Together 7 years, married 2.5 years. I'm 33, she's 31.

November

I’m midway through a 2 month 15,000 mile business trip. I send postcards, gift boxes, everything to keep the peace. After a blow out fight with wife on the phone over money and attention, I find MRP and devour the entire sub. The more I read the angrier I get… at my wife… at all women… at all people, anyone but me. I feel completely used in my marriage… in my life as a whole. What the fuck is happening? It slowly sinks in that I blame others because I don’t know what to change about myself. Now I’m angry at myself.

The bedroom ain't dead but the fun is. I've nuked this marriage with my temper and attitude and I don't want to admit it. Everything says hit the gym so I do.

December

I come home from the two month road trip and EVERYTHING IS WALL TO WALL SHIT. My car dies, my phone cracks and dies, the handle on my fucking mug breaks and dumps tea into my laptop, which dies. Ironically, it’s okay that my shit breaks because I have barely any client work to do anyway. I’m thoroughly and embarrassingly broke. I honestly believe that I’m too broke to buy any of the sidebar books. Dark fucking times.

Wife is having an emotional affair with an ex, maybe more, I’ll never know. He’s a big part of her friend group and work group. I never had a problem with her friendship but I was away for 2 months and now she’s texting, snap chatting, wanting to hang with the friend group (him) constantly. It’s my fault for letting the marriage get too serious and tense. Now she gets her feels elsewhere. I bring up my concern and she throws a fit. I ask her to cut off all communication, but I don’t have my shit together to pull an ultimatum. I’m too broke to go nuclear, and maybe it's time to learn a new tool besides anger. I decide to self-improve and maybe force the issue later. I watch BluePillProf’s youtube series, the TFA’s blog, and digest the sub some more.

January

I have a few small clients, like a few hundred bucks a month each and it gets me through hard times. I begin landing a dream client with steady 10hr/wk work for the next 9 months. I decide to put in for a major opportunity.

My mental focus is absolute dogshit. I work from home and hit a wall at 1pm everyday, where I start playing computer games and jacking off. Shame is intense. I decide I want mental stamina and therefore I want 100% control over my focus. I decide that I’m going to start and stop a habit every month. First month: I quit computer games for a month and read every morning. I read NMMNG and WISNIFG. I hate both books initially and then realize that I need to drop my judgements and just read. Just do the right thing. Good feelings follow good actions.

February

The emotional affair rages on. She openly mocks my concerns, telling me her ex slept with a client of mine, how much he's on Tinder. My trust in her is being absolutely destroyed, she's creating a huge issue by mocking my concern. I lay my ground rules again - no communication - and she throws a fit again. I don’t back down from my demand, instead I just make it clear no communication, end the conversation and focus on myself. I don’t care anymore if the marriage ends or even if she cheats on me, what I really want is better options than this.

I’ve been exercising with high reps and low weight. I want to see progress so I start cutting, taking creatine, protein and amino acids everyday. I go from 15 endurance reps to 8 strength reps with higher weights.

I receive the major opportunity. I put together a website for the project. I decide to start saving up for a new vehicle instead of repairing my shitbox. I quit chewing my nails and start journaling. I read MMSLP and Book of Pook.

March

This was perhaps the hardest but most transformative month of the year. Why? I was one of the “Men of March”. I didn’t watch porn or touch my dick for the whole month. I did all of the challenges or substituted a harder one. For example, I substituted in 10 minutes (5 x 2 min) of planks instead of 100 push-ups a day. I’m already overdeveloped in the chest but an underdeveloped core so this was a much more appropriate challenge.

I take a trip with wife to the southwest. Do some hiking and site-seeing. It’s been weeks since I’ve had sex or a fap. At a hotel, I need release but wife “is tired”. I take a shower and wife offers sad duty sex. I head out to a dive bar, and a woman gives me her number. She’s pretty skanky but now I understand the power of options. I come back to the hotel and wife initiates next morning.

Start couples counseling because what the hell. Read RMY1 and 16 Commandments of Poon.

April

I read The Art of Seduction and the seducer / seduction types are incredibly insightful. I realize wife is the “Idol Worshipper” and I’m the “Charismatic” seducer. Conversely, her strategy is “The Coquette” and I’m “The Rescuer” victim type. This book is as much about being a successful seducer as it is recognizing how women manipulate me. I read HTWFAIP by Mr. Carnegie. Best book for me. I do the thing he suggests and reread each chapter as I go.

I continue 10 minutes of planking a day, and watch FailArmy videos to make me laugh so it’s that much harder to plank. A good chuckle and a good sweat at the end of the day.

