What has been your worst Tinder experience?

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May 19, 2019

After reading the guys post of the girl who shit all over his couch and finding it probably the funniest thing of all time - would love to hear a few other tinder horror stories from some other TRP alpha Chad Brohoffs.

Post Information
Title What has been your worst Tinder experience?
Author slippersweatpants
Upvotes 101
Comments 93
Date 19 May 2019 09:26 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/238917
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bqey7i/what_has_been_your_worst_tinder_experience/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
alphaChadthe red pill

[–]thisisnotme__--115 points116 points  (19 children) | Copy

I matched a girl and we met at a pool hall. Things seem to go well. We flirt, get physical, but she has a birthday party to go to, so we can't fuck that day. She texts me a few days later and comes over to my place. We talk about some of the books I have and some other stuff before we start making out. Pretty quickly, we're on the bed and it gets freaky fast. She sucks me off and I fuck her in the ass. She comes, I come, we lay together giggling for a bit (sometimes, I laugh for a while after a good orgasm). I'm a gentleman, so I get up and get a warm, wet wash cloth for her to wipe down with. She remarks on how sweet I am and seems genuinely touched. We talk some more. She says she has to go to work and asks to borrow a book. I let her.

The next day, I go through a drive-through and my debit card is declined. I go to the bank and they tell me there were some strange charges so they locked it. I look at the statement: the bitch copied or memorized my debit card number and spend nearly $500 in an afternoon. Thankfully, the bank reimbursed the money, but I had to buy a new copy of Welcome to the Monkey House.

Edit: I very strongly suspect it was her because all the charges were within walking distance of her neighborhood, and I realized afterward that the whole flirting process was suspiciously easy. I'd been avoiding dating for a while and my game was very rusty. I had enough experience to know that things seemed too smooth; she made it too easy.

[–]porn-chicken77 points78 points  (4 children) | Copy

Fucking hell! She took a shot in the arse just so she could steal a book and a few hundred dollars off you!

[–]MarvelousWhale45 points46 points  (3 children) | Copy

They'll take a lot more than 500 dunkaroos from your sorry ass if you take a shot in her cooch, was a bargain if you ask me

[–]porn-chicken17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

Agreed! I'm just saying that if I were her, i'd aim for a bit more than $500 and a shit book in exchange for a stinging ringpiece.

[–]GreatMenderTeapill11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Are we all going to glance right over "stinging ringpiece"? My vocabulary has been enhanced today. Thank you.

[–]Dane500 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hehe. Yep. Learned a new one myself.

[–]KaiSmashSmashSawmash8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

She probably took a picture of it

[–]SeriousAccount06 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

She wanted the book so she could quickly write down your debit card number before she forgot it.

[–]thatbadrogue22 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

if only there was something like a camera on a mobile device that people would theoretically carry on their person.

[–]SeriousAccount00 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Good point, but she may not have had the chance to pull it out without him looking, or her phone might have been dead or something.

[–]thatbadrogue20 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

but she'd remember a 16 digit credit card number, exp, and cvc long enough to write it in a book without a pen.

[–]SeriousAccount0-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, maybe. Like, maybe she had a pen in her car (or was it an Uber that picked her up? The post is removed and I don't remember) or she borrowed one from someone, and she just needed paper.

She was probably repeating it to herself over and over again.

[–]Houston2NYC5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

you should’ve taken this to the police or gotten her back in some way. my petty ass wouldn’t have let this slide.

[–]Black_Jesup3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did you press charges?

[–]LeDolceVita1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

one of my favorite short story collections

[–]red2hilt1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sorry, how do you know it was her? (It doesn't sound like she picked you up at a pool hall, just sounds like a normal tinder match.) Her story about going to work sounds normal too.

couldn't just be the last person you were with? I mean you haven't listed any red signs even in retrospect or any reason to think it was her. how did you come to this conclusion?

