664,807 posts

UPDATE TO Frame.....Frame....

by 1kdawg1 | September 08, 2019 | askMRP

17 upvotes

Reddit View

UPDATE....

I have been consistent with the boys in the following:

Not eating in the room. No electronics during dinner and I actually sit with them and we have conversations. Helping my older son with homework. Limiting time on the Nintendo Switch. Throwing trash. Emptying laundry. Etc.

Then a few days ago I was helping my older son with spelling words. Wife, as usual, butts in and says my random way of bringing up words for him to spell is all wrong and does so in her usual demeaning tone in front of the kids. I ignore her and continue with my son. Later that day, he was struggling with a certain word....and responded by saying he wants to give up. I immediately told him that is not an option and just try his best. He responded again saying the same thing, I looked him straight in the eye and told him we do not quit and we always do our best and learn. "WE ARE NOT QUITTERS!" was my last response.

Wife starts criticizing me in front of the kids and I ignore staying focused on my son. And he gets the spelling correctly.

The next time alone with him, I spoke to him about my tone and my pushing him. The result of that conversation was that he is glad I pushed him because he was very happy that he got the word right. Even today, he is spelling ORCHARD with no problem with a witty smirk on his face.

Later that night, wife hands me the phone with her father on. He wanted some advice about something.....but as usual...when it is to late and with little information. Do note that my wife and her sisters have ran that family and their father doesn't make a move without their consent.

I get off the phone and I tell my wife that that she is setting him up for failure and if she wants me to assist she must get me involved well ahead of time and not last minute. I am the same way with my side of the family. I am most honest with those I care about.

Well my wife blew up and this ended with me breaking frame calling her a CUNT, and her calling me something lovely in response. I fucked up here badly. Eventually, her brother and I got it sorted....and her brother addressed the matter appropriately. Case closed.

Fast forward to today, she has been sleeping with the boys. Not speaking to me. Trying to find ways to piss me off. One way was intentionally having my older son eat in his room. I responded to that by telling her he should not be doing so....and her response was her telling me "I am his mother and I will do what I want him." I STFU and left the room as I did not want the exchange I knew would occur in front of my son.

I am still working with the boys, holding firm on my schedule, and enjoying the solitude for now.

Fast forward to today...

Since her primary way of communicating is text, and I told her many times over the years I want a relationship with her and not with her through a phone, I now only respond if she calls or talks me to me directly.

Our home is cleaner since I am realizing from all of you that I MUST do the things that must be done, regardless if my wife does them. I am the fucking Captain. And interestingly, wife is slowly doing more to keep our home clean....not even close to what she should be...but definitely improvement....I feel I am leading by example better.

Spending more quality time with my sons. Holding them accountable to cleaning after themselves, not eating in their room, no unnecessary whining....but not allowing them to vent sadness and frustration appropriately. Helping them in baseball, taking them to practices as this is the area where I am the better suited parent to help them get better. Very limited time with electronics. Again, interestingly wife is slowly following my lead with this.

We are only speaking when needed to. She ignores me for other things, but I also have withdrawn attention. I feel I am not acting butt hurt. Speaking to her respectfully, minimally without DEERing, better at STFUing.

She still goes to bed with the boys amd I am sleeping alone. I miss the warm body at night but I do not miss the whining from my wife and the starfish sex.

Now she tells me she is going to a Backstreet boys concert Sunday evening at 5. True honesty here...something about it bugs me and something about it males me feel good that she is doing something that she likes. I will take over the boys at 4 pm and make sure they get to bed by 8:30 pm. She did not even ask me of I was able to watch over the boys. In the end, I rationalized this by being able to spend time with the boys and not to allow them to be an argument tool between my and my wife's drama. Really tried hard to keep my ego out of it.

Guys, I am still missing something/a lot. Almost a week now like this. Wife is taking care of the house better, following my lead with the boys better. The boys seem happier, and more in a schedule, and eating healthier with the obvious treats here and there. YES, I am horny....but whenever I feel the urge....I keep telling myself that sex cannot be my reason, as me being growing to be a better man is.

The books and sidebar, from what I understand, say to hold this frame, and keep on my course.....

