Looking for a man not obsessed with sex. Is my search pointless?

p3n3lop3 · 2018-12-17T08:09:11+00:00

“Looking for a creature that does not prioritize the things it is programmed to prioritize highly”

[deleted] · 2018-12-17T08:58:10+00:00

Sounds like you're looking for a gay best friend not a partner

Eastuss · 2018-12-17T08:21:35+00:00

Your post. (eyeroll)

AMALT => most men are looking for consistent good sex. It doesn't mean there aren't family oriented tradcon men out there, but grow up and understand that if commitment is the primary thing you search for (awalt) then sex is the primary thing men search for. Everything you'll construct are compromises around what you want and what he wants, and you rolling your eyes over what men want is just a gigantic red flag so far.

Why are you talking like your selfishness is righteous but not the other's?

hammerhaunts · 2018-12-17T08:17:09+00:00

Try wizardchan

Pope_Lucious · 2018-12-17T09:26:03+00:00

“I want a slave, but not the typical slaves who want clean drinking water.”

LeJacquelope · 2018-12-17T09:08:44+00:00

Maybe you should put up an ad on OkCupid advertising what you want. I'll help you with the opener:

"Conservative (presumably) 30+F looking for future dead bedroom relationship..."

meomeowmeoww · 2018-12-17T08:20:15+00:00

You do not have a high sex drive because the men sucked at sex.

p3n3lop3 · 2018-12-17T09:01:14+00:00

For the love of god dont write this on your profile. Nothing is worse than seeing someone whining.

I like sex with someone I care about but if they are obsessed with or really into or entitled to or concerned about the frequency of it, it's a no from me.

And no, I'm not first and foremost looking for regular access to resources.

So what are you bringing to the table? You cant just say "Im not looking for resources here." What can you add to a man's life that he needs, and would be worth giving up his freedom for?

Is it true that men are first and foremost just interested in securing regular access to sex?

You might b having the same issue that it seems a lot of guys have in that youre letting yourself get overtaken by a)online dating and b) reading reddit. Neither is necessarilly reflective of reality. I found online dating to be good as a supplement to your regular life. Like "oh Im not doing anything on Wednesday night Ill go and meet this one and see how it goes." Trust me, if I had been loking for a regular partner based solely on those profiles then Id have given up as well.

I am conservative and wholesome

If this is the case then hang around in more of these circles would be the answer.

GrandSalamiii · 2018-12-17T08:25:59+00:00

Who says that the majority of women don’t have high sex drives? From what I’ve seen on the various dating/sex/women’s subReddits, that’s not true at all.

larrythetomato · 2018-12-17T08:33:30+00:00

The problem that you will find is that for most men, sex drive is synonymous with success and attractiveness. Testosterone pushes both sex drive and also assertiveness (and things like fitness, leadership). The ones you will find more attractive will be the guys who want sex more often.

The other option is to be in a soft-harem, which is not a good idea because you will get your heart broken very badly.

Ask yourself how often that you want to get intimate with your partner. If it is once a month or less, it might be difficult to find a compatible partner that you find attractive.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2018-12-17T09:30:55+00:00

Then this. Well, see I sort of agree but don't want to symp. These are extreme cases, but this is the idea, guys realize things are "rigged against them", they figure it out, and do whatever to not get fucked over. Even if it means fucking other people over. And well the women, hey they made the bed they have to lay in it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Trufemcels/comments/a6o71m/why_do_guys_do_this_in_relationships/

[deleted] · 2018-12-17T08:28:32+00:00

Yep.

p3n3lop3 · 2018-12-17T08:40:47+00:00

Why is high sex drive an eyeroll for you?

And how old are you?

[deleted] · 2018-12-17T08:53:21+00:00

Yes. Men who aren't into sex also tend to not be very manly.

washington_breadstix · 2018-12-17T09:54:13+00:00

What do you think an "average" sex drive is? It could be that most of those men post "higher than average" for one of the following reasons:

(1) They have no idea what an average sex drive is and don't realize that they are closer to "average" than they think.