[–]Twenty_league_boots0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This. I think he's making a huge unwarranted assumption. Very unlikely that it was her, unless OP confronted her and she admitted it. ID/card theft is almost always someone you have no idea about getting your info somehow.

[–]red2hilt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

sure. maybe in retrospect there were some red flags he didn't pick up on at the time - it's just that he didn't list any for us. I'm just curious how he knew (maybe there were some things he left out.)

[–]Meterus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She did not sew
She did not swim
She was a bitch
And she did sin!

[–]shredgnarrr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lmao this happened to a buddy of mine, but to the tune of 2 grand and a few painkillers he had from a surgery. Then she does the same thing the next night to another dude

[–]hatethiscity121 points122 points  (12 children) | Copy

Too many. Top one that come to mind.

Met a date for drinks who's already visibly fucked up when we first meet. She excused herself to the bathroom and ended up taking 20+ minutes. I would have assumed she bailed but she left her stuff at the table. 10 minutes later the cops show up and question/search me because she passed out while shooting up heroin in a stall. Luckily the manager was a bro and comped my drinks after listening to my story. One of the cops got a good laugh.

[–]KaiSmashSmashSawmash26 points27 points  (11 children) | Copy

What’s up with hot girls doing heroin

[–]GucciGangBucks10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Probably starts with wanting attention/validation when around others who are doing it instead of walking way like any normal person. Then after that turns to actual addiction.

[–]rpkarma16 points17 points  (6 children) | Copy

Heroin feels great. Ruins your life, sure, but is fantastic at the time.

[–]trp282873 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Something like 80% of people who try heroin never get addicted

[–]dpgproductions14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

still terrible odds

[–]Greaterbird4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

20% chance of ruining my life? Where do I sign up?!

[–]Monkitail1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

how much worse can it get?

[–]Greaterbird2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh tons. My life is pretty great. I had a lucky draw.

[–]rpkarma-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. 75% is what read. For a first time user it takes quite a few weeks of daily usage to get a dependence. I’m one of the “””lucky””” 25% lol

[–]EminemLovesGrapes4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

They just want be heroines.

[–]PizzaDiaper1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you live in Santa Cruz??? Lol

[–]Modbsutansalt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Natural progression from cocaine? Lots of party girls, if not most, are known to do lines in the bathroom in the big clubs.

[–]porn-chicken32 points33 points  (1 child) | Copy

I guess i'm old cause I never got into Tinder. but I did try the old dating websites like POF when I was younger. Surprisingly, mostly good experiences. Very few girls were just looking purely for hookups though. I had way more success on social media like MySpace and early Facebook.

Got catfished hard by a girl a year or so older than me. Webcams were all potato quality back then and her photos were a few years old. Her lies got progressively unravelled the closer we came to meeting.

I was expecting a petite, big-titted, black haired emo chick to meet me for coffee, but I ended up being accosted by a fat, dandruffy woman who looked a solid 10 years older than her photos. It took me a good 30 seconds to clock that it was her.

She wasnt ugly ugly, but wasn't what I expected at all. Probably wouldn't have cared if she'd have just been honest.

I tried to power through a short coffee date but she wasn't being honest about her intensions. I bailed as soon as she started going on about meeting her daughter.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Her daughter. Lol

[–]machiavellianlaws77 points78 points  (7 children) | Copy

Definitely not as bad as the story of the girl who shit on this guy’s couch but:

New Year’s Eve a couple of years ago a tinder girl send me a message around 3-4 am while I’m on my way home from a party. She wants to come over and at the time I lived with my mother. I said cool come over, and call my mother to give her a heads up. She comes over and exchange a few words with my mother before we go to my room. Fast forward we’re in my bed and I’m fingering her with the lights off. I remember thinking “god damn she’s wet”. I fuck her missionary, and it feels like I have dried paint on my hand. You know the rest. I immediately get up and turn on the lights and see my hand covered in dried period blood, the condom is covered, her thighs, my stomach, and the bedsheets is covered in it. She get’s super embarrassed. I change the sheets and we take a shower. She spends the night because I didn’t have the heart to kick her out. She leaves super early and we’ve never spoken again.