Am I interpreting this incorrectly or not? Fucking confused guys, as I feel we are separated but living together, but finally with some structure.

Rereading NMMNG and Book of Pook currently.


Post Information
Title UPDATE TO Frame.....Frame....
Author 1kdawg1
Upvotes 17
Comments 44
Date 08 September 2019 02:40 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/252349
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/d1bprv/update_to_frameframe/
Similar Posts

TRP terms found in post
Click to open them on Dictionary

  • deer
  • frame
  • drama
  • ons
  • close
  • 1 more...
Comments

[–]screechhaterRed Beret15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

Apparently you chose to have kids with a child that thinks it’s ok to communicate over text.

Fuck. You had better hold frame. And you should not lower yourself to her level raising your voice and calling a cunt with her purposely provoking you.

Stay in frame, follow your mission. Basically watch her actions, not words.

If her father is run by her and her sisters, you are nothing but to be manipulated in her mind.

Staying the course, setting boundaries and dealing with the oldest teen in the house can only be achieved by being the unshakable leader.

Ya. She has you on drip feed IV. Re read you post

Lifting ?? Reading ?? yes, STFU

[–]The_LitzRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Big take home is her reference for a man. She wants him to be like her father, manipulated.

[–]1kdawg1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lifting, reading, maintaining and improving the current course, and will keep STFU!

I appreciate your points and they help seeing things more clearly.

[–]tom-anonymous13 points14 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'm waiting for a follow up post titled "My wife had sex with Chad at Back Street Boys Concert".

[–]weakandsensitive9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

lol.. how many guys do you think are going to BSB concerts?

[–]damnyoutall2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

My wife and a group of her friends went to the concert. Yeah, no straight guys were there...all middle age moms.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sidebar: that reminds me of a concert I went to decades ago. All my guy friends were against it. It was the first big tour for Alannis Morissette in the 90’s. It was like a pussy fest! Amazing talent. Don’t write off a good thing.

[–]scarmine347 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hove you had the conversation with her that the worst thing for your boys is to see her contradicting or belittling you?

I can’t imagine my wife doing that in front of our kids without me addressing it. She has once or twice but we have always spoken about it after- and a couple times she has been right.

Other times I have quickly and violently called her out if I know she is full of shit, and had a fight in front of our sons, it we always reconcile and then sit down with the kids and tell them we are good, we are on the same team, we love them and that sometimes adults argue, but it’s ok as long as things are resolved.

Am I breaking frame by doing it this way?

[–]RedPillCoach[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. The righteous anger of a just man should be feared. Today we silence the just men, belittle them and shout them down. Then we wonder where are all the good men.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That was quite the book you wrote. You’re doing what you need to do. You can’t force her to do anything or not do anything. You can focus on you and your kids. You recognized where you fucked up and broke frame.

Your wife sounds childish - but that’s not that surprising given she’s the oldest teenager in the house. Very similar actions with my wife. Best advice I can give you is to hold course and continue STFU. This is a marathon not a sprint.

[–]Perfectinmyeyes3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don't know your full story but you guys aren't acting like a team, prob why she is acting out. My wife does the same thing.

Doesn't matter if you think it's right, 2 parents 2 minds got to find common ground else the above will keep happening.

[–]RedPillCoach[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Common Ground

A wonderful equalitatian concept except we knew this doesn't work more than 3,000 years ago:

"Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior."

Aristotle

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

There was so much unnecessary blah blah blah and shit that doesn't matter.

Pretty much everything that started with "She..."

My wife and I approach teaching our daughter differently too. We're wired differently. The difference between you and I is that 1) I expect my wife to respect that we have different approaches and 2) I won't tolerate crap.

Having said that, part of the respect comes from a track record of having things work out for me. But even if it didn't, I'd still rather be delusional than put up with crap.

and lol @ your insecurity about the BSB. What a joke and reflection of your insecurity. My wife went with a friend. They had a great time. I picked them up. It's the backstreet boys. If your wife is in her mid 30s doesn't want to go see them or nsync when she has a chance, she was a social reject as a kid. Or more into blink-182 (which I'm going to this Thursday).

but you feel uncomfortable about it because it's just a manifestation of the fact she doesn't respect you. my wife asked about the concert, timing, and costs before she went ahead with it -- and i was supportive. i'm guessing you're also dual income and your wife makes more money than you.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are still negotiating with her and I bet you are even presenting your ideas as options for her approval.

