I had enough. My life is shit. I am to blame that is for sure. I want to change but I literally cannot do shit and I feel so fucking retarded that I haven't actually started doing anything meaningful.
I know the protocol, lift, eat healthy, sleep right, good routine, meditate, hobbies etc. But my biggest problem is I have done nothing to start a career. Dropped out 1st year. That should be my priority but I'm avoiding it. I'm doing fuck all in my life. But I want to change? I want to be a different person, a better version of myself. But I feel like I'm in constant torture based on the fact that I've developed shitty habits, and also living with my parents and sister where it's hard to have a good relationship because of their negativity and shitty way of dealing with me since I was a kid. That's putting a lot of blame on others aside from myself, but I'm sure it's a mixture of everything as to why I'm a piece of shit.
I was put in a position of not having any friends because of switching cities and going to a highschool with people who dorm (out of town), and generally having no real direction afterwards. I know I should've chosen a direction myself, but I was in a bad spot considering the environment and being an introverted blue pilled thinker, surrounded by others who didn't have much direction as well.
I ended up taking a gap year, then going into engineering which I was not ready for at all because of shitty habits (weed and gaming) all while not having real friends and generally living a depressed and boring life alone.
So now, I'm 22, have no fucking college degree, been stoning out working retail and fuck all. Depression, but the type I brought upon myself because I just didn't give a shit. This has been going on for a good 3 years. I discovered TRP about 6 months ago and I'm glad that I did. So now, with this shitty fucking start, what do I do.
Do I suck it up, endure the torture, and live with my parents so they can help pay for school and living? This is probably what I'll end up doing because it is by far the safest option, and best for my future. But again, this means monk mode for a long time, so it'll probably be hell and I'll have trouble staying on task.
Or do I move out with nothing to my name besides like 10k and start everything independently? This is an appealing option because I'll be completely free and will be forced to actually do things. But I'm starting out as a complete bum. Fml.
This ended up being more of a rant then a real question, but I can't grasp wtf is wrong with me. For example I've been telling myself I'll wake up 6am, get a workout done, count macros, meditate, research what to fucking do with my life, and go to sleep at like 10. What ends up happening is I stick to my habits, stay up til 4am, wake up 1pm, don't do shit because I hate facing reality, and repeat.
My problems are clear, but I'm not acting upon them.
22 years old, no college degree. No experience or talents. Doing fuck all.
How do you pick yourself up and actually get to fucking work. I know I should do it. I've had long contemplations where I really want to do it. I've even had days where I'm feeling confident. But all I've really had are tiny successes, and I'm going crazy over the fact that I'm not capable of going all out. I suppose being mediocre is better than nothing. But I'm struggling hard, and it's basically because I'm a piece of shit. Yeah don't hate yourself and bring yourself down, I know that. But now I'm battling against myself you see. This is torture and I don't know how to break out of it. I'm afraid I'll continue to waste my time because I want to delay the harsh realities of hard work and building up my career with this shitty start. It could be worse, I know, but there I go arguing with myself. So what do I want from asktrp? I don't know. How about a $10,000 bet that I'll fucking start my transformation and be a completely different person by next year. I feel like only a dirty incentive like that is the only way to go forth and actually make changes. It's ironic becase even without making that bet, I would gain way more than 10k value to myself if I followed through. Maybe my problem is I need to start with baby steps. But I've been telling myself all this for a while and not getting anything out of it. How can I break out of this life. I'm straight up realizing that I'm fucking retarded. I'll have to delete this in a day or 2.
[–]comounamanzana138 points139 points140 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]omega_dawg9324 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ilovepurplestew[S] 22 points23 points24 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]InDankWeTrust68 points69 points70 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]poopsicle886 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]eldridgecrowbarn 1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]illusiveab4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ilovepurplestew[S] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]InstigatingDrunk1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ilovepurplestew[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Believeinyourflyness2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]StopGaming12342 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ilovepurplestew[S] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Believeinyourflyness0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cyphrrr 1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ilovepurplestew[S] 6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]poopsicle882 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ilovevidya1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bigkahuna33319 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]korpus917 points8 points9 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]sauron8462 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]dusara2174 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]0io-4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]trustmethisismyname9 points10 points11 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ilovepurplestew[S] 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]trustmethisismyname0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ilovepurplestew[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]warwolverinewarrior7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dusara2172 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]paul_ernst2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mark22621 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]squibity1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AuberyBitoni0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]uptimex0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Davidskylarkk0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheHumbleAfrican0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ChemicalGiraffe0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AlphaAbundance0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sjd220 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JyoungPNG0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]the13thmonk0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nishitc30 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NeedRealityShock0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sendmeloveletters[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aymane2210 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NotAJoKe10020 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Barbwire_cake0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1rad_dynamic0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]locomotronn0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RagBeerBela0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]misls0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]therandombiker10 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]comu_nacho0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]krispydankage0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rockyp320 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rudolf_the_red0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tastypita0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jsieijejeieokkd0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Soon_As_I_Nut0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MarioBuzo-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bowhunter6-2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DeadlyCrape-3 points-2 points-1 points (0 children) | Copy Link