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Let me explain my situation

Reddit View
January 6, 2017
6 upvotes

I hesitated to post this because I'm sure you're all sick of my fucked up situation, and my thoroughly fucked self. But, apparently my posts have tarnished the reputation of this fine sub (why we care about what a group called "thebluepill" thinks of anything is beyond me), and many of you have taken significant time to write out meaningful posts to help me --- so I wanted to clear a few things up before I take a break from embarrassing you all with my pitiful interactions with my wife, and how slowly I'm learning.

My marriage has been bad for many years. My wife first told me she wanted to leave me in our first year of marriage, many years ago. Since then, we have about 3 months per year where things are decent/good between us, and the other 9 months we are either disconnected or fighting. Realistically, some of this is her problems, for sure. But, I was a true beta, showing weakness and codependency at every turn. Our first child was born out of a good time early in our marriage where I thought "she really wants this, maybe this will bond us". Hope that helps clear up any doubt as to the fool I was. The two children since then have both been accidents during the "good times". Despite many reasons to, we havent divorced through all these years -- at first because of fear and devotion to religion, and now add children to that matrix. We give our kids a happy life and they are well adjusted, generally.

We've seen several counselors over the years, you all know how that went.

I stumble into RP after the birth of our third. I was immediately drawn to it because it removed my status as victim. I could change things. I could take control of my own life and emotions, and I no longer had to be tied to the failure that was my marriage. I recognized alot of things in RP that had existed in my life in some of my favorite times of my life. So I began to adopt them in my current life.

Immediately I had successes everywhere. I was more confident at work, with friends. I became an immensely more involved and active father. I got more done around the house. I was no longer subject to my fatigue and emotions. My life was mine to own. And I began having tremendous success with other women. I'm not talking IOI's in passing. I'm talking girls giving me thier number and asking me to meet them, etc. Some snippets of these escapades are still captured in posts here.

However, I cannot figure it out with my wife. I make some early gainz, but when they wear off, the anger that was there already, intensifies. All the success I'm having everywhere, and you still treat me like a bitch? I went Rambo. I could not (cannot) get out of my wifes frame. The more she denied me sex, the more I must have it. I pushed and pushed. Internally, I was (am) a mess.

Some of you have seen it so clearly. My wife simply does not like me. I can act alpha and strong, but she's sees through it and knows I'm just a beta asshole. In all our years of marriage, I've not only been a beta, but a shitty beta. I didn't even supplicate that well. Some of you also realized, I've developed a sort of addiction to sex with her. In that, I cant have it. She knows this too. I mentioned several hard no's recent days. Those were nights I just spent hanging out and talking with her (something we rarely do, which she has always asked for), and things went really well. Since things were good I initiated sex each night, but that just cheapened the whole experience for her. She wasnt ready (because she doesnt even like me). She saw right through it. She thought "you're not really interested in me, you just need to feed your addiction ". Which you can easily mask with a plate, but not in my case.

Frankly, I'm plenty fun to be around with everyone but her. I'm not fun around her, I'm angry and I'm still a victim. When I am fun with her I initiate so quickly I kill any tension or mystery. I had the king of all expectations that she would respond positively to my changes, and when she didn't I raged.

I'm taking a 60 day moratorium on intiating sex. I'm going to focus on making a life apart from sex, and getting rid of my anger. I'm going to focus on being the best man and father I can be, without expecting any response from her. I'm going to focus on making her life easier with the newborn (for the time being), without expecting a response from her. I'm going to spend time laughing and joking with her, just the two of us in the evening, and not initiate sex.

When BPProf said I am 5 months in and not even at dread level 1, he was spot on. The dread levels don't work if your wife doesnt even value or like you. I'm going to spend some time treating her as a plate, to see if I can even get her to like me

SPT, thanks for slapping me around with the basics. PurpleVeteran, thanks for the time you've spent on my case. Its truly appreciated.

I'm finally committed to a plan I believe in. I've learned a tremendous amount here. My marriage is fucked, but I'm not giving up yet (easy road). I'll report back in 60 days. If MRP, and its pirates can cure not only sexless marriages, but truly and deeply, troubled and broken marriages, the possibilities are endless.


Post Information
Title Let me explain my situation
Author prarrott
Upvotes 6
Comments 43
Date 06 January 2017 03:51 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206686
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5mbcd6/let_me_explain_my_situation/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret16 points17 points  (10 children) | Copy

FWIW, my assessment is that your primary problem is lack of frame, and what's holding you back there is a deathly fear of expressing and owning your decisions, boundaries, and desires. Let me suggest the following exercises for you to do weekly over the next 60 days that just might help you "get it".

