Just a quick recap: married for over 10 years, 2 kids, had a dead bedroom for years. That's over now; she's horny most of the time and gets grumpy if I don't fuck her every other day.

I act alpha, I handle shit tests well, hold frame, I take good care of my looks both with wardrobe and I was muscular from lifting before MRP, but I've dropped from 17% body fat to 11-12% now and still dieting.

My wife is also very attractive - good face, dresses well, great hair, 14% body fat, and she's begun lifting too.

But I can hardly be bothered to fuck her anymore because she's so bad in bed. It's mainly due to her inhibitions I think. It's not that there's anything she won't do, but she still manages to suck the fun out of it but not getting immersed in it (or at least acting like it).

So I've been fucking her a lot less, like once a week. I've been telling her that she needs to up her charm and seduction, but she's failing at it. I don't think she means to; for example a few weeks ago she found a ball gag I'd bought for her but never got around to using and she texted me that we should use that.

But when it comes to actual sex, she wore the ball gag and does pretty much everything I could want, but she manages to make it boring. She never moans. She never says anything. When she's in focus like when she's giving a blowjob, she'll often get weird and joke that she wants to bite my dig or do something strange with her tongue, etc.; it seems to be the same sort of reaction as when an insecure teenage girl is about to get her photo taken and she makes a mock face instead of trying to smile prettily.

I've told her a few times that I think she's not being passionate enough and I'm not that attracted to her because of it. I've told her to moan, to put more feeling into it, to look me in the eye when giving blowjobs, to not joke around. I haven't sat her down and taken a serious talk about it, it's just been comments during the acts or a sentence or two here and there. But she isn't getting the message, and now it seems that she thinks it is my sex drive that is the problem which is completely missing the point. It's like dead bedrooms all over again, just gender reversed - blame the other person's sex drive instead of dealing with your own failings.

So since I'm not getting through, technically it is a covert contract so we need to have a talk.

Any advice for this? I'm thinking of saying that it isn't acceptable that she's putting in so little effort, and then giving her a thing or two to work on at a time, get back to initiating a lot and then breaking off the sex if she isn't sticking to it.

I've also been considering some really rational ideas like explaining how this is going to get us divorced if she doesn't improve, or pointing out to her how much more she liked it when I was really into her and we were fucking a lot, but that seems like a less effective route.

This is a big deal and I need to get this fixed if my family is going to stay together, so any help is very welcome.

UPDATE:

I decided to take one thing at a time, starting with the awkward behavior, and not talk about it much but up the consequences if she didn't listen when I did.

First night we tried having sex, during the blowjob the awkward behavior came back. I told her I never liked that and told her what to do. She didn't listen, so I switched to PIV for a minute and then pulled out and said I wasn't in the mood after the weird blowjob and went downstairs.

Later that night, we had sex. Blowjob was ok this time; I asked her to look me in the eyes, she didn't but I didn't make a big deal of it. It was a mistake to ask, I should just have fucked her good to reward her improvement, but instead I was a bit annoyed so the sex was only ok. I pretty much had to roll with it, so I didn't show much affection afterwards.

I brought it up the next morning. I know talking about this isn't the way to go, but since she had failed to connect the dots earlier I felt I had to, to avoid walking around with a covert contract. A few weeks back I'd asked her to look me in they when giving a blowjob and she'd said "it's so strange that men like that", and I mentioned that and said I thought what was strange that she knew what I liked but didn't do it. She said something non-commitical about it; she was trying to give me the silent treatment (it's been months since I saw that last).

A few hours later, she asks me to give her a massage because she has a headache (this is a thing she gets sometimes, she gets some neck tensions that needs to get loosened up). I'm on the computer and I tell her I'm done in 10 minutes and I'll do it. She begins yelling at me, I just repeat I'll do it in 10 minutes. A few minutes later she comes down, all furious, yelling that I don't respect her. I say I lose respect for her when she doesn't do what I tell her. This sends her into rage and she picks up a plate and throws at my desk so it breaks and she walks out. I run after her and yell at her that that is unacceptable and I flip the bird at her, shaking it vigorously at her (I know, major loss of frame).

A bit later we meet in the kitchen; she's icy, and I tell her calmly that when she feels like throwing stuff she should grab a pile of paper of something else that won't break. She doesn't want a back rub, and she wants to cancel with the friends that were coming over tonight.

I leave the house with my son, and while I'm away I get a text where she asks if she should go buy groceries for tonight, so she's lightening up.

When I meet her at home I pull her to me and go full caveman grope on her. She responds well, and a bit later we're upstairs and I get her to suck my dick a bit and I tell her to look at me and she does and I tell her she's fucking beautiful. Later in the day she's giving head again and she moves us so she has her back to a mirror and she bends at the hip and tells me to look at her ass, so it seems she's getting into putting on a show.

That night there's eye contact during the blowjob again and I bring out the "Hitachi" magic wand for the first time - I figure it would be both a good reward and a good segway to the whole moaning thing. It turns out that she's super conscious of herself being in focus like that; we have a bit of fun with it (as in "haha" fun) and there's no way this is getting to be the orgasmic event I had planned so I put it away. I wanted something special to happen, so instead I brought out a princess plug (another new purchase we had never used before) which was sexy as fuck.

There was a really good, sexy mood afterwards, so so far so good. Next step is getting her more comfortable with the magic wand.