Why are polyamourous people, for a lack of better term, weird?

hyperrreal · 2016-10-08T15:54:27+00:00

In my neighborhood growing up, there was a big group of doctors and their wives who would all wife-swap, have orgies/sex parties, etc. And they all looked/acted like normal, conservative, upper-middle-class people.

They didn't identify with the "poly" culture/scene, but they were polyamorous. So part what you're noticing may be people who feel a sense of belonging to the "poly" group, and not necessarily everyone who is polyamorous.

fullmoonhermit · 2016-10-08T17:37:01+00:00

You've met poly people in your daily life without realizing it. Most poly people don't tell everyone they meet that they're poly because they're afraid they'll be judged.

Weird, I know, since you and everyone here seem so accepting and open-minded about it.

misterhamtastic · 2016-10-08T19:28:07+00:00

That has not been my experience. Then again, I'm poly.

For me, I just recognize it's not for everybody. Some people like the whole 'I will never love another' thing. That's cool. I just know that's not me.

As for the numale etc thing, most of that's bullshit. I will say this, though: as you look at life and do things that aren't 'normal', you find that it works with other situations. Financially: How much do we need versus availability to share lives with those we love? Appearances: I'm me, I am acceptable to myself and accepting of others, so I don't worry about it.

It's a very nontraditional thought process, which leads to nontraditional behavior.

Luna_Bast · 2016-10-08T20:43:46+00:00

Because strawmanning is easy on the wide richness of the thing called the internet

HigHog · 2016-10-08T15:48:03+00:00

I've not noticed this, but they do seem more likely to have some kinda mental illness.

Siahsargus · 2016-10-08T16:17:01+00:00

And all the women in BDSM are fat. Especially the ones who write about it online. Same deal for any of the other "extreme" stuff. Pretty much every alt sexuality is filled with the same type of women. Largely low quality compared to the main SMP. It's not terribly difficult to do kinky shit. It's just difficult to do it with someone who you would consider attractive.

ozymandias271 · 2016-10-08T22:06:10+00:00

I've also noticed that most poly-people view their polyness as a badge of superiority. That somehow monogamous people are just traditional idiots who don't realize why their system is inferior.

In my experience, this sort of conversation goes like this:

Me: I really like watching Hamilton snuggled between my boyfriend and my husband!

Monogamous Person: You're saying POLYAMORY IS SUPERIOR TO MONOGAMY?!

Me: Well, for me it is, but I know that other people are different--

Monogamous Person: Ha! You admit it! You're saying poly people are better and more evolved! But you're NOT! You monophobic bigot!

Me: ...

Monogamous Person: (goes and writes an angry post on PPD about how I think that monogamous people are traditional idiots)

Like, if I had as thin a skin about polyamory as some of y'all seem to have about monogamy, I would have exploded out of sheer outrage the first time I encountered an airport bookstore self-help section.

[deleted] · 2016-10-09T11:07:01+00:00

They even look weird, the men have long greasy hair, thin gangly bodies and a general lack of conviction. The women all have ''issues''. Makes me want to throw up.

Entropy-7 · 2016-10-09T15:58:35+00:00

I've noticed from browsing on, say, OKCupid that most of those who are self-proclaimed polyamourous are not people I could get amourous about anyways.

bsievers · 2016-10-08T15:46:54+00:00

I know two poly-women that are good looking. Again, this is just the common confirmation bias.

MisgenderedCactus · 2016-10-08T15:56:37+00:00

I know 2 actual poly relationships. One is definitely weird and, imo, unhealthy for at least one of the women involved. She's younger than the other woman and the guy (who are boy/girlfriend), and identifies as a lesbian. She'd really like to only have sex with the girlfriend but can't unless she also sleeps with the boyfriend from time to time. Fucking weird and not anything I'd do myself. All 3 do have a lot of piercings, tattoos, dyed hair colors, and extremely extroverted personalities...but I'm unsure if this has any direct correlation with their polyamorus relationship. Honestly, I don't see much love in it anyway.

The other is much more "normal". They are a married couple who has a side-girlfriend and they all truly seem to love each other. Girlfriend even helps take care of their kids, and just acts like a "second wife" though obviously she's not. They look very average, maybe even a tad traditional.

If you count uncommitted lovers as being poly, I may be in such a relationship sometime next year, with any luck. But neither of my guys will ever be together, or with me at the same time, so I don't think it would count as being poly anyway. Neither me nor my current lover have any dyed hair, tattoos, or piercings of any kind (though my hair is a pixie cut). I have haphephobia and he has ADD, but I don't think that is anything related to our open relationship.