(2) They're single, lonely and horny. Hence the need to create an online dating profile in the first place. People in that situation are bound to feel frustrated enough to exaggerate when describing their sex drives.

(3) No one wants to think of themselves as "average" because it sounds so blah and boring. So if they have the option to select something higher on the scale, they will. Essentially treating something like a competition that isn't actually a competition.

So, it seems hasty for you to write these men off just because of an option they selected when filling out their profiles. If you like everything else about a guy's profile, you could at least give him a chance before assuming he's obsessed with sex because of one question he answered.

I like sex with someone I care about but if they are obsessed with or really into or entitled to or concerned about the frequency of it, it's a no from me.

Hm... I can understand the "obsessed" and "entitled" parts of that, but do you really expect to find a guy who isn't "really into" sex or concerned with the frequency of it in a relationship? Those are totally normal male (read: human) traits.

reluctantly_red · 2018-12-17T08:22:44+00:00

the majority of women DO NOT have high sex drives.

Pretty much every woman I've ever dated liked to fuck. So I'm thinking you're wrong about this.

smfuel87 · 2018-12-17T08:32:28+00:00

Well, sex is part of any healthy relationship. And men are humans who like sex. Just like you do. So if you are looking for an automaton who just gives you money, affection and effort without one of the most fundamental parts of any normal relationship..

...then yes. Your search is pointless.

And btw. As a man who wants a decent relationship,I avoid dating apps. Empty sex kinda isn't my thing, despite my owning a penis stereotyping me as to wanting. I DO NOT want to meet a significant other on a dating app. Dating apps are full of fuckboys and sluts. No man wanting a real relationship is on there. Fuckboys looking for a quick, easy lay? Yeah...

DREADC0RSAIR · 2018-12-17T11:12:21+00:00

So what else you wanna do talk about the weather?

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RandomAttackHelpMe · 2018-12-17T09:09:08+00:00

I'd be lying if I said I don't think about sex a lot, obsessed? A tad. But not to the point of the walking fleshlight as you put it.

I want the whole package myself, love, commitment, marriage, family and not getting fucked over and/or not dealing with unnecessary dumb shit.

[deleted] · 2018-12-17T09:47:09+00:00

All women have high attention drives. If you want to give man less sex, be prepared to get less or nine of the attention and other stuff. You know, like aquintances.

Allan_Smithee · 2018-12-17T10:07:32+00:00

There are plenty of men out there who are not sex-obsessed. (You're reading one's text.)

What do you bring, however, to the equation that would make them interested in you? The woman I eventually married, for example, had a whole lot more to offer my life than sex (which I could get for a whole lot cheaper than a marriage if that's what I was "obsessed" with…).

xKalisto · 2018-12-17T10:19:10+00:00

Look for shy nerdy guy? They won't won't pester you for sex if you won't pester them about video games.

Idk my SO always had lower drive than I do, nowadays we're bit more matched cause there's less time for that with an infant, at this point we're both grateful for the time we find. So it certainly is possible to find a guy like that. For us it was often that cuddles > sex.

says_harsh_things · 2018-12-17T10:33:26+00:00

Only have sex after a few months of dating. If the man is willing to wait that long you’ll know that sex isn’t his first priority and that he’s really into you.

p3n3lop3 · 2018-12-17T11:52:25+00:00

Just read a thread on Dating Over 30 about a girl whose FWB proposed after months of (only) amazing sex and nothing else. (eyeroll)

Nice story. I wish I was that lucky.

I am conservative and wholesome but every guy I have a high match with on OkCupid has a "higher than average" sex drive. (eyeroll)

If every guy is above average. Then none is. Your view of the average that is wrong. Sex drive is the highest desire not related to survival in men. And in some cases men have a sex drive higher than some survival desires like hunger and sleep.

Is it true that men are first and foremost just interested in securing regular access to sex?

No. With age the desire diminishes. But it is surely in the top 3 until old age.

Can you guys just realize that despite the harpies that will come crashing in on here trying to get attention by saying they have high sex drives (and probably emotional disorders that cause it), that the majority of women DO NOT have high sex drives.

