Q4WOMEN: Do you ever fear your boyfriend/husband?

sublimemongrel · 2018-01-07T06:32:52+00:00

Not at all.

I try to avoid making him angry or annoying him because I love him and don't want him to be angry/annoyed. Not out of fear of his reaction.

I am very tender-hearted and can't stand when someone's mad at me, so I sometimes have "fear" in that sense if were fighting or if I've done something I know will upset him. More like anxiety than fear.

The worst he's ever done in anger is storm out or give me the silent treatment (which for a person like me is plenty devastating.) Nothing that makes me fear for my physical safety. He's never even raised his voice with me.

Blue pill.

Willow-girl · 2018-01-07T14:05:06+00:00

Reddish. No. I wouldn't be with him if I were afraid of him.

I don't want to make him angry, obviously, but I don't "fear" it.

Nothing "sets him off."

How does a man "show dominance"? (I'm picturing a guy ripping off his shirt and beating his chest like Tarzan.)

whichbladeN · 2018-01-07T06:40:29+00:00

I'm not afraid of his anger.

I'm afraid of doing something wrong so that he has an excuse to leave.

esiemualB · 2018-01-07T08:02:34+00:00

Blue. No, I don't fear him. I'm not afraid of conflict and I'd rather have people (including my bf) be mad at me than having to tiptoe around certain topics or activities all the time. However, it is rather hard to make my bf seriously angry, and we don't disagree on many relevant things, so I probably wouldn't have to act much differently anyway even if I was a more conflict-averse person.

Littleknownfacts · 2018-01-07T12:49:16+00:00

No, not at all. I lived that way for 18 years, no way in hell I was gonna do it for the next 60 or whatever.

justhanging92 · 2018-01-07T14:46:40+00:00

Please state your pill.

Purplish I guess

Do you ever fear your boyfriend/husband?

At the very beginning, yes, mostly cause I seen domestic violence in my household so I may have been more cautious than usual, not anymore though.

For example, are you ever afraid of making him angry?

Do you know what sets him off and avoid doing so?

I mean, I worry he might get annoyed at me, that’s not a cool feeling lol, but I never see him get angry.

Does he ever show dominance in a way that you defer to him?

No

shoup88 · 2018-01-07T16:38:02+00:00

Blue pill.

I am "afraid" of confrontation or disappointing someone. This includes my partner. I am not afraid that he will physically harm me or leave me, but I am afraid that he will be angry at me. It just makes me feel bad (and I hate feeling bad).

madeofivory · 2018-01-07T09:50:30+00:00

Undecided about my pill.

No, my boyfriend and I have a healthy relationship. He also doesn't get angry that easily so I don't feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him ever, that's one of the best parts of our relationship.

Also the only time he ever exerts dominance over me is in the bedroom so I don't think that counts

[deleted] · 2018-01-07T16:22:35+00:00

I'm not afraid of him in the sense that I worry he will hit me. But losing his good opinion of me would be the worst thing that could possibly happen, so I try to conduct myself so as to not do that.

[deleted] · 2018-01-07T19:44:09+00:00

No. It's never even crossed my mind that he would or could hurt me, and he never gets angry. Of course, he's twice my size so he could hurt me the way I could hurt my parakeet, but I would never stay with a man I didn't feel safe around.

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DemonConsulting · 2018-01-07T10:06:36+00:00

Red. I'm a pretty anxious person and generally avoid conflict with people. It's not that I am afraid of being physically hurt or an angry reaction in general - he has never even yelled at me, the strongest reaction was him stormin off to another room and giving me the silent treatment. I'm anxious about hurting the people I love and them disliking or even leaving me. Probably because my usual way of dealing with conflict and making it “ok“ in my mind is telling myself that I don't need that other person to like me - but with my husband and my family I really do care. Still conflict cannot be avoided completely unless you are literally the same person or willing to majorly compromize your own happyness (which the people who love you don't sant either). I do generally try not to “set people off“ in the sense of making them intentionally upset or being aggressive/mean myself. Instead I try to solve it with a rational discussion of the issue when both parties are calm enough to do so though ideally the issues are brought up way before they turn into an argument in the first place. Given the fact that my husband dislikes conflict as well, this is the defaut for us and works 99% of the time with a result that everyone is happy or at least ok with. Dominance plays no role in this setting since both of us don't want conflict and it's not about “winning“ and getting your way but resolving the underlying issue. Even if one were to “defer“ to the other in these instances because they're scared or too timid to speak up, they would still be unhappy with the situation but instead of it being resolved, it would build up in silence to the point of serious resentment. That's how you get a divorce or murder over something ridiculous like a dirty plate lying around.

