Getting intimate with new people sucks.

Kind-Number-419 · 2026-04-17T23:03:41+00:00

I'll pick it for now. Waited until marriage to have sex and married for 20 years to a women that has no sex drive and is cold in bed. I've been enjoying the casual sex.

Ok_Industry3016 · 2026-04-17T15:13:19+00:00

All depends on the woman bro. Can be awesome with the right one.

worstaccountof2014 · 2026-04-16T14:25:18+00:00

Tbh I had a lot of fun with it. You’re taking it way too seriously. Just have fun with everyone and eventually one will stick.

Hal_Jordan1995 · 2026-04-16T04:01:42+00:00

Couldn’t agree more. Honestly, a lot of the women I’ve dated since my divorce actually treat me better than my ex ever did, but idk, something about the lack of shared history maybe, I just can’t seem to enjoy it or get attached to

probable_dork · 2026-05-13T19:45:54+00:00

Sounds like that's not really your thing.

vanbino · 2026-04-14T21:55:23+00:00

Man, do not complain a lot of single guys would love to have the problem

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-04-14T18:20:28+00:00

Continue to suffer with multiple women at the same time until you find one YOU like.

The odds are good but the goods are odd.

This is post divorce life.

Sorry_Set_5127 · 2026-04-13T22:19:21+00:00

If having sex with prostitutes was legal, I would never date another woman again they’re all fucking crazy. And they all drive you nuts. Just started talking to this new girl and she said oh you sound busy do you wanna call me back? I said yeah give me an hour or two. I didn’t call her back for three hours. She flipped out and lost her shit.

NUTS

krazykanuck · 2026-04-13T17:52:46+00:00

Then don't?

Take control of your own life and decisions and do what is best for you man. If you don't enjoy casual sex and prefer to build a bond with someone first, then do that. This is what I prefer. Some of the women I've seen I decided I didn't want to get into a physical relationship with because I didn't see it going anywhere. I prefer to have sex with someone I have an emotional bond with. I don't enjoy casual sex, so I don't do it.

I'm trying to be understanding here, but you sound like you are your own victim here without realizing it.

Psychological-Cry221 · 2026-04-13T15:18:50+00:00

Jesus, I’m in crazy cat lady online dating hell. This sounds like a “my lobster is too buttery” type of complain.

“Oh my god guys, it’s terrible how easy it is to get sex”. Meanwhile the rest of us are crawling through the goddamn desert.

alexpk1402 · 2026-04-13T14:48:22+00:00

After my divorce, I got addicted to the thrill of the chase. After being intimate 2 or 3 times with a woman, I would lose interest.

FrankdaTank807 · 2026-04-13T14:39:17+00:00

Are you freaking kidding me?! My ex wife put me and any desires I might have had literally in the basement. She robbed me of pleasure for years. I stuck it out for a family and the kids. The best thing she ever did for me was leave. Yea dating on the apps sucks and is tiring, but thrill of the chase when you find a good one, nothing beats those butterflies

Reasonable-Glass-965 · 2026-04-13T12:22:42+00:00

I did it once. Then only dated with intention. I would be upfront about wanting to build something real. If they weren’t on the same page I simply moved on. There are countless options just filter through what isn’t right for you. It’s worth it in the end.

LongjumpingRub8128 · 2026-04-13T09:30:09+00:00

You were a good husband, get someone new that is special, dont let that feeling go because you are divorced

Character-Change-507 · 2026-04-13T06:23:16+00:00

I'm no good at this single thing

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-04-13T06:21:29+00:00

Are you saying all these new woman just want sex with you once and then don't want to see you again?
So why not have sex with just the same person or are you or they struggling to commit?
The opposite of casual sex is no sex or serious sex. As consenting adults neither of the latter sounds appetising.

For me at my age (early 50s) the problem is more struggling with sex using protection and I don't want it without using protection either so its a catch 22, but if you are younger then this probably isn't a problem.

DeedIndeed · 2026-04-13T04:51:53+00:00

(45m) I’ve met beautiful, intelligent, incredible women who I’d have married had I not ever married in my life. I’m an idiot romantic. I go hard quickly and they fall in love with me and then I hate it. It starts to get casual and then all the hidden control or expectations kick in and I’m triggered right back into the feelings that wound up me getting a divorce. So I end it like a light switch, which shocks the hell out of them, and then I feel like crap because I don’t want to hurt anybody. I have primary of my kids, and they’re the only thing that matters to me (luckily I haven’t gotten to the point of introducing anybody to them so they don’t even know). I try to communicate properly throughout, but for some reason it always hits this point of contention of me needing to change my life completely for their needs, and I’m just done with that…I have no feeling or want to change for anybody any longer for the rest of my life. I’ve done that for over 15 years and it A) never benefitted me; B) worse, didn’t even benefit her who I changed for…it just led to another thing I needed to bend for.

