke like 7 blunts per day

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-04-19T19:47:52+00:00

Kids, work, friends, drinks on weekends, younger girls, gaming, working out. I met at least 20 new people I can hang out with in the last year alone, and before that I haven't been outside for 15 years.

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2026-04-19T18:39:23+00:00

I don’t know what exact hell you are in, but I am separated and still living together and it sucks. A few things I have done:

Tried to get enough sleep, going to bed early.

Exercising and jogging.

I took Wednesday. For years my wife had been taking art classes a few night a week, but I never took time for myself and if I did if something came up, I felt the need to cancel. So I said Wednesdays are mine. I usually got to the tobacconist and go to a mindfulness meditation group, but I can do whatever.

I have a list of friends I call once a month.

Joined a church and been getting to know people there.

Been praying a lot more, and starting my day by stating my intentions and how I would like to act. Doesn’t always work, but I am able to be less focused on my anger.

Been reading some self-improvement books like No More Mister Nice Guy and When I Say No I Feel Guilty.

Set a goal for reading 40 books this year and am on track so far.

Cpt_Gingersnap · 2026-04-19T12:44:03+00:00

I separate. Hang in the basement. Work on little projects or a hobby.

Got_any_lemonade · 2026-04-19T09:21:13+00:00

Doing DIY projects. And drinking whiskey every Friday night.

Tough-Struggle7602 · 2026-04-19T08:40:55+00:00

Prayer and then I do something I enjoy; running, cycling, go for a walk in nature or treat myself to a nice meal at a restaurant. Doing it with a friend or friends also helps more. Hang in there bro, it’s temporary and it’s important not to dwell in the negative thoughts. God bless you.

Title	How do you guys dissociate?
Author	BlaqueBoye
Upvotes	3
Comments	25
Date	April 19, 2026 8:24 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1spn7ic/how_do_you_guys_dissociate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-guys-dissociate.1578319 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578319

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