Though I guess for most mundane things in life I do “defer“ in the way that I actively try to be considerate of him in my decisions and will go out of my way to make him happy, even if it means work - not because I fear conflict or rejection if I don't, but because I love him and like to see him happy. He does the same for me too so idk if we're defering to eachother here or to the institution of marriage. But again it wouldn't work if it were only one person constantly trying to do everything right while the other just cares about themself. One party would burn out very quickly.

The way he shows dominance has nothing to do with decision making or conflict but is in the fun and sexy things. If I actively defer to him in decisions, it's because I want to and trust him to make the right decision, not because he bullied me into it.

Electra_Cute · 2018-01-07T11:44:22+00:00

Blue

Do you ever fear your boyfriend/husband

No, not in general

For example, are you ever afraid of making him angry?

He is fairly emotional, so I know he can have a bit of a temper, I just try to stay out of his way.

Do you know what sets him off and avoid doing so?

Yes, I know what makes him angry, and I will avoid it if I can.

Does he ever show dominance in a way that you defer to him?

Yes

ivegotsomequestions0 · 2018-01-07T16:26:28+00:00

Purple.

Like someone else said, I fear him leaving if I go too far. I also fear him getting mad and saying rude stuff, which he does from time to time.

But I've never feared for my safety. When he's annoyed or mad he has two modes, one where he goes quiet and moves away from me, and another where he starts yelling and eventually simmers down into the first mode. He is a lot bigger than me, but I don't feel any physical threat during those times.

Yes, I often avoid doing things that would piss him off. Why search for unpleasantness? If I'm already pissed off myself though, I'm a lot less likely to avoid it.

Yes, he shows dominance in a way that I defer sometimes. He is generally quite competent at everything he does, so whether it's setting up camp or fighting with a landlord, he usually has the right idea. Other times, he's stubborn enough that it's easier just to go along.

sublimemongrel · 2018-01-07T17:53:50+00:00

No, but the few times he’s gotten really angry I can say I felt a little uneasy. Mostly because that type of rage is very rare and it surprised me coming from him.

RockinSocksII · 2018-01-07T17:57:40+00:00

Purple. Not at all. He's super chillaxed.

crumblesnatch · 2018-01-07T18:02:16+00:00

Purple.

No, never feared my husband. Not afraid of making him angry. I know what can set him off, and avoid doing those things because I'm not an asshole who intentionally pisses people off. I defer to him generally, so there's no real need for dominance displays on his part.

Orange_Paisley · 2018-01-07T18:24:57+00:00

My partner has seasonal depression. About once a year around the holidays he drinks too much and/or gets self destructive. I never fear for myself but I worry about him.

carefreevermillion · 2018-01-08T03:02:30+00:00

Purple pill, leaning red.

I fear disappointing or angering him because I prefer him to be content and at peace, and it hurts when I do disappoint or anger him. But not because he'd ever lift a hand to me. When I've needed to defend my position, even if it makes him unhappy, I have no fear that he would ever hurt me.

I generally know what sets him off, and there are some things that I have adjusted to make him more comfortable, and other things that simply aspects of myself that I am unwilling to change, therefore he bends to me. But that's mutual - there are some things that he will never change that I have to live around as well.

He is the leader of our relationship, but a good leader knows when to delegate and when to let others lead. So "dominance" is an odd word, as I don't live by strict rules that he sets, but where he leads, I follow.

Mystique94 · 2018-01-10T13:24:44+00:00

Purple leaning blue.

Never at all.

Nothing really "sets him off" as far as getting angry. He doesn't have much of a temper and if he does get angry he's the type to go cool off by himself for a bit rather than fly off the handle.

He doesn't ever show "dominance" I would say. We have a pretty egalitarian relationship.

Title	Q4WOMEN: Do you ever fear your boyfriend/husband?
Author	umeme
Upvotes	2
Comments	40
Date	January 7, 2018 6:25 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7op2sc/q4women_do_you_ever_fear_your_boyfriendhusband/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4women-do-you-ever-fear-your-boyfriendhusband.264108 https://theredarchive.com/post/264108

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