  • Walk into 10 restaurants in succession. Let them seat you, hand you a menu, and bring you a (free) glass of water. Look through the menu while sipping the water for a while, then stand up, walk toward the door, and look the server in the eye and say "Nothing appealed to me on the menu; thanks" and leave. Do not say "sorry" or otherwise apologize, leave a tip, excuse, or otherwise DEER your personal decision to leave; OWN your desire. ACCEPT in your own mind that you have caused them (minor) disappointment and inconvenience. Yes, you caused it, and yes, it's your right to do so; OWN it. FEEL your discomfort from disappointing others in asserting your personal choice ("being an asshole"), ACCEPT that discomfort, and practice holding your chosen course, behavior, and attitude without trying to remove that discomfort. (This is frame.)

  • Go to a farmer's market or a food store where they give out free samples. At ten stalls in succession, ask for a sample, try it, then look the vendor in the eye and say "I don't like it enough to buy" and leave without buying anything from that vendor. Again, no "sorry," no DEERing, just baldly state and own your personal taste. Own the fact that they may be disappointed and think you're an asshole.

Unless I misread you, OP, you're getting a nauseous feeling in your stomach just from reading these exercises. THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM; you're so desperately afraid of feeling bad about disappointing others, or of what they might think of you because of it, that you avoid asserting your boundaries and desires, and try to displace personal responsibility for them even at catastrophic destruction of your frame and manhood. These exercises of self-assertion in simple, low-stakes contexts in which everyone is payed to play nicely should help you

  • learn the FEELING of owning and holding frame

  • learn to "embrace the suck" / emotional discomfort of asserting yourself when others disagree, and

  • practice holding frame through the extreme "fight or flight" reaction you apparently experience, while holding steady and doing neither.

I'm hoping that after you experience it a number of times, you'll "get it" and then be able to recognize and "play through" your feelings in higher-stakes situations with your wife.

OP, I've commented at length on your posts more than on any other "member's" because, for some reason that I can't explain, I still very much think that you can do this. Don't disappoint us!

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

That's some tough love you're preaching, and a valuable lesson for most of the nice guys and validation whores that come here. Myself included. I have taken a few steps along this line, but I'm almost 11 months in and still haven't killed off my need-to-please. It's the biggest hole in my frame right now.

But my problem with the advice is that it's way too advanced for the OP. He's been jumping back and forth between anger and regret, and still doesn't have have even the foundation for a proper frame. I'm suggesting that he work on the Rambo, and you want him to kill the DEER. Both are correct and necessary, but I don't think he can fix both at the same time.

  • He's still stuck in the mindset of punishing his wife for previous bad behavior, when he's clearly not owning his own shit.
  • He's failed to establish reasonable boundaries, because he doesn't know the difference between personal boundaries, and dictating what others should do / owe him.
  • His desires are still deeply rooted in covert contracts about sex and validation. He repeatedly points out the IOIs from strangers, but doesn't understand why his wife won't fuck him after years of shit behavior.

Right now, his frame (and that of his wife) is the scoreboard. That's why he keeps coming back here for advice, with a dissection of the latest fight to see who won and who's the bitch. So, when you advise him that he needs to "play through" the discomfort of standing up to his wife, you are pushing him closer to the FMoFY main event. And he's not ready for it. Not even close.

The dread levels don't work if your wife doesnt even value or like you.

The foundation of his frame needs to start with demonstrating value, and not doubling down on his wife's failings. He needs to stop being Rambo, and start being the Captain. And indeed, that will require a healthy dose of DNGAF and ignoring her nagging, her feelings, and the lack of sex. Monk Mode is not about denying his sexual appetite, but getting past the obvious scorekeeping for both of them. Frankly, I think he should still initiate when he wants sex, but be ready for the hard no.

He will still need to practice assertiveness, and kill his need for validation, but those are lessons for a later day.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed that /u/man_in_the_world 's comment is a little advanced. I put it up there with Dread Level 6-7, in which I'm grouping the ability to game women with the ability to competently and confidently socially interact with anyone.

OP is just holding on to too much baggage. Every decision he makes is wrapped in so much thought and very little DO. You know how you can think and think and think about how to do something but at some point you have to draw that line and say, "OK the time to think is done, time to start doing" and then you set your mind to what you're going to do and do it? OP just keeps wrapping himself up in thought and analysis. Same reason why he decided on giving us a bitch session before saying he's going to get to work...or post at all. You don't need to tell us you're getting to work. The past, the present, the why doesn't fucking matter. Just get to work.