Some honorable mentions: I meet up with a girl in her Airbnb while she visits the city I live in. All she talks about is her ex bf, and how he cheated and made her crazy so after 20-30 minutes I find an excuse to leave, but she keeps messaging me after the “date”. She gets really clingy and clearly wants to meet again. At the time I was fucking a girl regularly and it was semi-serious (before my red pill days). Somehow she found out and tell the girl about her and me and everything turns into drama ofc. I just distance myself and ghosts both of them. This is 2-3 years ago and till this day she still sends random messages “hi how are you? I miss you”. Then it turns into “I hate you, you piece of shit” hahah, she’s blocked now tho.

I met a girl who were super clingy and told me she wanted a bf. I told her several times I wasn’t looking for anything serious but she said she didn’t mind. Oh well, cool I thought. We fucked, and she gets even more clingy. I distance myself from her and ghosts completely. Then she sends me a paragraph of how emotionally manipulative I am, how I lied etc. then she proceeded to tell all her friends who also sent me long paragraphs of how I fucked over the wrong girl and I was going to pay for it. Still two years later nothing has happened.

These days I’m careful on which types of girls to bring home. There’s a lot of crazy damaged people around god damn.

Sorry for my bad English

[–]0mnipath11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

Jeebus how do you get all the crazy ones? Never interacted with anything like that.

[–]volvostupidshit14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Become crazy yourself and you will attract them.

[–]machiavellianlaws6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well you’re not wrong lol

[–]kommadantubel6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wait what are the logistics of bringing girls home when you live with your mother? She hears it and is fine with it?

[–]machiavellianlaws5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

The house was big enough for her to not hear anything from the livingroom. (At least I hope so lol). She didn’t mind me bringing girls home tho. She would rather want me to have ons than a relationship.

[–]KaliFresh2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Still two years later and nothing has happened. Be careful they’ve been carefully plotting their revenge hahaha

[–]fender18781 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ya, this is why I rarely (if I ever), come back to my house. It’s way easier to ghost the crazy if they have no clue where you live. I’m also vague about where I work. Plus, much easier to leave their house than to force them out of your house.

[–]Yusuf1869 points70 points  (3 children) | Copy

Matched a chick (21F) from tinder last year. Went to drive-ins to watch Halloween late at night. We hook up and she tells me she wants to do the deed. We drive out, but only to have a pick up truck right up our arse. We veer off to the side to let them pass, but no, they want to follow us. I stop, and they stopped beside us. The passenger runs out of the pick up and starts sprinting towards our car. We immediately drive off, with them in the rear view mirror chasing us. Managed to escape them, but popped my tyre in the process. Spent 10 minutes changing the wheel at midnight in some random street, hoping they wouldn’t see us.

Haven’t been on a tinder date since.

[–]Emerald__Faith42 points43 points  (2 children) | Copy

Bro wtf

[–]alleyteris40 points41 points  (1 child) | Copy

Probly her bf

[–]volvostupidshit13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Probably guys who sniffed out that they were trying to do the deed and trolled them.

[–]discohumpty14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not necessarily Tinder first date but a Tinder girl I was dating for couple months was going alright although I could tell she was a crazy bitch. We ended up being fuck buddies but we got drinks and food about once a week.

She was pressing for a commitment I think and at the same time was looking to branch swing, which was strange because we were'nt together, so it was a weird dynamic. I was pretty aloof because I knew that any investment was going to be shit on or a lost cause because she'd move on once I showed strong interest. She also had an army of men and beta orbiters so one of those girls you'd just think I'm better off. But sex was good.