Christ, can you at least picture what a relationship looks like where one person is in charge?

[–]1kdawg1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was the guy that was indirectly and directly presenting my direction for the family as options. I know exactly what you mean here. It has been around a month where I have stopped, and reminding myself to STFU. I keep having these impulses to, but all of the comments have been critical and extremely helpful and I have caught myself.

For now, picturing a relationship where I am in charge and guiding the family without ego and OI is foreign.....but nothing else has worked in 10 years.....so here I am drinking the kool aid and I will say....we may not be behaving as a couple....but I see glimpses of the family falling in line.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Not eating in the room. No electronics during dinner and I actually sit with them and we have conversations. Helping my older son with homework. Limiting time on the Nintendo Switch. Throwing trash. Emptying laundry. Etc.

It is absolutely amazing to me that these are milestones for you to which you feel the need to lead off with as "successes" and not basic instincts.

Motherfucker, you have SOOOOO much work to do.

She still goes to bed with the boys amd I am sleeping alone. I miss the warm body at night but I do not miss the whining from my wife and the starfish sex.

This makes my head hurt.

You know what you need to do?

Pack the bitches shit up and move it out of the master bedroom.

She doesnt want to sleep in there? Cool, kick the ho out.

Bonus points if you move the oldest kid in.

[–]1kdawg1[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I know. Basic things are huge stepping stones for me right now. And all because of my own doing. I gave her the fucking keys to my life.

You know.....I may actually take your advice....soon....but for now....I am getting the boys on track, I want to maintain it as a new normal, let my balls drop....and then......

[–]miIkisforbabies1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don't take his advice. That would be very butthurt. Go to the gym and lift. Find girls to flirt with. Work on your game. Get out of the house.

[–]1kdawg1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It is interesting, the timing of your comment. Last few weeks I have noticed more smiles from women. I even started to smile back and also carry a few conversations. For the first time, no guilt and gives me a huge bolt to my self esteem. I have not taken the previous posters advice. Fucked my wife well last night....slowly taking steps from Sex God Method. Had her repeating, "I am your pussy....you own my pussy....".
All baby steps, and I am keeping myself aware not to lose focus as history has taught, the shit tests will not go away. Whether the posts are supportive or calling me a faggot, I am learning something from each one.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy

How’s the sidebar and lifting coming?

[–]1kdawg1[S] 3 points4 points  (11 children) | Copy

I visit the sidebar daily and not rushing....finally stopped skimming and slowed way down. This led me to re read NMMNG. It is amazing how it reads differently the second time around. I am searching for a copy of the Sex God Method and have not been successful.

As for lifting, going strong....it is a habit I do not compromise on.

[–]Thundersnow693 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Scribd had it along with a lot of other sidebar materials for a small fee.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look for sex God method pdf. I found a bunch of them.

[–]LeeHans4203 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I found a digital copy on eBay for 8 bucks

[–]1kdawg1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sweet! I will check ebay today. Much appreciated...

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

I suggest the whole sidebar before re-reading anything

Honestly, your post is a shit-show and I don’t know where to start

[–]askmeanything22 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

start with CUNT

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I think I glossed it over, saw that and stopped.

Edit: read it from there, and OP should have just owned that he fucked up calling her that. Instead, he went full artistic

You can OYS without apologizing. It’s an art

[–]Flynnjacklepappy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can OYS without apologizing. It’s an art

There’s a lot I haven’t figured out yet but I got this one down. It feels more honest and requires more thought than just a weak “I’m sorry”.

[–]RedPillCoach[🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

went full artistic

He sure drew her a picture didn't he?

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In most of these stories, you can see where there’d be an easy fix, but OP is too BP too see it

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

My wife wanted me to go to see the Backstreet Boys with her.

That's when I told her it was the end of the road.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

"Backstreets back... come on!"

