I was recently banned from marriedredpill. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I feel gaslighted and on the other I see what I did wrong and see the ban as justifiable. I'm going to lay it all out here so maybe other noobs won't make the same mistake.
I posted a FR here https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cs4ykj/fr_red_core_blue_exterior/
Many of you helped and I greatly appreciate it.
In the FR there was a theory disagreement between myself and johneyapocalypse over which was more foundational to MRP, self improvement or Rule 0. The details aren't important. I made my case and he made his.
/u/johneyapocalypse challenged me to post in OYS and link to our discussion so others could weigh in.
Tomorrow, post in OYS early, link to my comment, and specifically tell everyone why you have been lying. Since you don't want to listen to me perhaps you'll listen to others. Or perhaps you'll just keep rewriting the rules, lying, and arguing, all in an effort to avoid putting in the work - for the plain and simple reason that you, like most men - are lazy.
I outlined what I learned here and linked to that thread https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/csux0d/own_your_shit_weekly_august_20_2019/exhzx6m
Why I feel gaslighted
Toward the end of our little debate, johneyapocalypse changed the subject by reading my comment and post history and coming up with a list of questions. I believed he was trying to make me look bad, feel guilty, or simply label me as a faggot so as to invalidate my argument. I did not engage. I tried to make light with humor, I said I believed we were not disagreeing on the important things and that it was all semantics, and I told him I respected him after reading some of his posts . I believed if I did engage that would be considered DEERing and I would be banned. I was banned anyway for 30 days for having the discussion in the first place. Rule #8: Don't argue
In modmail I was encouraged to provide a case for why I shouldn't be banned.
Dude. I don't think you're capable of using any of these tools for anything other than to blow up your life. I'm looking for a reason to keep you around but coming up blank.
Help me out here, I don't like banning guys who are in the OWS threads, but I really don't like guys going rambo haphazardly and making everyone here look bad. -RPStonePT
I felt like it was a trap and I was being asked to DEER. Instead of defend myself I took responsibility. I stated that I did argue with johneyapocalypse and perhaps arguing is one of my learning styles. I like to lay out an argument and let others tear it apart. My username is cmvplease2 after all. I said I would leave the arguing to the changemyview sub and I would no longer argue in marriedredpill. I could have defended, blamed, and deflected but I didn't do that. I already decided I was here to work. I was permanently banned anyway.
So I feel gaslighted. I feel like johneyapocalypse went through my posts to pull out any dirt he could find to show everyone how much of a faggot I am, caught the mod's attention, after which I was told to either DEER or be banned and if you DEER you're still banned. I tried to handle the situation by accepting responsibility but was still banned.
What I don't fully understand
..is why there are double standards. johneyapocalypse was guilty of the same crime which was arguing. But he got a bye. It appears the mods are going to protect those who they see as higher value. Those that produce value are unsurprisingly more valuable. You want to keep them around. That makes sense.
some idiot thining he's an equal who gets to dictate how others spend their time. -RPStonePT
I never dictated to johneyapocalypse that he should argue or keep pressing me for answers to his questions. I don't understand how its my responsibility to ensure someone else spends their time wisely. He has the freedom to spend his time how he sees fit. That should be on him.
What I did wrong
I shouldn't have argued. I could give my opinion once and leave it at that. As weakandsensitive said in modmail say "Huh. What an interesting view point." and move on
I should have went light on the humor
In general I should reply less and work more
Perhaps I should have engaged johneyapocalypse. But I still feel I would be called out for DEERing. I think this entire post is DEERing and I'll probably be banned for it.
Most of these questions were answered in my FR or OYS but I'm going to give johneyapocalypse the benefit of the doubt and assume he was attempting to help me on my MAP and he was not trying to get me banned
- One year of sitting on your ass and doing nothing but reading.
I joined at some point last year. Read some. Deleted reddit and all social media and honestly forgot about this place until recently. I read about STFU and realized how I had been fucking up recently and decided to join again.
- Resorting to self-directed "marriage counseling" with your wife.
I've been seeking your guys advice on this and I appreciate your help. The big lesson I've learned is I need to provide comfort. I've always sucked at this. I don't think the counseling is a long term solution and I'm working on it.
- "Bribing" your kids to get them to listen to you.
I remember when I was a kid and I hated shopping. I let my kids pick out a $1 candy treat from walmart when we go to make it fun. Some people let their kids pick out a box of cereal. I see cereal with all its sugar as no different than candy so i figure why not just let them get candy. I don't see anything wrong with this but after listening to other people's opinions I've decided to stop doing this. Going to the store should not be rewarded. I should reward them when they actually do something good.
- Going "rambo" on your wife after four weeks of "awareness."
I detailed this in my first FR and my first OYS. I discussed my fuckups. My mistake in going rambo was making demands early on before my SMV was raised. And even when it is raised to my goal level I won't make explicit demands. To my understanding Dread is covert without covert contracts or being a dancing monkey.
- Reacting to your wife's threats of divorce by reading with her.
Again I have sought your guys wisdom on this. As I said I know this is not a good long term strategy. It is providing her the comfort she needs now and as I learn more I'll bridge to actual game and learn how to provide comfort in daily interactions. During this whole debacle I was able to stay in my frame and she is aware I'm ok with divorce. I called her bluff and she has been in my frame since. Even though I went rambo and nearly blew up the ship I see it as a positive and call it a Hard Reset. I should have waited but I can't change the past.
- Lying about your weight - which went from 225 to 200 in two weeks - and blaming the discrepancy on your "anti-doxxing efforts."
6 months ago I was at 233. I'm currently at 216. I considered doxxing myself and just sending a picture but i'm not that gay and I don't want johneyapocalypse to see my chafed nipples. I've been a lower weight and fatter before. I remember being just 200 and looked like I got stung by a bee. I have a lot more muscle on my frame now and I don't look bad until the shirt comes off. An ideal weight for me would be 185. I'd be around 12% bf. But I'm sure at that point I'd want to get to 9%.
I'm not going to ask to be unbanned. I'm going to put in the work on my own for a long while. Maybe I'll be back in a year, maybe not. When I browse the marriedredpill history I see a lot of top posts with 100 upvoted and a deleted username. I wonder why. And I wonder how many of these noobs with OYS # 1 have history that's hidden because they were banned. A warning before a ban would be nice. Then a 1 day ban, 7 day, 30 day, permanent. Perhaps flair could be used to communicate where someone is at so other mods can ban at the next level. This is a suggestion not for me but for the community so everyone can be aware of a person's history.