I feel good about my progress and so I “celebrate” on my birthday by giving myself the day off from work, getting high, watching porn, jacking off, and eating junk food. Guess what? I feel a massive wall of depression by mid afternoon. It hits me hard, so fucking hard. It eclipses everything I’ve worked on and every good thing I was feeling, almost blinds me to all of my progress. Guys on MRP tell me that’s natural. It’s good that I notice. Keep going.

Couples counseling is hell. Even wife says the counselor is biased against me, but I “stick with it” even though it doesn’t feel right. Week after week the two of them take a shit on me. I fog and broken record, but I keep getting more and more angry.

You’re wondering why I’m still in this, patiently allowing an emotional affair and the blame game to drag on. In short, wife is a trust fund kid and the trust owns our house. We're equal in providing but she has the true financial assets. One day my wife is going to inherit several million, and I have no family to lean on. I’m still somewhat broke so divorce on a whim puts a lot of my progress in jeopardy. But it’s clear I’m butthurt about the emotional affair and staying for practical reasons is definitely letting my value slide before her eyes. You can’t save your ass and your face at the same time. This isn’t about pride anymore, it’s a future where I live the life I want live. I apply for a project 1,000 miles away, knowing that if I receive it I’ll never come back.

I take a trip to west for a week to help my sister out. I get several offers from women there. I don’t want to cheat - sex wasn't the major motivation for me finding MRP - but catch and release is helping me understand how options are a side effect of personal progress.

May

I'm still naive about power but I slowly realize my near complete inability to notice when I’m being influenced is a massive part of my struggle. It’s my job to prepare so I start a journal called “Measuring Mindset” where I document the non-verbal cues from other people. body language, subtext, innuendo, word choice, tone of voice, omissions, plausible deniability, et al.

I catch wife getting a text from her ex. At counseling I subtly bring it up and counselor asks if she's been in communication with him. She says no. I reveal her lie and walk out. Later I tell her that this doesn’t work for me. You know my terms, end the “friendship”. She cries and tries to guilt me that she’s losing a “friend”. I don’t care. She uses plausible deniability, he’s texting her. Like it fucking matters. I take off my ring and move into the office.

I read MAP and get to the end part about confronting your vampire. I prepare divorce papers over the next two weeks. I tell wife if she doesn’t end the “friendship” completely, then I have the divorce papers printed out for her to sign. With venom in her eyes, she deletes every social media account. She’s pissed, won’t put her ring back on. Neither do I.

I go down to one cup of coffee a day and decide I can only swear when I give myself permission. I start 5x5 and enjoy it thoroughly. I have a bum knee so squats have to scale really slow.

June

Read 5 Habits of Effective People. I do the tasks. One of them is to schedule a time to write a mission statement. I journal my thoughts for a week and when I sit down, my mission statement comes out literally in seconds.

My mission is to meet as many people as I can, know them as much as I can, and celebrate with them as much as I can.

Immediately I start cutting out anything that doesn’t serve my mission, or anything that isn’t providing maximum energy for my mission. Conversation getting boring? Nice talking to you, gotta go. Underpaying client? It’s been great working with you, off to research new clients. Nagging wife? I’m going to the gym.

Still ringless in the office but it feels good to be alone. Wife begs me to come back into the bedroom, I do and sex is better. Still no ring for either of us.

July

I take a trip to Atlanta and practice catch and release. I stay at an AirBnb and one night I go out with the host and her guy friend for a drink. At this point I’ve realize that idol worshippers want my undivided attention, so I just pour it on the girl. I realize by the second drink that this guy’s come to town to try and fuck her, but she won’t even look at him, she's just straight gazing into my eyes. By the third drink he’s sputtering because he’s practically invisible to her now.

Wife fucks me thoroughly when I come back. I mean like not in years. I say hey let’s watch porn. She wants threesome porn. Holy shit my wife wants a (MFF) threesome.

Remember that opportunity I received? Huge success. I meet important people and get some great press. I’m in great shape and fun to talk to. I go to the beach with a hot client who is clearly into me. No pursuit of sex, just thoroughly enjoying her attention, it fuels me.

August

More progress with the project. I am living my mission. I send an email blast to the 3,000 contacts I’ve made over the years. My in-box explodes with praise and more opportunities. “This project is so you!” and “Wow this is so helpful!” I’m offered another project in the spring of 2018. A massive institution (one of the most prestigious of its kind in the world) reaches out and offers me a spot in the fall of 2017.