My sister played it a lot (shifty eyes)

[–]damnyoutall1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Backstreets back...ALRIGHT" jeez get it right

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck it... (tares up wall posters)

[–]damnyoutall0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"end of the road" is a boyz ii men song :)

[–]10012900 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t compare boyz 2 men to BSB. DUH

[–]RedPillCoach[🍰] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Another Cold War story.

Dammit I see this so much. Wife is hypercritical. Husband accommodates. Wife pushes. Husband gives in. Husband works all fucking day. Wife is a SAHM who watches Oprah and expects husband to work when he gets home until 11:00 at night. Fuck that!

Why do wives think it is OK to interfere with a man teaching his children? Where did wives get the idea that a man raising his voice with the kids is the worst thing possible? No dear, raising an amotivated child who is still living at home in his 40's is the worst thing possible and that is EXACTLY what these women are doing. They infantilize boys and make them unmarriageable pseudo men who live for female validation. Is that what you want for your boys?

Trying to piss me off....I am his mother and I will do what I want him.

You know all that so called "abuse" that women were subjected to in the past by cruel, evil men? This is what really happened. They pushed until the man could not take it any more and he corrected her. Then she was happy. Obviously doesn't work any more with the Women worship and the large men with small penises and wooden sticks who protect them but in the old days the man being able to stop a destructive woman like this from nuking the marriage was thought to be a good thing.

Your only solution is to stay the course. I would reset every day and offer her the chance to rejoin you in the bedroom and show her that you are a man and don't hold grudges. I feel for you though. Women like this are like termites, constantly eating away at your confidence and self-esteem and today (since the Violence Against Women Act at least) there are no good options.

Once again, this is an example where credible Dread Game works. When you have the confidence to walk away you also have the confidence to tell her to knock it off and that it is time to come back to bed and get the dicking that she obviously needs.

[–]1kdawg1[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wise words......and agree.....feminism went way too far and will be down fall of men, women, and the family unit.

I am staying the course. Wife is still following my lead better than she has in the past.

Update: She breaks her silence yesterday evening when I come home from work with a smile and a hug as if NOTHING happened. I STFU, and give her a hug back as if all is cool. She has casual conversations with me the whole evening and supported directions I gave the boys last night. She puts the boys to bed, but takes her two hours to put them to sleep.
When I put them to bed, only when she is not around, they go to bed right away with no issue and with a smile on their face. When mom is home, it is drama and whining. Same goes when they are alone with me vs. when wife is around in other activites.
She comes to bed, which wakes me up. She hugs my back tightly and falls asleep. I toss and turn because I have a hard time going back to sleep usually.
She calls a few times during the day today to say hello and casual talk. She even asked about my day. I try to be casual back, and it is fucking hard as I am so resentful....but I STFU and reciprocate as if all is well.
But I did get an email from her which pisses me off and I am wracking my brain on how to address. "Baby, I bought a nice painting for our new house and paid $250.00 so please deposit that amount in our account."

I have not responded for two reasons. 1 - I have made it clear that I do not want a marriage where the main mode of communicate is email and text. 2 - she has a part time job where I do not take a dime for our life and home.....only for her personal use for whatever.... By the way, she is a mental health therapist....boom! She feels she knows it all.

What I want to tell her is "do not send demand notices for money. I am not your damn servant. Also, I have zero issues with whatever damn painting you want as this is your home as well, but why ask me for money? Can you not just buy it yourself from your own fun money in addition to the fun money that I provide every month?"

My plan is as you said, reset everyday but not to compromise my direction for the boys and family. I do not fully reset though as I need to deal with my resentment first. But I will be damned if I revert to my old BP Beta ways......as I am much happier seeing more structure in the family; even if I do not currently have my wife's desire.

[–]RedPillCoach[🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds to me like your wife is trying to reset while you are the one holding the grudge.

[–]1kdawg1[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for that insight. Truly.

[–]maljo24-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your wife is certainly disrespectful but the question is why? What is it she needs/wants that is not happening? Bad behavior is one way of getting attention. Time for some conversation, maybe with a marriage counselor.

[–]damnyoutall1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't know why? Did you read the part about her father being a eunuch?



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter