I have been here for a year, the first 6 months were very poor implementation (Rambo), now I have a firmer grip on things. My life is on a 10x better track. I saw improvements in marriage over the summer and now I’m seeing some sliding.
Every time I see some slide (there have been several and typically things get better thereafter), I connect it to my growing frustrated at the lack of sex, building resentment and anger over a period of time and eventually starting to show it.
My assessment is that the butt hurt factor when I get shot down is zero, but after a while (take now, 2 months no sex) I grow resentful and mean, I start not wanting to kino and show affection, because I don't really want to get cock blocked again.
When this happens I also start to slide back into her frame. It’s really obvious. I’ve seen this cycle a couple of times.
Take today, I’m obviously annoyed I got turned down yesterday, and the sub-communication is terrible, petty fights, little shit tests I handle poorly, wife physically withdrawing from me.
My dread level is steady at 3, but I have been implementing 5, 6 and 7. I have a number of potential plates and for the first time I seriously consider them. Whenever I think about plates I find they are an escape from OYS, but man, I want a drink.
Dread level 4 is a level I always struggled with when thinking about implementation. The way I’m looking at it right now is to spend significantly less time at home (I started already), make her a roommate and sparsely give some kino/affection and engagement. I tried in the past to full-on remove affection and that was retarded.
The problem is initiating, if over a long time frame I get shot down I start giving a fuck and undo all the good work. Folks that had a seriously withdrawn wife, how did you handle it?