What is the purpose of pursuing someone who has put you in the friend zone?

AloneOnTheStrange · 2016-12-02T05:36:34+00:00

Whether you realise it or not, you reacted positively to his crude flirting, or at least from his point of view you did. That's the sort of thing that will make guys think they have a chance.

If a guy is still pursuing you and hanging around with you after rejection he's just inexperienced and doesn't know that it's a dead end. He thinks that eventually you'll come around and develope feelings for him. In the mean time he'll accept your company as a meager substitute for romance because he's lonely and doesn't have other romantic options in his life. You are, consciously or otherwise, signalling to him that it's okay for him to keep behaving this way.

Randomnumberrrrr · 2016-12-02T04:54:43+00:00

They keep doing it because you keep allowing it. Don't laugh it off. Shut that shit down.

ThrowawayCactus6012 · 2016-12-02T13:14:45+00:00

What is the purpose of pursuing someone who has put you in the friend zone?

Probably because they believe that, with enough persistence, you might change your mind. That's what a lot of guys are taught and conditioned to believe. Persistence pays off. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Never take "no" for an answer. This is how a lot of people think, and it doesn't just apply to the dating world either.

It really should be no mystery as to why guys keep pursuing even if they're in the "friendzone." The real mystery is why such a thing as a "friendzone" even exists at all. If two straight males are friends with each other, do they call it a "friendzone"? Of course not. They're just friends. They probably don't flirt with each other either.

The idea of a "friendzone" was created by feminists who believe in absolute equality in the sense that a man and woman can be friends in exactly the same way as two men or two women can be friends, and such a notion is a crock of bubbling bullshit.

I think it's perfectly normal and natural for a man, if he spends enough time with a woman and finds he enjoys her company, to develop feelings over time. This is perfectly normal and should be expected by anyone who has an IQ above room temperature. Because of this, I wonder why there are so many women who act shocked, surprised, angry, and quite offended at the idea of this happening. They say that the nice guys are "socially inept," but I've seen too many situations where a man spends a good deal of his free time with a particular woman, yet the woman is so utterly clueless, doesn't pick up on his "indicators of interest" (as it is called around here), and insists that they're "just friends." How socially inept is that?

exit_sandman · 2016-12-02T13:25:57+00:00

Why would you WANT to be with someone who you have to beg and chase to be with you?

Why do you WANT the company of someone who clearly wants more?

TW_CountryMusic · 2016-12-02T15:05:40+00:00

Because Blues tell men shit like "be friends first".

Because Blues tell men that the appropriate way to get a girl is to be her friend and show her how nice and how great and how personable and accommodating you are. blues tell men that being nice, being "yourself", and just waiting until a girl loves you for "who you are", is the ONLY legitimate way to get girls.

See by putting him in the "friendzone", and being his "friend", you're making him think he has a chance. Be a bitch, and tell him that you and him are never going to happen, ever. Tell him that point blank. I know it will make you and him feel bad. You'll lose a ~~beta bitch orbiter who you hate anyway~~ friend, but you'll both get over it.

And if he tells all his friends you were a bitch, so what? You don't like him anyway, so who cares what he or his friends say or think? You'll all get over it eventually.

[deleted] · 2016-12-02T15:56:33+00:00

What's wrong with their personalities? You say he's funny, and he's your friend. What character traits does he need to develop for you to like him?

Snow will freeze in hell before they ever have a chance with me.

If it's causing you so much annoyance, maybe you should reject them with this line.

IamTheWalkingMenu · 2016-12-02T16:27:24+00:00

Why are you doing that? I'm glad for you that you have so many guys to choose from.

Yet, I always have someone that isn't giving up.

No wonder since you keep snapping him. I'm sorry to be rude but you sound just like what a lot of the TRPs are always complaining about. You're just entertaining yourself. I don't respond at all if I'm not interested.

ProbablyBelievesIt · 2016-12-02T04:59:27+00:00

He's drunk.

I snapped back with a shocked but laughing face

Some of us won't have sex with anyone, unless they're at least friends. Teasing back and forth, and saying things just to shock and win a laugh? Normal flirting, for some folks.

If you want him to stop, you're going to need to set up clearer boundaries.

wub1234 · 2016-12-02T05:06:42+00:00

It seems a bit stupid and demeaning. I suppose if you really, really like someone then you might keep trying. I would still have sex with Caroline who lives near my mum and is now married to someone singularly unattractive. Despite the fact that she has completely rejected me and I don't live in the area. I'm not stupid enough to try, I'm not stupid enough to keep in contact with her, and I would never be an orbiter.

The simple reason being that she is the most attractive woman that I have ever met, and every time I was close to her I felt a very deep attraction to her over which I had no control.

But if I was more stupid than I am, I might keep trying.

trail22 · 2016-12-02T06:02:52+00:00

It's because they like spending time with you and think you are attractive.

This isn't rocket science.

GaiusScaevolus · 2016-12-02T16:05:32+00:00

I put men in the friend zone right and left.

Nice humble-brag dude.

Why would you WANT to be with someone who you have to beg and chase to be with you?