He said he's finally committed to a plan. We'll see in 60 days.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm reading most of OP's Rambo moments as panicked "fight" reactions to escape from an assertion of his frame in moments of stress, rather than the usual over-assertiveness we see with the typical redpill Rambo. That is, I think that OP is an unusual case who will Rambo less with some frame control, which is why I suggest it first for him.

[–]sixdownsevenup1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OK, so I have been lurking for a while - this comment. This comment was like a cold ice dagger in my heart. This is soooo me, and perhaps the primary issue. Just the thought of doing the two ideas you threw out there give me sweaty hands. And I used to instruct rock/ice climbing, so I am not a stranger to stress and risk. Time to own my shit and work it. Thanks for this.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

man_in_the_world -- you have, and you've been very helpful. I love the thought behind your exercises and I will consider it. My initial reaction is that I don't struggle with frame, in any meaningful way, except with my wife. When I choose an action, and she does not like it, and acts out in response, I almost always back down. It feels like her anger is counterproductive to the goal of us building rapport and improving our marriage, so I try to quell it. Thoughts swirl in my head as to whether I made the right decision in said action, etc. When I have stuck by my decision, sometimes she's gone days of cold shoulder (depending on severity of her disagreement), and I'm almost always the one that eventually breaks the ice. Because it feels so much like we are moving backwards in those times.

I rarely have this experience in other arenas of life. But I know this is lack of frame, and I'm looking to make some strides here.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Theory 1: Oneitis

My initial reaction is that I don't struggle with frame, in any meaningful way, except with my wife.

Solution: Have an affair or some ONS's. This would almost magically fix most of your problems almost immediately, because one fresh pussy and your wife will no longer seem special and you won't be desperate, and then you'll interact with her with the same confident frame you claim rules the rest of your world.

Theory 2: Frame failure

what's holding you back there is a deathly fear of expressing and owning your decisions, boundaries, and desires.

You claim

I rarely have this experience in other arenas of life.

Maybe ... but your frame with your wife seems brittle, in that it's holding seemingly rock solid and then suddenly shatters completely under significant stress. Do you think your frame really does have a much higher breaking point in all other aspects of your life (then diagnose "Oneitis" and implement Solution 1 immediately), or is it just that our comfortable BP society never places much stress on your frame, and the glass seems hard as a rock? (Then diagnose "Frame failure" and execute Solution 2.)

Solution: Exercises above; STFU; MAP; etc.

Theory 3: Both 1 and 2

It's gotta be one of these three, OP. My money is still on 2, but it's yours to diagnose and own. But if you're an entrepreneur and believe in "failing fast", 1 is probably much easier to test quickly.

[–]midlifedick0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Seems simple. You're filled with self doubt because you are still seeking her approval.

You are seeking rapport and thinking of building the marriage. What does that mean to you, more communication?

My wife was the queen of cold shoulder and silent treatment, until I stopped playing that game. When she went cold, I stopped acting in kind. Soon after, I had a breakthrough type moment and if she went cold since, I haven't even noticed. That is when I realized what dgaf and stfu really meant and that is what I suggest for you.

[–]freshona0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

And if you're a driving man, drive other people nuts. Pass other cars with cruise control set for just a tad faster than the car on the right lane, and feel the heat on your neck as that big ass trucker behind you is tooting his horn.

"This is how I'm doing this"

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's a (weak) start, but the anonymity of driving means it barely challenges your frame. Otherwise "road rage" wouldn't be a thing.

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

And when she asks, you can say the same thing to her (except for the 60 days bit). The first real step on my MRP journey was basically saying "We both know things have been bad, and I just need some time to figure out my shit. I'm not checking out, but (re)discovering what it means to be a man that takes care of business and steps up to his responsibilities." There were a few follow up discussions after that and I still had some leftover anger, but it was the turning point for both of us.

Welcome to prarrott 2.0.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

"We both know things have been bad, and I just need I'm taking some time to figure out my shit. I'm not checking out, but (re)discovering what it means to be a man that takes care of business and steps up to his responsibilities."

I'd leave it at that.

[–]TheRedThrowAwayPill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Send her a link to TRP why don't you.

"We both know things have been bad, and I just need I'm taking some time to figure out my shit. I'm not checking out, but (re)discovering what it means to be a man that takes care of business and steps up to his responsibilities."

Come on, dude.

[–]SepeanRed Beret3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm taking a 60 day moratorium on intiating sex. I'm going to focus on making a life apart from sex, and getting rid of my anger. I'm going to focus on being the best man and father I can be, without expecting any response from her.

Sounds good.

I'm going to focus on making her life easier with the newborn (for the time being), without expecting a response from her. I'm going to spend time laughing and joking with her, just the two of us in the evening, and not initiate sex.

