The Busy Man

I wanted to post something about a little talked about part of MRP. Keeping Busy.

Most times it’s just mentioned, be busy; be a man with a mission….but what does that look like and how does one go about doing it?

The following isn’t a manual, nor a how to, it’s lessons I learned and strategies I developed that helped me be busy.

In the beginning I did what many do. I just increased my level of chore play. This was probably essential as it allowed me to see and find convert contracts I had written then had to stamp out. The mistake is thinking that this was “being busy”. It is…but then again it isn’t. You have to evolve. Over time I came to the realization that me being busy was a way to dedicate my time and commitment, therefore whatever I focused on needed to be worthy of that value.

The thing about chore play though is that it’s unfullfilling. While it needs to be done to keep a clean house it never ends and there is rarely a sense of completion because it has to be done again. Recognize this as the difference between men and women. Men do not need that sense of completion. The work is the reward. Women do need that sense of completion. They often need to enjoy the fruits of their labor at every step. Men, while it’s great to savor the satisfaction of a job complete, can get a sense of accomplishment just by having done something, but it has to be of value. Savor the times where you can kick up your feet because from here on out your downtime should be few and important. And if you find yourself with that moment it should be merely a time where you are planning your next step.

After some introspection I realized that in college I was, and still am, an autistic fool when it comes to relations, in terms of game, with the opposite sex. But my key to success in college was that I had a lot of shit on my plate. I was in ROTC, the National Guard, I managed a bar. I had shit to do and i was on top of my game. This made me successful with women because in each of those areas I was a leader, I was accomplishing real shit in life, and I didn’t make apologies for it. I was better then the frat boy. Even if she was an HB10, if she couldn’t or wouldn’t keep up with me then fuck her. I don’t need her. Women had to keep up to be with me. And women like to have a challenge. My wife was (is) one of these women. She kept up….for 3 years before marriage. Then I failed.

Your first step will be to do a bunch of chore play. That’s fine but I will tell you to be a wild man at it. Nothing sits, even you. I went from one task to the other. Didn’t take a break. After a while my wife asked me to sit, take a break and she still does. She even gets a little pouty if I don't. But No. There was shit still out of place; left undone. You should flow from one job to the next, but the key here is that you have to evolve in your process. Make sure this is nothing more then setting in her mind that you are a man of your word and determined….but remember it doesn’t count as being busy. So moving on from here and doing so quickly is important.

Another aspect is just leaving and taking twice as long as before to do a task. It’s childish, but it sets the stage. She will know that you are delaying and she will likely think you are being angry, pissy and pouty. She will think you are avoiding her. That’s fine…for now. You eventually have to fill this up with other things…things of value, but the key part of this I believe is that you are carving out time. Finding where in your day you have more time then you thought.

Now I do teach in a dojo 4 nights a week. I am a 3rd degree, soon to be 4rth. I have been doing that for years now, so it’s become routine, and largely she doesn’t notice any more. That’s fine. I am respected in the martial arts community, but my descent to betadom, and the lack of anything else has sullied this time.

After a month of this choreplay, I was getting angry because there had to be more in life. So I looked at reapplying to the Army. I am nearing the age where that won’t be possible any more, but I am not sure I want to be a 40 year old infantry company commander….I am physically up to it, but it’s a hard life. So while I am waiting to hear back on my security clearance (but mainly keeping my options open), I applied to EMT training. This filled up a lot of time with classes, training, clinicals.

It also gave me a mission that was worthy of my time and something that well and truly kept me out of the house. The environment and work is not unlike the military. I found it a good fit. Not only that but I learned that most EMTs are 19-24 year olds. A lot are combat vets (at least in may area) but they still look up to you. Especially if you don’t have your head up your ass. The places you will work want you because

• you likely have a better driving record (to drive the ambulance)
• you are far more dependable
• you are likely to stay longer (the life span of an EMT is 2-3 years before they move on to something else).

This one step lead to another….becoming a paramedic. There are going to be a lot of changes coming in the paramedic world I am told so it’s good to get in on the ground floor. I was accepted into the class this fall. Then it’s really not that far away from taking firefighter training. One decision builds on the next.

Something else that I am considering this summer as I wait for paramedic classes to start is getting an acupuncture license. My art teaches pressure points. There is a school an hour away that gives medical acupuncture courses. I looked into it and I have a good base of knowledge to start and it won’t be too hard. Value.

So once you have time filled up with value that you are giving an receiving, then when you tell your wife that we (the family or as a couple) are doing something, i.e. hike, going out to lunch, etc. then she is going to hop to in order to be there. You just made time for her. She will recognize it.

EXAMPLE:

I told my wife yesterday to meet me for lunch. She drove 40 minutes (2 hours if you count the return trip) to a place i wanted to try out. It’s a tavern that’s designed to look like a Colonial era british pub. Fantastic food (Cubanos are now my favorite sandwich). I thought she was miserable the whole time, but I had to pay attention to what she did. She came. She ate, she stayed two hours! Especially after telling me twice she had to get home soon. On top of this she texted me later telling how great it was.

Another: I completed an EMT shift last night. Got off early Came home at 4:30 am. Groceries hadn’t been bought in 2 days (long story, but she wanted to take it back..so I gave her a chance). I woke her up, told her to get dressed we need to get to the store (we have 24 hour groceries in the area). Since I hadn’t been home in 24 hours, without moaning, complaint or arguing she got dressed and came to the store with me. From there…we went out to breakfast, enjoyed the morning together. Then I left for my real job.

Now this is key. Never tell her how hard or easy your task was. She thinks I have been up the last 24 hours, but really on my shift I got a 3 hour nap in. Sometimes those shifts can be very uneventful, and even worst there will be times when all you do is sit in the lounge area cleaning. The company may have too many on shift, or ALS (paramedics trucks) will be taking all the calls. I don’t tell her any of this. I let her believe I was busting my ass and now I am taking time out for her.

This is another key part. As I add more to my plate I am not taking anything off. If you take a task you must keep doing said task. In fact if she wants something back and you feel that as a FO she should be doing then you must act and feel like you are loosing something important….and then quickly find something to fill the void. The reason is mindset.

She will want to think that she is taking things off of you so that you two have more time. You need to cement in your head that you are bringing her to your level. Shit needs doing. If you have time it means something else isn’t being done. And as I said, at first that may be chore play, but recognize it for what it and use it to carve out your time, the importance of your commitment, and a way to figure your head out. It is not truly being busy. You’re biding your time. Nothing more.

So I don’t want to start a trend of MPR guys suddenly becoming EMTs or Paramedics. This is what I found value for me. Even if it’s something else, like becoming a Big Brother, or running a community clinic, the point is that after all the chore play is done you have to find something that you ADD value to because in many ways that will add value to yourself.

This is about you. No one else.