I think it's fairly obvious we don't get to choose who we want to be with. If that were true, there would be a lot fewer women dating cheaters, prisoners, and dealers, and a lot more women head over heels for Dave the Accountant.

Why would you even want to have sex with them?

That's not a serious question.

It's like a dog waiting in the rain hoping someone finally lets you inside.

Yep. Feelings really do make people pathetic.

Candy_Kittens · 2016-12-02T04:52:51+00:00

God even when I am interested in somebody I'm never as crude as the snapchat guy.

anitapk · 2016-12-02T05:50:47+00:00

I think they have had luck with a woman or two who after pursuing "gave up", maybe while drunk. Sex is sex.

Why do guys confess feelings? Have they turned to little girls all of a sudden?

Edit: you probably string them along, that's why

BiggerDthanYou · 2016-12-02T12:16:26+00:00

(Note: this is not my actual opinion. That's just TRP-logic applied to men)

Guys in the friendzone are mentally broken.

Their mom never paid them any attention so they repeat this trauma with every girl. They only go for women that they know that they can't stand a chance because getting rejected is the only kind of love that they know.

That's why they often go for women that are already in a relationship. Being unobtainable is what makes them attractive because everything else scares them.

Another reason is that men have too high standards and often shoot out of their league (remember AMALT). This hurts the little beta and after a couple of times of doing this he will be emotionally damaged and will also start to repeat this unhealthy attachment pattern.

If a guy ever talks about having been in the friendzone next him because he is full of baggage.

[deleted] · 2016-12-02T13:46:27+00:00

you are not what I'm looking for personality wise

You mean they are unattractive??

I snapped back with a shocked but laughing face

Well since you laid out a clear NO instead of flirting, I can't believe he's still confused

[deleted] · 2016-12-02T15:32:25+00:00

When I was a teen, I had crushes on a few female friends I was close to, and felt I was often in the friendzone.

I believed that guys needed to do flirty things to turn a friendship into chemistry, and I needed to figure out how and get brave enough to do it, so I hung around these friends trying to pluck up the courage and drop hints.

Now I would just tell someone I liked them.

[deleted] · 2016-12-02T16:49:26+00:00

There are guys out there that will be genuinely comfortable with being only friends with you. However, it sounds to me like you are not really reinforcing your boundaries. Think of it this way the only reason this dude is even talking to you is because he is trying to hot dog you. When you realize that it becomes very easy to have boundaries as a woman.

triphoppopotamus · 2016-12-02T17:27:45+00:00

It's male solipsism. Pure and simple.

Contrary to what a lot of people on PPD say, unattractive ''nice guys'' don't chase after a woman out of their league because of ''BP brainwashing'' from Hollywood rom-coms and Disney films!

Male solipsism is generally based upon a deluded ego and Special Snowflake Syndrome - and these are heavily intertwined with the Dunning-Kruger effect.

A 3/10 ''nice guy'' thinks he's a 5/10 for starters (''I may not be Brad Pitt, but I'm not bad looking'', his male hamster tells him).

But, of course, this ''nice guy'' thinks that he's quite the special snowflake, with a 10/10 personality, 10/10 charm, 10/10 wit, and 10/10 general awesomeness.

In his solipsistic mind, his 10/10 quirky and awesome personality more than bridges the gap between his ''5/10'' looks and the 8/10 looks of his oneitis.

And this, I'm afraid, is the bottom line.

shadowrangerfs · 2016-12-02T22:41:35+00:00

Because they want to be with you. If you want to stop it then introduce them to some other single women. As soon as they find a different woman who is interested, they'll forget about you.

ApatheticAnarchy · 2016-12-02T23:36:16+00:00

If you are really friends with someone, and really enjoy their company beyond just the desire to fuck them, is it really necessary to completely abandon an otherwise totally fun friendship? It's ok to be attracted to someone and have all parties knowing never act on it as long as everyone can be mature about it. I've found myself attracted to male friends before, and I'll probably always be pretty attracted to my best friend (and he to me), but that doesn't outweigh the power of our actual friendship. There is more to a relationship than sex.

ianiemasns · 2016-12-03T23:42:39+00:00

Are you asking why men have feelings that aren't completely logical and rational?

That's just kind of a human thing.

This is like asking why a woman would stay with an abusive man. Sure, rationally she should just say "Hey you smack me around sometimes, I'm just going to leave." In practice, feelings tend to not follow optimal rationality.

Bluetinfoilhat · 2017-01-03T20:36:08+00:00

Lots of men have low self esteem. Most men never are approached, so they are just raised to believe they have to beg and coerce women for dates/sex. Also some men get off on chasing women. Hence why some men hate "easy" women or women who approach them. It seems masculine to them. Although such scenarios would make men's lives easier.

questioningwoman · 2016-12-02T04:42:28+00:00

They haven't learned yet.

If I get even a small hint that a girl is not attracted to me then I will never talk to her, unless I need to for work or class.

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Title	What is the purpose of pursuing someone who has put you in the friend zone?
Author	xorchids
Upvotes	2
Comments	96
Date	December 2, 2016 4:39 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5g1e3b/what_is_the_purpose_of_pursuing_someone_who_has/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-the-purpose-of-pursuing-someone-who-has.271540 https://theredarchive.com/post/271540

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