We were walking over to a bar one night and she was being cold and quiet. Likely because our situation was getting stale and I was just letting it happen so she was sending out some tests. I made some sarcastic comments like "so glad I could spend my Saturday night in such great company, really good use of my time". She said something back, I forgot what, then said under my breath but audible "it doesn't matter this thing isn't going anywhere."

She goes ghost white and we were just about to open bar door. She then stalled and wouldn't let me hold the door open for her, and it got awkward entering the place. I then chatted up the bartender like nothing happened, which pissed her off more. Rest of the night was tense.

She came back to my place, I said she didn't have to, hoping she didn't. We then get in bed and then says no to sex, shockingly. Didn't hear much from her next two days. That Monday, she texts me saying she's meeting up with an old ex who's moving away for a going away dinner. She talked about him couple times naturally or to get me jealous. He made 100k+ at age of 30, had his own downtown loft, and a huge social life and was genuinely a good guy from looks of it. It was the type of a ex a chick would name drop willingly to gain an edge.

He wasn't moving away for a month I later found out, and they hadn't seen each other in a year or so, but they probably fucked on the side given some signs and her slut history. Whatever I thought, validation that she's a crazy bitch. She played her card and I wasn't intending to react or change my behavior. I was gonna see her less but probably still fuck her.

Later that night I get a direct snap of him sitting across the table from her and her asking what do you like about the beer he was drinking. He goes on to describe it, almost sensually. At that point, I was like shit one thing to tell me about this date but to broadcast it is next level.

I thought that had to be it, and was ready to cut ties. Later that night, I remember sitting on the couch with my buddy telling him about this chick. As I was telling him the deal I get another snap of her lying on a bed, not her bed (she always had purple sheets and these were black and red), with caption "that feeling after eating and you take off your pants". I expected the next one would be of her sucking his dick but she must've found some dignity and decided not to.

I gave her one word responses and tell her I know what happened and how fucked up it was. Didn't get wordy. She came back with the you're so insecure, and bunch of laughable lies.

I then said no to some meets up and we didn't see each other for a month. Finally one night she comes over and gives me a blowjob and let's me fuck her in the ass for first time. I brought it up again and the amount of tell signs of lying was egregious. She asked if I wanted to hang out more like before, said I was moving to another city for a job, which was a real dagger it seemed to her, but you can continue to come over.

We fucked another month or so and then I moved. Still unbelievable three years later. Learned to trust my instincts for a bitch who looks crazy.

[–]AuberyBitoni37 points38 points  (4 children) | Copy

Matched a girl on Tinder and on pictures she was a 7/10. Solid squat ass, nice face, ... etc. She got my number and out of nowhere around 10pm she started calling me non stop. Apparently she got into a fight with her parents and they kicked her out so she had no place to sleep for the night.

I wanted some nice sex so I told her that she could sleep over at my place. It's 11pm and she shows up at my house. Parked her car in the middle of the fucking road. So I told her she can't park there, she turned and actually drove against a small tree. I was thinking 'What the fuck?'. She steps out of the car and in real life she was a 5/10 at most. She was wearing one of these extremely skinny dresses and I could see her 'chubby' stomach through it, she definitely gained like 15-20 pounds.

I was like, fuck it, let's make the best out of it. I turn on a movie and put my arm around her. She's talking to me and her breath smelled horrible. It smelled like she didn't brush her teeth in days, like a mix of cigarettes and sour milk. I gave her a spare tooth brush and got her to brush her teeth, was kinda awkward. After this we were making out and she gave me a solid blowjob.

She smelled so fucking bad though. Worst hygiene I've seen on a girl ever. Probably because she got kicked out of her house and couldn't shower etc. So I let her shower, we have sex and it's 2 am at this point. I was done with her, told her I was gonna sleep and she said okay. Not even 2 fucking minutes later she started snoaring loud as fuck, sounded like a fucking chain saw. She was laying all over me and it felt like it was a fucking sauna in there.