Yes. So? It is not like we control our sex drives. We wish we could but we can't. It is just that loud. I myself can not concentrate in anything not related to sex if I get 3 months without sex. This is a pain in the neck. We hate it as much as you. But the only cure is sex or castration.

I like sex with someone I care about but if they are obsessed with or really into or entitled to or concerned about the frequency of it, it's a no from me.

You are looking for an asexual, a diseased man or a woman. Men, by default, come with this absurd sex drive. And we cannot control it. Heck, we would pay to control it without destroying our bodies in the process. But they are still testing this drug. You can, obviously, avoid men with high sex drive. But those with so low sex drive are rare and probably has some kind of disease.

To us you are saying something like "I want a woman which has no breasts or butt. I want someone without any secondary sexual characteristics. No long hair either" you are asking for someone of your sex with a genitalia of the opposite sex. Then it is obviously a rare thing to find. That is no wonder why you have so much difficulties to find a partner.

Sure we can fake sex is not that important (like some religious do) but it is a torture in the long run. Not many have this much patience and control. And it can make a man do crazy things in the end. We do not want to lose our mental faculties or be a walking mask. Stop asking for the almost impossible and you may find happiness easier.

Willow-girl · 2018-12-17T12:49:04+00:00

There are men out there with low sex drives. Low T might be the culprit but there are a host of other reasons as well. If you're up-front about this in your dating profile, you have a better chance of attracting what you want, rather than hoping you'll stumble across a low-libido guy.

In any case, I think you need to be honest about this on the front end, so prospective partners can make an informed decision.

gasparddelanuit · 2018-12-17T12:52:03+00:00

You could find this, but you are going to be searching in a much smaller pool. A pool of asexual men and men with low T levels.

The fact is that for most men, sex is a priority (8:01-10:03) in relationships. They do all of the romantic stuff for the benefit of the woman, because they know that many women appear to like or need that type of nuturing to be happy in relationships, but men would not even be in them without sex.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2018-12-17T09:27:01+00:00

See, and I am going to be as respectful and non-shallow about this as I can, no I am not white knighting or think I'm special. Penelope hear sounds like someone who wants a traditional, loving relationship, nothing wrong with that. But her personal values are in conflict with the overall cultural values of well, casual chew and screw pump and dump.

There are people, men and women, who well, do want more than that. Yeah, some people want marriage/families. Did there more casual choices affect certain things? Perhaps.

This reminded me of something. I know this will probably cause some eyes to roll, but, ever hear of Michael Kimmel? Yeah, another fake feminist womens activist types who I guess was harassing harassee the ladies.

Well, in his book guyland,which I bought and tried to read through during one of those very lonely and looking for meaning periods, I tend to do that, and if you are hardcore red pilled, you'd probably hate this guy.

Anyways, one of the things he mentions is this lack of commitment and personal responsibility in men as they get older Yeah. The extended adolescence. All things considered, he has a point. I'm not man shaming anyone, but I think one does ask how long can I keep doing this and perhaps they are afraid to say it. It does happen. He saw the forest through the trees on this and kind of has the right idea. I know there are other factors to mention in, but get the idea?

[deleted] · 2018-12-17T09:32:56+00:00

First, we all know you're actually a dude pretending to be a woman

Secondly.... wait I have nothing else to say.

Roorari · 2018-12-17T12:08:22+00:00

There are tons of men who aren't obsessed with sex. It's just you're over 30. All of those men already settled down. You had your promiscuous 20s and now after you're used up you want a guy to take care of you but don't want to fuck him. Of course this is going to be a hard sell. It may be too late for you.

Title	Looking for a man not obsessed with sex. Is my search pointless?
Author	p3n3lop3
Upvotes	0
Comments	98
Date	December 17, 2018 8:06 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/a6xwco/looking_for_a_man_not_obsessed_with_sex_is_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/looking-for-a-man-not-obsessed-with-sex-is-my.258501 https://theredarchive.com/post/258501

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