Wtf is all this "her, her, her". You're not some dancing, joke-telling monkey servant. That's not even what she wants. Unless you're aiming to fulfill her beta bucks needs. Is that what you're trying to do.

Get his through your head: You don't get sex in return for favors or for entertaining her. You get sex because she looks at you and sees a high quality man. That's it. She wants to fuck you because her reptile brain tells her that you have strong alpha genes that are awesome for making babies. That's it. Women don't need anything from alpha men except their semen. So stop focusing on her and focus on becoming alpha.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Big talk from a guy who has never gone outside the commitment, but I think if I were presented this situation I would start gaming and fucking women on the side.

Life is too short, she's not that special. But OP can't break the fuck out of his oneitus. I understand it's hard for some (including me), but fuck parrot is really struggling with this.

Pill still has much of its plastic coating and is failing to dissolve.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Big talk from a guy who has never gone outside the commitment, but I think if I were presented this situation I would start gaming and fucking women on the side.

How about OP manning up and unfucking himself instead of really messing up his marriage?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

That will go over well when she finds out (and she will).

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Forget about all your resolutions (60 days etc.) related to her.

Just make a list of goals for yourself that aren't about her. Can you do that? For example: gain x muscle, lose x fat, spend x amount of time with kids, get x more clients. Then start thinking about those goals and the benefits.

Start thinking "how can I achieve these goals?" Then devote your days to this.

Notice I didn't talk about her? She's along for the ride now. She's not dominating your mind now.

This will take time. Allow it. Time is a huge concept that is not understood by most people in my opinion.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Without any backstory my impression is:

  1. Wife may have depression and/or hormonal issues that contribute to the lack of libido, which is obviously compounded by your sh1tty relationship. If there's a way to encourage her to get this checked out by a doctor I would do so.

  2. Introduce dread? Your wife doesn't even like you - how are you going to make her fear your absence? Unless you're planning to first a) make her like and respect you again an b) then make her miss you? Good fucking luck with that! Your goal should be to either fix this relationship or end it, not to be in a place where she does what you want sexually for fear that you will leave if she doesn't.

  3. Speaking of which, is this relationship even salvageable? You've had issues from the beginning and already tried therapy. It sounds like you're committed to staying only for the kids. Have you floated the idea of an open marriage? Since sex is off the table with her ask if she'd mind if you discretely get it on the side. If she says yes for god sake get it in writing!

Otherwise wtf do you want to be in this miserable relationship? GTFO man.

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wife may have depression and/or hormonal issues that contribute to the lack of libido, which is obviously compounded by your sh1tty relationship. If there's a way to encourage her to get this checked out by a doctor I would do so.

They have a 5 month newborn, so hormones and nursing are definitely a factor.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe, maybe not. The situation pre-dates her pregnancy and giving birth + breast feeding does not nec. = a low libido. She should see a doctor but I wouldn't assume the issue is hormonal is what I'm saying.

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Introduce dread? Your wife doesn't even like you - how are you going to make her fear your absence? Unless you're planning to first a) make her like and respect you again an b) then make her miss you? Good fucking luck with that!

You got dread all wrong.

Dread starts with building attractive qualities, and might go over into active dread if the wife doesn't respond - and active dread is very DHV.

Speaking of which, is this relationship even salvageable? You've had issues from the beginning and already tried therapy.

Therapy is likely to tear down any alpha a man might have, don't talk about it as something that works.

And why can't OP become a better man than he was early in their relationship?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think I understand the concept of dread. It may start with self improvement but the endgame is eliciting dread in the wife when she realizes he has increased his SMV to the point where he has abundant options outside the marriage. Amirite?

I'm suggesting that attempting these mind games may ultimately do his marriage harm. Assuming they've ruled out medical / depression issues and tried therapy already, my recommendation is to ask for written permission to get sex on the side.

After all of sex is so unimportant and the wife won't fuck him she should be willing to let him get his needs met on the side. Just get this in writing so there's no backtracking later.

Dude does not need to up his SMV. His wife sounds like a shrew but I'm sure some other woman would fuck him. Either that or divorce. No fucking way I'd stay in a sexless marriage for six months without hitting the red button.

[–]Mecha751 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If i was in your shoes, i would not treat her as plate. At best i would treat her as my kid sister. But for the most part i would consider her non existent and not even bother talking with her except for courteous communication regarding the kids. Id let her vent and rage around me while i try to figure out why the sky is a particular shade of blue today (i.e. Not pay any real attention to what she is saying). Id also go about doing my own things with myself and kids apart from her. Do my own laundry, keep my own finances, do my dishes and what ever the needs of the kids are. (In other words, live the life of a bachelor). Her needs are all on her but i would not be such a jerk that i would get takeout for me and the kids while i get nothing for her.

No DEERing and STFU for nearly everything. Be courteous, always maintain frame, become stoic to her emotional outbursts and mood swings. Then after a significant period of time passes, i would begin light playful communication with her and see if she responds positively.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

One thing that shows clearly, to me, is that you are getting a better idea of where you are. It is a credit to you that, in spite of your failures, you are still working on improving yourself, over time.

I am looking forward to seeing your next FR in 60 days. Best.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm not sure about that 60 day thing. If you are doing what the readings are suggesting, there is no reason for you to not initiate if things take a turn for the better.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't think he's capable of diffusing the anger between the two of them unless he takes sex off the table for some period of time. He's made it such a all-consuming fixation that he may need a little time to reset his brain

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Exactly my thought. My last 30 day plan included the ability to still initiate when I wanted and that was what eventually unravelled me.

[–]iloveairplane0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Practice makes perfect though - I remember being where you are - I was not outcome independent and when my wife said no to me I would get angry, pout, manipulate her, guilt her, and threaten her with leaving.

You can't just learn how to be outcome independent overnight or by taking sex off the table in my opinion. For me - it took changing the way I initiated sex, changing the way I responded, and conditioning myself. Maybe this is just one of many ways though.

If you decide to keep sex off the table - fine, but as an alternative, consider why you initiate sex, how you do it (with creativity, excitement, passion, sexiness, dominance), and plan ahead for her to say no (what exciting thing will you be doing after she says no - that demonstrates you are just fine with her answer), etc.

[–]TheRedThrowAwayPill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

she refuses

She's hanging on for dear life.

The DREAD is building up and she's hanging on by a hair to the only thing she knows how to control - your dick.

It's now time to stop chasing her. Start ignoring.

Let her come to you.

Act like you DGAF

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Learn to summarize your issues. Way too much puke. I couldn't read it all.

You might be too weak to make things work with her. She might be too strong/BPD for your "strength" to work. At the end of the day, she's the only one you'll be able to practice this shit with. So put in he hard practice for 6mos and then pull the plug if you have to. Only then would you have a shot of starting over clean.

It isn't always possible to make a shitty marriage awesome after so many years with ducked up leadership. But you sure as hell cant have a new, great relationship unless you know how the hell to apply the fundamentals.
It took me leaving my marriage of 18yrs to figure it out. Don't take that long.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You are right. But with me being terrible for so many years, once I do figure out the new me, I will give her first shot. I'm not there. Maybe it takes me several more years. But I'm not leaving until I know she rejected the best me. I know thats not the easiest path. But for many factors, including our children which I love deeply, its the only path that seems to have the most integrity

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

You might as well stop posting in any RP related subs with that mindset. There are several BP subs that might be more comfortable for you.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Disagree. This is (pretty much) how I went about it.

I completely disengaged from wife and worked on me. Acting as if she were just a ghost in the house. Once I built myself up to a standard, I started to study game and how to approach women. My wife, along with having the handicap of kids and half my money, has the advantage of showing what value she is willing to add to my life first.

Fuck integrity though.

[–]nopeToThe43rd0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

MRP and askMRP are here to fix the man. I'm not fixed, but I see the path. It's not easy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It seems very simple : you haven't given up on her. It's, in your mind, all about her, and nothing else. The day you'll be ready to divorce, things will change in your life. Maybe she'll change, and you won't divorce, or maybe she won't change, and you'll find someone better, but as long as you're not ready to get her out of your life, you're screwed, you have no power, you have no freedom.

So no, don't treat her as a plate : she has to be a real plate, not just be treated like she was one...

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife first told me she wanted to leave me in our first year of marriage, many years ago. Since then, we have about 3 months per year where things are decent/good between us, and the other 9 months we are either disconnected or fighting.

This can't be fixed. She didn't even like you or your marriage dynamic in the beginning. No one here can say that the entire reason is because you were a "beta" and just following the steps of dread will turn this around. Sure, if you had a few good years and it turned bad, I'd think fixing it would be viable, but not when she wanted to leave in the FIRST YEAR and only stayed reluctantly. As of now, you're only together for the kids and only happy for a few months of the year.

Split up. It will be a better quality of life for you and for her, and definitely for your kids long run.

[–]Nyquil-Junkie-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just get a fucking divorce and start over.

[–]All_Ads_Deceive-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Have you gotten paternity tests for your children?

[–]drty_prRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The guy has finally came to terms with how much of a fuck up he is and the advice you give him is pat tests? You're a trolling bitch. OP, don't listen to this shit.



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