It was 4am and I was still awake. At this point I was getting pissed off, so I pushed her off the fucking bed and this bitch slept right through it, what the fuck? I finally could lay comfortable but the snoaring was unbearable so I slept in a couch downstairs. Finally.. some good sleep. I wake up around 8am and felt like a zombie. I open my eyes and ths fucking bitch is laying on me. She actually woke up during the night and went downstairs and slept on the couch with me.

This was the last straw. I kicked her out, hard nexted her ass, blocked her number and made up an excuse that I had to be somewhere. Have never seen her again but holy shit that was my worst Tinder experience, I have some more bad experiences but this was the worst one.

[–]allcryptal7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shit. I'm surprised you were able to get up with that trash bag.

[–]locomotronn5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck. This sounds terrible yet relatable.

[–]EminemLovesGrapes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm glad that she didn't do anything with the fact that she knew where you lived.

She could've parked her car inside your house if she wasn't happy with you ghosting her.

[–]QWERTY_corn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Love the writing style. Had me rollin bro

[–]PizzaDiaper13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

The first time I hooked up with someone through an online dating app, she only had pictures of her posted with a sweatshirt on. I couldn’t see her body, but I should’ve use the logic that I learned in the movie “Ray”, where Ray Charles would shake a woman’s hand and feel her wrist to see if she was a fatty.

Didn’t check the wrists, she was a fatty. Built like a fucking tank.

I never had sex with a fat woman leading up to that, so I still banged it out. No shame.

[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Not Tinder but a dial-up BBS in the early 90s. The woman wasn't pretty, but was smart and rich (daughter of a doctor) and really liked me so I give it a go. Our first date she wants to meet at her place and watch a movie. Great, I figure I'm in like Flynn!

So I arrive at her address, and feel even luckier as it's a new neighborhood of McMansions, years before that expression was even coined. Walking inside, it's a semi open floor plan showcasing a professionally maintained rainforest in a 25X25 floor to ceiling glass on 4 sides area in the middle of everything, open to the sky and now perfectly lit at night. I make a good impression on her Doctor Dad with some smart banter, then we settle in for the movie.

Her Girl Game soon proved to be as awkward as her unkempt plain looks, as she started making over-the-top PDAs with her Dad sitting nearby, nose buried in some scholarly tome. I was trying to keep the escalation slow and discreet below couch level, and she kept putting both arms around me and leaning in too heavily, causing us to shift and move in the Good Doctor's periphery, even though he's apparently fine with it all.

At one point, she gets on all fours, ass up and pointing in the general direction of her Dad, and starts making out with my ear. Mind you, we haven't actually kissed yet, but now she's breathing and slobbering loudly into my ear while her tongue explores it indiscriminately in a pattern like a Norway Rat trying to find the little platform in the dark experimental dunk tank. Finally, she let out a low moan which was supposed to be sexy, but at that intimate distance of 0mm to my ear canal was more like a whale call fit to carry across countless nautical miles. Then she plunged her tongue piston-like into my ear canal, simulating upon one eardrum a sudden dive to fathoms of depth and barometric pressure whales are accustomed to, causing me to jump up and yelp. I locked eyes with her very Jewish father, while a long awkward moment passed while no explanation was asked or offered as to why the hitherto nice very blonde and white boy suddenly jumped up and shouted, "OYE!" while in the process of making out with his daughter, whose ass is still up and pointing in his general direction. The moment passes; we get settled back into the movie, and at some point he bids us a friendly good night and pads silently into the dark catacombs of his suburban castle.

Next lull in the movie, I go in for a regular kiss, which she overeagerly reciprocates. She PLUNGES her tongue into my mouth as deep as she can, then swishes it back and forth rhythmically, like a windshield wiper. I try to interact using my tongue, but hers just sweeps it aside like a bug, and continues the determined Swish-Swosh-Swish-Swosh! I break for air, then we kiss again, hoping it was a fluke. Nope, she plunges the tongue straight in again, and starts sweeping back and forth mechanically.

