It’s been about one year since joining MRP and this report will describe my journey, good and bad, as accurate as I remember, and where I see things going from here. I see a lot of people coming in MRP or AskMRP with victim pukes full bore and then nothing posted ever again. Others get great advice and hang around but don’t post anything because their egos are too fragile to receive criticism. If you have been running your MAP for awhile and made some progress, don’t be a pussy, file a report so we can see what worked/didn’t work for you- don’t just lurk forever.

Me: 47 year old male, married 16 years to 44 year old female for 16 years , no kids

Backstory: I came to MRP because of a dead bedroom. In grad school I was spinning plates until I met my snowflake and let the plates fall. She broke up with her LTR and we got together. She was kind and funny and I liked her innocent child-like personality. She never had sex until she gave it up to me at age 26. I was too experienced with sex and felt some guilt associated my past escapades. I felt that she was a good girl (Catholic) who would make me a better person by keep me on the straight and narrow path through life.

We continued to have sex every so often while dating, but never regular, and never great, even as newlyweds, but I made up for it by regular fapping and thinking that I was a better person for being with her. She went through some difficult times with family members dying and her father becoming terminally ill while we were dating and getting married. All through it I was there supporting her and her family. I provided comfort by the shit ton. During that time I was also focused on finishing my training and starting my career for a lot of years. I grew older, more complacent, and more lazy.

The sex was never frequent or great but at some point I began wanting more, growing unfulfilled and unhappy in my situation. I was frustrated and couldn’t understand how I got to that point. I Googled how often the average man my age had sex and couldn’t believe how that compared to my once every 6-8 weeks. I Googled “why won’t my wife have sex with me, etc,” and fell into spells of depression, sometimes drinking to excess, always feeling despair. I felt like I was falling in a hole and didn’t know how to stop the descent. I finally stumbled on MMSLP from an internet search and then the whole manosphere. It was like wearing prescription glasses for the first time as I read the sidebar materials and began a transformation. I felt hope for the first time in years and a lot of depression was lifted as I knew there was a way out.

Things I did immediately: 1.) started lifting- the weight was pathetically low but I did it consistently with motivation. 2.) I ate better 3.) No fap for 30 days and then only occasionally when really needed going forward. I finally succeeded in gaining control over something that had controlled me for more than 30 years. 4.) I read the sidebar books.

The next phase- 1.) I joined a gym, so I could easily go 4/week consistently doing compound lifts with the right equipment 2.) I started leading the household and gaming my wife. Then I went Rambo briefly… I recovered and resumed a steady roll. The anger was there and would come and go, but I found that my anger/butt hurt would fade by reading sidebar materials or MRP posts. Over the next 9 months the following happened: -I understood what masculinity was and that I needed to achieve this. I was never taught real masculinity by my ultra-beta father role model. -I acknowledged that I made this mess and I’m the only one that can fix it- it took months for me to fully understand that it really was my fault. I acknowledged it and truly accepted responsibility. I understood that I vetted poorly and failed to lead us to the sex that I wanted In my marriage. -I stopped caring what she thought or said, I stopped trying to fix her feelz . -I stopped caring what anyone else thought of me and understood that I alone am allowed to judge whether I’m a good person. -I learned that I alone am the source of my happiness, instead of relying on other people. My frame is one of a happy man. -I started to have fun in life and not be so serious. I understand that I shouldn’t worry about something if it won’t matter in 5 years. -The Disney fantasy was gone, the veil was pulled back from the wizard and I saw relationships for what they really were. -I followed my mission and knew that I am whole without my wife. I don’t depend on her for emotional support or a sense of fulfillment. I don’t depend on her for sexual fulfillment. I’m happy if she contributes but in the end I can take care of my own needs. -I made a contingency plan for divorce- it would be a very simple asset division 50/50 in my state, my wife makes more income than me. There would be no divorce rape and we are both financially secure (together or apart).

So where are things now? I am living a happier more fulfilling life than ever before- this is a side effect of MRP. I am more sexually satisfied today than one year ago, but it’s not where I want to be yet. I have sex about once every 1-2 weeks and it is still very vanilla. That’s not enough for me.

I have thought a lot recently about why the sex hasn’t picked up more and where to go from here. The usual advice on MRP would be to increase my SMV and ratchet up the dread. Because AWALT, right? But not every woman is Exactly Like That. And we know that MRP is not s sniper’s game so it may not work for a Specific woman.

In my line of work it is essential to have the correct diagnosis before giving treatment. So what’s the diagnosis for my ailing sex life? I believe that my situation is a combination of: lack of attraction, lack of dread (taking me for granted), and anxious personality type/sexual dysfunction. In medical lingo, you would call this a multifactorial disorder.

Assuming my diagnosis, what is the treatment I would recommend for myself going forward? It would be a combination therapy consisting of the following: Continue to improve my SMV from the standpoint of physical appearance, behavior, and dress. I don’t think I have maximized this 100% yet and I see some areas that could still be improved. I will continue working out consistently and eating a good diet and focus on improving my clothes/style. I am learning a lot from the 60 DOD posts and will put this to work.

From a behavior standpoint, I will continue leading in the relationship without showing neediness and continue gaming my wife. I am a fun, busy guy that does interesting things so of course this will continue.

I think it’s possible that my wife’s anxious personality type and past sexual repression may have something to do with what I see going on. She is just not a very sexual person, and has never been in her entire life. I have never seen any information in the manosphere relating to something like this, so it may be uncharted territory, or I could be completely wrong. My wife was closed sexually for so long (until about age 26) that I believe mental models had to have been constructed in her mind to constrain normal sexual desire and keep it under wraps for that many years. There is no way an attractive woman growing up in the US denies her sexuality until that age without some kind of lasting repercussions. Her religion and family brainwashed her into rejecting men ‘s advances and her own sexual desires for 26 years- I don’t think she has a healthy view of sex because of this.

Some evidence I see for this is the following: 1.) When we have sex, it is usually rushed and she feels that bodily fluids are “icky”. For example, I can’t remember the last time we kissed with tongue, she doesn’t want to hear licking sounds when receiving oral, and won’t swallow or let me cum on her tits. She doesn’t even share straws if we share a drink. 2.) I can’t remember the last time she really enjoyed sex and was enthusiastic about receiving pleasure. She does it because she thinks she has to 3.) I am 99% sure she has never masturbated in her life and has never considered using a sex toy.

I realize that I just hamstered about things that I can’t change. I can only change myself and should not be concerned about how my changes are received by her. But it does bring up the question as to what is the optimal approach. If there is some validity to my hamstering, the approach might be to provide more comfort. If it is not correct, the approach should be to provide more dread. In either case, increasing my SMV is the plan.

In the end, time will tell if she’s interested in buying what I’m selling and I’ll do what I need to do in order to follow my mission.

I’m not eager to escalate up the dread levels but when I believe I have maximized my SMV, and if I’m still not sexually satisfied, I will get some on the side. I will have a clear conscience knowing that she had the first crack at the best version of me, and whatever happens, will happen. I will own it and be fine with what it is.

Mods- move this to AskMRP if you think it is appropriate.