ProbablyBelievesIt · 2016-10-08T16:14:22+00:00

overweight

You're describing most people, these days, depending on location.

sjw-core

In other words, people who are openly into alternative lifestyles are more likely to experiment with alternative looks? There's a shock.

child-like

Can you be more specific? I've met gothic lolitas in charge of balancing checkbooks.

nu-male

I like where you're shocked that guys who redefined manhood for themselves aren't exactly incel. Next you'll figure out that it has no bearing on whether or not they plan to rule the world, and we'll all be caught up.

lazy

Exact opposite of what I've seen.

beta

I've heard they even let her tie them up, sometimes, and respect her safe words. It's madness.

commitment averse

? Really? Because from what I've seen, they're just really weird about committing to one person. Some may think they're okay with their partners doing it, but it can end up feeling like a huge responsibility, if there's any kind of a sacrifice being made.

Edit: At least you seem aware of the difference between reality and cuckold fetish porn. I wonder how long before this thread devolves into the latter? "There's no way my Chad Thundercock wants to see his girlfriend fuck the shy guy. He's not that kind of a sadist! FUCK YOU!"

Ba_AuH2O · 2016-10-08T19:39:16+00:00

LoL! Been married for 14 years and poly for 16. We are not weird. My wife has one tattoo. My wife is bisexual, I am straight. I have been living the tenets of TRP since high school when it was just called being a powerful masculine gentleman that was interesting and driven. TRP is easier to abbreviate. We both work out to be attractive and we are driven professionals in our fields. We have interesting hobbies and we can chat with just about anyone we meet. We usually play together and hunt as a team these days.

That being said, the lifestyle is filled with all shapes and types. Many in the lifestyle see poly and open relationships as an excuse for total debauchery and hedonism. While I freely admit I enjoy some hedonism and debauchery from time to time, I also understand that just because there are people that want to fuck us, doesn't mean that they are worthy of fucking us.

Don't judge us by our extremes. There are some fairly level headed and "normal" types out there too. Lastly, we do not look down on monogamous people. We aren't superior in any way. We just found something that works for us...and we gives a damn if you love, hate, or are indifferent to the idea.

trudatness · 2016-10-09T01:06:12+00:00

All poly men are cucks that's why.

SkentyDooBabble · 2016-10-08T22:19:34+00:00

While my girlfriend and I are technically poly, we don't identify as such for exactly this reason

damaskrose · 2016-10-08T22:47:52+00:00

People who reject some social norms are more likely to reject others as well.

despisedlove2 · 2016-10-09T21:17:39+00:00

I don't know any, but they seem to have developed a pathological love of weirdness if one looks at some profiles online for such men and women.

[deleted] · 2016-10-10T12:38:49+00:00

By child-like I mean that they don't act like adults.

You are probably only seeing the out and obvious tumblr poly peeps.

I am polyamorous and run a local polyamory meetup group. i can assure you there is plenty adulting going on in our community.

You would not know that any of us is poly just by looking at us, you would have to be told.

daveofmars · 2016-10-08T19:20:54+00:00

One of my best friends from college is poly, and he's a gangly nu-male type as well. His girlfriends have always had something weird with them - strange haircut, weird face, just something about them was off.

I could go on about my thoughts on polyamory, but all I'll say is it isn't heathly. They don't form pair bonds or attachments. They have to teach themselves to stay at an emotional distance while someone else fucks their man/woman.

I'd say polyamory is for the birds, but most birds mate for life.

[deleted] · 2016-10-08T21:25:50+00:00

Because it's a way for frumpy women to replace a unobtainabale alpha by more betas. If it works for them and both sides are happy, I suppose I shouldn't complain.

As for the rest, it's just generic nu-liberal smugness.

deargodwhatamidoing · 2016-10-08T23:14:43+00:00

I already tagged you in a confirmation bias post, but most of the thread is about that. So whatever.

As for the superiority complex, you get that everywhere. Most people who are 'out' about things (veganism, gluten-intolerance, homosexuality) generally believe they are more superior than their closeted brethren, likely because they are using the thing itself as a way to form part of their identity.

Those people exist outside of poly. It just seems to be a sub type of person who takes lifestyle choices and associates them with their core identity. Don't base your perception of a lifestyle based on the loudest subtype. That's like basing your perception of all women on only the loudest/dumbest one in the room.

sunkindonut149 · 2016-10-09T04:25:35+00:00

Groups like poly, fetishes, furries, and BDSM are dating scenes for people who can't get laid in normal singles bars and nightclubs.

Title	Why are polyamourous people, for a lack of better term, weird?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	21
Comments	118
Date	October 8, 2016 3:43 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/56hhnl/why_are_polyamourous_people_for_a_lack_of_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-polyamourous-people-for-a-lack-of-better.272528 https://theredarchive.com/post/272528

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