Now we've gotten through the movie and she invites me to spend the night. She leads me to bed, strips down to a shirt and underwear, then says just a minute and goes into the bathroom across the hall. I'm lying there thinking it's weird but hey, easy pussy coming right up.

A minute turns to ten, then twenty; during which my detective ears picked up the distinctive sounds of several sizes and hardnesses of pills rattling around different size bottles as they were upturned to disgorge their various rewards, and bouts of ugly crying. Finally, she burst in, turned out the light, and climbed into bed with me and immediately started to try to make out. I paused the action and asked, are you okay? She said yes, but it was obvious she had been crying and might start again with every unsteady breath. She was obviously rapidly coming under the influence of whatever pills she popped, and the whole thing was now just a sea of red flags, so I pulled the ripcord and made apologies as I quickly dressed to go. She clung to me and pleaded, "I don't want to lose you!" as I thought, "We JUST FUCKING MET TODAY!"

Walked out of that palace of grave dysfunction, got in my inappropriately old and inexpensive car and drove out of the clutches of McMansionville forever.

[–]KaiSmashSmashSawmash4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You would of been set for life

[–]Nitsujsith1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

holy shit, I was physically twitching reading this. wow

[–]KaiSmashSmashSawmash23 points24 points  (5 children) | Copy

Match with a black girl that has some crossfit photos in her bio. She was more ripped in person than her pictures I still go for it. Anyway, this bitch got a fucking workout fucking me so hard squating in my penis I was almost scared...I couldn’t text her after the deed my man card was taken from me.

Honestly yeah that’s the worst one

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

The Amazon experience

[–]ex_addict_bro0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

See my comment m8

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

OLTR and I fucked a 6ft basketball player last Sunday. We have been catching lots of bi black girls recently

OLTR is little so we had lots of fun with her. Basketball girl was happy I could manhandle her properly

[–]KaiSmashSmashSawmash0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah mine was bi as well. She showed me all her girl matches on tinder

[–]ex_addict_bro0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Trust yourself. I'm not a urologist, but I've seen a broken dick once. Yup, this is possible. Trust your gut.

[–]CainPrice2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

In a rare moment, I set up a daytime date on a Saturday afternoon because I was meeting my now-girlfriend later that night.

I meet this girl at an outdoor bar not too far from my place, and the first thing she says when I walk up is that she has a pool party to go to later and has to leave in an hour. No mention of this occurred the entire time we were setting the date, so I figure she's bullshitting me, but let's have some fun.

She's in jean shorts, a T-shirt, and sandals, so I ask something like "So are you wearing your bathing suit underneath that, then?" She pulls her shirt up and shows me her bathing suit top. Okay, she's playing ball.

She then goes on to talk about her kid. Now, I'm okay fucking moms, but again, no mention that she's a parent at all until this point. And when I do meet a single mom, I like our time to be our time. I don't like the "my kid is my life!" women on the hunt for a new daddy. I strongly prefer the "I want a guy for me for when the kid's with Dad" women.

I can barley get a word in with this one. She won't stop talking about herself and anything I have to say, she acts like she knows what I'm talking about already. So I just keep her talking about whatever sounds interesting. I buy her next drink. She buys my next one. Then she says she has to go so I walk her back to her car.

She hesitates at that point and tells me that maybe we should just part ways here. She says she broke a bottle of vodka in her car and it smells really bad. I remind her that I just drank a few vodka drinks and that I like vodka.

So we get to her car and get in to make out, and she was full of it. This wasn't a broken bottle of vodka I was smelling. This was someone puking up vodka and probably a ham and cheese sandwich that I'm smelling. It's terrible. And her car has trash all over the back seat from 5000 fast food meals, piled up on her kid's car seat. And I'm gagging from the smell. We just kiss a few times and I tell her to have fun at her party and I'll text her later.

I took a really long shower before my next date.