Wife is noticing the attentions of several other women. She starts saying how so-and-so looks at me, that the women aren’t innocent about their intentions. I play dumb, which fuels her hamster. “I’m worried that you don’t notice WHY they’re talking to you.” I continue to feign ignorance of their intent. Catch and release increases.

Threesome porn again. Definitely not a fluke, she has a full-blown fantasy. Her victim mentality makes a threesome a total powder keg. But suddenly I feel like I want to try at this marriage again. Maybe I could stay in this? Steady the course, something’s working, find out where this leads.

September

Someone gives me a temp tattoo and I put it on my bicep. Wife says I look good with a tattoo. I post it on social media the next day and it blows up. Wife’s coworkers say “Holy shit. Your husband’s jacked!” The next day wife and I take a long anticipated trip overseas for 10 days. Social validation of hot husband is indeed a massive aphrodisiac. We’re fucking everyday, twice a day, three times a day. First time road head, second time road head, as I drive around a lake and through towns. My dick feels like crumpled paper but she’s still horny.

I read WotSM on this trip. My mission is clear. I show up and own everything on my way to mastering my mission. When we get home, she puts her ring back and asks me to do the same. After a few days I do.

After planking for months, ab curls and all sorts of stuff the six pack finally starts showing up. I get knee compression sleeves and finally post some good numbers on the squat.

October

Bring my project to a second site - the super prestigious one - it pays me more in 10 days than my last one does in 3 months.

Take my wife on a crazy surprise weekend birthday trip. Her favorite museum, her favorite show, a hike on the tallest mountain, a dog parade, a restaurant I knew she’d absolutely love. Then on the ride back to the hotel, she says the cute waitress was flirting with me. Is this a threesome fantasy or a hot husband kink? Let’s find out… “Huh well I’d be okay with being with other women”. Not smooth at all but I wanted the intel.

Cue an hour long convo at the hotel. I hold frame. "I want what I want and I’m not sorry I want it, just being open, does that work for you or not?" She won’t say but finally she says it doesn’t, but I think it’s more of a comfort test. Her complaint is not based on my dick in other women but that I "might hurt the other woman's feelings" and it's "not fair". Pretty sure this is all a morality cover up for her being afraid and feeling a power slide. To build comfort, I invite her to meet my counselor for a sesh and she loves him. She realizes her counselors suck, they basically treat her like a victim every week.

At the end of the October, I’m busy getting ready for a month long project out of state. Wife invites me to her work’s Halloween party but I’m too busy getting the project on wheels. Guess who shows up at that party? Her ex. I process this info, then decide I’m done being drubbed.

"You could have told me." I say.

"But you would have gotten angry!" she replies (blame).

"And now I'm angry anyway. You knew he was invited and never mentioned it to me (omission). Then when he showed up it couldn’t possibly be an issue (plausible deniability).”

I take off my ring and tell her I’m taking a break while I'm out of town. I move back into the office that night.

November

She wants to talk ground rules and discuss the separation while I’m gone. I tell her that discussing rules in the past didn't go well and that’s why I’m taking a break.

I pack up my project to head out on the month long trip. She really wants to talk, actually sends me some pretty nice emails. We agree to try to enjoy our time together for the last week and for the most part we do. I decide what the hell and force the issues a few nights before we go. I tell her that her combativeness pushes me away, that I want better than that. She admits it, but then she kept throwing in jabs one sentence later. I begin to understand that she needs a fight in order to be a victim in this relationship. But I’m tired of fighting, I have more important things to do.

I work my goddamn ass off getting ready for this trip. I hit the road and I’m having a great time. First week of the project is a blast, I meet so many new contacts and new friends. I decide to spin a plate. Get several numbers. At a party I spot a beautiful girl. I approach and tease. We go out and I teach her poker at the bar. No money, we play for "truths". It goes how you'd expect and at the end of the night I've had my first fling in 7 years.

ONE YEAR

So here I am. This is what a year has brought. I was broke, now I’m a less broke but I've also bought a new vehicle. I can't tell you what I do exactly because it would destroy anonymity but I'm doing something I fucking love, something that gives me press instead of giving my clients press. My "favorite" things used to be complaining about my wife, jacking off, watching porn, eating crap, and playing computer games. Now I'm 100% living my mission, traveling around the country, meeting amazing people, and being invited to awesome things. I'm the same weight - 173 lbs - but I've dropped from 17% to 11% BF. Some people start their conversations by talking about how buff I am.

I won’t lie and say everything is better now. Anxiety, anger and insecurity still plague me. Will the marriage work out? Will I cheat again? Did she cheat? I’m caring less and less about the details. I'm living my mission, the rest is background.

Year 2 will be harder. I can feel it. I welcome it.