So my boyfriend (28m) and I (26f) have been together for nearly 5 years. We’ve lived together for 3 1/2 of those years. I honestly loved and still love him deeply, but I’m not sure if this is someone I can be with forever for a few reasons.

Firstly, we are incompatible at a fundamental level. When it comes to our views of the world, “gender roles” and politics, they are the complete opposite. While I understand in some situations, people can make this work, I do not feel right compromising my morals to appease him. If we were able to agree to disagree, this would be a different story, but we simply can’t. He believes in “traditional” gender roles where women cook, clean and fuck you and that’s all they really should bring to the table, whereas I am an independent person who values individualism, partnership and mutual respect. The way he views women as a whole disgust me. He believes we are literally lesser beings. The sad part is, he was never like this until the end of 2024. He has sunk into the borderline white supremacist “red pilled” type of mindset, and it’s genuinely hard to be around.

He also lacks accountability. Anytime I express my emotions, I’m “playing the victim” or “throwing a pity party” and any comfort he once provided is completely gone. When he’s in a bad mood, or tired, he will be nasty. Like yelling, throwing stuff, speeding in the car swerving around, things like that. And somehow everything is my fault.

I guess what messes me up the most is how much I genuinely love him. I know he’s been through a lot, and I know he has a lot of unresolved trauma that plays a huge role in how he views the world, and emotional regulation. But he’s not willing to do therapy. He said it’s just a way for women to break men down and make them bend to their wills. I wish so badly he would get help for himself.

I love him so much, but I don’t know if I can keep doing this. Will he ever change? Is there any chance he will go back to the person he was before? If not, how can I leave without feeling so incredibly guilty?