[–]redvelvet_oreo12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Met a girl on tinder. Now in a LTR for 3 years.

[–]SeriousAccount019 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm so sorry...

[–]Andgelyo5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Link to post OP cmon deliver

[–]superbear 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Matched and went on a few dates with a girl a few years back on Tinder. She ended up Googling me and my business, learning about my financial information, so I had to end it right there, but she wouldn't take no for an answer.

A day later, the doorbell rings, and while looking from the window, I can see her holding cupcakes.

To this day, I still can't figure out how she knew where I lived.

[–]bigcountry60591 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

When Tinder was still new..

We match, she messages me first. After a couple messages she sends me her snapchat. I'm pretty straight forward and made my intentions clear that I don't want a relationship. Instead of a text reply, she send a snap video of her in a bath towel caption "do you want me to answer the door like this?". Told her no, skip the towel. Get her address, drive 45 minutes a couple cities over and pull up. She's a Fed. Nice ass house, brand new truck, and a brand new subaru next to her patrol vehicle.

Immediately I was worried if I am about to be lured in to some weird couples shit. I knock on the door, she answers without a towel. Nice ass pierced titties, a little curvier than her profile photos. I grab her, we hug, I grab her ass and she opens her mouth for a kiss. HOLY FUCKING HORSE TEETH BRACE FACE. She has ugly ass brace teeth with the whole rubberband shit going on. So I force my way through it, and got damn this bitch cant kiss to save her life. Whatever, we make it to her room, she shoves ME on the bed (I am dominant) and starts sucking my dick as if she was trying to drink a fucking milkshake. I feel teeth hit my head, and it was genuinely fucking terrible. I push her off and bend her over her bed, slide my dick in and thank god her pussy was pretty decent. Like 1.5 strokes in she lets out this weird fucking deep grunt, like you just punched a cow in the stomach.

I pulled out, and she lays missionary coochie all out, and I try to at least get it back up, nut and fucking dip out of there. It doesn't work, she tries to give me head again, and I'm just sitting there on the edge of the bed, sweating my ass off because she has no a/c or fan on, shitty ass dick sucking skills. So I dig deep, think of another plate I've been fucking, gets me hard enough to lay her back down, jackhammer for a couple minutes, pull out, overshot my target in to her eye and hair. She goes "what the hell did you get on me"

BITCH WHAT DO YOU THINK. She gets up, goes to the bathroom to wash up. I throw my fucking pants back on and peel out. Blocked and ghosted. I should have just left after I saw her fucking teeth. OH, and her fucking pitbull was sitting next to the bed staring us down the whole got damn time.

[–]fartingaround2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not rlly a horror story but the only girl i hooked up with on tinder wouldnt take her shirt off during sex. She was clearly sensitive about her weight but cmon just take it off

[–]RedSkeller2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

I generally screen out single moms, stuck up cunts and obvious fatties/train wrecks so probably miss out on them fecaling on my furniture. Generally just having sex off tinder, which got boring pretty quick.

Did have my first Asian off tinder. She was young and in college, fresh off the boat from Singapore so I thought she might be reserved, yet AWALT. She was petite and just over 100 pounds tops, spoke great English no accent. We grabbed drinks at a shorty dive bar and mid way through the second drink I knew she was into me so we wrapped shit up and took her to my place 20 minutes away.

We immediately fuck at my place, she keeps yaulping something I can’t understand so finally I stop her and ask her what the fuck she’s saying. She says she likes to be called baby girl and that I’m her ‘daddy’ but for whatever reason she’s saying it with a broken English accent so it sounds like ‘duttie’. Fucking creepy. “Rooooh! Duttie!”

She’s tighter than my death grip and we fuck like animals, she even showers between sessions. I let her stay because I’ll fuck her again in the morning. Of course we do, but this time she is squirting all over my bed. Tells me I should look into rubber sheets. I drop her ass off and have never been so satisfied from sex. So much so I have no desire to ever see her again. I unmatched her without her number about 48 hours later.