I’m not sure I’ll find the best scenario for me in the future. I love companionship. I just want loyalty, trust, acceptance for who I already am so somebody can watch me expire when it’s my time.

AdditionalArt8638 · 2026-04-13T03:24:48+00:00

Well for me, having sex post divorced showed me all I was missing for 15 years. I was convinced I was asexual or at least apathetic to sex.... And then I found the first person I was physically compatible with. It was actually crazy the shit we were into that I never thought would be a fetish, but all of it just came naturally.

U_feel_Me · 2026-04-13T03:00:34+00:00

Is somebody forcing you to have sex?

Are they in the room with us now?

AggieDan1996 · 2026-04-13T02:27:29+00:00

It sounds like you're in pretty much the same place that I was after my divorce. I wanted a connection because sex without it was more of a reminder (after the fact) that there was still this huge emotional hole. Never was an issue leading up to, or in the moment, but post-nut clarity was not my favorite phase for damned sure.

Sounds like you need a bit of therapy to really process the loss and get to a point where you're more able to hold out for a more solid relationship that won't leave you feeling that emptiness afterwards. That, or you can do like I did and get remarried. Though, that can come with its own set of complications.

nomohydro · 2026-04-13T02:16:25+00:00

Learned that in college. Felt no connection during sex and only hurt them., which hurt me.

SireSweet · 2026-04-13T02:09:12+00:00

I’ve had the married life. I’ve known the constant feeling that working 2/3 jobs was more peaceful than home. The feeling of walking on egg shells. Nothing was good enough. Frustration of trying to “nap” while working 20+ hours a days while she was happy to leave jobs because “they pissed me off.” And to then get cheated on.

Why would I pick casual sex? Because the opposite is so much worse.

Several-Eagle4141 · 2026-04-13T01:57:22+00:00

I love new opportunities. I’ve been used more than once but meh. I don’t care. The last 20 years was begging for the slimmest of attention

MommyAvanna · 2026-04-13T03:06:49+00:00

I get what you mean. Casual sex isn’t for everyone, and if it feels empty to you, that’s valid. Some people just prefer real connection and commitment over variety.

jalopkoala · 2026-04-13T01:39:02+00:00

Keep looking for people that shares your relationship style. You’ll find them. And this is good practice to figure out what you really want out of life.

I am with two women and dedicated to both. And then I can still have new random partners when someone catches my eye. We all even do things together and my two main partners are friends with each other. And I with some of their partners. Very few people want what my crew wants. But I learn to find the right kind of open and loving people.

I guarantee there are decent women out there that feel the same way you do about the whole thing.

Boomhower113 · 2026-04-13T01:32:42+00:00

I vehemently disagree.

New pussy is the best pussy there is.

Virtual_Ad9235 · 2026-04-13T01:20:02+00:00

I choose not to be on the apps. Every one of the women my age look like they’re old enough to be my mother (just turned 48), and it feels completely superficial. That and the filters and makeup is just a total catfish.

I prefer meeting women in person and found the connection, companionship and intimacy so much better and enjoyable.

I’m up front with my intentions and the women love the approach.

Take your time to and put yourself first, you’ll find your way brother.

Bagman220 · 2026-04-13T01:06:54+00:00

I was only with a couple women before I got married, but since my divorce I’ve picked up a bunch off the apps and from the bars. It’s not that it’s “easy” it’s just that is much “easier” than when I was in my 20s. Somehow being a single dad with full custody is a major turn on for them, plus having a decent job, and still in shape is a plus.

Only thing that sucks about it is sometimes my ding dong don’t work. Few drinks before a hook up seems to solve that problem every time.

tyyyy110 · 2026-04-13T01:02:27+00:00

Nothing weird imo. Not sure what you are talking about but ahhh okay mate.

To each their own.

I had a blast when I first separated from my ex! I enjoyed the women, the company, the experiences, and all that came with it but not the little drama.

But hey everyone different.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-04-13T01:00:57+00:00

It’s so empty. What’s worse is you see how easy women are and that your next future partner was probably on the streets like the rest of them

Title	Getting intimate with new people sucks.
Author	BlaqueBoye
Upvotes	100
Comments	81
Date	April 13, 2026 12:58 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1sjw4az/getting_intimate_with_new_people_sucks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/getting-intimate-with-new-people-sucks.1577808 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577808

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