Also, what’s up with squirters not telling you they are going to soak your mattress or my cheap wood paneled floors which shouldn’t be wet in the first place. It’s hot piss ladies, not magic love juice.

[–]porn-chicken54 points55 points  (4 children) | Copy

Wait, you fucking the shit out of a tiny, squirting Asian girl is a horror story?

[–]MarvelousWhale80 points81 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes and apparently he was so satisfied from the sex that he just couldn't fuck her again and deleted her lmao who writes this shit

[–]locomotronn12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Worst part is all the upvotes it has. This sub should be renamed creative writing sometimes FFs

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wish I was in a horror story now

[–]STOP_PLAYING_GAMES12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

How does this have any upvotes this is stupid as hell

[–]Flintblood3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This sounds like my dream date, being newly into East and SE Asians and all. I didn’t find many Asians on Tinder so I ditched that garbage app.

[–]1XXXMersenne0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

forget that soyful self-commodification nonsense, unless you're learning to "textgame" and get girls out through text, just go out and spit game on real chicks.

Qualitatively worth more that playing with the easy escape afforded by being behind a screen.

[–]sebastianconcept9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lately, Tinder is like the end of a party. Only the worst is available. Real life is orders of magnitude better.

[–]genital-love12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy

tinder’s worth keeping around to have slump busters on deck. stay on your grind but girls smell thirst, good to keep your dick wet

[–]1XXXMersenne3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

I dunno, I live in UK and all the (20%) attractive girls are out in intimidating social circles, playing the social game in high end bars & lounges. But I get it that some newbies would be happy with any old porker.

So long as they get the warm hole right?

[–]c4toyourdoornobeef1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Why is every girl here such a cunt? Everywhere i've been, all the girls are so much friendlier especially america compared to England.

Like they know they're place in the SMP everywhere else but here na even the fat ones think they're all that

[–]Pidjesus1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’ve also come to the conclusion that UK girls are the worst, really stuck up their own ass. I’m still trying to understand why they’re like this

[–]c4toyourdoornobeef0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bunch if 5's thinking they're 9's.

tbf scottish girls are well friendly

[–]slippersweatpants[S] 19 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy

What are you even trying to say? Looking for funny stories that I can break my shit laughing to, take this philosophical stuff elsewhere

[–]TheRealShafron0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When did this become a basic askReddit post?

[–]RemyBucksington0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Nothing as dramatic as this, but I took out a cute Ukrainian girl who was very obviously disappointed with my appearance despite my best efforts to make my pictures as honest as possible.

I labored hard to keep the conversation going, made her laugh some, but the sheer disappointment on her face was guttural. I was so relieved when it was all over.

[–]ex_addict_bro0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

obviously disappointed with my appearance

u sure about that? looks like a projection to me

by the way, per "practical female psychology", never waste time for clearly uninterested girls...

[–]thesatellite230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Before I even heard of TRP. I matched with a girl, got her number quickly, and setup a dinner date. Everything seemed to be fine.

I arrived at the restaurant a few minutes early. Order a drink and wait. Some time passed but she never showed up. I thought she flaked, so I was about to pay my bill and leave. She texted me and said she fell asleep, apologized, she'll be there soon. Okay. I should've left regardless, but I was still blue pulled and so I stuck around. She eventually came.

I would've had a better conversation with a brick wall. She literally sat there and stared at me the entire time. Empty expression, I dont know if she even blinked once. If I asked her a question, she responded with one-word answers or a shrug.

Then I noticed something else. She was imitating me. If I looked at the menu, so did she. I take a bite, she followed suit. I confirmed my suspicion by sliding my drink to the other end of my plate...and guess who else's drink slid over two seconds later?

I thought WTF. Finished up and haven't communicated with her since.

[–]DeadlyCrape-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

calling other men "alpha chad" get back to this side bar kid.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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